Your Best Breakup Advice!

[tremaine16]

Hi everybody So here's my story - I'm seventeen (still young, I know) and I'm getting over my first real breakup, after a two year relationship. Now the breakup occured about a month ago, and I've been doing quite well. I've realized that the boy I was with didn't respect me, and didn't treat me well. I'm also heading off for college in about three weeks, so I'm looking forward to moving on and enjoying the next chapter of my life. But the problem is, I work with my ex. And I still get upset at times. So I figured, when I'm feeling down, what better place to go for advice than my beloved disboards? What's your best breakup advice for a crazy teenager like myself? I know these boards are full of older, wiser people who have been through a lot in their lives. I'm sure I could learn from you all!

Thanks for any advice you have to cheer me up!

 

[becjlek]

You can do better. You deserve better. Better is out there. It is his loss, not yours!

 

[wdwmom2]

Hi everybody So here's my story - I'm seventeen (still young, I know) and I'm getting over my first real breakup, after a two year relationship. Now the breakup occured about a month ago, and I've been doing quite well. I've realized that the boy I was with didn't respect me, and didn't treat me well. I'm also heading off for college in about three weeks, so I'm looking forward to moving on and enjoying the next chapter of my life. But the problem is, I work with my ex. And I still get upset at times. So I figured, when I'm feeling down, what better place to go for advice than my beloved disboards? What's your best breakup advice for a crazy teenager like myself? I know these boards are full of older, wiser people who have been through a lot in their lives. I'm sure I could learn from you all!

Thanks for any advice you have to cheer me up!

Will you still be working with the ex when college starts? Or will you be going away? Once in college, you will meet new people, make new friends, have lots of projects to do. This should keep you busy. Join clubs or groups that you have interests in. That is always fun!!

As far as working with ex, keep it pleasant, but not overly friendly. Go to work, do a good job, and leave.

Teenage years can be sooo difficult!!!!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

There are a lot of things going on in your life right now that seem really, really important. In 5 years, you won't even remember most of them.

Relax. This, too, shall pass...

 

[tremaine16]

wdwmom - I changed my work completion date so I would not have to work while at school, otherwise I would have had to work weekends until November (I work at an amusement park). I figured that once I got to college, I would be able to move on completely and would not want to return each weekend and see him. I have held this job for three years, but I will be looking for a different job next summer as well.

 

[Disney Doll]

Keep busy for the first couple of weeks.

Play "I Will Survive" and "Before He Cheats" as many times as you need to in order to feel empowered.

But then take some time to learn something from the relationship. Think about it, how it went, what you did, what he did, what made you start coming to the realization that he didn't respect you, what you did to try and fix it, what was his response and so forth. What you learn from relationships when you are young is what you will and will not tolerate....what are your "deal breakers". So many young girls these days seem to take a lot of crap from boys and I always wonder why???? And remember that it is easy to start seeing the relationship with rose colored glasses after a few weeks apart, and forgetting all the negative stuff that precipitated the break-up.

So, you pretty much have to hang on for 3 weeks and then you'll be at college and a whole new world opens up and this guy will be a distant memory.

And congratulations for recognizing that it was not what you wanted & getting out of the relationship instead of taking what he was dishing out.

When I was your age I was dating a guy for all of my senior year of high school. The "love of my life" at the time. Around May, he decided to weird out on me, didn't call too often, if he wanted to go out he'd call at like 6pm on Friday night, which of course led me to think that he had talked to all his friends, nobody had any good plans, so I was his 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) choice...kind of like "I have nothing better to do so I'll call her". Well, it happened for 2 weekends in a row, and then I broke up with him. Told him I had no intention of being an afterthought and that I expected to be respected and since that didn't seem to be his thing anymore, we should go our separate ways. Shocked the crap out of him...I guess he just figured that he was such a catch that I'd put up with his crap. Of course, all my friends thought I was nuts, as it was about 3 weeks before the prom. He even said "What about the prom? You'll have no date". I told him that I'd either not go or go solo, but I wasn't going to put up with crap to have a prom date. Well, about a week before the prom, he came around, apologized, actually had a lot more respect for me because I had respect for myself. We did end up going to the prom and dating for the rest of the summer. Then we went off to college and went our separate ways.

A funny addendum to my story...the next summer I was in a local bar and this guy comes up to me and starts chatting. I chatted with him for several minutes and he finally said "You have no idea who I am, do you?". Nope, didn't. It was "the love of my life" from my senior year! He had grown a beard and I didn't recognize him. That probably wasn't too good for his ego.

 

[wdwmom2]

wdwmom - I changed my work completion date so I would not have to work while at school, otherwise I would have had to work weekends until November (I work at an amusement park). I figured that once I got to college, I would be able to move on completely and would not want to return each weekend and see him. I have held this job for three years, but I will be looking for a different job next summer as well.

I'll tell you like I would have told my 3 DD's, ages now 18,23,25. Suck it up for 3 weeks. After that, the most important thing in your life will be getting a good education. There are more fish in the sea, but right now you better not be fishing. When the right one comes along, you will know it!!!! But right now, education is your priority!!!!

Best of luck to you!!!!

