young children running off

[tadamom]

I've never used a harness but my children were not bolters. I think it sounds like your best bet.

When we went to Disney in May, I truly believe that my niece needed one. She is a bolter! She would run off and my SIL would just scream for her to stop. I or my hubby would have to run after her on several occassions. They even had a stroller for her but she wanted to walk.

Don't worry about the looks you get, do whatever you need to do to keep your child safe and with you.

 

[SilverMickey]

My son was a bolter... (Autism) We have used in the past a "Child locator" Its like an alarm system.

2 key chains. One on the child and one with the parent. You can set the distance you trust... 5 feet 10 feet 15 feet ect... Ours has a range of 150 feet. An alarm sounds when the child get to far away. The paretns alarm goes off to let you know the child has strayed and then childs goes off also. The child alarm gets louder and louder until you are back together. You can very easily locate you child with the racket it makes. Just once our son got out of range. At home we had practiced with the alarms. If his went off he was to STOP and wait for us.

We paid an arm and a leg for ours back 8-9 years ago. It was worth it to us. I think they have less fancy, just as effective ones for around 30 bucks now a days.

Have a wonderful trip. I'm so glad you are in your son's life!

 

[labdogs42]

I didn't read all of the responses yet, but I just gave my son the option of walk with us or ride in the stroller. If he tried to dart off, he had to ride in the stroller. He got the idea pretty quickly.

 

[Schmeck]

My son was a bolter... (Autism) We have used in the past a "Child locator" Its like an alarm system.

2 key chains. One on the child and one with the parent. You can set the distance you trust... 5 feet 10 feet 15 feet ect... Ours has a range of 150 feet. An alarm sounds when the child get to far away. The paretns alarm goes off to let you know the child has strayed and then childs goes off also. The child alarm gets louder and louder until you are back together. You can very easily locate you child with the racket it makes. Just once our son got out of range. At home we had practiced with the alarms. If his went off he was to STOP and wait for us.

We paid an arm and a leg for ours back 8-9 years ago. It was worth it to us. I think they have less fancy, just as effective ones for around 30 bucks now a days.

Have a wonderful trip. I'm so glad you are in your son's life!

Except at WDW it can be so noisy in certain areas of the parks that you might not even be able to hear the alarm. Just the background music they pipe in can be overwhelming. I'd also hope that the parnet turns the alarm off when inan attraction to prevent accidental tripping, especially if it's that loud...

 

[dawnball]

How do I keep my child from running off. He does this just to see if we are following and treats it as a game. Last night, he let go of my hand in a parking lot and scared me half to death. Thankfully I caught him instantly and held on tight. I am so worried he will run and be lost in Disney World. Friends have suggested I just not follow but I cant imagine doing this. He has fear of being abandoned and I cant help but think it to be unsafe, any other suggestions?

My daughter was very independent, and very fast. We did two things together to make us all more comfortable with the situation.

We always, always hold hands in the parking lot. If she ever so much as put her foot down in the parking lot/street without holding hands we canceled whatever was going on and went home. No snacks or treats in the car if we were out, no trip out then if we were on our way out. Once we were inside it was a normal day - there just wasn't an interesting trip.

We played "far enough" which was a game for stores (although we played at home/the playground too). DD would run off, but stop and come back when I said "far enough". Then I'd send her out again. If she didn't stop when I said "far enough" then I'd go and fetch her and the game would be over.

Once she understood the "far enough" game, we started combining it with holding hands. So she could run ahead on the sidewalk, and when she got close to the street/parking lot we'd say "far enough" and she'd stop/come back. Far enough can be very close.. so I might say "far enough" when she was just a foot or two away if a location was busy.

As far as WDW.. we said it was one big parking lot, so she had to hold hands or ride in the stroller, but she was used to those games by then. If she hadn't been - I'd have considered a leash. We did find that the crowds and lack of familiarity kept her pretty close with no reminders.

 

[crisi]

I think that people who feel it is ok to make negative comments to strangers regarding using a harness either don't have children or have older children and have conveniently forgotten how it is with small kids.

I plan on using one with my 25-month old in May. He is "all boy" and constantly on the go. Taking extra steps to help ensure his safety is definitely worth the stares / remarks.

To be fair, kids are different - if you've raised nothing but "velcro kids" you have no idea what its like to have a bolter. And if you get two or three velcro kids, you start to credit your parenting for the fact that your kids don't wander - from there its only a small step to thinking other people are doing something wrong in their parenting.

My favorite one of these stories is a cousin of mine and potty training. Her first child potty trained at 2 in a day. This was wonderful. Her second child potty trained before two. Why, she was the queen of potty training advice. She knew what worked effortlessly. She just didn't understand why other parents couldn't do this right. Her last child got out of diapers at four and was a "diaper mural artist" for over a year. She suddenly understood that it wasn't her.

To extend the fairness - some people with bolters do manage to correct the behavior without using a harness or losing their child. Kids are different and some children will adapt quickly under parental disapproval. And parents are different as well, with different discipline techniques.

