Your kid stole a calendar, would you want to know?

[mickeyfan2]

I guess I am in the minority, but I would not tell the Mother. He did not deny it and is "paying you back". I would just let him know that you would prefer that he came to you and asked to do a chore to earn money for a gift for his mom. When my GF got divorced. I took the youngest son (the older girls had jobs to earn some money) and made sure he always got his mother a birthday, mother's day and christmas present. I wanted to teach him the right way to treat a women.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would not tell the mother, either. You are handling it well and the boy is learning a lesson. IMO, not all lessons need to be taught by a parent. If this becomes a pattern, I would definitely alert the mother.

Denae

 

[bajanswife]

I could live with not telling the mom.

If I felt compelled to tell her though, I'd start the conversation on a positive note i.e. I'd find a way to tell her what he did right before I told her what he did wrong. I'd approach it more along the lines of "I am so impressed with the maturity your son showed the other day .... ". Approaching it that way might help stop her from overreacting, which she may very well do if she's under such stress. It will also make her feel good about her son and herself. If you start the conversation off with the stealing, she might be so focused on reacting to that, she might kind of miss the part where he made restitution etc.

ETA: to answer the question "would I want to know if it were my child?", that's a tough one. I feel like I'd want to know, but under these circumstances I wouldn't necessarily NEED to know. I'd definitely need to know if there was ever any more trouble of that nature, though. I personally would be very happy to hear about an incident like this, though, because I'd be very proud of DS - his heart would have been in the right place.

 

[Rajah]

I'm in the not telling camp, if this is uncharacteristic of the little boy. But I agree with telling him that if it happens again, you'll have to tell his mom. While also telling the little boy how proud you are of him for confessing and taking responsibility. I'd *really* play up that aspect with him to make an impression on it.

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

As a mother, yes I would want to know, but if I was also told he had confessed, knows what he did was wrong and you and the child have already made an agreement with punishment with you, then I would leave it at that. I would not add on to the punishment, but I would have a talk with him to be sure he knows stealing is not tolerated.

Now in your shoes, no I would not tell the mother knowing she may spank him anyway. I would have a talk with both boys to let them know you will not tolerate anymore stealing and go over rules of your house. Knowing their situation, I would also let them know that I am here for them for anything. If they need to talk or they are in a spot with wanting to get their mother a gift for her birthday or Christmas and don't have the resource for it, than I am willing to help them out by buying the gift and they can work the payment off by babysitting or yard work.

 

[CathrynRose]

.

So, would you tell the mom?

I would not.

He admitted to what he had done. He feels stupid, you'll be punishing him for it (with the payback, as well as the flower-bed help)

I have a thing with attempting to treat children as close to adults as they can handle. He will be acting as an adult in this situation, paying for it - and having to help you out. I feel it at this point, you'd betray any confidence he had in you (especially with it being for his mom's b-day)

I'd take advantage of the time youre together in the flower bed to talk about how cr*ppy it was, what he did... but no, I wouldnt tell the mom.

 

[phillybeth]

I would tell, but only after the boy has worked off his end of the agreement. As a parent she deserves to know what her son is/was doing, but I would wait until he's already served his 'sentence'.

 

[KirstenB]

I wouldn't tell the Mom. HE sounds like a sweet little boy--he's only 5. If he were older than 7, I might tell her. But at 5, no way. He's going to make it up to you, he recognizes that he needs to, I think that's enough.

 

[Val]

I would tell the mom, but ONLY after the little one had "worked off" payment for the crime. Would phrase it as "we had a little problem, but your son did the right thing and made restitution. He made a mistake and fixed it. You should be upset that he stole, touched that he stole to get a present for you, and proud at his honesty and work ethic." That might get the point across while also showing that you still like the young man, and don't hold the incident against him or his family. It's telling, but making a positive outcome. As the mom, I still might be mad, but not as mad since I knew my son paid the consequences......hopefully she will get the point and not punish too hard.

 

[halestrm]

Thanks everyone. I decided to hold off making a decision until I saw the follow-up. He was so cute trying to use my shovel.

Anyway, he worked hard and didn't ask to quit. Actually, I think he kind of enjoyed it.

We discussed how I felt, both pride that he eventually did the right thing, and sorrow that he just didn't ask for help earlier. (Although at 5 I don't know I would ask the neighbor lady to help me get a present.) I told him that if he or his brother wanted to earn money for Christmas, they should see me. We could discuss what they wanted. Although I cannot take them shopping, I would be happy to go shopping for them, and get her what they wanted (within reason).

I will tell the Mom if I notice a decline in behaviour. They are dear boys, and I am lucky to have them as neighbors.

Thanks again, I feel very good about the decision I made, and I don't know that I could have felt like this without input from both sides.

 

[chell]

Sounds to me like you made the right decision. By talking with him about the situation and all I think you are really showing him that you are there for him and truely care about him. You never know what kind of an impact you could be making on him right now.

 

[BavarianPrincess]

OP, you're a great neighbor! I'm so glad that these boys and their mom have someone so caring next door.

 

[sjh801]

As a teacher, I often need to decide when, rather than whether to tell about behaviors in school. The mother needs to know. I always keep a log and work with the students. My advice is to continue to nurture the child and help him to learn the difference between right and wrong, but also tell the mother when the time is right for all three of you. Both the little boy and his Mom can learn through your example.