You might think I'm abrasive, but.....

[drcmk]

I am looking forward to one night alone with my husband during our upcoming vacation while my DDs (5&7) spend the evening at a kids club. I am grateful that such a service is available (though pricey) and that my girls are old enough that they will enjoy it and can report the whole experience to me. I probably would not consider an in-room babysitter, or using a kids club with younger kids. But for our family, this is a very nice option. I love family togetherness, that is part of our reason for taking this vacation. But I've never slept in the same room as my girls for 8 nights straight and that is an awful lot of togetherness.

 

[becjlek]

I would not feel comfortable leaving my children alone in a hotel room with a stranger and so I would not enjoy my night out without them.

 

[tjmw2727]

Ok - I will try one more time as I really didn't get my point across yet. Whether you choose in room sitters, kids clubs, nanny or relatives or none of the above really dosen't matter, IMHO. Some vacations we choose neither and do everything as a family. Other trips the girls spend time in the kids clubs - usually they ask for a "kids night out".

I guess what made me post was the "shocked and amazed" factor. Many people make choices every day that I don't make and yet I don't feel shocked or amazed. It happens with everything from formula or breastmilk, crib or co sleep and on and on. We chose full day kindgergarten yet I am not shocked or amazed at how many parents choose 1/2 day. Many of my dd's friends ride bikes and scooters without helmets. I would never allow that but don't feel the need to start a conversation about how much I dislike that even though it does directly impact my parenting. (ie - dosen't matter what jane's family allows).

So I guess what I took issue with was that someone took something I have done (and many others do) and labled it shocking and amazing.


TJ

 

[zalansky]

Seems like this thread was started with the sole purpose of starting controversy. Until just now, I didn't think that this type of judgement lived on this site, and I actually enjoyed that factor since it exits on every other board I have seen. How naive of me...
There are always the judgementals...I would love to be the fly on the wall of one of those "judgers" homes to see what I could start a thread about that I disagree about their child-rearing.
Can't we all just get along?

 

[mcnuss]

Ok - I will try one more time as I really didn't get my point across yet.

Actually I think you made your point perfectly. But the "shocked and amazed" group just ignores it bc if you aren't doing exactly as they do, you're just plain wrong. There have been many threads on this board that have appalled me in their mean spirited judgments of other families choices.

I realize that adults need time alone--but my word....you're on vacation at WDW. Can you *not* stay as a family for that length of time? My DH and I can go several months w/o a dinner out alone.

How do you know the people using these sitters have not gone SEVERAL YEARS w/o a dinner out alone? And even if it's been several weeks or even days, why do you care?

There's time to be alone and have a nice sit-down meal w/o the children before you leave or after you get home.

Actually, no susaninMS, for a lot of folks there is not that time. Vacation is all they get. And you may "truly think" that vacation is for family time, but in case you hadn't noticed, family means mom & dad too, and contrary to your belief and thought, not all moms & dads get to go to restaurants or even eat together for that matter except on vacation.

Surely you have friends/familes/neighbors in this position?

Let me conclude with this. Nobody here has ever tried to make one of you who won't use the sitters feel bad about the way you choose to raise your families, nor have they tried to convince you to use the babysitting. Apparently, they respect your choice as they request you respect theirs. Peace.

 

[DeDixie]

I don't have a problem with the kids clubs, disney does them well. But I would NEVER leave them with an in-room sitter.

Our 2 dd used the kids club on the Disney Magic when they were 5 and 7. It was just like the commericial on TV where they are talking about "their" plans. We have never used the clubs at WDW, and now they are too old. We enjoy being together. Next year DH and I are going alone to WDW and we can then have our time to do disney alone. the girls are actually excited for us to be going on our anniverary.

 

[4greatboys]

I dont judge those who do use in room sitters just because I do not. Im sure many have been very happy with the in room sitters with great results. For me I'm just not comfortable leaving my kids in the room with someone I dont know. In a more public setting and when they are quite a bit older, I would consider using Simba's Club or one of the like.
Most of the post here didnt sound judgemental to me either. Sorry if some were offended.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Hi Loretta -- welcome to the DIS! It's the exception, rather than the rule, here for there to be fighting. Please don't let this one skuffle keep you off the boards.



For everyone: please remember that personal attacks will not be allowed on these boards. You posts may be deleted if warrented and you could be banned. We would hate to see that happen. Keep in mind that everyone has opinions, they're just not all the same.

