You know, I would NEVER do this to someone

[happybratpack]

I'm venting. (as usual)

I've been going back and forth on a name for Sun Ying, I think part of me was a bit gun shy with the past problem I had with my other agency. I've thought about it long and hard and have decided on....

Lillian...using Lily for short

So, being finally excited to have made this huge decision I announce it today at a scrapbook crop I was at w/ my sisters friends, few family, etc - and the reaction was, well, blah. Talk about criticism, I couldn't believe it. I got every reason in the world why NOT to use that name and suggestions on what I should use instead. On top of that I am keeping her name given to her by the orphanage as her middle name (SunYing). I didn't want to take that from her and wanted to keep it in her life. "It'll be mispronounced her whole life", "kids will make fun of her", "she needs an American name" etc etc etc. They even put a big poster size paper on the wall for everyone to make other first and middle name selections.

I was a little more than slightly offended to be honest. I would have NEVER EVER done this to someone - even if they had told me they were naming their kid something I personally thought was hideous. I mean, one of these women have a kid named Clay Gray and did I ever say anything?? NOOOOOO, I smiled and said it was nice. I could even be a little more understanding if I had picked something like Rainbow or Snowdust or something, but I considered Lillian a rather classic name, and I thought Lily fit her little face. Of course then someone there remembered Lillian Disney and it was downhill from there. At that point I was afraid to mention that I always liked the name Mara - the poor child would be hearing it the rest of her life that she was named after a food court because her mother is a kook.

Are other peoples friends like this? Or even better have you done this to other people? I'm amazed that ever since I announced I was adopting a child people think it's ok to say about anything to you child related for advice, "constructive criticism", etc.

There, I feel better. Thanks...this is the best free counseling around.

 

[ericamanda01]

A few years ago when a friend was pregnant we were all sitting around talking about names. Everyone oooo'd and aahh'd over eachothers, but when I said mine choices I got nothing but grief. I picked family names and one non family name that is special to me. But they were determined to change my mind and began to give me, and I quote "suitable" choices. People can be so over the line sometimes. By the way I think Lillian is beautiful!

 

[PixieDust32]

Lilian is a beautiful name!

 

[hugsquared]

Ohhh, I think Lily is an adorable name. Don't let other peoples ignorance get you down. You've put a lot of thought and all your heart into this. This is your decision not theirs. And if they keep on , tell them in GA, the Clay is Red not Gray.

 

[JennaTX]

You should name your little sweetie whatever you want, and I think keeping her name given to her by the orphanage as her middle name is a fabulous idea! I am biased about the name Lillian, though, it was my grandmother's name, so of course I think it is great.

And America is so diverse, what is an "American" name?

She is beautiful, healthy, and she is yours, that is all that matters!

 

[Forevryoung]

My cousins name is Jory (male)- his parents didnt tell anyone their choice in names until he was born because they didn't want to hear it.

On the other hand, my aunt and uncle couldnt figure out names and decided Charlotte Grace for a girl and Oliver something for a boy- We (everyone in my family) HATE the name Oliver and tried giving them other suggestions which were consistantly shot down. I am sure they felt the same way as you. Thank G-d they had a baby girl and Charlotte is the perfect name for her! I know 2 cats named Oliver

I like the name Lilly- it's pretty. Better than Paris-Skye Monet (yep I read that in a birth announcement)

 

[Rowena]

My grandmother was a Lillian...Very nice name, though I prefered my grandfather...

As a Laurel myself, I am fond of "L" flowery names...and Lily is beautiful.

If she really is you're Lily, then she is.

My own mother hated my DD's name, almost as much as her own. (Beverly doesn't have the babbling brook sounds of nature to her as is does to me, I guess....)
She thought "Kendall" would be endlessly teased as to the whereabouts of "Barbiedoll", but never foresaw me even still getting asked the whereabouts of "Hardy"....

Give her the name that is her.

Hi Lily!!!!!

 

[Meezers]

I personally think Lilly (or lily or lili) is a beautiful name. I have it on my list of names for my new kitten I will have some day (and please don't take that as an insult....I love my kitties more than anything).

She will grow up being loved and cherished and with a beautiful name....

 

[cabmom]

I hear you about names. I get grief whenever I mention our name picks. Ultimately, it will be up to you or me in my case. I love the name Lily, it's my friends daughters name and she is 8. I get grief over the name Declan. I've always liked it, but will probably never name a child that because I hear so much negative feedback on it.

Good luck with your choice!

Marilynn

 

[shortbun]

Child names really bring out the weirdness in people. They actually think they have a say!!!! Lol! If you think family is weird-wait til you see and hear what strangers want to do and say to you about your child. People are always kibitzing. Let it go in one ear and out the other. Keep smiling and/or laugh! That will confuse them!!!!

