Family inviting themselves on your vacation...

[daisymomof4]

update:

She called after she read the email and is still insisting she go to Disney with us....she even suggest beach and then Disney together

You couldn't have been more clear in your email to her. You could have been more rude, lol, but you were perfectly clear you wanted to do it with your family.

*sigh*

I don't even know what to suggest next. Maybe just a, "Great that you want to take MIL with you and your friends to WDW over the time we will be there. Maybe we can met up and watch a parade together." Then I'd not mention the trip to her again.

Best of luck!

 

[gottaluvPluto]

If they know the dates you are going to WDW, I would change my dates and not tell her or anyone else. This is your vacation with your family, not hers. It is sad that you would have to do this, but these people know no boundaries and do not care about your feelings in anyway.

If you do end up going on the same dates be very careful. It sounds like these people are very pushy and will try to go with you everywhere you go. They will get mad about your reservations, what park you are at ...... they will ruin your vacation.

Good luck and don't back down! Do what you and your family want to do!

 

[RachaelA]

update:

She called after she read the email and is still insisting she go to Disney with us....she even suggest beach and then Disney together

I would call her and be like "I'm sorry, but I was perfectly clear in my email. We will not be vacationing with you at Disney. This is not up for discussion." Repeat as often as necessary.

And then if you truly believe she would book it anyways. Switch your dates.

And if this is your husband's brother's wife, your husband needs to call his brother and tell him no and to tell his wife to back the heck off it. If its your husband's sister, your husband needs to do the same thing.

 

[java]

In response

So happy you are interested in a short beach vacation.

Perhaps you misunderstood. Dh, baby and I will be doing Disney alone.

Talk with you soon

 

[ForMyBoys]

OMG! How did the call go? How did you reply?

Honestly, she clearly isn't considering your feelings here. When people are that inconsiderate sometimes you just have to be very straight to the point.

I would just be very blunt. Remember this is her problem, not yours!!! I would just stick to your guns and if she tries to guilt you just repeat sometime like "I'm sorry you don't understand, but we are not willing to negotiate this. We are, however, more than willing to meet up at the beach or somewhere else. period!

I have a SIL that can also be very pushy and gets very upset if she doesn't get her way so I've had a few issues like this over the years. And I am happy to say that to this day we are still friends.

 

[ManyMinnie]

If you've already told her your dates, change them.

If she insists on knowing, you can either ignore her or tell her the week before or week after you'll be there.

Or you can take the rude, direct approach, which is the only one she seems to understand.

"Under no circumstances are you coming with us. We are going alone. You are not welcome. End of discussion."

 

[maxiesmom]

In response

So happy you are interested in a short beach vacation.

Perhaps you misunderstood. Dh, baby and I will be doing Disney alone.

Talk with you soon

This is a much better way to go about it than fudging the dates. Being evasive or misleading will only lead to bad feelings, worse ones than just being direct. You tried to be accommodating (which was very nice of you!) and now you have to stick with being direct. Just repeat that it will be only the 3 of you, and to let you know where to meet up for the rest of the vacation.

 

[RachaelA]

This is a much better way to go about it than fudging the dates. Being evasive or misleading will only lead to bad feelings, worse ones than just being direct. You tried to be accommodating (which was very nice of you!) and now you have to stick with being direct. Just repeat that it will be only the 3 of you, and to let you know where to meet up for the rest of the vacation.

Do you really think that email is going to work though? Basically the SIL doesn't care about the OP's feelings and is ignoring them. I wouldn't put it past her to show up on the vacation anyways.

The OP is not required to tell her husband's family if they change their own private vacation plans.

 

[maxiesmom]

Do you really think that email is going to work though? Basically the SIL doesn't care about the OP's feelings and is ignoring them. I wouldn't put it past her to show up on the vacation anyways.

The OP is not required to tell her husband's family if they change their own private vacation plans.

Of course they are not required to tell them. But I think changing them and not telling will create some very hard feelings. It is best to be direct, and keep on being direct, rather than being sneaky. Unless she wants to continue to have to be sneaky every year when the family wants to vacation.

Be direct and don't budge. That is the only way to be taken seriously.

 

[packofjedis]

Are you planning on doing the beach vacation in conjunction with the WDW trip? If so, email her back and tell her you talked it over with DH and the beach vacation sounds like fun. Let's plan it for such and such dates and leave it at that. You could throw in that it would be perfect since the 3 of you will just be returning from WDW and will meet them there.

 

[bankgirl05]

Wow!!! What a tough situation. I am not sure what I would do in your shoes!!! I would probably have a hard time not being snarky or passive aggressive at this point!!! Especially if I felt backed into a corner! I would have probably responded by saying something like, "oh well ok, but don't expect to see too much of us since we want to spend OUR vacation our way, having family time with the 3 of us. Maybe we can meet up for a dinner or fireworks show." (but that is just me, when I get defensive I get irritatingly snarky/sarcastic... probably not the best move...)

