College freshman bringing home

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by java, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. momof1princess

    momof1princess <font color=darkorchid>i feel like i'm going to ex

    Aug 3, 2005
    this. :thumbsup2
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  3. MouseMomx2

    MouseMomx2 DIS Veteran

    Nov 10, 2006
    We feel exactly the same way. We are not naive enough to think that keeping them apart at our house means they won't have sex somewhere else. We always discussed sex ooenly and honestly with them. We told both DS and DD that it was their body and their choice but that they need to be responsible. We also told them that sex changes a relationship and that they should be 100% sure that it is what they want and they are not doing it because of pressure from their GF/BF.

    Once they turned 18 it was their choice about where their GF/BF slept. DS has never had a GF stay here so it hasn't come up with him. DD has had two serious BFs and they have both stayed here. Each has slept in her bed with her. I have no problem with it. I honestly doubt anything has happened here, since we are just down the hall, but if it has she has been extremely discreet about it.

    I believe in treating them as adults and letting them make their own choices. They were great kids and have become fantastic young adult.
  4. dsneprincess

    dsneprincess DIS Veteran

    Feb 3, 2009
    Call me old fashioned, but this is where I fall.
  5. Andtototoo

    Andtototoo DIS Veteran

    Nov 23, 2010
    If we had younger kids in the house, there would be no shared bedrooms. I think that sets up a precedent I wouldn't want set. "Well, brother is only X years older and HE gets to have sex in the house, so why can't I?" Yeah, not going there. Way way easier not to even open that door.

    In real life, we just have the one dd, so that point is moot for us. To be honest, it wouldn't really matter to me if they slept together in the house, but my dh would freak OUT. Not that he's a prude and I'm sure he remembers what WE did when both sets of parents insisted we sleep apart....Ahem.

    Nor is he unaware that his dd may have a sex life, but he is much happier pretending she doesn't. (I'm sure she's equally happy pretending we found her in the cabbage patch. Frankly, I think those polite obfuscations between parents and children make life soooo much easier!) That said, no way could my dh handle the idea that "it" might be happening down the hallway. :rotfl: Or at least at her age -- 19. It might be different when she's 29... then again, maybe not!
  6. megsoro

    megsoro Mouseketeer

    Oct 18, 2011
    I had to bring this up to my parents the first time this year! DBF & I are traveling home from GA to NJ and CT. He will be spending two days with us, before heading two hours to CT. I was worrying that my parents would make him sleep in the basement (no central heat, only space heaters, but used as an overflow room/playroom growing up)Brought it up to my mother, and she laughed at me! She said at 21 and 23, she expected us to sleep together, and that my brother (16) had already claimed the "playroom" for his holiday sleeping. (He's expecting late nights on a new console) So the only choice was for us to sleep in my old room (now the "new" guest room), or have my boyfriend sleep in my brother's room, which might upset him (he's autistic, and very particular about things and their placement)

    Point is, my parents are doing what's making them comfortable- Do what makes you comfortable. If that means your DS gets the couch so his DGF can have a bed, so be it. If my mom had said DBF in the basement, then it would have been done, for it's her house, her rules. :thumbsup2
  7. disykat

    disykat DIS Veteran

    Jun 5, 2000
  8. Hrhpd

    Hrhpd DIS Veteran

    May 12, 2012
    I think it reasonable to set whatever expectations you feel comfortable with. Each family is different and has different views of premarital sex.

    However, please, please do not discuss your rules with the guest. Your expectations of behavior should be discussed with your son and your son should then relay the information to his girlfriend. He should be the one to tell her that "Mom and Dad are not comfortable with us sharing a room together."
  9. kellyg403

    kellyg403 <font color=green>She changes friends like she cha

    Aug 20, 2005
    No, I don't think as long as there are younger siblings in the house they should share a room.

    I gather from the OP they have only have gotten to know each other since this current school year began? Yeah, I get that when they are at school blah blah. And quite frankly, I don't get involved with my kids relationships when they are in college or out of high school, but when it comes to staying at my home with younger siblings involved, I prefer they act a little more prudently. Its 2 or 3 days, they will make it! I would prefer a little more discretion.

    Now, if there were no younger siblings involved, I personally probably wouldn't have a huge moral issue. Like others said, I won't be staying up day and night making sure there isn't hanky panky going on in the house. '

  10. Mickeynutty

    Mickeynutty Mouseketeer

    Feb 7, 2012
    This sums up how my husband and I feel. :)
  11. Patience

    Patience DIS Veteran

    Jul 7, 2011
    Nope, no bed sharing in my house.
  12. MichelleinMaine

    MichelleinMaine DIS Veteran

    Jan 22, 2008
  13. topolino

    topolino DIS Veteran

    Jan 6, 2006
    How are strangers on the internet supposed to know your moral compass better than you do? :confused3
  14. ICF

    ICF DIS Veteran

    Jan 2, 2004
    In my house, they would be in separate beds.
  15. afnaechiquita

    afnaechiquita DIS Veteran

    Apr 3, 2008
    I'm 25 and bringing home my first boyfriend (in just over a week :) ). My parents' house will be packed, but I didn't dare even suggest us sharing a bed because I knew the answer. My older sister and her DH couldn't share a bed until they were married.

    OP, if that's how you want it, that's how you want it. It's your house.
  16. happygirl

    happygirl DIS Veteran

    Feb 13, 2004
  17. monkeybug

    monkeybug <font color=blue>I feel safer when I know where th

    Jan 20, 2009
    To be fair, none of my kids are even close to this stage in their lives, but I imagine that this is how I would feel about it too.
  18. lovemygoofy

    lovemygoofy DIS Veteran

    Jun 9, 2004
    Honestly, I wouldn't even have a conversation. When the kids arrive, simply say Suzy's bed is made up in the office or in the girls' room or John is sleeping on the floor in the living room while Suzy takes his bed.

    When I first went home to meet my future inlaws, I was graciously shown around the house and dropped at the guest bedroom and my husband taken down the hall to the childrens' room. We had no conversation about anything and all boundaries were respected.

    If your son brings it up again, I would tell him the arrangements and make sure he knew they would not be changing.
  19. java

    java <font color=darkorchid>I am embracing the Turkey B

    Jan 18, 2005
    I know where my morals lie. I am looking for just general opinions. And I appreciate each and every one of them.
  20. luvmy3

    luvmy3 <font color=green>When I drink I find its easier t

    Feb 24, 2008
  21. mjkacmom

    mjkacmom DIS Veteran

    Feb 20, 2006
    I'm pretty liberal, but I'd have them sleep in different rooms, especially with the other kids there. However, make sure you let him know ahead of time, instead of telling them together (awkward!).

    When DH and I were dating, my parents paid for our hotel room when we attended my sister's college graduation. I wouldn't have felt comfortable sleeping with him at their home.

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