Family inviting themselves on your vacation...

[manning]

So if they try to pin you down as to dates and you are actually planning on going say.....Feb. 9-16, tell them you are pretty sure you will go Feb. 2-9.
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Wouldn't it be perfect you came back on the same plane they would go down on. You get off the plane and wish them a good trip as they board. To quote the line in the Mastercard commercial.....Priceless.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

It sounds like your SIL wants a family vacation with her brother, his family and their parents. It would be nice for the cousins to grow up going on occasional trips together and with their grandparents there.

If you don't want to do Disney, how about renting a beach house together. I have wonderful memories of family trips growing up, and take one every year or every other year with each part of the family. We may not end up doing exactly what I would choose myself, but I wouldn't take those experiences away from my son.

I think kids that are raised to value time with extended family, continue that as adults. That will only work in your favor when you're the grandmother.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

I think kids that are raised to value time with extended family, continue that as adults. That will only work in your favor when you're the grandmother.

Again, some people are very difficult to travel with. Why would you teach your children to value vacation time with people that you are not compatible to vacation with? To value time where you are not happy?

I want to raise my children to understand that a vacation is a time to relax and have fun. To take a break from daily life. Sometimes having extended family on vacation is very stressful.

 

[ForMyBoys]

Hi OP! I feel for you. We have similar ILs that don't seem to realize when they are intruding. I've tried to have my DH deal with it from time to time but like your DH he is also a pushover so that never turns out well for us.

What does work is just being honest. If I explain what I'm feeling they seem to understand and back off. In your situation I would call up your SIL. Tell her, while I appreciate you trying to move your vacation to the same as ours we were really looking for our first family get away w/ just the 3 of us so we have some time to reconnect. Let her know, quite firmly, that you do not want to turn that into a wider family reunion ... and that you were looking forward to it just being the 3 of you.

Then, because it sounds like a cruise maybe out of the budget (or desire list) just tell her you don't prefer cruises but you could we do a long weekend somewhere (as opposed to a week). I think it would be easier to handle a long-weekend than a full-week, so that is compromise right there. If she balks, let her know you are trying to compromise so it works for everyone. If she still doesn't get it and/or if this doesn't work then you have quite the unreasonable SIL.

I love my ILs, even if we don't always see eye to eye, but I agree that special family trips you have been dreaming about with just your spouse and kids shouldn't have to be shared with anyone. Friends or ILs

 

[zippingalong]

Not family but I had coworkers invite themselves along on a Disney trip.

I go to the F&W fest every year with my two best friends (we're DVC members). Some coworkers heard me talking about it and decided to join us. Well, I wasn't happy about it but since I had to work with them, I kept my mouth shut.

I stayed at BWV and they got a room at AKV. I simply "didn't hear my cell ringing" or "left it in the room" and didn't see them the whole week. I got a little crap about it when I got back to work, but it was my trip and I really didn't care.

 

[packofjedis]

Some people (like my sister) enjoy going on vacation with others. She's the kind that would call up a cousin we haven't spoken to in 20 years and go stay at their house while visiting an area near them.

Then there's me. I'd prefer to vacation with just my DH and kids. I would rather stay in a hotel than at someone's house I don't know well. Having a bunch of people along my trip stresses me out.

There's not a right or wrong to this. It's different PERSONALITIES!

To the OP - We live in Indiana and up till a year ago visited WDW yearly. Our whole families live in North FL. I can count the number of visits we had that we were alone the whole trip on less than one hand. And no I never invited anyone and yes sometimes they stayed the whole week trip or in our hotel or invited them to everything. It was never, ever asked about them having a day apart, etc. They met us at the bus stop. They went everywhere with us. They even asked to join us in our hotel room when we got take out because the kids were young and tired. Was every visit a nightmare? No. With certain family members, it was a breeze - they were there just to do what we did. Others not so easy. And not everyone got along. Many strong personalities all pointing to what's next. With a one year old, what's next might be another nap.

