Family inviting themselves on your vacation...

[peainapod]

Okay...so here is my dilemma..


My SIL called with the thought of us getting together sometime this year so they could meet our new baby. Included in this trip would be their 2 yo and their friends with a baby the same age as ours (I have never met the other couple) and my in-laws.

My MIL is a (insert the you know what word here LOL).I do not enjoy being around her, but I do it for my husband and my son. But, I do NOT want to vacation with her.....SIL knows how MIL is (MIL treats her the same) but still thinks I should be okay with it. I'm not and told her so. She ignored me and made me feel like a bad person for not wanting to go on a trip with my in laws who always like to start trouble and are the most judgmental people ever. Sorry, but I want my vacation to be relaxing.

Before SIL called,DH and I already decided we were going to WDW to celebrate our little one's 1st birthday next Feb. That will cost us around $4k for that trip.....with one income at the moment and lack of extra vacation time for DH after the disney trip, that doesn't leave much wiggle room for a second vacation in one year.

SIL wants to do a cruise or a disney cruise...personally I don't want to cruise with a 1 year old or younger (she possibly wants to do it when he is 6-9 months....) I am not a cruise fan in general. When I told her we already had vacation plans she asked where. SIL is not usually an intruding person so I thought nothing about telling her we are going to disney. She then invites their family, my in laws, and the other family to come with us without even asking my opinion

She doesn't understand that I want my son's first trip to disney to just be the three of us. I love my BIL and SIL but come on.... please don't invite yourselves on my trip. My first trip to wdw with my son is a once in a lifetime experience and I don't want to have to deal with anybody else and their kids while I am there. Know what I mean?


How do I politely handle this situation? My DH does not handle his family well (he is kind of a pushover....I am saying that in the nicest way. I love my DH dearly) so it is me who has to deal with this. Plus I think it is between my SIL and myself anyways.

 

[eliza61]

LOL , ouch sorry you are going through this.

Now in the interest of full disclosure, let me say I some times think my entire family were a hoarde of maurading vikings in a previous life. Subtlety and politiness some times simply do not work on them.

I would unfortunately have to simply say "oh sorry but we have our plans set and they can't be changed"

host a barbeque this summer for the family to come over and meet the little one.

 

[Janepod]

Okay...so here is my dilemma..


My SIL called with the thought of us getting together sometime this year so they could meet our new baby. Included in this trip would be their 2 yo and their friends with a baby the same age as ours (I have never met the other couple) and my in-laws.

My MIL is a (insert the you know what word here LOL).I do not enjoy being around her, but I do it for my husband and my son. But, I do NOT want to vacation with her.....SIL knows how MIL is (MIL treats her the same) but still thinks I should be okay with it. I'm not and told her so. She ignored me and made me feel like a bad person for not wanting to go on a trip with my in laws who always like to start trouble and are the most judgmental people ever. Sorry, but I want my vacation to be relaxing.

Before SIL called,DH and I already decided we were going to WDW to celebrate our little one's 1st birthday next Feb. That will cost us around $4k for that trip.....with one income at the moment and lack of extra vacation time for DH after the disney trip, that doesn't leave much wiggle room for a second vacation in one year.

SIL wants to do a cruise or a disney cruise...personally I don't want to cruise with a 1 year old or younger (she possibly wants to do it when he is 6-9 months....) I am not a cruise fan in general. When I told her we already had vacation plans she asked where. SIL is not usually an intruding person so I thought nothing about telling her we are going to disney. She then invites their family, my in laws, and the other family to come with us without even asking my opinion

She doesn't understand that I want my son's first trip to disney to just be the three of us. I love my BIL and SIL but come on.... please don't invite yourselves on my trip. My first trip to wdw with my son is a once in a lifetime experience and I don't want to have to deal with anybody else and their kids while I am there. Know what I mean?


How do I politely handle this situation? My DH does not handle his family well (he is kind of a pushover....I am saying that in the nicest way. I love my DH dearly) so it is me who has to deal with this. Plus I think it is between my SIL and myself anyways.

I would still make DH deal with it. Much in the same way that I would not want my DH to have to fight my battles with my family.

That being said, I think you are putting way too much importance on the significance of the kid's first trip to Disney. It's for you, not for him - admit it! Not like he's going to have any idea what's going on or ever remember it. But you should be able to celebrate and vacation however you want.

 

[peainapod]

LOL , ouch sorry you are going through this.

Now in the interest of full disclosure, let me say I some times think my entire family were a hoarde of maurading vikings in a previous life. Subtlety and politiness some times simply do not work on them.

I would unfortunately have to simply say "oh sorry but we have our plans set and they can't be changed"

host a barbeque this summer for the family to come over and meet the little one.

