Family inviting themselves on your vacation...

[Wishing on a star]

...my MIL tried to go on our honeymoon with us. Well, I changed the dates on her and never told her. She ended up going two weeks before us and we never shared our honeymoon with her.

O M G!!!!

I think just earned the prize with that one!!!
This def. tops my MIL!!!!

But, Ohhhhh.... inlaws aren't 'entitled' or 'intrusive' or refusing to observe basic personal boundaries... It is ALL the evil DIL's problem. Ohhhh, yeah... right....

Anyhow, glad you headed THAT one off at the pass!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhh my..... me again, I think I almost just spoke too soon....

If I am remembering this right... My inlaws, and DH's aunt and uncle, DID follow a cousin on their honeymoon.....
Wondered why they didn't see enough of the couple on that trip.

Yep, people, some relatives ARE that bad.

 

[bookgirl]

Ohhh my..... me again, I think I almost just spoke too soon....

If I am remembering this right... My inlaws, and DH's aunt and uncle, DID follow a cousin on their honeymoon.....
Wondered why they didn't see enough of the couple on that trip.

Yep, people, some relatives ARE that bad.

My mom invited herself on my uncle's honeymoon, and she slept inbetween the bride and groom....of course she was FIVE at the time, but still guess you could call her a pushy inlaw.

I have vacationed with and without family. Either way works for me as long as that was the plan from the beginning. If one of the family invites themself along they know ahead of time that I planned a certain kind of vacation and that's the vacation I'm doing. I might change one or two things but the whole vacation will not be replanned to suit their plans.

 

[maxiesmom]

But, Ohhhhh.... inlaws aren't 'entitled' or 'intrusive' or refusing to observe basic personal boundaries... It is ALL the evil DIL's problem. Ohhhh, yeah... right....

Anyhow, glad you headed THAT one off at the pass!!!!

It isn't all one way or the other. All grandparents and inlaws are not bad, and neither are all sons and daughters. However lying about what you are doing, or purposely misleading another family member so that they don't bother you on your vacation is rude, no matter how you slice it. Honeymoons not included.

 

[OceanAnnie]

It isn't all one way or the other. All grandparents and inlaws are not bad, and neither are all sons and daughters. However lying about what you are doing, or purposely misleading another family member so that they don't bother you on your vacation is rude, no matter how you slice it. Honeymoons not included.

Well, if you can't get through to a rude family member that will not take "no" for an answer, then you gotta do what you gotta do. You can be a pushover and suck it up, or make other arrangements. The OP told the truth, she didn't want the SIL to go and the SIL didn't care. It didn't work.

So make other arrangements and say it didn't work out. That would be the truth. It didn't work out because the SIL wouldn't take "no" for an answer. THAT is where the rudeness begins and ends, IMO. YMMV.

 

[Wishing on a star]

However lying about what you are doing, or purposely misleading another family member so that they don't bother you on your vacation is rude, no matter how you slice it.

Wow, did I read that right....
Let me try to wrap my head around this...

To not divulge every single detail of ones life and personal plans is RUDE.... But, to expect to know every single personal detail about somebody else's life and plans, and to butt in, even without being invited... so... thats okay....

Ummmmmm..... all-righty then....
I will definitely make a note-to-self.

Wow, some alternate universe MUST exist.

 

[Robbi]

OP, if you've disclosed your resort, change it. If your SIL suggests one, tell her it's a great choice and stay somewhere else. Cancel and go to Dinsleyland instead or change the dates of your trip.

 

[HANDYMOM]

Sorry, shortbun...
I see what you are trying to say...
But.. From somebody who is been there, done that...
I have to vehemently disagree.

If a spouse is 'unable' to communicate and deal with their own family, in order to protect their husband's/wive's personal boundaries. then I see that as a problem.

Not to mention, how is that going to come between a husband and a wife, if for example, wife is having to do battle with husbands mother.

I agree with you. Things got much better with MIL when I got hubby on board with ensuring his mother respected our family unit. If the DIL is the bad guy, she'll always be the bad guy. As a mama of boys I can tell you that even if they get me mad or hurt my feelings, I'll always forget it and move on..

 

[mamabear0222]

Hey, that would be the best Christmas present some people could ever give, NOT inviting me to their house ever again.

Jim

Love this!

Sent from my Samsung S3 using DISBoards

 

[Nox54]

OP, as someone with some experience with this topic, I say do what YOU want. If you don't want them there, the best course of action is to tell them so. If you don't do that you will be stressing over whatever lie or slight of hand you did in order to ensure you get the family vacation you want.

Yes, I agree with previous posters that you don't own Disney World, but you should be able to own your own family vacation, and have say in who is there with you. To say that you don't have a right to dictate who can tag along on YOUR vacation because Disney World is a public place is, in my opinion, a very Pollyanna viewpoint. It suggests that those who choose to tag along on your family vacation, uninvited, will surely go about their own business 99% of the time and you only need to meet up for a meal here and there.
If only.

Only you know how intolerable your extended family might be, and I cannot judge that.

My advice is to be upfront and just tell them. you. or your DH. whatever. Save yourself the angst and heartache.

 

[maxiesmom]

Wow, did I read that right....
Let me try to wrap my head around this...

To not divulge every single detail of ones life and personal plans is RUDE.... But, to expect to know every single personal detail about somebody else's life and plans, and to butt in, even without being invited... so... thats okay....

Ummmmmm..... all-righty then....
I will definitely make a note-to-self.

Wow, some alternate universe MUST exist.

