Your thoughts on Jack & Jill gifts?

[wendy46001]

It's not about not wanting or being unable to pay for your own party, it's just a regional thing. People were disappointed that I didn't have a Jack and Jill. It's just something that becomes expected when you get married where I grew up. Just because it's not what you are used to, doesn't make it wrong. If the people throwing the party and the people attending the party have no issues with it, why would you?

I know things are done differently in different areas, cultures, etc
But silent auctions, donated prizes, door covers, cash bars where the host gets a kick back

these are things done for charity/fundraising, when money needs to be raised for a "good" cause (cancer society, foundations, etc). I honestly can’t see how anyone would think themselves or a future party they are hosting is a good cause/charity worthy event

 

[Nancyg56]

I hosted a Jack and Jill when my son married. We invited our family and paid fora sit down dinner, band and beer and wine. It was in place of a shower or a stag. My family lives a few hours away and I wanted to make sure that it was clewar that men and children were included in the invitation. My family made it clear that if we had one more event that did not include the opportunity for them to bring a gift before the wedding they would be unhappy. I have attended many though, and most involved ticket sales and were kind of like a stag party but not just for men. THey generally take the place of a shower and a stag.

I think that weddings are bigger events than I am used to and so now there seems to be multiple showers, a stag a jack and jill and then a bachorette (sp) party. Not my way but

If folks are comfortable with this kind of event why not? If you receive an invitation and choose not to go that is fine as well. I would never feel comfortable selling tickets to a Jack and Jill but that is because I would treat it in place of showers and stags, as is normal in my family. I don't get to make the rule for anyone else though and so I have happily attended one if I liked the couple. In my area folks seem to have one as a big party and it gives people who are not attending the wedding a chance to celebrate the couple. You buy the tickets, you buy raffles if you choose and you do not bring presents. But holy smokes! The food generally is fantastic!

 

[kiddo76]

I know things are done differently in different areas, cultures, etc
But silent auctions, donated prizes, door covers, cash bars where the host gets a kick back

these are things done for charity/fundraising, when money needs to be raised for a "good" cause (cancer society, foundations, etc). I honestly can’t see how anyone would think themselves or a future party they are hosting is a good cause/charity worthy event

First of all, the host does not get a kick back. The host is the bridal party, not the couple.

Obviously, in some areas, these things are also done for couples who are getting married and it is perfectly acceptable.

 

[Aimros]

It's not about not wanting or being unable to pay for your own party, it's just a regional thing. People were disappointed that I didn't have a Jack and Jill. It's just something that becomes expected when you get married where I grew up. Just because it's not what you are used to, doesn't make it wrong. If the people throwing the party and the people attending the party have no issues with it, why would you?

I'm getting married next summer and will be having a Jack and Jill. They are so socially acceptable here (and fun I might add!) that I never thought twice about having one until I started reading wedding forums... where they are considered extremely tacky, rude, and wrong to "fundraise" for your wedding. I started feeling really bad about having one - I definitely don't want to be rude or tacky - so I mentioned it to a few friends and all of them had the same response: "WHAT?! Why WOULDN'T you have a Jack and Jill? I thought that was NORMAL!" I guess it's just something we do here... I've been to several friends Jack and Jill's - even when I wasn't invited to the wedding I might add - and had fun celebrating with the couple in a more relaxed environment (than the actual wedding). With that being said, I WILL NOT be having a shower. That I think would be incredibly tacky... a Jack and Jill and a shower would be asking for way too much. But really, by me having a Jack and Jill people will be spending the same amount or less than what they would have spent on a shower gift, and they will be having FUN instead of dreading the shower and watching the bride open gifts all day. I guess it's just a cultural/social/regional thing. I'm looking forward to my Jack and Jill!

 

[PaulaSue]

Umm, what? I've never heard of this type of party, I would not buy tickets to attend or buy raffle tickets there. Please people, pay for your own parties.

Ditto to all 3.

 

[design_mom]

OP -- it sounds like this is a very regional thing (gift, no gift, etc) so it sounds like you'll probably get better input on local custom from your neighbors, etc.

In my area a "Jack and Jill" shower is more like a regular shower, but men are invited too. Often it's more like a barbeque with gifts than a women-only shower with cutesy shower games... But there's never an admission cost. Your gift is your only contribution.

I have been invited to events similar to what others describe (raffle, bar, dancing) as fundraisers, but they've never been associated with a wedding. I would assume if you paid "admission" and bought raffle tickets, that would be the contribution. However, it sounds like that's not the case in all areas.

 

[Aimros]

I know I've read about baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, birthdays, etc. on here but I have a question on a Jack & Jill party.


I've never actually been to one but I've heard many different sides of the story on the gift situation.