Now here's mine: Having a in room babysitter come to the room during your vacation does not make one a bad parent, and I'm sure that no one here was saying that. Every babysitter you use (even the kid up the street) is new to you at one time. Even if you know them, their parents etc. they are still a new sitter for you. I know there are some people who never leave their kids with sitters at all. They either take their kids with them everywhere or they have family close by to leave the kids with. More power to them! I love my kids oodles, but there are times when I want time out of the house with Daddy. I leave mine with a sitter or family depending. Would I leave my kids with a sitter service at WDW? If I had too -- yes. I would use one of the companies recommended here by other parents. For our upcoming trip I have booked my kids into the kids club for two nights out of a 9 night stay. They are both outgoing and I know they will have a great time. We will have lots of family togetherness time and I'm sure they will love some mom and daddy free time as well.

If that's not your cup of tea, so be it. I just wish all of us wonderful, magical Disney vacations.

 

[Oh Kay!]

Have I and will I ever use the in-room babysitting service? No. Not because I have any personal aversion to it but because my two toddlers would cry their heads off if I ever so much as leave the room.

Am I shocked that others use the service? Again, no. From what I've read, the services are reputable and without a whiff of scandal. I would think that if there are any reasons for concern, someone on the board would have mentioned it. I mean, have you read any towncar service threads on the transportation board? If the snafus involving cars not showing up, or cars being dirty get so much airing, imagine the furor that would result over bad babysitting experiences.

Every parents have different comfort zone and as long as the children are comfortable with the parents' choice, I don't see anything to be shocked about.

Thus I offer my humble 2 cents.

Kay

 

[Reflection]

Originally posted by susaninMS
......Okay....enough of my venting for the night. I don't want to step on anyone's toes....well, yes, maybe I do.....

I don't understand why you feel the need to want to step on someone else's toes.

As some of the other posters have pointed out: For those of you who would NEVER use in-room childcare. Then fine. You have your reasons for thinking and acting as you do. But why would you (do you) care that others choose and act differently in what is clearly a personal matter? How does a personal decision such as this affect you in any way? After all, IMO, this is not one of the "quality-of-vacation-type-issues" that frequently gets debated (oops, I meant, discussed) on these boards such as overstimulated, tired children having tantrums in a restaurant or other public venue at WDW and their seemingly inattentive parents, young children in adult-oriented venues such as Pleasure Island at night, appropriate/inappropirate dining attire, exposure to people with alternative lifestyles, or heaven forfend, the legality/morality of sneaking in one's 3-year-old into WDW without purchasing a ticket or crowding extra people into one's resort room.

Planogirl--I agree with your comments. I also spend time with my daughter throughout year and therefore I do not view a few hours apart over a 7-10-day vacation as detrimental to her, mine, or our family's well being or mental health. Some of the comments I've read on this thread only reinforce why I feel 'family vacation' (I always wonder why people feel the need to use this expression) is a hackneyed term. I don't know that the tone of some of the responses is mean spirited but I do feel that the comments along the lines of "this is a family vacation, surely you can go out alone at other times or have dinner together when the children have moved away" imply some level of selfishness in those parents who would use babysitters at WDW.

And for the record: I am Reflection. I use the childcare clubs (my daugther loves the Sandcastle Club), I have placed my child in the children's activties at the Grand Floridian, where she was surrounded by not only strange caregivers but, can you stand the shock, the children of complete strangers (whatever, was I thinking?)!!! And I have in the past, and probably will in the future, use in-room childcare. So sue me and move me to the front of the OWALPL (OWALPL means: Oh what a lousy parent list)! :

 

[ToriLammy]

Originally posted by Planogirl
I think that people should do what works best for their families. I've taken my only child to Disney clubs in the past partially because he wanted to get away from Mom once in a while and hang out with other kids. And yes, also because I wanted to eat a quiet meal and ride a few thrill rides. No tears on his part, I made sure of that. Well, except for once when I picked him up. But this is what has worked best for us and I fully support those who do the same.

I think this is the best post on the whole thread. Especially the first line -- I think that people should do what works best for their families. If you aren't a member of that family then you don't know what is best for them and truthfully is none of your business so why even give it any thought

Tori

 

[jodifla]

I agree with the others who say this thread was just started to dredge up controversy and take a cheap shot against those who use in-room sitters. The whole "step on anybody's toes" line is clearly meant to be judgmental.

