Family inviting themselves on your vacation...

[focusondisney]

I hate that anyone can link to your reservations. We're going on a cruise next year with my grandparents. It'll be their 45th anniversary and our 7th. My MIL got so upset that we were going on vacation without them that her and my FIL "surprised" us with being able to book the same cruise. They called to get a room next to ours, but they couldn't so they found out which room my grandparents are in and got one close to them. But he reassured us that their reservation was already linked to ours for dining and such.
There isn't much you can do since you can't forbid them to go at the same time, but every chance you get make it clear that you'll be doing your own thing. Maybe you can do dinner one night or something to make them happy.[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't be doing anything to "make them happy". They aren't worried about OP being happy, why should she do anything to make them happy? And sorry your ILs are crashing your vacation.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I hate that anyone can link to your reservations. We're going on a cruise next year with my grandparents. It'll be their 45th anniversary and our 7th. My MIL got so upset that we were going on vacation without them that her and my FIL "surprised" us with being able to book the same cruise. They called to get a room next to ours, but they couldn't so they found out which room my grandparents are in and got one close to them. But he reassured us that their reservation was already linked to ours for dining and such.
There isn't much you can do since you can't forbid them to go at the same time, but every chance you get make it clear that you'll be doing your own thing. Maybe you can do dinner one night or something to make them happy.

This is NEXT year....
Seriously, is there not another cruise you can switch to?
Can you not unlink, or completely CANCEL your cabin, and then re-book.
Make sure you are in a completely different location on the ship.

And, just HOW did they find out what room anybody was in.
Releasing that kind of info should be strictly against policy.

How do your grandparents feel about your MIL and what she is doing.

I am just saying, you do not have to just sit back and let this happen.

this is 'stalking'...
How can anybody be okay with this kind of behavior?

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

SIL obviously doesn't care what OP wants, so I would tell her "You seem to have misunderstood what I told you. DH and I are going to be vacationing ALONE this year! You need to make your own plans!" Don't let her bulldoze you into something that is not acceptable.

 

[manning]

 

[OceanAnnie]

OP, I wish you well.

Your SIL is not respecting your boundaries. That in itself is very hard to work with politely, because she is not being polite to you nor is she responding well to you being polite. She is trying to bulldoze over you. Don't let her.

Just tell her, "No. Our family is vacationing with just the 3 of us.". No discussion. I'm afraid she might have taken, "Let me know what you think.", as some sort of open ended thing. Not many people would have done that. Everything else you wrote was quite clear. Don't ask her what she thinks again on the matter. It's not up for her thoughts. It's your vacation. You made it clear.

Let this be a lesson in the new normal for you. Do not divulge any plans with her again, at all. You don't want to go down this road again.

Good luck with this. At least you do have time to reclaim your vacation.

 

[ScottOKW2K]

OP, I wish you well.

Your SIL is not respecting your boundaries. That in itself is very hard to work with politely, because she is not being polite to you nor is she responding well to you being polite. She is trying to bulldoze over you. Don't let her.

Just tell her, "No. Our family is vacationing with just the 3 of us.". No discussion. I'm afraid she might have taken, "Let me know what you think.", as some sort of open ended thing. Not many people would have done that. Everything else you wrote was quite clear. Don't ask her what she thinks again on the matter. It's not up for her thoughts. It's your vacation. You made it clear.

Let this be a lesson in the new normal for you. Do not divulge any plans with her again, at all. You don't want to go down this road again.

Good luck with this. At least you do have time to reclaim your vacation.

Excellent points, OceanAnnie !

I believe the best action at this point is to keep it honest. I first have to ask - if necessary, could you actually change your vacation dates ? If so, I would look into alternate dates as a backup plan.

Then - be direct with the SIL. Remind her that she has already been informed of your wanting to have YOUR vacation centered around your immediate family for the reasons you have stated earlier. If she continues with her plans to invite her "group" to your vacation experience inform her that you will change the dates of your vacation, and she will not be informed of those dates. Let her know that this will be done because of her actions in this situation. This way she will know that her actions have consequences.