1--The price of the tickets are $15pp or $25per couple. My DH and I would spend the $25. So I've heard that the price of the tickets are the couples "gift" since all the money (or atleast most of it goes to them)

2--I've also heard that you should buy the tickets but also either get them a gift for their house or put some $$$ in a card. And then do the same again when the wedding comes.

But here's the thing. First, it's my cousin's daughter that is getting married. And they are getting married in the Florida Keys this December (we are in CT) so we won't be attending the wedding but there was some talk about them having a reception type party next summer for anyone who wasn't able to make it to the wedding.

So what would you do? Just buy the tickets and some raffle tickets at the party (which all goes to the couple also) or buy the tickets and also a gift? I've never come across this situatin before. TIA

I wouldn't bring a gift. You're already buying the ticket to go to the party - that's the gift. I've never heard of someone bringing a gift to a Jack and Jill. But if you really feel compelled to contribute, maybe you could ask if they would like you to donate a basket of some sort to be auctioned off. I'm sure they would appreciate it.

 

[DisneyJen0504]

Umm, what? I've never heard of this type of party, I would not buy tickets to attend or buy raffle tickets there. Please people, pay for your own parties.

Haha! That is what I was thinking. I have heard of Jack and Jill showers but that simply meant that women and men were invited versus the usual women only shower.

 

[barkley]

I know things are done differently in different areas, cultures, etc
But silent auctions, donated prizes, door covers, cash bars where the host gets a kick back

these are things done for charity/fundraising, when money needs to be raised for a "good" cause (cancer society, foundations, etc). I honestly can’t see how anyone would think themselves or a future party they are hosting is a good cause/charity worthy event

where we used to live this kind of event would have been largly illegal without the proper charitable tax status or someone providing their ssn and the monies being flagged as taxable income. raffles in particular were bundled under gambling and there was very proactive enforcement ( a valid documented charity could hold one IF they did the paperwork right, but a private individual? um-no way). buisnesses would not have donated b/c they would not get a tax write off.

venues that did a kickback on the bar had to do irs documentation on any monies handed over.

may seem extreeme but while the jack and jill's were unheard of, bogus "help us raise money for this unfortunate....." scams were.

 

[Scurvy]

where we used to live this kind of event would have been largly illegal without the proper charitable tax status or someone providing their ssn and the monies being flagged as taxable income. raffles in particular were bundled under gambling and there was very proactive enforcement ( a valid documented charity could hold one IF they did the paperwork right, but a private individual? um-no way). buisnesses would not have donated b/c they would not get a tax write off.

venues that did a kickback on the bar had to do irs documentation on any monies handed over.

may seem extreeme but while the jack and jill's were unheard of, bogus "help us raise money for this unfortunate....." scams were.

Even in the areas where this sort of thing is common, I've heard of people having problems because they haven't fully looked into the legality of what they're doing. Apparently in most places you have to get a liquor license if you're going to be selling alcohol. I've heard about these events being shut down because the organizers didn't bother to get the proper licenses.

 

[sunnyday123]

Umm, what? I've never heard of this type of party, I would not buy tickets to attend or buy raffle tickets there. Please people, pay for your own parties.

Is this like a Beef n Beer?

 

[Nancyg56]

Even in the areas where this sort of thing is common, I've heard of people having problems because they haven't fully looked into the legality of what they're doing. Apparently in most places you have to get a liquor license if you're going to be selling alcohol. I've heard about these events being shut down because the organizers didn't bother to get the proper licenses.

In my area the events are generally held at a hall where there is a liquor license and the beer and food is included int eh price of the ticket. Not one I attended sold liquor. The raffle tickets are . I don't know, seems harmless to me and have never seen any problems.

 

[LisaR]

Wow! I can honestly say I have never heard of this.

After reading the responses, my guess is that this is like the wedding reception with a few exceptions:

1. The bride and groom aren't actually married yet

2. Unlike a wedding reception, you have to pay to get in, drink and win prizes.

Those two things aside, it sounds just like a wedding reception (dinner, dancing, drinking, bringing a gift; a fun, social event).

I guess if people don't mind paying to celebrate their friends upcoming nuptials, there is nothing wrong with it. But i have to say, if my kids ever came to me and said they wanted people to pay to celebrate their wedding with them, I would be like this

When I invite people over, I don't even like to ask them to bring a dish to share. I feel like I invited you, I should be responsible for everything. I can't imagine charging people to celebrate something for me.

 

[Planogirl]

I'm afraid that I'd have to miss these fundraisers. Wow!

 

[We_Love_Disney]

I know I've read about baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, birthdays, etc. on here but I have a question on a Jack & Jill party.


I've never actually been to one but I've heard many different sides of the story on the gift situation.

1--The price of the tickets are $15pp or $25per couple. My DH and I would spend the $25. So I've heard that the price of the tickets are the couples "gift" since all the money (or atleast most of it goes to them)

2--I've also heard that you should buy the tickets but also either get them a gift for their house or put some $$$ in a card. And then do the same again when the wedding comes.