LOL.

BIL and SIL live in Boston. We live in GA. MIL and FIL live 5 minutes from us...

 

[Tinkerdreams]

If your DH is a pushover, then unfortunately, you'll have to play the bad guy (been there, done that). You'll just have to tell them that this trip is for the 3 of you only. And as the PP suggested, have a family get together in the summer to meet the little one.

Some families sometimes don't take no for an answer though, so, if that is the case, give them a date that they think you're going and your family goes another time

 

[Laura66]

You've already told her you can't afford another trip so if she or anyone else brings it up you smile and say you'd love to but . . . There doesn't need to be any drama and if they create it that's on them.

Disney is a public place and its huge. You can't tell someone they cannot visit the same time as you! We've been in this situation - and actually another family is "joining" us on our Charleston vacation! Same complex!

Your family may well be PITA's! You could try to look at this as a compliment - that they love and enjoy your company and think u have great taste in vacation spots! Whether or not this causes drama can be entirely up to you! Would it kill you and your family to meet up a few times for dinner or to watch a parade or see a show? For me it wouldn't and if it did I'd still do it and smile to keep the peace and love in my family. I'd make sure it was clear ahead of time (and we have done this when vacationing with family and friends) that this is or family vacation too and that we need to have our time alone as a family! You make sure you smile and thank them for thinking of you and say nicely that you'll pass and meet up later. Repeat this as often as necessary! Don't engage if they get negative! If they create drama it's on them!
You may find you may enjoy spending time with them or not - you can adjust your plans accordingly!

 

[goofy4tink]

No need to 'include' them all on your WDW trip. They know when you're going...if they want to book a trip then, let them. You can always plan on getting together off and on when you're all there. Maybe one big dinner someplace, with a birthday cake. Then, have a private birthday celebration with just the three of you another night. You can tell them that while you're thrilled they'll be there at the same time, you already have some plans that have been made and can't be changed. No need to elaborate!! And no need to spend every waking minute with them either.

 

[luvmy3]

I would just be honest with her and say that you really want that trip to be just the 3 of you but if she decided to got to WDW that same week you'd be happy to meet up with them to do some things together (if you are willing to do that).

 

[Ginny Favers]

This actually happened to us. We were planning on going to Disney in 2014 with the in-laws that I can tolerate. Somehow, as we were talking about it, the cat got let out of the bag and my MIL found out about it. She started calling all of her family to try to get them all to come. They all wanted to come with us. We were like, "Uh, hold on a second!" We knew it would be a nightmare with them and change our enjoyment of the trip dramatically, just because, well, my MIL is *that type of person.*

I realized, though, that while they would all be free to go in the summer of 2014, they already had plans that would stop them from going in 2013. So we booked the trip for 2013 and said, "Well, that's just what worked better for us." So it worked out well.

I was thinking, though, that if they did come along with us, we would try to avoid them as much as possible-- but I'm not sure how possible that would be with my MIL's "strong" personality.

You are putting a lot of money into this trip, and it's a once-in-a-lifetime type of thing for you... so you have every right to want to have it be "just you." I would tell them that, in the nicest way, you just want it to be a small family trip for his first visit. That is not being mean. If they don't understand that, oh well, I guess you can feel free to intrude at their house at 7 AM when they're just waking up.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

No need to 'include' them all on your WDW trip. They know when you're going...if they want to book a trip then, let them. You can always plan on getting together off and on when you're all there. Maybe one big dinner someplace, with a birthday cake. Then, have a private birthday celebration with just the three of you another night. You can tell them that while you're thrilled they'll be there at the same time, you already have some plans that have been made and can't be changed. No need to elaborate!! And no need to spend every waking minute with them either.

This is my thought as well. Make all your plans as if they won't be there, and maybe they'll go their own way for the bulk of the trip.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does she know where you are staying? Hopefully you did not tell her that!!!

The best you can do is to call her and explain your side of the story once again. If she insists on coming on "your vacation" then you can tell her that you are going to cancel the vacation because of the lack of respect and privacy that she has for you.

It is not the most polite way to handle it but if you DO NOT want them on YOUR vacation you are going to have to put your foot down.

Now there will be repercussions of course, but since she lives in Boston, I would not worry about it.

 

[EMom]

DO NOT TELL THEM THE ACTUAL DATES YOU ARE GOING!!!!!!!

No matter now you try to talk them out of it, (and you should) I'd say there is a 50% chance someone in that group will book the trip anyway and you will not be able to totally escape them. So if they try to pin you down as to dates and you are actually planning on going say.....Feb. 9-16, tell them you are pretty sure you will go Feb. 2-9. That way, if they sneak around and book it, you are safe. My MIL would have done this in a heartbeat, so we fudged on trip dates. However, she suspected we were fudging, so she declined to book the trip.

