I've got the world's pickiest eater, in part due to his autism but there's no way he gets away with eating (as you've described) a diet of ice cream, grilled cheese, donuts, snack crakers, cookies, bacon, hot dogs, and mac -n- cheese. he would love to-but it's not healthy. given she turned down the only option you gave her when she turned her nose up at the 'sandwich bar'-and opted to eat it, I suspect she knows she can get away with certain things in your home and when called on it (if she is truly hungry, and no goodie snacks are available) will do just fine with what is offered.
Thank You!
Finally someone who said exactly what I was thinking. This girl knows she can get away with stuff and you are inadvertently enabling her emotional manipulation. Because when it came down to it, she DID settle with what was offered.
She also needs to learn to serve herself. She's 13, not 6.
It shouldn't matter if she got served at her own home. She's in YOURS. She needs to learn now that in other homes and other environments, life will be different. She's missing what it's like in school cafeterias with different kids eating styles & manners, as she's being homeschooled. If she has food touching issues, she especially needs to serve herself. She could have served herself the hot dog first. Ate it, and then gone up for the two bowls of mac & cheese,
by herself. She showed after she threw the hotdog away & went for the mac & cheese, that she was totally capable of serving herself.
And NO WAY would it have flown in my house when I was growing up, (or at my then BFF's house - as her mom was a Holocaust survivor and taught us how food had been so scarce,) that throwing away perfectly good uneaten food was acceptable. Especially a HOT DOG!
Out of all the foods that could have been washed off and put back on the plate, it's a hotdog.
Like a PP poster said, I have gone through situations where someone picked off the cat food and we ate it. Cat hair is flying around in the air. A little lands in the food, you pick it out and you keep eating.
But I think DD's friend would prefer that I make her sandwich & have her plate ready for her. And I guess there's a part of me that wonders, since her mom is paying me, should I be fixing her sandwich?
She can't have it both ways, she doesn';t like her food touching, she wants only certain foods but she won't speak up, AND she wants you to be her servant and serve her. She's spoiled and she's learning how to emotionally guilt and manipulate you.
This is a perfect teaching moment for HER, that the world and other homes is not always going to accommodate her. That at 13 she needs to learn how to
fit in. Surely you've heard the sentence, “Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.” She's in
your home. later on, she will be in another's. You aren't helping to prepare her for those other homes when you accommodate her with constant unhealthy foods and being served all the time.
[/QUOTE] After the 1st day she stayed w/ us, I did ask her mom what kinds of things she likes to eat, & she was about as helpful as her DD. I asked, "What does she like to eat for lunch? I want to make sure we have some of what she likes to eat." And she looked at her DD & said, "I don't know... [daughter's name], what do you like to eat for lunch?" Her DD just kind of shrugged. So her mom continued, "She likes things like sandwiches and pizza...
I'm sure what you have is fine."[/QUOTE]
Her mother already gave you the okay that whatever you do is fine. YOU are the one having problems and allowing yourself to be overly-manipulated. If she had real issues, her mother probably would have spoken up about them.
And I
bet that if you went to her mom and said that her DD doesn't like what you are feeding her and she should send DD with bagged pre-made lunches, you'd hear once again a much more firmer, "Whatever you are giving her is FINE."
Seriously, two days of eating what you feed her is not going to kill her. And if she prefers to go hungry, then that is
her choice. again, she will learn to
adapt to her environment than be constantly be expecting to be catered to as a Snowy.
One day, after she left, I went into my DD's room & found an empty box of Krispy Kreme donut holes. DD told me that her friend's mother had given the donut holes to her DD to
share w/ all of us. Well, my DD & her friend kept the donut holes in her bedroom & ate the whole box themselves!
Well, no wonder why she's not hungry when you serve her.
And she has learned not to share, not to pay the hostess back for her hospitality (which is what the mother was doing,) AND how to get catered to. Nice.
Oh, & we normally don't keep soft drinks in the house. I have some Sprite and Gingerale for whenever someone gets sick, & I have some Cokes for when I have a migraine. Otherwise, we drink water or tea - younger DS drinks OJ. I've let them drink Sprite for lunch a few times, & I've also made lemonade. Well, I forgot to make lemonade last Friday, & we were out of Sprite. I heard her tell my DD, "But I don't like water."
Then she doesn't drink
anything. That is
her choice. A 13 year old
guest is manipulating and guilt tripping you instead of learning to be
grateful for your hospitality. And if you keep accommodating this, you aren't doing her favors. She will get worse. She doesn't have a
health problem that needs to be accommodated. Everyone can drink water in a pinch. She has a
mental problem of being spoiled.
And you are teaching your DD to accommodate this behavior. My BBF, the one with the mom who survived the holocaust, would have just laughed or shrugged. She would have set the cup on the table and let me know if I
finally want water, I know where the faucet is
and to serve myself if/when that time comes.
What was this girl expecting when she said she didn't like water, for you to make her some lemonade or to rush to the store to buy Sprite? What is this teaching her? Homeschooling is more than about books. Teach her to have some manners and to adapt.