Moms.....I need suggestions and sensitivity traing.

[North of Mouse]

Op, Go for it!!
married 30 years gal here.

1). Sorry I think it sucks that someone would stop their spouse from having a good time simply because they couldnt go. talk about 3rd grade stuff. so basically if I have to be miserable everyone else has too??

2). i'm assuming everyone is an adult, adults are suppose to realize that sometimes life sucks and you have to work.

3). I will definitely tell my sons to avoid any girls who would get mad and knowingly stop them from going some place they love simply because they couldn't go. Talk about
Selfish, self centeredness. run, forest, run.


Now to go thank the Good Lord that he sent me a wonderful husband who not only encouraged me to go to the world when he got stuck at work, but would throw spending money at me.

Just noticed the 'proverb' quoted below your post - kind of an 'irony', right, from your posted response?? LOL

 

[MainMom]

I can only speak for me. I don't think dh or I would be ok with one spouse taking Dd to Disney alone because we both love it so much. If it was not Disney, I think we would both be totally fine with the other taking Dd alone.

I agree. My DH goes on hunting, fishing, golfing trips without me. Sometimes with the kids sometimes without. I do concerts and plays with friends on a weekend getaway without him. Neither one of us enjoys the others activities and gladly send the other to have fun. However, we both enjoy WDW and would not appreciate being left out of, what we consider, a family vacation destination. Different dynamics of relationships and it doesn't make one right and the other wrong.

As far as the OP, sure we don't know your family dynamics. However, you asked our opinion with the 'facts' you presented. IMO, from what you said your wife wouldn't be too happy about it. What else do we have to give our opinions on? Most of us told you to just talk to her. Maybe she will be jealous, but still give you her blessing. You don't know that since, again, you haven't talked to her. Seems the solution is simple.

 

[delmar411]

That's awesome. I know the 3 year old doesn't care now but they will later if they don't get a special trip too (You may have already planned it )
As the baby in the family I was always very hurt growing uo that my siblings had/did things I didnt (like my whole family had matching Christmas stockings except me-because they were bought before I was born, silly I know but it made me cry every Christmas, baby books completed, photos taken, travelling done, Mom was an at home mom for some of the time for them but not me) as a parent know I get it, you plan for it but the more kids the harder it is both time wise and financially but I am very rigid about fairness with my own now (drives my DH insane as he is a twin and so they were always had things exactly the same!)

You are projecting very heavily. Not all people are materialistic that they will care if someone gets more than another or goes someplace that they didnt

My MIL is all about equal this and equal that. Everyone hates it and it is very thoughtless IMO. You dont take into consideration the person on the receiving end to whether they want the extra or to do the equal thing.

 

[busymommy2pink]

I have gone with one daughter at a time to Disney It's completely magical to experience that with them solo. Now both knew it was the others turn, and the first trip didn't happen without the younger one knowing exactly when hers would happen too (2.5 years apart from each other). I say go for it! Take this daughter this trip, but also plan a second one for your other daughter, and choose to go her style and speed. You might be amazed and what you get taking the trip from her perspective as well Or better yet, take both daughters. I would love for my husband to want to do that with my girls. He just isn't comfortable travelling without me with them. I am taking both of my girls alone next fall too.

 

[eliza61]

Just noticed the 'proverb' quoted below your post - kind of an 'irony', right, from your posted response?? LOL

Lol. not at all. dh and I were never the type that believed because one got married, one had to do everything together. So I enjoyed my "alone" time.

Ive been to Disney a number of times both solo, girls only trips, and kids without dh. each trip had a different flavor but each was great.

 

[IrishNYC]

You have "veto" rights in your family? Neither my wife nor I have veto rights over anything that the other suggests. We have the right to express our opinion, but we do not draw lines in the sand or make demands. We make decisions together. We each try to push the agenda of the other - putting them ahead of ourselves. And we still go on separate vacations every few years because our schedules don't always allow us to do otherwise.

I would not have discussed something like this with my boys before my wife, but I know that every marriage is different. I won't criticize him for his methods because they may be exactly what works in his marriage. How the heck would I know?

Veto rights when my husband discusses a vacation with my 7/8 year old before me? Absolutely. Vacations are discussed by and planned by the adults in this house first. My children don't get to plan a vacation before the idea is run by both of the adults here, nor does my husband get to discuss (with children) the possibility of such a trip knowing I'd probably be pretty disappointed I couldn't go. To me it sounds underhanded and devious, and not what being Team Mom and Dad is about.

