"You're Not My Mother"

[disykat]

I'm going to go a step further (and risk the flames) and say that IMO Mother's Day is even more about the parents appreciating each other than the kids.

On Father's Day (and hopefully every day - but Father's Day is specifically for this), I try to show my dh how much I appreciate what a wonderful Father he is to our children. I am teaching the kids to show their appreciation as well. But you know what? We had kids knowing darn well that they wouldn't be that appreciative. However, as spouses we promised to love and support each other. Parenting is really the focus of our lives right now, so unless we agree ahead of time not to celebrate any holidays, this is really a "biggie" for us. In our family, Mother's Day and Father's Day are really the only non-religious holidays we celebrate. We don't do anything big, but usually do a family outing etc. (this year was an exception ) and just make the day a day that celebrates the parent and their role in the family.

Fortunately our own parents appreciate the cards/phone calls etc., but expect us to focus on our own spouse - who is currently devoting themselves to parenting -on these days.

 

[Cinderellafifi]

More (((hugs))), becka. DH got it totally wrong. Try to talk to him about it to let him know that it isn't about things but being honored as a mom and the mother of his chilld.

Feel better!

 

[SilverLily]

Originally posted by becka
Before you go patting yourself on the back because you are such a better daughter than me and you were with your Mom all day and not DIS-ing then maybe you should remember that the posts you make are dated. I don't want to spend time searching for them but I seem to remember at least 2 posts you started on the CB board yesterday afternoon .

That is fine if that works for you but I just have one question. If it is of no importance then why did you make a point about spending the whole day with you mother? Why did you also post wishing everyone who has a "furbaby" a Happy Mother's Day?

LMAO! Go becka! Go becka!

Sorry your day started out badly, but I'm glad it got better. Don't worry...I'm sure when Nathan is older he will shower you with thanks and appreciation.

 

[stego]

I've read the posts, lots of them by ladies. How do you REALLY feel about this?

I went to service last week at our church, and the reverend told us how mother's day started. It was started by a lady who wanted a special day to honor her mother. However, it was noted that she never intended for it to be so commercialized.
While I can understand all the ladies having their feelings hurt,
it is also very clear about this:
Who is responsible for creating the expectation?
Did your husband create the expectation, or did you?

Yes, it's true I did invite my mother over for mother's day, and cooked her and my wife dinner. Yes, I bought her some gifts, and I called her earlier to wish her happy mother's day.
But the day before I hauled off some stuff to goodwill. And I went to the hardware store and bought a ladder and got her lights to replace in her kitchen.
I think every day should be an opportunity to respect our PARENTS. I don't wait until mother's day to cook for her.
I don't wait to buy her flowers until mother's day. I don't wait until mother's day to get her a card, or help her around the house. However, when I was 1 year old, I had no clue.

A few years back, I was broke and didn't have much money.
However, Mulan was playing at the multiplex. I thought-what better thing to do than spend the afternoon with my son and see a disney movie? I raided the change jar, and had just enough to go see the movie. We make it in, and he sees the other kids with popcorn, soda, candy,etc. He wants some-I don't have the money. It's kinda cool in there, and he sees some other kids with a blanket-I don't have one. But we were together, doing something fun. I have a bit more money now, and can take him to the movies, and buy him popcorn.
We spent time together-the greatest gift.
When it's father's day, I just want to be off, and spend time with my family. I don't expect a card-or cooked breakfast-or gifts.
And certainly I don't expect any of those from my wife.
IT'S THE EXPECTATION THAT I CREATE THAT I HAVE TO BE RESPONSBILE FOR.
Just today, I am a PARENT, and being part of my son's life is a gift.
I can be in a place to recognize that he is God's child, and the work is in front of me to recognize how truly selfish my motives are. I know just as easily, God can take him away from me.

I just wanted to share my experience with you, and hope that you ladies can understand, in a small way, how truly blessed I am.

I will finish with this:

After I helped my mom on saturday, I sat down and was drinking a soda. She got off the phone, and told me that my other brother HAD to come by and see her today. She told me that she could hear her daughter-in-law in the background-TOMORROW IS MY DAY-IT'S ALL ABOUT ME! You'll have to see your mother today,
and my mother as well!
My jaw just dropped. Just recently I had gotten a group e-mail from my sister-in-law announcing that she and my brother were expecting their first. No call from my brother-just a group e-mail.
A few years back, she was out shopping with my mom. My mom was getting something for my wife for mother's day(don't ask me why) and Gina(sister-in-law) asked my mom-where's mine? My mom told her she wasn't a mother-well Gina's reply was-I have pets!
I still shake my head about this-and am so thankful I am NOT married to Gina, nor do I have to live with her.
I thought the whole point of being a mother was to be able to raise God's child. It is a privilge.

It is true that this life is not about ME.

Thanks for bearing with me.
Fred

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Stego, I just wanted to thank you for your always thought provoking posts. You are truly a special person.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I agree with what stego has to say. It's true that many people feel "it's all about me". My mother and MIL fall into that pattern some years. They want to call all the shots for the whole weekend and leave little time for our family to make a special time together. My kids will ask me what I want to do, and there seems to be no time to work it in. But I realize we won't always have our mothers, so I go along with their plans.