I got better at dancing around it as time went on. It helped that my family was within driving distance so I could insist they one come for a few days. And yes there were times when I asked them to only come 2-3 days instead of 9. So my advice to you is see if you can get out of it. If you can't set some guidelines up front. Set aside days where you will be alone in a certain park.


Good luck!

 

[disneykidatheart]

I only read your first post and none of the responses yet.....

Been there, done that!!!! We planned our trip, in-laws decided that when I told them we were going that meant I asked them to go also!!!! WHAT??? I never asked them to go.

Anyways, they asked me to book their trip, I have them my TAs number, then I called her FAST and explained that she was not to tell them where we were staying and please book them at another resort, I even suggested WL because they usually camp so they may enjoy. All along hoping that they wouldn't book because it cost so much more then they are used to paying.

They booked, they went..... First day at MK they called asked where we were so we met up with them in front of the castle they wanted to go to space mountain but we were headed to splashelse.....that was the last of them for the trip. They didn't even try to see their granddaughter ON her birthday IN Disney!!!!!

Really--were you surprised? I think you made your point about their intrusion into your trip. I think they were making a point as well. Sometimes you have to suck up a bad situation and make the best of it. It wouldn't have been worth it to me to be right to go the entire trip with out making contact. And I am a little surprised your husband let it get to that point. You didn't have to be joined at the hip and you might have been surprised that the situation wasn't all that bad. How was that relationship after everyone got home?

So I say go ahead and plan your trip, book your stuff but don't tell them where you are staying, just tell them you will decide closer in, name a few resorts you are thinking of but don't give it away that you KNOW where yet, if they ask, tell them your daily plans then go about it. It is easy to ignore your cell at Disney. Or have a meal with them, then do your own thing. You do not have to be with them during your stay.

Seems like you gleefully plotted how to thwart the inlaws. Hope it was worth it to you. In spite of how you may feel about the inlaws, they were likely hurt. It would have been better to tell them not to come in the first place.

 

[maxiesmom]

Seems like you gleefully plotted how to thwart the inlaws. Hope it was worth it to you. In spite of how you may feel about the inlaws, they were likely hurt. It would have been better to tell them not to come in the first place.

No kidding! I wonder if people like this ever think about the damage they are doing to the whole family by their actions. Maybe your spouse will now have a bad relationship with their parents. Maybe your kids won't get to know their grandparents. Talk about childish, passive-aggressive behavior! And somehow the inlaws are the bad people?

 

[grafxgirl]

Been there, done that. You could say something along the lines of "We already made our reservations, flight, and dinner itinerary and they cannot be changed at this point, however, if you want to meet up with us feel free to make your own arrangements and we can set a day or two aside to meet with you in the parks, but most of the time we will be doing our own thing."

 

[Nancyg56]

Did I say I did? I don't want to spend ANY time with any family on vacation. To me, family vacations are no fun.

I am looking for a way to tell them nicely we do not want to do anything with them...

What does you DH say? It is clear how you feel, but what about him? Is he a "pushover" because he what is bothering you is not an issue to him. I am not saying that you are wrong about how you want to vacation, I just was wondering if your DH would like his parents to join you.

Seems like you gleefully plotted how to thwart the inlaws. Hope it was worth it to you. In spite of how you may feel about the inlaws, they were likely hurt. It would have been better to tell them not to come in the first place.

Yup, this would have been the end for me.

 

[karriemouse]

I do not vacation with anyone outside my family of four. Period. Have tried it in the past and it didn't work, so I'm not going to be the victim/person-put-upon-by-my-SIS&BIL etc again.
If I was you OP I would move the dates, not tell anyone, let them get on with it, and enjoy your vacation.

 

[maxiesmom]

I do not vacation with anyone outside my family of four. Period. Have tried it in the past and it didn't work, so I'm not going to be the victim/person-put-upon-by-my-SIS&BIL etc again.
If I was you OP I would move the dates, not tell anyone, let them get on with it, and enjoy your vacation.