I think there are also a few types of harness candidates - bolters, wanderers and hiders. Hiders you just have to stop and look for until they grow out of hide and seek - they tend not to be too clever, so its under the clothes rack they were just standing next to - if you never leave a place where you've been standing without a child in hand, you'll play a lot of hide and seek, but they probably won't go far. Wanderers, if you pay attention, you can do without a harness. They aren't trying to get away from you - they just don't pay attention to where everyone is. Bolters are a tougher case, especially in a crowd - since they seem to have the goal to loose you.

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

ohhh Crisi - so true! My eldest was (is) a total angel and as she was 5 before our second child arrived I did get really arrogant and I'll be the first to admit i did stare at older kids having meltdowns, running off etc (and yep- it never crossed my mind about invisible disabilities, I was definately part of the crowd that assumed poor parenting/spoilt child- i'm ashamed to admit it but i was raised by parents with that attitude and it rubs off) then we had our second child and he was a biiiiig slap in the face to reality that all kids are different and how special needs make parenting even more of a challenge! Now I am sure at times i am the parent people are staring at thinking ds is too old to cry/bump into things/flap like he does - no one will actually ask if there is an invisible issue, they just assume he's spoilt/we suck at parenting.

I could have put it down to having more than one but then we had a 3rd and 4th and they've both been as easy as their elder sister, all 4 are raised the same.

I have to admit- as good as ds5 is now at hand holding etc I'll be labelling him for in the parks- wrist band or lanyard with name/resort/cellphone information for him as he gets over excited/panicks with strangers so if he does wander and get found he will just have to hand over a card.

 

[all4fun]

I think you've gotten terrific advice. I just want to add that I used a safety harness with my ds at WDW, although DS was younger when we needed to use it. He had gross motor skill delays, and the harness actually helped us prevent him from falling quite a bit (he was clumsy). The main reason I used it though was because he liked to dart off and thought it was fun for us to "play chase" with him. That was the last place I wanted to have that happen, there are too many people who would be paying attention to their children, not mine... not to mention the ECV's, & people pushing strollers, etc. I actually found that when he was wearing the safety harness, he would much more willingly stay by my side, and even hold my hand more willingly (something he normally wouldn't do). It was as if the lead provided a physical boundary - he knew he couldn't just run off and he knew I wasn't going anywhere either. The one I used had about a 5-6' lead on it. I shortened it so when I dropped it, it would barely touch the ground. This way he wouldn't trip over it, and no one else would either because he could only walk a couple of feet out from me. We used that until he was out of that phase, so it helped get us through that time and made all of our lives much more pleasant. I couldn't imagine what a basket case I would be if my ds wandered off even for a few minutes, and I couldn't find him!

hth, and congrats on the adoption!

 

[SilverMickey]

Except at WDW it can be so noisy in certain areas of the parks that you might not even be able to hear the alarm. Just the background music they pipe in can be overwhelming. I'd also hope that the parnet turns the alarm off when inan attraction to prevent accidental tripping, especially if it's that loud...

I've never experienced it accidental tripping nor anyone else I have spoken with... and I would rather disturb a crowd if it meant finding my child.

 

[brymolmom]

I've never experienced it accidental tripping nor anyone else I have spoken with... and I would rather disturb a crowd if it meant finding my child.

I don't think this poster meant that if your child was missing that it would be a consideration (obviously everyone there would likely want the child found first, before their own entertainment needs) - I believe this poster is just asking for the user to be considerate - like people turning off their cell phones in attractions so not to disturb the experience of others. So if there is any way to 'accidentally' have it go off even with the child right there next to you- to adjust it so that doesn't happen and ruin that attraction for everyone. That's the way I took it at least - not that you should not do whatever necessary if the child is actually missing.

 

[Schmeck]

In some attractions only 2-3 people fit in one ride vehicle (Haunted Mansion, Peter Pan) and there is the chance that the parent with one end of the alarm system is in the next ride vehicle after the child and other parent, especially if there are siblings. So, you get on the ride near each other, but as it goes into the actual attraction, the vehicles separate and the alarm goes off. Or the thing falls out of your pocket (or wherever you keep it) and it gets lost in the attraction and then you can't even shut the thing off as you go on by...

 

[TinkerbellMama]

The child in question is my 4 year old. We have had him one year and are currently in the process of adopting him through foster care. He is developmentally delayed (developmental age around 2). He sees the running off as a game, he giggles and laughs and wants to be caught. He truly doesnt understand it can hurt him. He doesnt understand most forms of punishment. He sees time out as abandonment and just sits there frozen in fear. Right now we use mostly praise and redirection and timeouts sparingly. I truly dont believe in hitting my children. They were subjected to far to much hitting before they came to me. I have never had a child this young and my older girls were developmentally old enough to understand when I explained why we dont do these things. I really would like to hear how others handle these issues especially in a place like Walt Disney World.

Good for you, mama! Get the harness and don't feel bad about using it. Get one that has a puppy/bear backpack attached and he can put a few of his treasures in it, too. As you said, the hitting is NOT appropriate and I'd like to add that "pretending" to abandon a child with attachment issues is RIGHT OUT (I know you know this, but another poster seemed to think it was a glorious idea, so I had to set the record straight)!

