No flames, but I've been thinking of the poor OP's situation today.
We have made her husband out to be the scum of the Earth, but is he? Haven't we all had doubts when it comes to parenting?
Maybe the OP knew things were not going right for a long time. She didn't know about the affair, but maybe she just sensed their marriage wasn't strong. I can believe how her husband might think she intentionally got pregnant to keep him.
I'm not saying that is true. I know there are birth control failures, but the pill IS 99% effective when taken correctly.
I know many women that hoped their husbands would change with the addition of a child.
The OP stated that this affair was months of flirting before it became physical. Maybe her husband intensified his relationship with the wacko as a way of coping.
This reminds me of the movie Juno. The husband wasn't ready to settle down and be a father. He acted out and started flirting with Juno...a way to recapture his youth. He left his wife, in part, because he didn't want to take on the responsibility of having a family.
Yes, he did a terrible thing having an affair, but he is far from the devil himself.
I hope the OP gets good advice from her lawyer. Like I said before, I'm mostly concerned about the wacky girlfriend. I think the OP needs to give her husband the opportunity to formally make a choice. What he told her might have been a way to justify the affair. Maybe saying he didn't want to be a father was said out of guilt or anger.
Running away to Canada does not benefit this child. I've seen plenty of men (and women) who thought they didn't want to be a parent totally melt when their child is placed in their arms. Her husband should get the opportunity to make his choice. He is going to be financially responsible for this child. He should be able to have a say if he wants to parent him.
Alrighty then......
No flames, but I've been thinking of the poor OP's situation today.
We have made her husband out to be the scum of the Earth, but is he? Haven't we all had doubts when it comes to parenting?
Maybe the OP knew things were not going right for a long time. She didn't know about the affair, but maybe she just sensed their marriage wasn't strong. I can believe how her husband might think she intentionally got pregnant to keep him.
I'm not saying that is true. I know there are birth control failures, but the pill IS 99% effective when taken correctly.
I know many women that hoped their husbands would change with the addition of a child.
The OP stated that this affair was months of flirting before it became physical. Maybe her husband intensified his relationship with the wacko as a way of coping.
This reminds me of the movie Juno. The husband wasn't ready to settle down and be a father. He acted out and started flirting with Juno...a way to recapture his youth. He left his wife, in part, because he didn't want to take on the responsibility of having a family.
Yes, he did a terrible thing having an affair, but he is far from the devil himself.
I hope the OP gets good advice from her lawyer. Like I said before, I'm mostly concerned about the wacky girlfriend. I think the OP needs to give her husband the opportunity to formally make a choice. What he told her might have been a way to justify the affair. Maybe saying he didn't want to be a father was said out of guilt or anger.
Running away to Canada does not benefit this child. I've seen plenty of men (and women) who thought they didn't want to be a parent totally melt when their child is placed in their arms. Her husband should get the opportunity to make his choice. He is going to be financially responsible for this child. He should be able to have a say if he wants to parent him.
No flames, but I've been thinking of the poor OP's situation today.
We have made her husband out to be the scum of the Earth, but is he? Haven't we all had doubts when it comes to parenting?
Maybe the OP knew things were not going right for a long time. She didn't know about the affair, but maybe she just sensed their marriage wasn't strong. I can believe how her husband might think she intentionally got pregnant to keep him.
I'm not saying that is true. I know there are birth control failures, but the pill IS 99% effective when taken correctly.
I know many women that hoped their husbands would change with the addition of a child.
The OP stated that this affair was months of flirting before it became physical. Maybe her husband intensified his relationship with the wacko as a way of coping.
This reminds me of the movie Juno. The husband wasn't ready to settle down and be a father. He acted out and started flirting with Juno...a way to recapture his youth. He left his wife, in part, because he didn't want to take on the responsibility of having a family.
Yes, he did a terrible thing having an affair, but he is far from the devil himself.
I hope the OP gets good advice from her lawyer. Like I said before, I'm mostly concerned about the wacky girlfriend. I think the OP needs to give her husband the opportunity to formally make a choice. What he told her might have been a way to justify the affair. Maybe saying he didn't want to be a father was said out of guilt or anger.