And not expect to be welcome at anyone's house ever again for Christmas or birthdays or anniversaries or baby showers......

 

[anniemck]

In the mean time we are looking forward to our next trip to WDW, we will go for the final MNSSHP and the first MVMCP of 2013, we have invited all 3 of my daughters and their guys and my inlaws. So far 2 of my daughters and their guys are coming, waiting for the 3rd to find out about basic training as he is going in the air force. My mil is in father in law is a maybe, his health is up and down and sometimes he just doesn't feel like going anywhere. He may decide to just ride around in the scooter and see the sites, or he may decide to ride a ride or two. Knowing him he may sleep all day at the hotel, then come for the parties only.
Also planning a trip to DL for next spring, this will be hubby and I with my MIL only. FIL will not fly and we will not be driving with him to CA from FL. This trip is a work in progress as we want to get tickets for Ellen to take MIL then visit DL and CA.

 

[mrsklamc]

I am really baffled by all the suggestions of....I don't know...plots/compromises/deception. What is wrong with just straight up saying "I know you don't understand, but it's important to us to take this trip alone, a larger group is not going to happen, what do you want to do instead?" There's just no reason to potentially cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings and miscommunications over this. "No," is a perfectly valid response.

 

[Laura66]

I know!
Sorry - I tried to quote the post above me - still learning the ropes!

 

[Laura66]

I'm also wondering what's going to happen in 20+ years when some of these board members children grow up and have family units of their own.
Honestly all these posts where anyone outside of their spouses or children are not considered family. Family and friends wanting to spend time with them are either not respecting boundaries or intrusive.
I think there are going to be some pretty lonely people in the future if their children grow up to be just how they were raised!

 

[figmentswife]

I am really baffled by all the suggestions of....I don't know...plots/compromises/deception. What is wrong with just straight up saying "I know you don't understand, but it's important to us to take this trip alone, a larger group is not going to happen, what do you want to do instead?" There's just no reason to potentially cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings and miscommunications over this. "No," is a perfectly valid response.

Some of us... Have tried that. There are some people that NO wont work with, so I found my way around it. I knew that I couldn't tell them where they could and couldn't go, so I found a way around it!

Since that time DH and I made the decision that I would no longer have any contact with them because of how abusive they are to me. So I don't have to worry about it anymore. It has been such a calm year and half.

 

[karriemouse]

And not expect to be welcome at anyone's house ever again for Christmas or birthdays or anniversaries or baby showers......

If they were the sort of people who would force themselves into my family's vacation un-invited, un-wanted and without asking me then I wouldn't consider that a great loss.

 

[karriemouse]

But seriously, I would be discussing with DH what he wanted to do, as it's his family, and then planning what to do based on that.

 

[disykat]

I'm also wondering what's going to happen in 20+ years when some of these board members children grow up and have family units of their own.
Honestly all these posts where anyone outside of their spouses or children are not considered family. Family and friends wanting to spend time with them are either not respecting boundaries or intrusive.
I think there are going to be some pretty lonely people in the future if their children grow up to be just how they were raised!

I haven't seen anyone saying they aren't considered "family." You yourself said something about children growing up and having "family units" of their own.

I fully expect my kids to have their own families and want to have some things they do as a "family unit" that don't include me. I want them to make their own little nuclear family traditions. I don't think that will preclude me from being part of their lives. Heck, if they aren't doing it on their own, I'll give them money to go and a kick in the butt telling them to go make memories with their kids!

I honestly can't imagine what my life would have been like growing up or bringing up my own children if we hadn't been able to have our own immediate family vacations. I've also been on vacations with extended family, both as a kid and as an adult. Both were great experiences, but in different ways. I would honestly feel I had deprived my kids of something important if we'd never done vacations that were just us.

Our kids are young adults and we're already starting to leave them out of some of our vacations. They're doing the same with us. My oldest was at a friend's cabin last night since he's on Spring Break from college - hmmm, maybe I should have invited myself along! (I mean after-all, I am family!)