I'll be blunt. You are spending way too much money and too much of your vacation time to have someone horn in on the trip, especially people who will suck the joy from it. No way would I want to vacation with MY baby and two other babies.....and one family I don't even know. Plus a MIL who can be less than fun. Try to tell them your reasons for not wanting to vacation together, but CYA by fudging about the trip dates.

It is not always that easy to have some alone time when you are with people who are determined to be together.

 

[mrsklamc]

One of the top ten rules of marriage should be "you deal with your family, he deals with his family." Always. Non optional for pushovers. He's the husband and needs to man up.

 

[Sam81]

Okay...so here is my dilemma..


My SIL called with the thought of us getting together sometime this year so they could meet our new baby. Included in this trip would be their 2 yo and their friends with a baby the same age as ours (I have never met the other couple) and my in-laws.

My MIL is a (insert the you know what word here LOL).I do not enjoy being around her, but I do it for my husband and my son. But, I do NOT want to vacation with her.....SIL knows how MIL is (MIL treats her the same) but still thinks I should be okay with it. I'm not and told her so. She ignored me and made me feel like a bad person for not wanting to go on a trip with my in laws who always like to start trouble and are the most judgmental people ever. Sorry, but I want my vacation to be relaxing.

Before SIL called,DH and I already decided we were going to WDW to celebrate our little one's 1st birthday next Feb. That will cost us around $4k for that trip.....with one income at the moment and lack of extra vacation time for DH after the disney trip, that doesn't leave much wiggle room for a second vacation in one year.

SIL wants to do a cruise or a disney cruise...personally I don't want to cruise with a 1 year old or younger (she possibly wants to do it when he is 6-9 months....) I am not a cruise fan in general. When I told her we already had vacation plans she asked where. SIL is not usually an intruding person so I thought nothing about telling her we are going to disney. She then invites their family, my in laws, and the other family to come with us without even asking my opinion

She doesn't understand that I want my son's first trip to disney to just be the three of us. I love my BIL and SIL but come on.... please don't invite yourselves on my trip. My first trip to wdw with my son is a once in a lifetime experience and I don't want to have to deal with anybody else and their kids while I am there. Know what I mean?


How do I politely handle this situation? My DH does not handle his family well (he is kind of a pushover....I am saying that in the nicest way. I love my DH dearly) so it is me who has to deal with this. Plus I think it is between my SIL and myself anyways.

I didn't realize you owned WDW?! Just because they are there doesn't mean you have to spend every minute with them.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

WDW is a big place. I'd say let them come. You could meet up for a dinner or two, but other than that there is nothing that says you have to be tour guide or hold their hand through the vacation.

 

[peainapod]

I didn't realize you owned WDW?! Just because they are there doesn't mean you have to spend every minute with them.

Did I say I did? I don't want to spend ANY time with any family on vacation. To me, family vacations are no fun.

I am looking for a way to tell them nicely we do not want to do anything with them...

 

[Hoodie]

If they have their heart set on it, there's not much you can do other than mitigate the impact. Just be upfront that you guys are planning your trip and while they can go at the same time, don't expect to spend the whole trip with you as your planning is already underway.

We went last year with my parents and my inlaws. I get along with them, but it was still a headache just trying to coordinate who was where at what time. We even tried to avoid it by setting dinner/lunch plans for everyone and just having us meet up with that - still ended up with a giant blob of people wandering around. I feel like we missed half the trip because we were ALWAYS waiting for my inlaws or "talking" about who was going to to what. We're now talking about going in September to "finish" our trip - without the inlaws.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am looking for a way to tell them nicely we do not want to do anything with them...

Don't try to tell them anything...
Really....
There is no way for that to work out well for you.
There is no 'telling' or 'mitigating' anything with people like this.

Hey, OP, Do they know where you are staying????

NOTE TO SELF: Never, ever, again, slip up and mention anything to anyone in that family!!!!!!! Knowledge is power.

Here is what I would do...
Tell them it looks like you will have to change your plans...
Change your location...
Stay somewhere different...

WDW is a HUGE place!!!!!

And DO NOT say one word to anyone else about it...

Always remember... Knowledge is power... never, ever give that power to those who would abuse it!!!

BTDT.... learned this lesson with my MIL early on... When she spilled the beans and therefore 'invited' some of their family to crash an annual reunion that we attend every year, which just happened to be fairly close.

 

[Rylee]

On a related note, I just want to warn you about something that happened to us when friends decided to invite themselves on our vacation.