Point blank, you can't stop them from going, I know you feel that they are intruding on your personal time and space, many people would feel that way. BUT... is it worth possibly cauing a huge rift over? These people are, after all, for better or worse, FAMILY. I am not saying that you have to give in to their every demand, but there are ways of finding agreeable compromises starting with the way that you are thinking about this whole thing. Maybe look for some positives in the possible situation, such as a few hours to yourselves for dinner while SIL or MIL entertains baby, or great family pictures that you will treasure once your MIL is gone. (trust me on this one, both DH's parents died way too soon, and we don't have many pics of them with the kids)

Like one poster said, this vaction is really about YOU, not the baby who is really just along for the ride.(and there is nothing wrong with that) I totally get it, It's about seeing WDW through the eyes of your child, but IMHO, THAT "see the World through your child's eyes trip" is much better at a little bit older age say 2-4 years old, when they are much more expressive, and understanding. I think that you might already have expectations for this trip that aren't necessarily realistic anyway, so why not try looking at it from a different perspective?

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I just re-read the original thread. The SIL doesn't want a family vacation. She want a group vacation. The SIL is bring friends who also have a baby.

To me, that changes things. This isn't about family togetherness as much as it is a big group to have fun. Why should OP have to vacation with people she doesn't really know to make SIL and MIL happy?

 

[mrsklamc]

We went with my 7 month old niece and she was already delighted by all the characters, etc, so I don't think one is too young. And if she concedes to this trip now she has set herself up to be a doormat for the rest of her life. It's not like the inlaws were invited and then uninvited....there's no reason for OP and her DH to compromise on this.

As someone else said, the only way to be taken seriously and treated with respect here is to calmly and firmly repeat as many variations of "this is not negotiable" as necessary.

 

[ForMyBoys]

If you've already told her your dates, change them.

If she insists on knowing, you can either ignore her or tell her the week before or week after you'll be there.

Or you can take the rude, direct approach, which is the only one she seems to understand.

"Under no circumstances are you coming with us. We are going alone. You are not welcome. End of discussion."

Do you really think being direct is more rude than being passive aggressive about it?

I always feel being direct and honest is the right thing to do. The tactics of ignoring someone, being dodgy, or giving misinformation all seem very sneaky and underhanded to me.

 

[Eddykildare]

Okay...so here is my dilemma..


My SIL called with the thought of us getting together sometime this year so they could meet our new baby. Included in this trip would be their 2 yo and their friends with a baby the same age as ours (I have never met the other couple) and my in-laws.

My MIL is a (insert the you know what word here LOL).I do not enjoy being around her, but I do it for my husband and my son. But, I do NOT want to vacation with her.....SIL knows how MIL is (MIL treats her the same) but still thinks I should be okay with it. I'm not and told her so. She ignored me and made me feel like a bad person for not wanting to go on a trip with my in laws who always like to start trouble and are the most judgmental people ever. Sorry, but I want my vacation to be relaxing.

Before SIL called,DH and I already decided we were going to WDW to celebrate our little one's 1st birthday next Feb. That will cost us around $4k for that trip.....with one income at the moment and lack of extra vacation time for DH after the disney trip, that doesn't leave much wiggle room for a second vacation in one year.

SIL wants to do a cruise or a disney cruise...personally I don't want to cruise with a 1 year old or younger (she possibly wants to do it when he is 6-9 months....) I am not a cruise fan in general. When I told her we already had vacation plans she asked where. SIL is not usually an intruding person so I thought nothing about telling her we are going to disney. She then invites their family, my in laws, and the other family to come with us without even asking my opinion

She doesn't understand that I want my son's first trip to disney to just be the three of us. I love my BIL and SIL but come on.... please don't invite yourselves on my trip. My first trip to wdw with my son is a once in a lifetime experience and I don't want to have to deal with anybody else and their kids while I am there. Know what I mean?


How do I politely handle this situation? My DH does not handle his family well (he is kind of a pushover....I am saying that in the nicest way. I love my DH dearly) so it is me who has to deal with this. Plus I think it is between my SIL and myself anyways.

I have no comment just wish you wisdom and lots and lots of patience.

 

[ManyMinnie]

Do you really think being direct is more rude than being passive aggressive about it?

I always feel being direct and honest is the right thing to do. The tactics of ignoring someone, being dodgy, or giving misinformation all seem very sneaky and underhanded to me.

I mean you have to be what I would consider rude to make some people understand exactly what you are saying.

I have a person in my life very similar to the OP's SIL. The only way to get certain things through to her is to be what I consider borderline rude.

Since the SIL has made it clear she intends on tagging along with this vacation (with friends the OP has never met!), I'd have no problem fudging my trip dates in order to make sure that doesn't happen.

