Your RSVP is too late!!

[JUJU814]

I disagree. It's not the host's responsibility to cover for another person's life. Every single one of those excuses listed above says that the late mother's reasons for being late are more important that the mother who took time out of her life to plan a party and see it through.

Sorry, but if this party was as important to Mary as everyone seems to think it is, then Mary should have known to stay on top of things and make sure her mother knew something special was coming up. Yes, even at 8 children can be taught about taking responsibility and making sure you do your part.

Consider this a learning experience. If OP caves, then what Mary learns is that you can do anything as long as you have a good excuse. If OP holds the line, then Mary learns that life isn't always fair and she needs to pay attention to deadlines for issues that are important to her.

Sorry...that's ridiculous. if OP decides to have a heart, Mary learns that there are still some kind people in this world willing to extend a little GRACE.

Blows my mind...all this over a 6 year olds birthday party. Good grief!

OP, you should not have invited someone else so far in advance without having the kindness to take a moment of your time to double check. It's just a nice thing to do. As the host, it's just part of planning a party. Wouldn't occur to me to be an inconvenience.

I agree with a pp that doing that is far tackier than not rsvp'ing on time.

Oh, and as for me..the goodie bag thing wouldn't be an issue because we clearly have different personalities..I'd be putting them together at midnight the night before the party..

Don't ya'll usually have a few extra goodie bags in case something comes up? Maybe one of the kids has a sick little brother or sister..or something..and you give them one to bring home? I always have 4 or 5 extras! (and I'm NOT organized!!)

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree.... it's a balloon!!! (and a couple rounds of bowling and pizza....)

Sorry, but when dealing with children and families, then it is just nuts to not know that you will be dealing with the unexpected....

Okay, I know that this mom is being rude, hoping that the OP will even go so far as to provide transportation... And, I fully understand how the OP feels, to a point...

But, people, it's just a freaking kids birthday party!!!!

It will be come and gone.... the kids will be happy...

Why all the totally fabricated and ridiculous stress ??????

There would be no way that I would put myself in this position to begin with... like, a mylar balloon is such an incredible issue???

Some people are just dead-set on giving themselves an early death by stroke or heart attack.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Why all the totally fabricated and ridiculous stress ??????

There would be no way that I would put myself in this position to begin with... like, a mylar balloon is such an incredible issue???

Some people are just dead-set on giving themselves an early death by stroke or heart attack.

Wait until the teenage parties to stress and have the stroke...

 

[RitaZ.]

Sorry...that's ridiculous. if OP decides to have a heart, Mary learns that there are still some kind people in this world willing to extend a little GRACE.

Blows my mind...all this over a 6 year olds birthday party. Good grief!

OP, you should not have invited someone else so far in advance without having the kindness to take a moment of your time to double check. It's just a nice thing to do. As the host, it's just part of planning a party. Wouldn't occur to me to be an inconvenience.

I agree with a pp that doing that is far tackier than not rsvp'ing on time.

Oh, and as for me..the goodie bag thing wouldn't be an issue because we clearly have different personalities..I'd be putting them together at midnight the night before the party..

Don't ya'll usually have a few extra goodie bags in case something comes up? Maybe one of the kids has a sick little brother or sister..or something..and you give them one to bring home? I always have 4 or 5 extras! (and I'm NOT organized!!)

Absolutely!

My kids are older now, but I learned early on to be prepared for unexpected surprises. Always keep a few extra goodies in case someone shows up unexpectedly.

 

[PixieTopaz]

But I can see the real annoyance of the OP having to go out and shop for additional things for the goody bag. She probably has them filled with identical things, possibly bought in sets...now to have to go shopping again for this.

I think asking for a drive to and from on TOP of being late is not polite. The hostess always has a lot to do-pick up cake etc

 

[Leajess99]

Poor little girl. I think the OP already decided to exclude her. This is one reason, I just don't do birthday parties. Too many crazy parents and hurt feelings all around - we do family parties and that is it.

I am with you. We do family/very close friend parties or trips or possibly both.

 

[disfan07]

I think it is ridiculous to expect teh OP to call someone who has not RSVPd.