We had our trip planned and booked, including all our ADR's. Friends decided they wanted to vacation at the same time, with us, really. We only had 3 of our 5 children on this vacation, (2 oldest had work/college conflicts) so we booked POR. Our friends have a family of 6, so they wanted to stay at a value with 2 rooms and wanted us to switch resorts. No way, my boys love POR. So then the friends decided to stay at POR. She kept telling me she needed our reservation # so they could link the rooms together so we would be located near each other. (I knew this to be true from past vacations with other family and friends.) I never gave her my reservation number. I had requested a room near the food court, (back before that was a paid option) because I needed to have surgery on both feet, and was trying to have our room conveniently located. I knew it would be difficult to honor a request for the popular buildings if 3 rooms were involved. I repeatedly explained this to my friend.

We arrived a day before them, and when checking in, we were assigned building 26. I knew it was only a request to be in building 14 or 18 but I was still disappointed. When I politely asked if they had anything available in either of those buildings, imagine my surprise when the CM said she didn't have 3 rooms together in either of the buildings. Three rooms? I only needed one room!

The nice CM kindly explained, over and over, that they couldn't accommodate my request due to the size of our travel party and needing 3 rooms. She acted as if I just didn't "get it." Now, far more upset about the breach of trust involving my reservation than our room location, I kept insisting we were a party of 5 and only needed 1 room. It was silly, really... I think I know how many rooms and people I paid for.

Ugh... somehow my "friend" had talked them into linking our reservations together, even though they say they are required to have the reservation # to do so.

I totally blame my friend, yet Disney also had some responsibility here. I ended up having them move our room. When our friends arrived the next day, she was really mad our rooms were not near each other. She argued they were supposed to be linked together, making it seem Disney screwed up, so they offered her a FREE UPGRADE.

In the end, I knew I had to let go of any hard feelings, so all involved could enjoy the vacation.

Sorry that was long, I just wanted you to be aware that others may be able to gain access to your reservation info. I know my friend didn't mean any harm, (it's not like she was trying to get my credit card #) she just wanted control and to get her own way. (She also wanted us to change park days and ADR's to accommodate them.)

Others will say... It's a big place and you can't control if they vacation at the same time, etc., but if you don't want your MIL camped out next to you for the week... be careful.

 

[clarkshel]

Okay...so here is my dilemma..

My SIL called with the thought of us getting together sometime this year so they could meet our new baby. Included in this trip would be their 2 yo and their friends with a baby the same age as ours (I have never met the other couple) and my in-laws.

My MIL is a (insert the you know what word here LOL).I do not enjoy being around her, but I do it for my husband and my son. But, I do NOT want to vacation with her.....SIL knows how MIL is (MIL treats her the same) but still thinks I should be okay with it. I'm not and told her so. She ignored me and made me feel like a bad person for not wanting to go on a trip with my in laws who always like to start trouble and are the most judgmental people ever. Sorry, but I want my vacation to be relaxing.

Before SIL called,DH and I already decided we were going to WDW to celebrate our little one's 1st birthday next Feb. That will cost us around $4k for that trip.....with one income at the moment and lack of extra vacation time for DH after the disney trip, that doesn't leave much wiggle room for a second vacation in one year.

SIL wants to do a cruise or a disney cruise...personally I don't want to cruise with a 1 year old or younger (she possibly wants to do it when he is 6-9 months....) I am not a cruise fan in general. When I told her we already had vacation plans she asked where. SIL is not usually an intruding person so I thought nothing about telling her we are going to disney. She then invites their family, my in laws, and the other family to come with us without even asking my opinion

She doesn't understand that I want my son's first trip to disney to just be the three of us. I love my BIL and SIL but come on.... please don't invite yourselves on my trip. My first trip to wdw with my son is a once in a lifetime experience and I don't want to have to deal with anybody else and their kids while I am there. Know what I mean?

How do I politely handle this situation? My DH does not handle his family well (he is kind of a pushover....I am saying that in the nicest way. I love my DH dearly) so it is me who has to deal with this. Plus I think it is between my SIL and myself anyways.

I don't think it is that big of a deal, and can be great to have other family members on the trip. You can avoid them for most of the trip. Plan to spend one day at the park with them. At least you could have someone to watch your kid while you and your husband go on some rides, that your kid can't go on. You can still control your vacation, so see your in-laws when you want to. I don't agree with a PP who said that his is a once in a lifetime trip. Not sure how this is. Your child is very young. There will be lots of time for futures disney trips. Your 1 year old is too young to remember this one and to appreciate it.

When my youngest son was a year old, we took him and his older brother to Disneyland. My MIL, FIL, and BIL also came. I thought it was great. My wife an I got to go on any ride we wanted to because we had them to babysit the kids. We had a lot of fun.