Younger siblings following older kids through school...

[Barb D]

Tell me your experiences with having (or being) a younger sibling following an older sibling through school. We're just starting to run into this now.

My older kids started school last year (after being homeschooled) when DS was in 8th grade and DD was in 6th. DS is very outgoing, and well-liked by his teachers. It's starting to REALLY annoy DD when teachers ask her about her brother, who is in high school now. The worst (to her) was when one of the teachers actually wrote a greeting to him on HER report card! Next year she'll be in 8th grade, and will probably have most of the same teachers he had last year, so it will only get worse.

I told her that when teachers say, "You must be Brian's sister! How's he doing?" just to say, "He's doing great! I'll tell him you asked about him!" and then let it drop. But she's concerned that they're all comparing her to him...and they are completely different kids with different personalities and strengths, and she doesn't want to be in his shadow.

How have your kids (or you, back then) dealt with this?

 

[Toby'sFriend]

My middle son has only had a problem with this with one particular teacher. There is this lady at our school who taught our older son for 8th grade English. With very good reason --- she DOES NOT LIKE our older son. I don't blame her a bit because he was absolutely horrid and disrespectful to her.

This year they dropped her down to the Elementary school and one of the classes she teaches is my 12 year olds 6th Grade PE class. As soon as she figured out who my poor middle son was this year, she has been absolutely horrid to him. She screams at him, makes him sit on the sidelines, makes nasty remarks to him. etc etc etc. The thing is, my 12 year old son is nothing at all like his brother. Generally, his teachers love him and we never have behavior problems with him. The kicker was that once each semester the kids have to write a Term Paper project for PE on some sports related issue. It is pretty much a do it decently and you get at least a B on it kind of thing.

My son's came back just scribbled in red marker with remarks like "this just sounds stupid, you need to rephrase." and such. His grade was a D+ I mean, it wasn't a perfect paper by any means, but for a 12 year old it wasn't THAT bad.

My husband and I talked it over and I sent it back into school to the head 6th grade teacher with a note that I thought the grade ought to be "reconsidered." Nobody from the school EVER said a thing to me about it, but the grade was magically changed to an A-.

I'm glad she'll be out of our lives after this year.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My brother followed me through school (he's 3 years younger) and we had a lot of the same teachers. I was always an overachiever. My brother wasn't. He's very smart, but as the teachers put it, he "didn't apply himself." Anyway, the only thing that stands out in my mind was one of the former teachers (she wasn't even my teacher...she just taught the class next to mine) saying to him, "Your sister was a student. You are a pu-pill." She said it just that way. He was heartbroken. I don't understand why teachers do that. He had to deal with it throughout his school career and it really discouraged him.

 

[Evil Queen]

Only my HS Drama teacher. My brother is 5 years older than me, but took Drama for his 4 years of HS. He was only out a year before I started there, so we had the same drama teacher.

He is very easy going, laid back, etc. Me, I'm more outgoing,more outspoken. She thought I was going to be that star child like he was.

I wasn't bad, I was just more known for voicing my opinions, then he was.

We both ended up with B's in her class throughout our HS years, so I don't think I was overshadowed or something more was expected of me, but she was surprised and I felt she kept an eye on me more than she probably did him.

But, that's HS.

My sisters were closer, a year apart, but I've never had them mention anything to me about it, but how much of their school life would they think to tell their baby sister (I'm 7 and 8 years younger than them).

 

[Blueeyes101817]

My brother was a grade behind me in school..I always would try my best and ended up getting good grades, while my brother didnt care of school too much..
they would get my brother on their class lists and assume that we were the same..it used to drive him nuts because he wasnt as good of a student as me...

I actually got to deal with that this semester..I was taking a night class at the local college, which is where he goes...The professor had my brother and DIDNT like him...and in the beginning, she was very rude and when i missed 2 classes because i had a bad sinus infection, she said i guess your going to get a bad grade too, do you want to drop the class.
I ended up getting an A- in her class and she ended up realizing we are not the same

 

[MorganLeFey]

my girls are two years apart, and the younger one has had many of the same teachers that the older one had. worse yet, my girls attend the same schools that my sisters and I went to, and there are a few teachers around who remember us.

my 6th grade teacher became a substitute teacher. she told my older dd "I'm sort of like your grandmother because your mother was my student."