The only time we ever called about RSVPs was for my bat mitzvah...but that is because you need a definite head count for tables, food, etc adn it can add up to thousands more if extra people show up

but 10-15 years ago, we did not have this problem with RSVPs. People usually RSVPd (at least more than it sounds like they do now). Most of the people who did not RSVP were the ones who were friends of my parents and we just knew they were coming or they were helping with the party (set up, food, etc)

We had many birthdays at the bounce house places and bowling alleys. The bounce house places could only take so many kids. Of course those were the years when we had people who did not RSVP.

If we had people who did not RSVP by 2 or 3 days before the party we invited siblings to join us and we always filled up those spots with the 5 or so siblings who wanted to come so if they had just shown up, they would not have been able to stay. I didnt lose any friends over it. (at 8 they were old enough to be mad at their parents...lol)

If this had been a party at their house, I would say that yes the OP is a B but I have a feeling if it was at their house, she would get the balloon and goodie bag and not ask about it but $50 is $50. To some people that might not seem like a lot but to others it is

This is what I dont think others a understanding. Its not neccesarily about the mom RSVPing late. Its about the money and it makes perfect sense. Most people budget for a reason and these days, there is not as much wiggle room with money.

 

[JUJU814]

But I can see the real annoyance of the OP having to go out and shop for additional things for the goody bag. She probably has them filled with identical things, possibly bought in sets...now to have to go shopping again for this.

I think asking for a drive to and from on TOP of being late is not polite. The hostess always has a lot to do-pick up cake etc

Totally agree it's an annoyance..but then again, for me, so is the whole birthday party thing to begin with! Plan ahead and get extras, then you just have to deal with the balloon..which you can call and order an extra and have it waiting when you have to pick up the others.

Also agree not polite to ask for a ride as well..but again, we don't know the whole story..or the relationship of Mary's mom to OP.

 

[dicar123]

This is coming from a sucker whose kid was invited to play Lazer Tag with a group of kids for one kid's birthday (not an organized party, just a few kids going to Lazer Tag). The birthday mother flaked out last minute and I ended up taking and supervising the kids. Twice.

I also taxi-ed children back and forth to my own child's birthday party because they would not have been able to come otherwise.

IMO, Mary stays home. Too bad, so sad. I'm finished with being the sucker for all the lazy, "busy", distracted, stressed and burdened mothers in the universe. Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

these are all good reasons why I never planned a party where only X number of kids could go.

Over the years I learned that it will never be exactly how you planned -- either someone will end up bringing a sibling you didn't expect or three people won't rsvp but will show up anyway.

I always made extra goody bags and if we had extra kids show up -- great. If we had extra goody bags in the end, there was always someone with a sibling at home who would appreciate one.

There are bigger things to stress over than birthday parties. A little advanced planning can be the difference between stressing and not.

 

[phragmipedium]

At this point, I would not change the plans to bump the party to eleven guests. I would call Mary's mom and let her know that the party package included ten guests, and unfortunately you invited a coworker's daughter when the RSVP deadline passed, but you'd be happy to arrange a different bowling trip with just Mary and your daughter if the mom will let you know when they'd like to meet you there.

If you really feel badly about it, you could always let Mary's mom know she can still come *if* she can get transportation because you do not have room in the car, and explain the situation to your coworker. Tell her how frustrated you are and ask her if she minds going bowling with you and your daughter on another day. She's not your daughter's pal in the first place and would likely be understanding, not wanting Mary to lose out on the fun just because her mom goofed. If you do offer to let Mary come and her mom says they don't think transportation can be arranged - I'd still be expecting that she might show up, so I'd still talk to the coworker.

For the future, I would definitely try to call anyone who hadn't RSVP'd by the deadline before inviting someone else. Yes, RSVP means something, but a lot of people don't have very good manners and would show up without RSVPing. At that point, you wouldn't have had many options besides bumping to the next tier and being out a goodie bag/balloon for this extra child (the bowling alley may not allow an add-on of one person if they have the pricing grouped in tiers). It would be worth it to me to track down the yes or no just to avoid potential headaches, even though I should not have to. I would not, however, have agreed to transport the child while I was tracking down the RSVP - it's unreasonable to expect the host to be able to do that and set up the party, etc.