 

[tremaine16]

great story, disneydoll! and thanks for that advice, wdwmom. i know now that there is a much better guy out there for me, and one day i'll find him! it may be years and years from now, but i'll gladly wait for my prince charming to come

 

[shortbun]

It's normal that when you're around him you would feel emotional and sad. Don't worry about that just keep putting one foot in front of the other. College will present a whole new set of friends. Just remember to focus on what's important-you and your studies. Most of us shudder to think that we might have married that first boy we loved. Some people did and are happy but it's rare. My Knight in Shining Armour did not appear until I was 28. Up to then, I entertained myself with lots of nice and some not so nice guys. Ladies love outlaws but never marry one. You'll be fine in short order. I promise!!!

 

[WhateverLolaWants]

My usual advice is void in this situation since you're well on your way to getting over it. All you can do at this point is listen to your "elders" who have been in your position before. Don't get too worked up over it because in five years you'll be like "OMG, really? I'm ashamed of myself for losing sleep over that situation." I personally think going off to college single is the best option for people. You are going to get SO much more out of the college experience than you would if you were in a relationship. You'd be spending time with him when you could be forming new friendships. As for the fact that you're still getting sad at the situation, all you can do is focus on why you broke up in the first place. Chalk up your relationship to a learning experience. Take your gathered dating data to each new relationship and eventually you will find the one.

 

[onelilspark]

A year into college I started dating someone I worked with. About a year or so after that we broke up (it was a long distance relationship, really doomed from the start I suppose.) Until I left to go back to school, we had to work with each other. I've been there. As unpleasant as it is, or as much as you want to go back to him because it's comfortable, it's what you know, you have to just keep your head up. Remain pleasant, polite in all situations. No matter what he does, you need to be the bigger person.

Learn never, ever to date anyone that you work with again But really, and I'm sure you've heard it many times, there are so many opportunities and different relationships ahead of you, this too shall pass. Grieve for the loss of a friend, a companion, and your first love. Allow yourself this. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. No guy is worth losing sleep over.

Easily the best thing I have learned is that everything in life happens for a reason. You never know what that reason may be, but eventually everything will come together at the right moment. Every person I have dated in the past 7 years (since I was 17!) has taught me something about myself, about relationships, and about life. Take those lessons and run with them so that when you do find "Prince Charming" you'll know it's him.

Don't get caught up in the bad times, just look forward to all that's ahead of you!

ETA: Last year I met someone who I thought was a great guy. About four months into it, he breaks up with me out of nowhere. I was rather heartbroken (I think mainly it shocked me...one minute he was talking about taking me home to meet everyone, the next he turned around and dumped me...) So I went to Disney World that weekend on a spur of the moment trip! It heals the heart!! 2 weeks later I met the guy I'm currently dating. I was rather timid about starting a new relationship, but something felt right about him, so I put my concerns aside and went for it. I'm so glad I did!! Honestly, things happen for a reason! If he hadn't have broken up with me earlier that same month, I wouldn't have been available. And he'll come along when you least expect it!

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Best advice I ever got about how to deal with an ex-boyfriend that I had to work with was to get up, think about work and your responsibilities there and then literally stand up and put on an imaginary suit of armor telling yourself that (insert name of guy here...or just call him idiot) cannot get through the armor unless I allow it!

It may sound funny, but it worked for me! We broke up about 2 weeks before summer began...the problem was that he and I were co-counselors at a summer camp program so I had to work with the him all day, every day for the entire summer!

Good luck, you can do 3 weeks, no problem!

 

[Maddykins06]

My advice comes from Randy Pausch, "When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just IGNORE EVERYTHING THEY SAY, & ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY DO."

You are a strong woman & deserve so much better. Your Prince Charming is out there waiting for you. DON'T SETTLE!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Do something "just for you" that the ex would never have had any interest in. Doesn't matter what, just shows you how much more fun and enjoyable your life is without him.

 

[pearlieq]

Get busy!

Make tons of plans with your friends, pick up a new hobby, try a new class at the gym, volunteer your time.

The busier you are, the fuller and richer your life is and the less time you have to think about things. Plus, it widens your social circle. Who knows? Mr. Right might be stuffing envelopes for the children's hospital or next to you in kickboxing class.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

Don;t settle!

 

[tremaine16]

onelilspark and zephyrhawk - i have been keeping myself busy alright, with disney! my ex was never very into going out and having fun, be it watching a movie or going to an amusement park. so now i'm trying to plan a trip for my best friend and i to go to disney in january! hopefully it all works out =)

maddykins - great advice! i admire randy pausch so much. i read the last lecture after a breakup several months ago (same boy...we broke up twice before this time), and it inspired me so much. you reminded me that i need to read it again.


thanks for all the kind words everyone!

 

[Serena]

You are doing wonderfully. I don't even know you and I am proud of you.
If this didn't hurt, you wouldn't be human and you would be rather heartless in my book. You cared about this guy, it's completely normal to feel sad about a breakup.
It's the memories of what was good that upsetting you when you see him, what could have been if he had been different.

The advice others have given are exactly what I have given my girls, and others. lol
Think about what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. Each guy will bring something new and you will always learn more about yourself. Make sure you always respect yourself and take the high road, you won't have regrets later.

The three weeks will be over before you know it. And in the meantime, you have helped teach that boy how to treat a woman. It's possible you have done him a gigantic favor.

Good thoughts for you getting through this, but you'll be fine.