And no, I have no problem taking separate vacations. We've done it quite a few times, and have some planned shortly. But we discussed them with each other before anyone else.

 

[Summertinkerbell]

I bet you are soooo glad that you asked us what we thought? LOL

 

[BuckeyeBama]

Veto rights when my husband discusses a vacation with my 7/8 year old before me? Absolutely. Vacations are discussed by and planned by the adults in this house first. My children don't get to plan a vacation before the idea is run by both of the adults here, nor does my husband get to discuss (with children) the possibility of such a trip knowing I'd probably be pretty disappointed I couldn't go. To me it sounds underhanded and devious, and not what being Team Mom and Dad is about.

Thanks - we don't draw lines in the sand as neither my wife nor I are willing to accept that from the other - ever - for any reason. But I understand that everyone's relationship is different, and if it works for you that is great.

 

[Mrsktbrown]

My husband gets to travel an awful lot for work and to visit friends around the country. I'm often left home to take care of the kids. I would most certainly feel left out if he wanted to take a cross-country trip with oy one of our kids to a big, exciting place like Disney. I would also feel very angry if he essentially made me the 'bad guy' by talking to the kids first and boxing me into a corner.

That said, I would be 100% on board if my husband wanted to take a special trip somewhere closer with just one of our kids, and I think he would be happy if I did the same. For us, a trip like Disneyland or Disney World is a once a year trip we take together, and I think feelings would certainly be hurt if anyone were left out.

Now, conversely, if it wasn't a busy time of year for your wife, and she had the opportunity to go and chose not to, that would be completely different. In that situation, she is able to make a choice about staying home, but in this situation her choice has been made.

Bottom line, I wouldn't do it in this particular situation.

 

[mummabear]

You are projecting very heavily. Not all people are materialistic that they will care if someone gets more than another or goes someplace that they didnt

My MIL is all about equal this and equal that. Everyone hates it and it is very thoughtless IMO. You dont take into consideration the person on the receiving end to whether they want the extra or to do the equal thing.

Your totally right. A child is never materialistic, their feelings are never hurt when they are left out and surely will not care that his/her siblings got to go to Disney and they didn't.

Keeping things equal is not about forcing some to take/do the "extra" thing. Its about not offering/do the extra thing in the first place if you are unable or unwilling to do it for the others. Its like if you have 3 kids and only 2 cookies you don't give 2 of them cookies and think the 3rd wont care because they aren't materialistic, in fact going to buy another pack of cookies so they can have ne would be thoughtless and everyone would hate it.

 

[Rivermonster]

My oldest daughter and I are much like you and yours! My sweet husband sent us on a 9-day solo trip last May, and we had a blast! I will say it was probably much easier for us to do this as our youngest daughter is 6 years younger than her big sister. As for my husband, he didn't mind, as he knew he couldn't take off work, and he just wanted us to have fun. He's very easy-going though, and I don't know that his attitude is one that could be expected from most people. I know I wouldn't feel the same! I'd be like "Disney? Without me?!? PFFFFT!!!" Haha

This September we will all be going, so I could probably use some advice from you as to how to handle Disney with two go-getters traveling with two slow-pokes

 

[mummabear]

Just noticed the 'proverb' quoted below your post - kind of an 'irony', right, from your posted response?? LOL

Not ironic at all.

 

[DisneyParkLover]

I have not read all the other posts, but as a mom I would be fine with this. Growing up, my parents did individual things with each of us (including trips). I think it was really good for us. I wouldn't mind my husband taking our son without me, but I agree that your wife and other daughter should do something special then. Or you should plan to take your other daughter somewhere just the two of you. Something that would be equally special to her.

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

Can you plan a separate trip with other DD? I'm thinking her feelings might be a lot more hurt than mom's. It sounds like it might be great fodder for an adult gathering, "well, you know Daddy always did favor you". Hiss... I say go IF you can make equal time and equal arrangements with other child. IMHO that's the most important factor. It sounds like DW is OK with it...