ETA - if I forgot to RSVP for my child, or they forgot to give me the invitation, I would not call past the RSVP deadline to see if my child could still attend if it were a party where space might be a limitation (ie a bowling alley). If it were at a park or something, perhaps, but not something that could need to be prepaid or might have a certain number of slots, because I would assume they had a good reason for having and RSVP deadline and could have made other plans after not hearing from me. If it were my fault, I'd take my child somewhere else fun that day, and if it were their fault, it would be a lesson that invitations should be handed over in a timely manner so they can be responded to. JMO - it's hard enough to plan a party and handle all those kids without scrambling to accomodate guests who couldn't RSVP, and I wouldn't want to inconvenience someone (or cost them more money) because I messed up.

 

[llaxton]

Maybe I am taking this too personally because my DD's name is Mary (no I am not the non RSVPing mom). But just reading your post it sounds like you want to teach the mom a lesson at the expense of the child.

The transportation is a little over the top but I don't know anything about your past dealings with the mother perhaps you carpool or she has transported your DD. If you can't take her say so but if you are taking others and she has a conflict then I would understand her asking.

Bottom line I think its cruel to exclude the little girl or to make her feel uncomfortable at the party.

What if the situation was reversed and (gasp) you forgot to RSVP how would you want your child treated?

 

[LunchladyDoris]

I disagree. It's not the host's responsibility to cover for another person's life. Every single one of those excuses listed above says that the late mother's reasons for being late are more important that the mother who took time out of her life to plan a party and see it through.

Sorry, but if this party was as important to Mary as everyone seems to think it is, then Mary should have known to stay on top of things and make sure her mother knew something special was coming up. Yes, even at 8 children can be taught about taking responsibility and making sure you do your part.

Consider this a learning experience. If OP caves, then what Mary learns is that you can do anything as long as you have a good excuse. If OP holds the line, then Mary learns that life isn't always fair and she needs to pay attention to deadlines for issues that are important to her.

It's not a life lesson, it is a BIRTHDAY PARTY at a grotty bowling alley.

If money was the issue for this bowling party, why would you even ask for a "replacement", is the rule that you HAVE to have 10 people instead of 9? How hard is it to throw together another goody bag also I doubt a ballon is that much money that you cannot afford to get another one, if they are specially desgined then just get a Mickey one at the store and call it a "special ballon"!

Also, if the OP's daughter had wanted Mary there that bad, she would have made sure that her mother would call to see if Mary was even coming after a while.Asking a co-workers daughter who was not even in the first league to go to the birthday party in the first place is downright tacky as well as telling Mary's mom "Sorry, this is a Facts of Life episode, you cannot come. You should of RSVP'd" Maybe something came up at the house or that little Mary was actually bugging her mom about going but the mom just forgot.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

It's not just a balloon - it's $50.00 to upgrade to the next tier plus transportation.

That is the part I have a hard time believing. As I mentioned, I have had or been to so many parties at all different venues, including bowling alleys, that I have lost count.

Every single one of them had a per person add on fee if you asked. The packages were always deals, less than the per person fee. But you could always add on a kid or two without having to go to the next tier, if you asked.

For example,

10 kids with hotdogs would be $100
15 kids with hotdogs would be $150.00

The per kid add on fee would be $15.00 - more than the $10.00 per kid fee from the package.

 

[JessicaR]

That is the part I don't believe. As I mentioned, I have had or been to so many parties at all different venues, including bowling alleys, that I have lost count.

Every single one of them had a per person add on fee. The packages were always deals, less than the per person fee. But you could always add on a kid or two without having to go to the next tier.

For example,

10 kids with hotdogs would be $100
15 kids with hotdogs would be $150.00

The per kid add on fee would be $15.00 - more than the $10.00 per kid fee. from the package. It encourages you to invite 5 more for the 15 person package, but you can still add one or two if you want to pay the $15 per kid.

I posted something similar. You need to stop being sensible its obvious that isn't wanted here.

Some of these replies are so rigid. We are talking about a birthday party for an 8 year old right?

 

[marsha123]

why should op have to more. maybe tell marys mom you did not rsvp in time so if you pay the 50 sure she can come. it should not cost the op money .

 

[Mickey's Minion]

As for the OP calling Mary's mom, it is just a courtesy before giving her invite away.

If you had 9 out of 10 parents RSVP, it is reasonable to assume that there might have been a problem with that 10th invite.