Barb, you've given excellent advice to your child.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm the youngest of 5 children and had that happen. Thankfully there was a BIG age spread, so it didn't happen as often as it could have if we were closer in age, but it happened enough. If they compared me to one sister and my older brother, it was bad news since they were great students, serious, etc. I was an ok student, but having a fun, social experience was always pretty high on my list, so I wasn't a super serious student. If they compared me to my other brother, I looked great since he wasn't a very good student (very smart person, but not a good student), he was rowdy, etc. It all depended on who I was being compared with.

I have 4 kids and my older 3 get this a lot. My 2nd is disorganized, talkative, not shy, not a great student, etc. Opposite of his older sister, and teachers do compare them. His younger brother is very serious and a great student, so he also gets compared. My youngest is in kindergarten (big age gap between him and his siblings), but if anyone was going to compare him to his siblings they'd really wonder where Jake fits into the mix. He's smart, but very bold and bossy, a perfectionist, not at all shy, etc. Hopefully he won't get a lot of the same teachers and he probably won't with the age gap.

It's natural for people to compare kids, but very annoying since each child wants to feel appreciated for who they are, not who their sibling was.

 

[Bob Slydell]

It was never a problem with me and my older sister going through school, even though we went to the same grade school and high school. We were both good students, so there wasn't any issues.

My little brother, on the other hand, had some problems (albeit some of them, IMO, overdramatized by him). I was sort of a geek through school, pretty much a straight-A student, and my brother was a little more of a free spirit, artistic type, so he had a tough time sometimes following me in grade school. But since he went to a different high school, those issues (and excuses) were gone by 9th grade for him.

 

[CajunDixie]

I used to joke about having my younger son, 2 years behind his brother, where a shirt the first day that said "Yes, he is my brother and no I'm not like him" and on the back since DHs stepmom works at his current school "Yes, we're related. End of story"

It gets soooooooo old on the first day of a new class for him to have to explain his relationship to DHs stepmom and find something to say about his brother. And since DHs stepmom works there he always gets singled out to be the one to run errands to the office for the teachers...which again annoys him that they think he wants to see her all the time.

 

[Robinrs]

ugh... brings back BAD memories.

My sister is 11 months older than me and started school a year earlier. We looked like identical twins so when I came thru, of course, all of the teachers went nuts. You MUST be Michelle's sister... I must've heard it a hundred times a day!

Then the nightmare, I was skipped in the 2nd grade. We were now in the same grade...


Back then in NY, not sure if they still do this, you were in the number class in the grade based on how SMART you were... 3-1 being the smartest, 3-15 being the "dumbest". I was in 3-1, my sister was in 3-11.... NOT GOOD.

I remember people asking her "why is your sister so smart?" Instead of being angry with them she took it out on me. It seriously started a downlard spiral that lasts till this day! And she's 51 years old!!

She dropped out in the 8th grade, I graduated from college at 20 with 2 degrees...

It was UGLY...

 

[Missy1961]

I'm 4 years younger than my older brother. We went to the same grade school, a Catholic school, in the late 60's & early 70s. It was a pain in the neck. He was a great student, but I was too, but he was just a bit better (A+ for him, A for me). I was strong in English classes, he was a Science wiz (he's a doctor, I'm an editor). Well, the nuns used to compare us all the time. I was able to drop it, but it drove me crazy. But the good thing was, it drove my parents crazy too. So that's why I was able to handle it--I knew my parents thought I was as great a student as he was. By the time I got to high school, it wasn't an issue anymore. I don't know what it was for my sisters--they are only 15 months apart--thus, one grade apart. I'm sure the nuns made their lives interesting--but they were both great students.

 

[Sandy V.]

It has been a problem for our DS, who is very bright but not as "motivated" as our DD, who is 2 years older. DD was the classic overachiever; DS moves at a more relaxed pace.

When teachers have made the comparisons, DS has been very polite but tries to let them know that he is a different person than his sister. We had only one bad experience and that was in first grade with a teacher that LOVED DD, but only tolerated DS and made him very nervous with her constant remarks that always let him know he wasn't measuring up. I feel bad now because if I'd realized it then (found out after the fact), I would have transferred him out of that classroom in a heartbeat. Fortunately, he's a sophomore in high school and has done a great job of finding his own way and having teachers that love him for all that HE brings to the class.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It has been a problem for our DS, who is very bright but not as "motivated" as our DD, who is 2 years older. DD was the classic overachiever; DS moves at a more relaxed pace.