But here's the thing. First, it's my cousin's daughter that is getting married. And they are getting married in the Florida Keys this December (we are in CT) so we won't be attending the wedding but there was some talk about them having a reception type party next summer for anyone who wasn't able to make it to the wedding.

So what would you do? Just buy the tickets and some raffle tickets at the party (which all goes to the couple also) or buy the tickets and also a gift? I've never come across this situatin before. TIA

I think these two are money hungry selfish tools that think just because they are getting married that others should build them a house and give them gifts. People like that irk me to no end. Give them ZIP! RSVP no to their stupid shower! and when and if they have a private reception next year, give them a nice housewarming gift!

Obviously these two aren't just out of school starting out life with nothing but a dream. They are able bodied people. You want a house, buy one, work hard and earn it.

GAWD! Some people take the cake!

 

[maslex]

I think these two are money hungry selfish tools that think just because they are getting married that others should build them a house and give them gifts. People like that irk me to no end. Give them ZIP! RSVP no to their stupid shower! and when and if they have a private reception next year, give them a nice housewarming gift!

Obviously these two aren't just out of school starting out life with nothing but a dream. They are able bodied people. You want a house, buy one, work hard and earn it.

GAWD! Some people take the cake!

WOW, really? I know for a fact that they are NOT how you described them. But that's besides the point.

I guess I should clarify that a Jack & Jill takes place of a bridal shower and a stag party. It's basically a party for all the men and women instead of having two separate parties. And I guess I didn't realize that most people haven't heard of these things and that it must be a regional thing.

But just because this is something that you haven't heard of doesn't mean you need to make such negative comments on it. I wouldn't knock down something that is acceptable say, in the south or out west, just because I hadn't heard of it or might not agree with. I actually would be interested in learning more about it. But I guess that's just me.

Truly, I had just come on here to see whether or not I should bring a gift on top of buying the ticket, not for it to turn into such a debate. Some people really need to grow up.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

WOW, really? I know for a fact that they are NOT how you described them. But that's besides the point.

I guess I should clarify that a Jack & Jill takes place of a bridal shower and a stag party. It's basically a party for all the men and women instead of having two separate parties. And I guess I didn't realize that most people haven't heard of these things and that it must be a regional thing.

But just because this is something that you haven't heard of doesn't mean you need to make such negative comments on it. I wouldn't knock down something that is acceptable say, in the south or out west, just because I hadn't heard of it or might not agree with. I actually would be interested in learning more about it. But I guess that's just me.

Truly, I had just come on here to see whether or not I should bring a gift on top of buying the ticket, not for it to turn into such a debate. Some people really need to grow up.

You posted a question and I responded. IMO, Jack and Jills are nothing more than pre-wedding reception receptions. I had no idea anywhere would consider such events to be acceptable. I think they are as tacky as anything I have ever heard of.

As for wanting to learn more about it, well for something that sounds like a fun idea, I definitely like to learn more about things. This, however, is a fund raiser for a betrothed couple. I can't see how that is a worthy cause. Young people today have more advantages than at any other time in history, yet they seem to be the greediest. Gimme gimme I am entitled seems to be the battle cry.

 

[kiddo76]

You posted a question and I responded. IMO, Jack and Jills are nothing more than pre-wedding reception receptions. I had no idea anywhere would consider such events to be acceptable. I think they are as tacky as anything I have ever heard of.

As for wanting to learn more about it, well for something that sounds like a fun idea, I definitely like to learn more about things. This, however, is a fund raiser for a betrothed couple. I can't see how that is a worthy cause. Young people today have more advantages than at any other time in history, yet they seem to be the greediest. Gimme gimme I am entitled seems to be the battle cry.

Jack and Jills are nothing new. My in-laws had one 40 years ago. My cousin had one 25 years ago. I don't see how people giving money at a party is any different than people giving a gift at a shower. Are showers also tacky?

 

[rie'smom]

This type of shower is unheard in our area. We call a shower where men are invited is called a couple's shower or a "honey do" shower. Tickets are not sold.
It's like in some areas there are cash bars at the wedding reception. This is never done around here either. This said, if it's common where other people live, it's not for me to judge whether it's right or wrong.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

Jack and Jills are nothing new. My in-laws had one 40 years ago. My cousin had one 25 years ago. I don't see how people giving money at a party is any different than people giving a gift at a shower. Are showers also tacky?

Jack & Jills are not new, but have always been tacky. Greenback Jack&Jills are beyond tacky. I had thought people learned this and they stopped. Showers are extremely tacky when all you request from your guests is money.

Showers were a way for the bride to complete her hope chest and set her up for her wifely duties. Today's bride most likely has a full time job, a running kitchen, perhaps a home of her own, and no doubt has practiced those wifely duties extensively.