Because our son is too young for the clubs, we've used in-room sitters twice now when we've traveled to Disney (and Cape Cod, for that matter). We use reputable companies and stay a half-hour to 45 minutes with the sitter (on our dime) to make sure we like her and and that our son is comfortable. Then we normally put him to bed, and leave for our evening. By the time he wakes up in the morning, he barely knows we were gone.

Our sitters have been really interesting, caring people who like kids and want to earn some extra money. In fact, we've found our sitters so interesting we had to remind ourselves we had dinner reservations and needed to get going.

 

[foofoo]

Ok, I will speak from experience - I am a working (part-time) mom, my kids (2yoDD and 6mo DS) have had a Nanny from the time DD was 4 mos old (same one). We also have a steady saturday night sitter - EVERY saturday night.

Why? Because I believe that a well rested child is a happy child. My kids go to sleep between 7 - 7:45 EVERY night. So there are people (and I am NOT saying this is anyone here) who would rather drag their crying, sniffling, or sleeping kids through the parks so they can catch a parade or see fireworks, than let them take their baths, read their stories, and horror of horrors, have a "playdate" with a new friend, and settle into bed at a reasonable hour. Which is worse, an overtired, cranky toddler in the happiest place on earth, or a parent choosing to abide by a schedule and let the kids go to sleep when they should? also, my DD is a very light sleeper and I couldn't have a light on or the TV or she'd never go to sleep (believe me, we've tried it!)


I have used sitters in the carribean, at a Hyatt resort, and in a resort in Canada - some of the sitters have been college kids, one was a pre-school teacher looking for some extra cash, some have been hotel employees. We have a routine - I meet the sitter before my kids do, to get a sense of them, then I have them come about an hour before we leave so we can help bathe the kids and get them ready for bed. We let the sitters read their good night stories, and we remind my daughter (DS is too little to care, and he's happy to have his big sister around) that if she needs anything or wakes up, so and so will be right there - most of the time, she has a great time manipulating the babysitter into one more story, water, potty (insert excuse here) just because she can.

And, EVERY SINGLE time, she has woken up in the morning and asked where the sitter is and can she play with them again.

We have had NOTHING but extremely positive experiences - in fact, we were in Jamaica a few summers ago, and we used the same sitter every night - she came with us to the airport, and we even send birthday and holiday cards, still!

Yes, the first time is tough - you worry a lot, and personally, I wouldn't leave the resort premises - this way I can sneak upstairs and check up if I am at all worried, OR the sitter can find me if for any reason my daughter or son seems to need me.

But it is important for everyone to have a vacation - my kids spend their BEST time with us. And they don't care if I go to have some dinner while they are sleeping - as long as I bring her back a treat (LOL!).

So while some of you might think I am a heartless, selfish parent, I think I am more selfless be spending the money I might havev spent on crap to pay a sitter so my kids can get their 12 hours of sleep!

 

[DISLOVE]

Although I know that this is a very judgemental comment, I stand by it 100%.

If you leave your child alone with a stranger (disney employee or the greeter at Walmart) in a private room you are not being a good parent. A parent's job is to put their child's needs and best interests ahead of their own. And leaving your child with a complete stranger so you can go out to dinner, ride Tower of Terror, or get a spa treatment is ridiculous. Your child deserves to come first and the only time a parent should even consider putting themselves first is if they have arranged to have a trusted, well known caregiver be with the child(ren).

Here are some things that will make you think twice...
* 98% of sexual abuse that occurs is a day care setting is perpetrated by women.
* A criminal background check reveals only crimes that someone has been convicted of. That means if the case is settled... or the parents never find out because their toddler isn't old enough to speak up... think about it. Michael Jackson doesn't have a criminal record of child abuse although he did pay millions to a child who alleged he was molested. Not to mention the hanging of a child over a balcony. He could easily be hired by Disney to watch your baby. Doesn't that make you warm and fuzzy all over?

I understand that it is nice to be able to go about Disney with your spouse or alone. I have been there with my DH numerous times. Now that we have Allison we will go as a family and experience the vacation as a family. Like I said earlier, when you have children things change. And now your responsibility is to them and they deserve nothing less.

I honestly think that Disney should put a stop to inroom childcare immediately. It allows parents to be irresponsible and put children in a questionable situation.