However, I respectfully disagree that mothers shouldn't expect anything. It is simply common courtesy to wish someone a Happy Mother's Day. I do that with friends and relatives as well as my own mother. I don't think the day is about going out to eat, cards or gifts, although it is nice you you receive them. It is about the recognition. It's free and painless to give someone a hug and kiss and tell them they are special. And those gifts are more precious than any bought in a store. Gifts from a store don't necessarily have any feeling behind them. Love and time are the greatest gifts we can give.

I don't think Becka was thinking only about herself. She wasn't wanting a gift. She wanted her husband to wish her well and tell her she was special. I think it is normal to feel hurt if someone you love doesn't do that.

 

[becka]

This is the thread that never ends
It just goes on and on my friends...

stego - I do appreciate your posts and I do agree with what you have said but I think that perhaps you and a few other posters have really not understood why my feelings were hurt. I was NOT hurt because he didn't get me a present. I was NOT hurt because he didn't get me a card. I WAS hurt because he was very dismissive and from his comment it seemed that he did not appreciate the fact that I am the mother of his son. I don't think that my expectation to hear "Happy Mothers Day" was too high.

I would have been thrilled if all he had said was "Happy Mothers Day". I would have been thrilled if all he had done was to say something like "Nathan tell Mommy Happy Mother's Day", etc. It is really the thought that counts not the cost or even the time involved.

 

[Dodie]

I've been thinking about this thread since I first saw it yesterday. It really bothered me, becka. I understand that you weren't looking for "a present," but some acknowledgement might have been nice.

I guess what really upsets me here is that my DH and I have no children, but he bought me a Mother's Day card and signed it from the three dogs and cat. What a sweet gesture.

Although you are not his mother, you are the mother of his child. That's pretty profound. I'm sorry that he was so thoughtless.

 

[mtemm]

I understand what you are saying, Becka. My dh was very thoughtful this year. But when Daniel was born...well, he was, too, but some things still bugged me. Daniel was born the day before Valentine's day...actually, only an hour and a half before. I got no card, no Happy Valentine's day, honey, nothing. Not that I really expected it. I have some on-line friends who had babies that same feb, and many of them got flowers, a card, a mother's bracelet, that kind of thing. A thank you for going thru pregnancy, childbirth, etc. Not necessary, even the bedrest and the c-section were worth it to me to get Daniel. But it would have been nice.

What bothered me was the Greg didn't seem to think anything of it. There I was laying there in the hospital, drained and in pain from the surgery, learning to nurse, and while he was a big help with Daniel (we roomed in and he stayed), I just keep seeing him complain about how very tired he was. He needed to sleep and I needed to do something so he could. Ummmm....helllooooooo!!!! Right there with you, my friend.

Sounds so silly when I write it out. But I know how I would have been if the positions had been reversed. That is the difference between us, though.

 

[goofygirl]

I got no card, no Happy Valentine's day, honey, nothing. Not that I really expected it

Uh, did it ever occur to you that just maybe he had more on his mind than Valentines Day- like HIS WIFE GIVING BIRTH, for example? Give the guy a break! I can't even believe that YOU would even be THINKING of a silly thing like Valentines Day after you just went through a thing like childbirth!

And for those of you STILL annoyed at your husbands because of Sunday, its now TUESDAY. Go on with your lives and GET OVER IT ALREADY!

 

[goofygirl]

He needed to sleep and I needed to do something so he could. Ummmm....helllooooooo!!!! Right there with you, my friend.

I hope that the "something that you needed to" is NOT what I THINK you are talking about.

If it is, thats just so gross to be doing THAT in a hospital room and after CHILDBIRTH yet! Ugh!

 

[Serena]

Goofygirl, you missed the point again.

Obviously this is important to a lot of us. Feeling special and appreciated is very important.

Men and women. Tell each other thank you every now and then. Do things for each other, and if a certain day is special and means something to the other. Do something about it. Be thoughtful and caring and you won't regret it.

 

[Pam]

I hope that the "something that you needed to" is NOT what I THINK you are talking about.

If it is, thats just so gross to be doing THAT in a hospital room and after CHILDBIRTH yet! Ugh!

Ummm.... GG - I don't hardly think so - she had a C-section! That above post wins for all time "Low Lightbulb" comment.....

I just have to wonder why YOU are still harping on this subject on Tuesday?????

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I often think I have read it all, then GG comes along and proves me wrong.

 

[becka]

Originally posted by goofygirl


And for those of you STILL annoyed at your husbands because of Sunday, its now TUESDAY. Go on with your lives and GET OVER IT ALREADY!

Who said that anyone was still annoyed at their husbands? The only one around here who still seems annoyed is you!

 

[RitaZ.]

GG, Live and let live. After all, it is Tuesday!

 

[mtemm]

ummm...no, not about that. He wanted me to keep the baby quiet. Guess I should have been more specific...didn't realize what you were thinking would even come to anyone's mind.

I also didn't mean just about Valentine's day...I had some problems and went thru a lot for the pregnancy...meant just appreciation for it.

 

[FOJMO]

...to give this thread a decent burial. IMHO, all sides have said their peace.

What do ya think?

 

[CynJ]

And for those of you STILL annoyed at your husbands because of Sunday, its now TUESDAY. Go on with your lives and GET OVER IT ALREADY!

That was not very kind.