Will she get mad - probably. Let her know there will be opportunities in the future for family or group events and gatherings, but this time you need your family time together. If she does not understand this, then it becomes her problem, not yours. You first responsibility is to your family.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

This is a much better way to go about it than fudging the dates. Being evasive or misleading will only lead to bad feelings, worse ones than just being direct. You tried to be accommodating (which was very nice of you!) and now you have to stick with being direct. Just repeat that it will be only the 3 of you, and to let you know where to meet up for the rest of the vacation.

With people like her SIL, changing the dates is usually the only thing that works. The OP is not being misleading in anyway if she changes the dates (no obligation in letting the SIL know since she wasn't invited to go).

 

[mrsklamc]

Direct is still the best approach. OP does not have much flexibility and its not like SIL can force them to spend time together.

 

[indimom]

I think it's possible to find a vacation that suits everyone. It may not be a week in Disney, but a week at the beach, or a few days in a city, or a couple of days at an all inclusive nearby resort. There's something for everyone. Yes, I want to relax and have fun, but I won't completely exclude the parents that raised us, or the siblings we grew up with or their kids. Of course we were raised that way as well, spending holidays and vacations with family was a given.

I love to spend holidays with family.

But to plan a vacation that "suits everybody" in my family? My parents. My siblings. Their children? No. No way.

Our family gets one good vacation a year. Sometimes day dreaming about this vacation gets me through some pretty tough times

I am not about to plan it around what my SIL enjoys or what my nieces or nephews would find fun. They have younger children. Why should I take away from my teens so we can plan vacations with toddlers?

I am going to plan a vacation around what my partner and I enjoy. I am going to plan my vacation with MY children in mind. I am going to dedicate one week a year to my immediate family.

I don't want to raise my children like you were raised. I don't want them to feel they have to accommodate a gaggle of family members for their one hard earned vacation a year. It is NOT selfish to reward yourself with what YOU want to do on vacation.

Gotta say, I agree 100% with Social Worker Sue. We get a vacation every other year, maybe. Sometimes it's every 3 years (like this time). These days are precious to us. They are a time to relax and recharge with our own children. I see my family regularly. I don't need to take them on vacation with me. And I don't find short weekend trips relaxing at all. So, breaking up a nice one week trip into two weekends would just be dissapointing.
I've taken short combo trips once in a while, but not often, and never at the expense of a family vacation.

Thanks for the replies!

Here is the email I sent:

"Hey!

So, I talked with DH last night. He and I both agree that we want to do Disney just the three of us. With his work schedule and my new job, we want to have some just our family time. I hope you can respect and understand that. We aren't trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but we had this trip planned before DS was even born and just would like to keep it the way we planned. Again, we hope we didn't upset you,but we just want to spend that special time together just the three of us.

With that said, we are willing to cut back on how much we spend on that trip so we can do something else with you guys. DH doesn't have much vacation left for 2013 since he took some time off for ds's birth and his 2014 vacation is already planned for. So, what we were wondering is what are your thoughts on maybe renting a big beach house somewhere like Tybee Island, Destin, or Panama City (Somewhere where there is lots to do) for 3 or 4 nights? We talked about a cruise and DH and I just aren't comfortable bringing a baby on a cruise with bottles, etc. Plus, there just isn't much for a baby/toddler to do and make it enjoyable for us too.

Let me know what you think"

update:

She called after she read the email and is still insisting she go to Disney with us....she even suggest beach and then Disney together

Your going to have to put your foot down. And possibly change your reservation. Sorry you have to deal with this. My family may not be able to vacation together, but luckily, we all realize that. So glad I don't have to deal with this type of issue. Good Luck!

 

[HannaBelle]

Any updates OP?

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Bump

 

[clarkshel]

Bump

WHY??? :confused

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

WHY??? :confused

Because I wondered if OP had an update. Lots of threads get bumped for that reason.