Kleenex Alert - I cried writing this one. Just sayin'.
Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours you'll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot Schmoes.
This particular movie quote, and its response, which is the title of this chapter, never fails to crack up my family.
Especially me.
Delicious hot Schmoes!
Anyway, I use it to introduce to you exactly what my six year old had on his mind once hed finished his lovely Caseys meal.
Buzz Lightyear!
On the way there, we stopped at the pretty little walkway between the Crystal Palace and Main Street and I took some more photos of the boys in front of the castle. It was just too good to pass up.
Although my inclination would be to head to Pirates of the Caribbean straight away, faster than you can say TarzansKat Loves Captain Jack, shall we say, this trip wasnt really about my inclinations. And although there was a moment, that will come much, much later on, in which I was indulged in a particular inclination, this trip was mostly about my kids.
And even moreso, mostly Nemo. Although I had some ideas in my head of specific things I wanted to do with Squirt, like his first character meet and greet, and things like that, Nemo is the child who is old enough to voice his opinions, and voice them he did!
We headed over to Tomorrowland and determined the stand by line for Buzz to be too long. I dont remember what it was, just that I wasnt willing to wait in it. We convinced Nemo that the best thing to do would be to get fast passes, and that we could come back later and not have to wait in the big line.
He liked this concept.
So we headed over to one of my Tomorrowland favorites, the People Mover. You know I can call it that now because they officially changed the name back to the Tomorrowland Transit Authority People Mover. Some of us remember the Wedway People Mover. Ah, memories.
Anyway, this is one of my favorite rides, and I cant pinpoint exactly why. You know as Im sitting here thinking about it, I dont even really want to try to describe it. Its just one of those things that is quintessential Disney to me.
We took our obligatory People Mover photos, its a must do for my family to take photos on this ride every year, and I of course took a photo of the baby in one of the pitch black tunnels. You can call me a little bit of a sadist, but I love the wide, doe eyed look they get when its pitch black in there, and I happened upon it one year by taking a picture of Nemo by accident, and ever since, I just cant resist. Its so stinkin cute.
Anyway, after the People Mover, Nemo and MJS wanted to check out the wait time for the Speedway, so we headed over there. I think it was about twenty minutes, and we agreed that Nana and I would take the baby, and they could go race cars. Nemo loves this ride. I remember how it made me feel as a kid, so grown up to be driving my very own car! He has such an awesome time on there, I couldnt say no to him. So Nana and I amused ourselves with a leisurely stroll into Fantasyland and back, and by the time we got back, the boys were done.
On our way back over to Buzz, we discovered the stand that sells the HUGE Disney inflatable balls. And someone was quite, quite enamored. It was so cute to see the baby go absolutely nuts, because he loves to play with a bouncy ball at home, and for him to see this huge one, his eyes lit up like you wouldnt believe!
I know Ive said it before, and youll probably get sick of me saying it by the end of this trip, but its these unplanned moments that are so amazing to me. That when Squirt saw that huge ball, he was so delighted, so mesmerized, he had to stop and play for a few minutes. And that something so simple can make my baby squeal in delight and laugh and giggle and smile
it just warms your heart. I think babies and children have a certain kind of joy that we lose as adults, and maybe if we get it every now and then, were not as free with it as they are. Theres more freedom in youth than we think, and sometimes I wish I could be more like my child, wondering and delighting over something so simple. I guess thats one of the reasons I love these vacations so much. Because there, in the World, I am. Wondering and delighting over these simple, stolen moments.
We spent a little bit of time fooling around at the misting station as well, the one with the rocket ship on top. It was neat to see MJS take the baby in there, and Squirts face as he thought, what is this on me? The mist was so fine, but when Squirt came out, he was covered! It dried quickly and he enjoyed it but you could tell he was a little perplexed. We had to coax Nemo to go in, but once he did, he squealed with delight trying to avoid getting hit too hard, so to speak. It was so sweet. Again, one of those little stolen moments I just love.
After our fun and tomfoolery, it was time to redeem our fast passes and so we headed on over to Buzz and his delightful Space Ranger Spin.
I have to tell you, flat out, this ride is very nostalgic for me. I knew Nemo would want to ride it and I knew Id love taking Squirt for the first time, but I also knew itd be pretty hard.
Buzz was my Moms favorite Toy Story character, and she loved, loved, loved this ride. Its even hard for me to talk about her loving it in the past tense, as though I expect her to go in it with us, just like that dream I had where she came with us on the trip. It was another one of those moments where I just sort of marveled that it was still there, that life was continuing on. And I got to the part in line where Buzz is talking, and all I could think of was how many pictures wed taken in front of him. Of Nemo as a baby, of my Mom with Nemo, of her saying, to infinity, and beyond!
You know when you lose a parent, and youre going through many of the things that follow afterwards, your brain is sort of numb. And when you get to the point where youre picking out a floral arrangement to place beside your mothers casket, and the florist wants to know if youd like to write the card, you stand there, and stare at it. All I could think about was how much I didnt want to be writing that card. About the baby growing in my belly, about my son at preschool, about my husband at work, going on normally, and me feeling like I was dying inside because my mother was gone.
So I did the only thing I could do with my brain so numb and my heart going full throttle on sadness. I turned to Disney. And wrote the only thing that I could think of, the thing that I knew would make sense to her and to me, not caring who read it or saw it.
Dear Mom,
We love you. To infinity, and beyond!
Because I really do feel that someday, Ill get to see her again. Beyond. And my love for her is so infinite, that was the only way I could describe it. With words from Buzz.
As much as I feel my mother in the town I grew up in, in the house I grew up in, in places that are familiar at home, oh, did I feel her right there in that spot. And part of me still wishes that I could go back through time and that shed be standing there
Ive missed her so much these past couple of weeks. Nemo just finished school, hes now officially done with kindergarten, and while watching him play outside the other night, I couldnt help but miss her even more. One more milestone that we cant share. And I dont know, to me, finishing kindergarten made me even more weepy than him starting, because next year hell be in first grade and going full days, and thats really such a grown up thing for my little boy.
And I wish Mom was here to share it with. Much like I wished she was physically there on our Disney trip, wished I could turn that clock back.
Even though I know how much Ive learned since then, how profoundly this loss has changed my life, I still want her back. Even though, in dying, she has given me so, so much. Its something I talk about with my therapist (for those of you who are new to my reports, I willingly admit Ive needed therapy since my mom passed as her passing was extremely untimely and traumatic) about. Both sentiments, though conflicting, can be true. I can want my mother back and I can admit that my life has changed for the better by experiencing this loss. Its hard to hold both things in your heart and feel like youre not betraying your loved one. Feel like youre honoring their memory. But everything I do that involves me living life, really living it, not just going through the motions, that, I think is honoring my mother. Because we do channel our inner Dorothy (Mom loved the Wizard of Oz, especially Glinda) and follow that yellow brick road.
And right now, that road was leading me on Buzz Lightyear.
Nana and I rode together, and the boys all went in the vehicle ahead of us. I have to say, it was really fun to ride with Nana. I maneuvered the vehicle so that we could get as many points as possible, but I am not the best Buzz player. Ill admit it. I dont even remember what my ranking was, because honestly, although I was playing, I was also busy watching the baby watching the ride, and it was really neat to see.
As we disembarked, we took a look at the ride photos and had a good laugh at the baby staring at everything, and all our serious game faces.
Now that wed tackled our favorites in Tomorrowland, and it was getting to be rather late in the evening, the question was, where do we head next?
Next Chapter
Wish the weather was a little nicer for you guys! 