Kristy

 

[DISLOVE]

Just for clarification... I do not advocate keeping your kids out all hours of the night in lieu of hiring a sitter. We are planning a trip in December and will make sure that we stick to Allison's night time routine (including bath, story, cuddles, and sleep) including her bed time. She is only 1 and needs this structure. This means that we will have many early nights or go out solo for the fireworks or such. This is our decision to go to Disney and do a very relaxed trip where her needs are met first and our vacation plans will adapt to that.

For those of you who claim that nothing has ever happened to your children with in room providers... You can't ever say that 100% and if you really believe that, you are in a dream world. If your child is nonverbal (and even if they are very verbal) there is no way you can know for sure. Just think about all those children abused by priests and their families didn't know the horror until 20-40 years later. That's a scary analogy but it is the honest truth. Now imagine what happens when your child is so small that they can't even process what is happening never mind tell you about it.

 

[DISLOVE]

I agree for most issues but when it comes to a child's safety I think that sometimes parents need to be enlightened. I'm not content to sit back and passively agree when someone, anyone, is putting their child at risk for serious harm. It's not a matter of green beans or french fries for dinner.

It works best for a lot of people to neglect their child's needs. That doesn't make it okay by any means.

 

[mcnuss]

I just don't see why this has to become such an inflammatory subject!!! Honest to goodness, the superior attitudes that are reflected in these posts just boggle my imagination.

To paraphrase the previous poster, the dream world is believing you can protect your children 100% of the time. Right now, you have a little one year old baby. You have the ability to be her with 24/7 and that's great. But someday, you will put her into the care of a "Stranger", be that a teacher, a Girl Scout leader, coach, etc... Many of these people have had the criminal background checks that you deride, are you going to deny her school or sports or scouts bc you are fearful of abuse? And the "trusted, well-known caregiver" is a risk too. Those priests you mention, don't you think they were trusted and well-known to the parents? Do you blame the parents for leaving their children in their care? Frankly, you can never really know anybody well enough to know if they will abuse a child. Do you think that someone purposely marries a child abuser? Of course not, but we all know it happens in homes that seem "normal".

If you want to throw stats around, let's not forget that fully 70-90% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated not by strangers, but by relatives or acquaintances. Further, less than 3% of all abuse in committed in a child care setting - either institutional or in home. 90% of all sexual abuse is perpetrated by male offenders. (These statistics come for the Prevent Child Abuse America -- http://www.preventchildabuse.org/learn_more/index.html).

Getting a babysitter for your child is not endangerment, to so imply is just mean-spirited.

 

[DISLOVE]

Although I can understand your argument, I still stand by my statements.

I do not blame the families of abuse victims. I do think that in the case of the priest issue many families should take responsibility for not believing their child and/or ignoring warning signs.

I don't think, even for a minute, that I can protect my child from everything. But I don't think that risking her safety by leaving her in a private room with a stranger (that someone else supposedly screened) is at all a limited risk.

There is no way to protect your child from everything. But parents are supposed to be vigilant about trying to protect the child and many are just looking for an easy way out. That's my point.

I am fully aware of the stats of child abuse. I have worked with children in various settings for more than 10 years and am myself an abuse survivor.

My main message is that parents need to have their child's interests number one. Parents should stop and check their motives and really pay attention. The belief that all parents do what is best for their children is nothing more than a myth.

 

[DISLOVE]

I should have included this in my last post. I'm sorry to be clogging up the board with seperate posts but I have to say this.

Leaving your child in a private room with a stranger who has unlimited access to your child for any period of time is endangerment. There is no implication here. It is fact.

Would you leave your child in a bathroom with a Walmart employee while you shopped? They are criminally screened and you actually would be closer than if you left your baby in the room at the Wilderness Lodge and went to the MK for dinner. WE become accustomed to ideas because they seem mainstream. All I am asking is that you stop and think before you do things that could put your child in harms way.

 

[debster812]

Originally posted by ToriLammy
I think this is the best post on the whole thread. Especially the first line -- I think that people should do what works best for their families. If you aren't a member of that family then you don't know what is best for them and truthfully is none of your business so why even give it any thought

Tori

Just felt this needed saying again.

Torilammy and Planogirl--ITA with you both. Just because there is something that I may not do, I would NEVER presume to tell anyone else that it is the WRONG decision and that they were endangering thier child(ren).

Holy smokes people, until you know every detail of every situation, you cannot judge, you simply can't. So instead of tossing out unsubstantiated statistics, why not agree to disagree?

JMHO and I will now ever so gingerly step off my soapbox.