Running away to Canada does not benefit this child. I've seen plenty of men (and women) who thought they didn't want to be a parent totally melt when their child is placed in their arms. Her husband should get the opportunity to make his choice. He is going to be financially responsible for this child. He should be able to have a say if he wants to parent him.
No flames, but I've been thinking of the poor OP's situation today.
We have made her husband out to be the scum of the Earth, but is he? Haven't we all had doubts when it comes to parenting?
Maybe the OP knew things were not going right for a long time. She didn't know about the affair, but maybe she just sensed their marriage wasn't strong. I can believe how her husband might think she intentionally got pregnant to keep him.
I'm not saying that is true. I know there are birth control failures, but the pill IS 99% effective when taken correctly.
I know many women that hoped their husbands would change with the addition of a child.
The OP stated that this affair was months of flirting before it became physical. Maybe her husband intensified his relationship with the wacko as a way of coping.
This reminds me of the movie Juno. The husband wasn't ready to settle down and be a father. He acted out and started flirting with Juno...a way to recapture his youth. He left his wife, in part, because he didn't want to take on the responsibility of having a family.
Yes, he did a terrible thing having an affair, but he is far from the devil himself.
I hope the OP gets good advice from her lawyer. Like I said before, I'm mostly concerned about the wacky girlfriend. I think the OP needs to give her husband the opportunity to formally make a choice. What he told her might have been a way to justify the affair. Maybe saying he didn't want to be a father was said out of guilt or anger.
Running away to Canada does not benefit this child. I've seen plenty of men (and women) who thought they didn't want to be a parent totally melt when their child is placed in their arms. Her husband should get the opportunity to make his choice. He is going to be financially responsible for this child. He should be able to have a say if he wants to parent him.
My mom was on the pill and used spermicidal jelly and she still got pregnant. The pill back then was stronger too. I personally know of 3 couples where either the husband or wife had surgery to prevent pregnancy and still a pregnancy resulted. With one couple both partners had surgery and the woman still got pregnant.
The pill is 99% effective, not 100% effective.
The OP said she and her husband were getting along great and they had just had a very nice trip right before he began the affair.
gottaluvPluto said:This guy deserves nothing.
I guess my post didn't get my thoughts across correctly. I didn't mean to begin a debate on the effectiveness of birth control. I wanted to explain how I believe going to Canada might not be the best option.
Of course my heart goes out to the OP.
I just think she needs to be sure that it is crystal clear that he didn't want to be a father. Running to Canada gives the appearance that he had no say. Something I'm sure the in-laws and others will be quick to point out. I'm sure the OP doesn't want her child to hear that she was the reason her son had no relationship with his father.
I'm sure the lawyer will help with this issue. I also hope the OP talks to her parents, friends, and therapist. Making such an important decision on the advice of strangers (myself included) is dangerous.
Stay strong, OP!
Good luck today,OP.
My BIL had 4 kids with my sister. 4. He told his oldest he had not been happy for decades. "Decades." She's 23. So, she did the math and asked, "Then why'd you have 4 kids?" "Because your mom liked being pregnant." WTH??
Even if that was close to the truth, why would you tell your child that?
OP, listen to what your husband has told you. Hear his words for what they mean. He is old enough to be able to speak what he feels and when he does, believe him--
People have doubts very often on becoming a parent--you doubt and ponder and move forward--not have an affair. His actions speak even LOUDER than his words. Listen to him. Believe him.
And stay strong and prepare to move on. If you stay with a man who could do this to you now, I can almost promise that you'll suffer more heartache later.
I guess my post didn't get my thoughts across correctly. I didn't mean to begin a debate on the effectiveness of birth control. I wanted to explain how I believe going to Canada might not be the best option.
Of course my heart goes out to the OP.
I just think she needs to be sure that it is crystal clear that he didn't want to be a father. Running to Canada gives the appearance that he had no say. Something I'm sure the in-laws and others will be quick to point out. I'm sure the OP doesn't want her child to hear that she was the reason her son had no relationship with his father.
I'm sure the lawyer will help with this issue. I also hope the OP talks to her parents, friends, and therapist. Making such an important decision on the advice of strangers (myself included) is dangerous.
Stay strong, OP!