Some people are just obtuse and have no self-awareness, no matter how or what you tell them.

 

[RachaelA]

It doesn't matter if the trip is for the OP more than the baby. It doesn't matter that the baby won't remember. The OP doesn't want to share her vacation and she shouldn't have to. So the people saying the OP has to be nice and not cause hard feelings, when does it end?the SIL obviously thinks she can go whatever the heck she wants and not think about other people. Boundaries need to be set.

Going the same week and meeting up with them occasionally is still giving in and being a doormat.

 

[cm8]

It doesn't matter if the trip is for the OP more than the baby. It doesn't matter that the baby won't remember. The OP doesn't want to share her vacation and she shouldn't have to. So the people saying the OP has to be nice and not cause hard feelings, when does it end?the SIL obviously thinks she can go whatever the heck she wants and not think about other people. Boundaries need to be set.

Going the same week and meeting up with them occasionally is still giving in and being a doormat.

Agreed, and since the OP was very clear that she wanted her "nuclear" family to enjoy this trip, her SIL has no intention of honoring her wants. Why should she suck it up while her SIL gets what she wants? From this point on OP, I wouldn't call and change my plans either. I would also call WDW and see if they can an additional password to your account and or reservations. I have a feeling your SIL may weasel her way into canceling your plans herself. I'd be through with her at this point. She has zero respect for your wishes. People like that have no say in my life.

 

[dreamer2014]

On a related note, I just want to warn you about something that happened to us when friends decided to invite themselves on our vacation.

We had our trip planned and booked, including all our ADR's. Friends decided they wanted to vacation at the same time, with us, really. We only had 3 of our 5 children on this vacation, (2 oldest had work/college conflicts) so we booked POR. Our friends have a family of 6, so they wanted to stay at a value with 2 rooms and wanted us to switch resorts. No way, my boys love POR. So then the friends decided to stay at POR. She kept telling me she needed our reservation # so they could link the rooms together so we would be located near each other. (I knew this to be true from past vacations with other family and friends.) I never gave her my reservation number. I had requested a room near the food court, (back before that was a paid option) because I needed to have surgery on both feet, and was trying to have our room conveniently located. I knew it would be difficult to honor a request for the popular buildings if 3 rooms were involved. I repeatedly explained this to my friend.

We arrived a day before them, and when checking in, we were assigned building 26. I knew it was only a request to be in building 14 or 18 but I was still disappointed. When I politely asked if they had anything available in either of those buildings, imagine my surprise when the CM said she didn't have 3 rooms together in either of the buildings. Three rooms? I only needed one room!

The nice CM kindly explained, over and over, that they couldn't accommodate my request due to the size of our travel party and needing 3 rooms. She acted as if I just didn't "get it." Now, far more upset about the breach of trust involving my reservation than our room location, I kept insisting we were a party of 5 and only needed 1 room. It was silly, really... I think I know how many rooms and people I paid for.

Ugh... somehow my "friend" had talked them into linking our reservations together, even though they say they are required to have the reservation # to do so.

I totally blame my friend, yet Disney also had some responsibility here. I ended up having them move our room. When our friends arrived the next day, she was really mad our rooms were not near each other. She argued they were supposed to be linked together, making it seem Disney screwed up, so they offered her a FREE UPGRADE.

In the end, I knew I had to let go of any hard feelings, so all involved could enjoy the vacation.

Sorry that was long, I just wanted you to be aware that others may be able to gain access to your reservation info. I know my friend didn't mean any harm, (it's not like she was trying to get my credit card #) she just wanted control and to get her own way. (She also wanted us to change park days and ADR's to accommodate them.)

Others will say... It's a big place and you can't control if they vacation at the same time, etc., but if you don't want your MIL camped out next to you for the week... be careful.

I hate that anyone can link to your reservations. We're going on a cruise next year with my grandparents. It'll be their 45th anniversary and our 7th. My MIL got so upset that we were going on vacation without them that her and my FIL "surprised" us with being able to book the same cruise. They called to get a room next to ours, but they couldn't so they found out which room my grandparents are in and got one close to them. But he reassured us that their reservation was already linked to ours for dining and such.
There isn't much you can do since you can't forbid them to go at the same time, but every chance you get make it clear that you'll be doing your own thing. Maybe you can do dinner one night or something to make them happy.

 

[focusondisney]

I would call her and be like "I'm sorry, but I was perfectly clear in my email. We will not be vacationing with you at Disney. This is not up for discussion." Repeat as often as necessary.

And then if you truly believe she would book it anyways. Switch your dates.

And if this is your husband's brother's wife, your husband needs to call his brother and tell him no and to tell his wife to back the heck off it. If its your husband's sister, your husband needs to do the same thing.

Excellent advice!