 

[tinkamom]

I was going to name my DD Cassandra or Ivanna but my mom talked me out of Cassandra and mt grandmother talked me out of Ivanna! She ended up as Erica Rose, and it fits her, but I still regrett not choosing Ivanna! Go with what YOU feel is right!

 

[golfgal]

I hear you about names. I get grief whenever I mention our name picks. Ultimately, it will be up to you or me in my case. I love the name Lily, it's my friends daughters name and she is 8. I get grief over the name Declan. I've always liked it, but will probably never name a child that because I hear so much negative feedback on it.

Good luck with your choice!

Marilynn

We have a niece named Lily and a nephew named Declan. My SIL wanted to name her first child Emmett (we did talk her out of that because the kid was in for a lifetime of getting beat up on the playground). Lily is a very popular name in our area.

 

[swilphil]

Lily is a beautiful name and I think it's a great idea to keep SunYing as a middle name. I know several people who have adopted overseas and done the same thing. Those people were rude, but some people have a thing about names. My MIL is obsessed with baby names and wants to brag about being the one to come up with the chosen name.

 

[Marseeya]

I can't believe they would be so rude to you! Lillian is a beautiful name and I can't tell you how touched I am that you are also keeping her birth name. I don't care if you were naming her "Brutus," they were out of line. Okay, well maybe I'd raise an eyebrow at Brutus, but you know what I mean.

I was adopted and never found out until I was an adult that I even had a birth name. It makes me feel somehow displaced (can't explain it) to know that I was born with whole different name. I want it back, and I know that sounds stupid.

Good for you, Mom!

 

[hentob]

Lily is simply beautiful. SunYing is equally beautiful. Your friends are rude, but people become that way with baby names. I don't know why.

Lily SunYing is a fabulous name.

Your daughter is a lucky girl.

 

[Barb D]

I think Lily SunYing is a perfect name for your DD. And don't many/most people who adopt Asian kids keep their Asian names for middle names?

 

[Allie322]

Whatever happened to "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything"??? When I was expecting my first child and we told my inlaws the name, they smiled and mustered their best compliment. We knew they didn't love the name but they never once said so. And any time after that first mention of the name, they were never anything but nice about it. I think that was probably the first time I realized how lucky I was to have such terrific inlaws.
I'm really sorry that you had deal with all of the comments. Stick to your decision though...You are Lillian's mom. Good luck!

 

[ducklite]

First of all, thank you for being an adoptive parent and sharing love with a child who needs you.

I think Lillian is beautiful, and Lily is even more so. Of course asian lilies are my favorite flower, so I'm somewhat impartial to begin with.

I also think you are paying honor to your daughter and the first people who cared for her by maintaining her Chinese middle name. It's VERY common in Asian-American families to do exactly what you are doing, "Americanize" a first name and use an Asian middle name. How many times is she really going to use her middle name anyhow? It's not like people will be calling her Lillian SunYing.

I think your scrapbooking club is way off base for a number of reasons. First, that they had the nerve to criticize your choice of name, and second, it sounds like they are perhaps a bit either jealous or racist, I'm not sure which. Or maybe just ignorant.

As far as putting a poster on the wall for them to choose other names, that is UNBELIEVABLE! Would they have done that if this was your biological child? Probably not, which leads me to believe there is an underlying issue with adoption.

Some people don't understand that adoptive parents have the same unconditional love that biological parents do--if not even more. Adoptive parents don't only decide to become parents, they spend a lot more time, effort, and expense to do so. Adopting is an act of pure love. It takes a lot more work to adopt than is does to have a family biologically.

Have you joined an adoption support group? It might be a very wise thing for you to do--especially if you can find one for parents who adopt children from outside the US. You'll be able to chare each others joy as well as get support for issues just like this one.

I think I'd also find a new scrapbooking group to join, I just have a feeling these ladies have issues you don't want to have to deal with.

And congratulations on the new addition to your family!

Anne

 

[ducklite]

When I was expecting my first child and we told my inlaws the name, they smiled and mustered their best compliment. We knew they didn't love the name but they never once said so.

Are you one of my relatives? A couple of our neices/nephews have names that wouldn't have made our long list, let alone the short one, but it's not our choice to make, and it's not our business to interfere, and we love them all just the same!

Anne

 

[SDFgirl]

This is why my DF and I do not plan to reveal the name of our baby (when we get pregnant, not yet!)

I HATE when people feel it's appropriate to bash someone's choice. I've heard a lot of doozies in my day but I just smile and say, "Oh, that's nice." You keep your mouth shut and smile - kids grow into their names.

Don't worry - Lily is an absolutely lovely name. And, I love the idea of keeping her middle name. It is part of her heritage after all. I agree with the other poster who said it IS an American name! We are a melting pot and we should be proud of our diversified cultures.