If handed out at school, it might have been lost on the way home. If mailed, it might have been lost in the mail. Just this week, I got a stack of mail in my mailbox that belonged to a person blocks away. I was nice and sent it on, but what if I had been on vacation and it had not been sent on in time?

It is just common etiquette to do a quick check before giving the spot away to another child.

Everybody was tacky and rude here.

Mary's mom was tacky in not responding in time.

OP was tacky in filling the spot so quickly without checking with Mary's mom

OP was even tackier in filling the spot with the "not good enough for the first tier invite" child.

 

[turkeymama]

As for the OP calling Mary's mom, it is just a courtesy before giving her invite away.

If you had 9 out of 10 parents RSVP, it is reasonable to assume that there might have been a problem with that 10th invite.

If handed out at school, it might have been lost on the way home. If mailed, it might have been lost in the mail. Just this week, I got a stack of mail in my mailbox that belonged to a person blocks away. I was nice and sent it on, but what if I had been on vacation and it had not been sent on in time?

It is just common etiquette to do a quick check before giving the spot away to another child.

Everybody was tacky and rude here.

Mary's mom was tacky in not responding in time.

OP was tacky in filling the spot so quickly without checking with Mary's mom

OP was even tackier in filling the spot with the "not good enough for the first tier invite" child.

I know I'll regret interjecting myself into this thread, but I agree with your post.

OP, I'm just curious. Would you really be stressing about this had you not given away Mary's spot? My impression is that you are on the defensive about this since you gave the spot away to someone else.

 

[laurie31]

That is the part I have a hard time believing. As I mentioned, I have had or been to so many parties at all different venues, including bowling alleys, that I have lost count.

Every single one of them had a per person add on fee if you asked. The packages were always deals, less than the per person fee. But you could always add on a kid or two without having to go to the next tier, if you asked.

For example,

10 kids with hotdogs would be $100
15 kids with hotdogs would be $150.00

The per kid add on fee would be $15.00 - more than the $10.00 per kid fee from the package.

I want to know where these cheap bowling alleys are!

Maybe you're just using even numbers to make an easy example, but my DD's party was $215.00. You better believe I was filling every spot! I was freaking out about spending $21.50 per child; if only 8 had showed, then it would have been almost $27 per child. I think DDs party was more expensive because she wanted Cosmic Bowling and that's more to start with.

I am one of the "leave the location off the invite" moms, and so I thought the numbers I had were correct, however fortunately I was using my older DD and myself as the fill-ins, because lo and behold, an unexpected guest showed up! She had gotten a ride with her best friend (who DID RSVP) and thus I didn't have to bowl after all - lol. (for $21.50 each, SOMEONE was darn well going to bowl!!!)

I do agree with calling the bowling alley and see if you can add on one chid. The worst they can say is no.

I won't budge on the transportation thing, though. Two cars is a PITA. Even if if the OP is transporting other kids, they obviously asked first and now the car is full. Period. I wouldn't tell "Mary's" mother that I had filled her spot, though. I actually do think the OP jumped the gun a bit on inviting the co-worker's DD, but it was a nice thing to do.

OP, could you and the co-worker and her DD share a lane next to the party lane/s, if an 11th child can't be added? She could still go in and have cake, and all the rest. I'm not big on bowling, so I don't know the maximum number you can have to share a lane. I think that was the reason for the tiers, though. It's the limit of the number of people that can share one lane. I know at my DD's party they had two lanes next to each other. So is it 5 to a lane then? Or can you fit 6? Or is that specific to individual bowling alleys?

 

[Tink888]

OP, I would be ticked beyond belief at the entire situation but I would let the little girl come. Yes, her mom was an idiot but it's not that expensive to throw together another goody bag and get a balloon. Call the bowling alley and explain the situation.....I'm sure they'd be willing to make some sort of arrangement so you don't have to pay 50.00 more.

The ***** in me would come out regarding the transportation. I'd call the mother and explain that you can't provide transportation and she'll just have to find another way there if she wants to come. Either Mom will get the girl there or she won't and you have your out.

IMHO, sure RSVP 4 days late and I'll be more than happy to still include the girl, but ask me on top of that to worry about providing the ride which means taking two cars for one more person and throwing a wrench into my schedule for the morning of the party and the ***** in me comes out. No guilt, no apologies. I'll be a nice ***** when I say no, but I'm gonna say no. KWIM?