Didn't say either thing was ok. I firmly believe that 2 wrongs don't make a right. And that by acting like a child and lying about what you are doing and ditching those family members is a good way to sever all ties with them. Maybe that is what some people hope for, but maybe your husband or wife still wants to talk to their parents at some point without it being awkward and strained. Maybe your kids would still like to be able to get to know their grandparents without nasty undercurrents.

Maybe you(the general you) don't want to be setting that sort of example for any kids you have, unless you want to be treated in a similar fashion later in life. And no I don't buy that every adult on here will be the perfect mother in law/grandma/aunt and never intrude, and only show up when asked to show up.

If people wish to be treated like adults they should act like adults and not like sneaky children. The OP was looking for a way to nicely tell her family she didn't want them along. I don't think letting them show up, and the running in the opposite direction would be nice.

 

[peainapod]

Thanks for the replies!

Here is the email I sent:

"Hey!

So, I talked with DH last night. He and I both agree that we want to do Disney just the three of us. With his work schedule and my new job, we want to have some just our family time. I hope you can respect and understand that. We aren't trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but we had this trip planned before DS was even born and just would like to keep it the way we planned. Again, we hope we didn't upset you,but we just want to spend that special time together just the three of us.

With that said, we are willing to cut back on how much we spend on that trip so we can do something else with you guys. DH doesn't have much vacation left for 2013 since he took some time off for ds's birth and his 2014 vacation is already planned for. So, what we were wondering is what are your thoughts on maybe renting a big beach house somewhere like Tybee Island, Destin, or Panama City (Somewhere where there is lots to do) for 3 or 4 nights? We talked about a cruise and DH and I just aren't comfortable bringing a baby on a cruise with bottles, etc. Plus, there just isn't much for a baby/toddler to do and make it enjoyable for us too.

Let me know what you think"

 

[daisymomof4]

Thanks for the replies!

Here is the email I sent:

"Hey!

So, I talked with DH last night. He and I both agree that we want to do Disney just the three of us. With his work schedule and my new job, we want to have some just our family time. I hope you can respect and understand that. We aren't trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but we had this trip planned before DS was even born and just would like to keep it the way we planned. Again, we hope we didn't upset you,but we just want to spend that special time together just the three of us.

With that said, we are willing to cut back on how much we spend on that trip so we can do something else with you guys. DH doesn't have much vacation left for 2013 since he took some time off for ds's birth and his 2014 vacation is already planned for. So, what we were wondering is what are your thoughts on maybe renting a big beach house somewhere like Tybee Island, Destin, or Panama City (Somewhere where there is lots to do) for 3 or 4 nights? We talked about a cruise and DH and I just aren't comfortable bringing a baby on a cruise with bottles, etc. Plus, there just isn't much for a baby/toddler to do and make it enjoyable for us too.

Let me know what you think"

Great email. Nothing wrong with wanting it to be the 3 of you. You two will be SILs for a loooong time, so it's good you're saying this and working it out. You're clear about what you want to do, but I think you're polite about it as well.

I hope it's well received and you all get to plan a beach trip somewhere together. Maybe the cruise can still happen for all the others, and you could meet them before or after and spend time there.

GL!

 

[peainapod]

update:

She called after she read the email and is still insisting she go to Disney with us....she even suggest beach and then Disney together

 

[luvmy3]

update:

She called after she read the email and is still insisting she go to Disney with us....she even suggest beach and then Disney together

Wow I feel for you. At this point I wouldn't acknowledge any of that email. Plan your vacation, don't mention any of it to her and go and enjoy yourself.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, time to buckle down and take evasive measures!!!

Like some of had mentioned to those who did not understand... Yes, some relatives ARE that bad....

Make sure everybody knows that, with all of the planning and scheduling and financial issues, the trip is now cancelled...

 

[EMom]

update:

She called after she read the email and is still insisting she go to Disney with us....she even suggest beach and then Disney together

You could tell her to bite you or you could face reality and accept that she is determined to horn in on your vacation. I will say it again. Fudge the dates of your trip so as to throw her off, because there is a decent chance she will "surprise" you by booking her WDW trip the same time as yours.

If the family is meeting at the beach and you want to go to WDW just before that, tell her you are going to WDW just after the beach. But don't ever give her the actual dates of your trip or the resort you are staying in. She has shown she has NO regard for respecting your boundaries.

 

[superme80]

update:

She called after she read the email and is still insisting she go to Disney with us....she even suggest beach and then Disney together

Firmly tell her no and ignore any emails or phone calls regarding the trip.

 

[focusondisney]

update:

She called after she read the email and is still insisting she go to Disney with us....she even suggest beach and then Disney together

Well, now we know why your SIL can put up with MIL..... she's a (insert you know what here) too. How did you respond??

At this point, I'd stop talking about my vacation plans altogether. Literally wouldn't give her or MIL 1 little detail. If they ask if you're going "don't know yet" "undecided". Weekend/ beach trip? "not gonna work for us". Emails asking about plans? Ignored.

Any chance MIL will try to pressure your DH into agreeing with vacationing together? Make sure he knows exactly what to say when she starts on him so he won't get "pushed over".

I don't think there's any right or wrong on vacationing with family. Your vacation; your life; you get to decide. When my DD was married, we did WDW with her & SIL. They did everything with us; we kept telling them to feel free to go off on their own but they preferred hanging together. We all had a great time. However, we went to WDW with my parents about 12 years ago. Ugh! They drove me crazy!!! And we didn't even spend all our time together! Never again!

My kids like WDW but aren't crazy about it like DH & I are. They know my biggest wish in life is to take my 1st grandcild to WDW at about age 3-- parents are optional! Luckily for me, they are OK with that plan. Now if they'd just get busy on the grandchild........


Good luck OP! Please come back & let us know what happens.

 

[mrsklamc]

How did you respond?