When teachers have made the comparisons, DS has been very polite but tries to let them know that he is a different person than his sister. We had only one bad experience and that was in first grade with a teacher that LOVED DD, but only tolerated DS and made him very nervous with her constant remarks that always let him know he wasn't measuring up. I feel bad now because if I'd realized it then (found out after the fact), I would have transferred him out of that classroom in a heartbeat. Fortunately, he's a sophomore in high school and has done a great job of finding his own way and having teachers that love him for all that HE brings to the class.

My older 2 kids sound a lot like yours (wouldn't call my oldest an over-achiever, but compared to my oldest son she looks the part ). My 2nd (also in 10th grade) is so different than his sister and while it's been a struggle for him to fit in at first, I think there are teachers who really like him for his personality and what he brings to class. I got a wonderful e-mail from his Spanish teacher today telling me what a great job he'd done on an assignment and how proud we should be.

Where did your DD decide to go to college? Is she excited?

 

[janette]

It really depends on the kids & the schools. My girls are very different in looks so most people don't connect them even with the shared name. Most people in elementary knew they were related but the younger one hasn't had any of the same teachers her sister had. My oldest is going to HS this year and her sister starts MS. My older DD is in the advanced placement classes and my younger DD is dyslexic so in special classes due to that. They have very different interests so as they get older I think it unlikely that they'll have many of the same classes. My younger DD is very into art and the HS has some great options in that department, I don't think her older sister will take any art classes. She's completing her art requirement with a drama class.

 

[flaps]

DH's youngest brother opted not to follow in the footsteps of his elder siblings and went to a different high school. Perhaps he wished to avoid being saddled with any preconceived negative perceptions (youngest brother was the "good" kid) ...

 

[Snowysmom]

My 2 sons are 4 years apart and it has not been a problem, at least that I have been aware of. They have had the same teachers occassionally in school and I believe that each teacher has looked at each child on their own merit. I thought it would be a problem this year when younger DS took AP biology. Older DS loves biology and the AP biology teacher said he was one of his best students ever. Along comes younger DS who is a good student but not the same as older DS. The AP biology teacher has not compared them at all. And younger DS is doing well but does not really want to pursue the subject any further after this year. I can see kids having an issue if they are compared to a sibling. That is not fair. Each child has their own learning style and that should be respected.

 

[Marseeya]

UGH! I'm fortunate that my kids have different last names. They're as different as night and day, so luckily the teachers find this out right away that DD is extremely well-behaved.

My sister had issues with this growing up, though. I got good grades with very little to no effort and she wasn't very academically inclined (that's a generous understatement). She was constantly being compared unfavorably to me, and it was very difficult for her.

 

[aprilgail2]

I HATED having to folow my brother through school...I always got "oh you are joes sister, are you as smart as Joe was??" Or "your brother was so smart"... After a while I just started saying "no I am the dumb one in the family" I couldn't stand when I got a teacher he had!!

 

[mom2boys]

My boys are a year apart, so the teachers know exactly who he is when he arrives in their classes. Fortunately my oldest is a hard worker and well behaved. His brother loves to learn but doesn't like to be told what to - a real challange when you are in 5th grade.
My boys have 2 older cousins with the same last name. The girl just graduated last year - she went to school to socialize. He brother is an over-achiever. He is in the AP program and a star athlete. 15 minutes into a conversation with my oldest's speech teacher, she is discussing his future in high school and comments about how I know because of my high schooler. My brother-in-law and his wife are an absolute embarrassment to the family. To say that they have ruined the family name would be an understatement. I can't stand being asked if we are related. My boys just tell people they are cousins and leave it at that.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

We had sort of the reverse. DS9 had a principal that moved up to the high school. DS9 was in and out of the prinicpal's office all of the time in 1st and 2nd grades for talking in class. DS15 had this principal come in to take over a class due to a teacher's family emergency. When he was calling role he said "oh are you XXx XXX's brother"..."hmmmm" I thought it was hysterical that the older brother was being compared to the younger... DS15 took it well I thought...