 

[djp0630]

Honestly just ask her. I agree you should have talked to her first before the kids but it is what it is. Ask her her opinion and if she's completely against it, drop it. I almost took my oldest daughter solo and DH was all for it but I felt guilty about my other children. I think something special for your other daughter (and wife) is important. However, my brother does individual trips (in addition to family trips) with his kids and it seems fine he's gonna take his 4 year old daughter to Disneyland solo and it seems fine. I would just say something like "What would you think of" and then you can see by her initial reaction how she feels about it. I would only do a mini-trip (like 4 days) and not a week. But definitely need a special trip for your other daughter.

 

[DCbride]

I have taken both of my daughters on girls trips without DH. And it wasn't a problem. And he is a huge Disney fan! He does baseball trips with the guys in his family. Which I am not the least bit jealous of... But, I would be sad knowing he is at Disney with our daughter without me. Sorry.

I went to Disney in May to celebrate my best friend's 40th. She is there now with a coworker for a work conferenceand I have to admit, I am wondering what rides they are on, where they are eating. Not the least bit jealous (I was invited) just wondering...

 

[skateshome]

I bet you are soooo glad that you asked us what we thought? LOL

LOL!!!

I have actually gotten quit a few good ides here. I only hate it that folks start personally attacking one another.
That's why I was asking if you can have a thread deleted. I think all the ground that can be covered has been covered already. I think the next question I'll ask is if people think it would be okay for my 7 year old to ride in a stroller. I've seen people get down right vicious over that topic.

One more bit of info for those concerned about over stressed wife at home......she works a part time job 4 hrs a day in the morning. It's their busy time of year but its not like I would be leaving her high and dry. LOL!

Also for the record.....we've had a good laugh over this thread. Still not sure if I'm going or not or whether 1 or both kids will be going. We've got time. Thanks for the suggestions!!!

 

[bode1025]

LOL!!!

I have actually gotten quit a few good ides here. I only hate it that folks start personally attacking one another.
That's why I was asking if you can have a thread deleted. I think all the ground that can be covered has been covered already. I think the next question I'll ask is if people think it would be okay for my 7 year old to ride in a stroller. I've seen people get down right vicious over that topic.

One more bit of info for those concerned about over stressed wife at home......she works a part time job 4 hrs a day in the morning. It's their busy time of year but its not like I'm leaving her high and dry. LOL!

Honest question, I haven't been to Disney recently as we did Universal Florida resident passes this year, but are 7 year olds in strollers sometimes? I have an 8 year old who hasn't seen a stroller in many years. I can see that certain developmental or physical issues warrant one.

 

[skateshome]

Honest question, I haven't been to Disney recently as we did Universal Florida resident passes this year, but are 7 year olds in strollers sometimes? I have an 8 year old who hasn't seen a stroller in many years. I can see that certain developmental or physical issues warrant one.

You don't want to go there.....it's not pretty. LOl!

But I'll be the first to answer. Apparently I've stirred enough folks up....let's see if this will put them over the edge.
We've always used a stroller.one of the nice ones you can rent off property. This past May trip is the first time my oldest didnt use a stroller. The 7 year old was still all about it. Allows her to stay out longer and have more fun. Plus she will end up falling asleep around 10 o'clock most nights anyway and can sleep easily in the fold down stoller with having to be carried around. Everyone including her is much more comfortable. Like I said....she a little slower paced than my oldest. She's been out of a stroller for years....Disney is the only place we use one.

 

[bode1025]

You don't want to go there.....it's not pretty. LOl!

But I'll be the first to answer. Apparently I've stirred enough folks up....let's see if this will put them over the edge.
We've always used a stroller.one of the nice ones you can rent off property. This past May trip is the first time my oldest didnt use a stroller. The 7 year old was still all about it. Allows her to stay out longer and have more fun. Plus she will end up falling asleep around 10 o'clock most nights anyway and can sleep easily in the fold down stoller with having to be carried around. Everyone including her is much more comfortable. Like I said....she a little slower paced than my oldest.

That makes sense. We have not gone to Disney since we moved back to Florida. We went to Disney often when we lived here before. I had younger children then and our youngest usually was in a stroller. I remember the crowds and can easily see the utility of it. It's been a while though so I can't remember how old kids were in strollers. It's a little older crowd at Universal so stroller usage is way lower anyway and crowds aren't as much of an issue. My kids are 16, 14 and 8 now and my 8 year old likes to do as much as the older kids do. She just wouldn't consider one even if it would be easier.

Regarding the trip with your daughter, talk to your wife. We do solo trips with our kids somewhat often and it works fine. Just reciprocate.