 

[GoinToDisney]

I have a velcro kid, and before coming to these boards, I have to admit, I thought the harnesses looked mean. I never thought about the fact that they made the kids happier and safe!! Duh!! I say use the harness and don't look around to see how others react. Who cares!!! If someone is rude enough to say something, come up wit a good response to both educate them and make them feel bad for judging. I do have to say that the stuffed animal ones seem to have less stigma attached to them, so I would probably use one of those.

Now, when my dd was 2, we went to Busch Gardens. I told her she needed to ride in the stroller because we had to walk quickly, but she really wanted to be up and walking... slowly. Then I decided to treat her stroller like a ride. She named her stroller Bullseye and we pretended it was a horse. I would make it say, "Hop on for a ride. I'll get you to the next ride fast!" She loved the little game. She gave me that smirk like she knew I was being silly, but she would play along for my sake.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Hi all,

I had the same fears when I took my son on his first Disney trip at the age of 3. Our trip was unexpected...we were in Florida for a beach trip and had to "bug out" from our sand flea infested (and very expensive rental) house on Sanibel Island. My husband and I decided to make lemonade out of lemons and went to Disney World for 5 days. Our son had never been in really big crowds and we were concerned what to do at Disney (we were there over the 4th of July!) if he got excited and ran off and we lost him.

Anyway, when we got there, we heard about pin trading. Our son was a shy kid and I was concerned that if he lost us, he wouldn't know who to ask for help. So, I bought both of us a lanyard and a few pins and got him comfortable with talking to the cast members about their pins and trading.

Fortunately, we never lost him...but to this day (nearly 7 years later) he has a wonderful pin collection...and the cast members were so kind to explain how things worked and gave him some very "special" pins that he treasures to this day.

I guess what I'm saying is that regardless of whether you use some type of a tether...try to prepare your child for what do to if you all become separated. My sister-in-law used to "leash" one of my nephews (he was definitely a bolter) and one time he lunged so hard that the leash fell out of my sister-in-laws hand and she had to chase him down.

And finally....no you are not a bad parent if you (in some way) restrain a child from running away. The bad parents, in my mind, are the ones who don't care about their child at all! And to those who may stare...well, their parents didn't teach them manners, did they?

Have a great vacation!

 

[crisi]

I guess what I'm saying is that regardless of whether you use some type of a tether...try to prepare your child for what do to if you all become separated.

Definately. The first thing we did when our kids were younger (we did it this time because we had guests with kids who had never been, but there was much rolling of the eyes with our eight and nine year old) is pull aside the first CM we see and point to the name tag - its often someone in housekeeping at the hotel. We explain that these are "Mickey's Friends" and that if they lose Mom or Dad they should look for one of "Mickey's Friends" and say that they can't find Mom. Every CM at Disney is trained (whether they remember or not may be a different question) about what to do with a lost child.

We also use a Sharpie to write a cell phone number on their arm. Other people use tags, arm bands or temporary tattoos - for us a Sharpie has been easiest - we had tags and lost them, which meant we had to resort to Sharpie - and never went back. Now they can rattle off Mom and Dad's cell number, so we don't bother anymore.

 

[MALE*RN*777]

We used one of those child leash things that attaches like a harnest around the body then have a nylon belt to hold. You don't know how many people said, "I think they are great and I wish they had them when I had my kids". Not one negative comment. They also make them with stuffed animals on the back....

 

[Schmeck]

If you do decide to use a harness, please do not get the kind with the curly, telephone cord type strap. They stretch too far, and I've seen two nasty accidents involving them. One time a parent let a child go too far and a person walked between them. Of course the child got dragged down and scraped up. The second incident (not the same child) involved the stretched out leash and a stroller coming through, also knocking the child down.

 

[all4fun]

If you do decide to use a harness, please do not get the kind with the curly, telephone cord type strap.

I think the last time I saw someone actually using one of these was abut 8 yrs ago (that was just one time), and I haven't seen them for sale anywhere in a long, long time.... (just an observation). Aside from the potential tripping hazzard, they stretch out so much it seems like a potential strangulation hazzard for a child as well. I agree with the comment about them though.

 

[Schmeck]

I think the last time I saw someone actually using one of these was abut 8 yrs ago (that was just one time), and I haven't seen them for sale anywhere in a long, long time.... (just an observation). Aside from the potential tripping hazzard, they stretch out so much it seems like a potential strangulation hazzard for a child as well. I agree with the comment about them though.

That's good to know - you mean the manufacturers actually smartened up, or they got sued... I mean, really, whoever designed that style harness (springy cord) must not have had kids!

 

[bellebud]

First, what wonderful people you and your dh are! God bless you both for taking these precious children and giving them such a wonderful life!

Second, use the harness! Who cares what others think... they don't love your child and could care less if he got lost.

It does sound like the stroller might not work well, especially the kind in MK where they can easily jump out and then get run over by the stroller (my kids even last year at 7 and 5 years old would suddenly jump out, not thinking about mom not being able to quickly stop the stroller w/ no warning). they got 'bumped' a few times... ouch!

have a wonderful trip!