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[palmtreegirl]

Originally posted by sha_lyn
I really feel sorry for the kids who's parents have said college is the only option. What if your child really does not want to attend college, picks a career that does not require college, or wants to get married and be a stay at home spouse/parent.

My kids know we will stand behind them in any "rational" choice they make. Yes college is important in todays world, and they know that. they also know we will help them to attend any college they want to. I don't however tell them it is the only choice they have, except I do let DS know that it is the only choice he has for the career he had chosen.

As for the 96 not being acceptable. IMHO, you are setting your DS up to have no self esteem. To encourage a child to do their best is one thing, but to tell them a grade (especially an above average grade) is unacceptable is IMHO, overboard.

My parents best friends pressured their son all his life to go to college, he was a lawyer and wanted his son to follow in his foot steps. All through high school they'd tell him you HAVE to go to collage, it's the only way...blah, blah, blah.

Well, DS decided he wanted to be a plumber and it turns out he now owns a VERY successful business that he can pass down to his child one day. Although I'm sure his son will want to be a lawyer.

College is one path but the most important thing is that one chooses the path that best suits them.

 

[tar heel]

As Toby's Friend said, "a well rounded education is never a waste" regardless of what someone ends up doing for a career.

I think I would be letting my kids down if I expected anything of them other than going to college. Lots of 18-year-olds regret later the decisions they are so sure of then.

 

[snoopy]

I've been talking to my kids about college since they were babies. At this point, not going to college is not an option, and that is the way its been presented to them. Now if by the time they are teenagers I see they have talent in a field that would not require college, we can revisit it at that time. But at this stage of the game, they think of college as a requirement.

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by sha_lyn
What if your child ... wants to get married and be a stay at home spouse/parent.

It's a tremendous risk. What happens when he walks out the door and you're left with kids and no marketable skills? What happens when he gets laid off, or when you can't make ends meet on his salary alone, and now you can't qualify for the vast majority of available jobs? I think getting married and staying at home is a wonderful vocation, and the perfect one to pursue while going to college - even better, after graduation.

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree with Danacara, it is a huge risk. I stress independence with my children, not because I think they will be divorced...but my mother was suddenly widowed at 44 with no job skills whatsoever. You cannot imagine how difficult it was for her (and she was left with a sunbstantial life insurance amount)...however, 44 to the end of life is a long time for most people.

For our children, we stress college or trade school first, after that...do what you are comfortable with. As someone who was married at 19 (with no further education), I would prefer my children start out a few steps ahead rather than a few steps behind. I will accept their choices, but they are expected to have a plan that includes their being able to take care of themselves.

 

[battricia]

Whenever I hear people say their child is going to college, no question, I always think of my best friend. Her mom was adiment that she go to college right out of highschool. But my friend was not happy with this at all. She wanted to go into the work force right away and be on her own. So when she got to college, she didn't care, and she failed probably 1/2 of her classes. For 2 years she hardly went to classes, failed tests, didn't turn in homework assignments, and finally just dropped out without telling her mom. Her mom foundout when the tuition bill didn't come the next semester. Her mom basically wasted that 2 years of college tuition because she wanted her daughter to go to college.

Now my best friend is happily married and had a really good job up until she quit this month because she's having a baby (in 4 days!!) and becoming a stay at home mom! I think her mom now sees the error in her ways, because they are MUCH MUCH closer than they ever were before.

That said, I think all my friend really wanted was a break from school. She probably would have gone on her own eventually, had her mom just let her choose her path. I just hope that people (not cati, her son obviously wants to go to college, but others who say 'my child is going to college no matter what') try to listen to their kids wants/needs before spending all that money to have it go down the tubes.

tricia.

 

[sha_lyn]

I stress independence with my children, not because I think they will be divorced...but my mother was suddenly widowed at 44 with no job skills whatsoever. You cannot imagine how difficult it was for her (and she was left with a sunbstantial life insurance amount)...however, 44 to the end of life is a long time for most people.

Many women who leave the workforce to be SAHM for many yrs find they have to go back to school anyway. the world is rapidly changing, and unless one kept up with all the changes in their filed, they wouldn't be able to jump right back into the workforce in their trained field away. Many professions (Medical Dr's and Dentist come to mind) are required to have a certain amount of credits in a certain time period (for dentist in GA the time period is 2 yr but I can't remember the no of hr they need)to retain their license.

Whenever I hear people say their child is going to college, no question, I always think of my best friend.

I think of my niece who was not only told by her dad that she would go to college, but told he would only pay for a Baptist college. when DNi realized that she could not get a state teachers license with the Christian ele ed degree from the chosen school, she tried to talk her dad into letting her go to an accredited school. He refused and she dropped out. they didn't talk to each other for yrs.

I also think of a relative who went to UGA. Made some bad choices her last yr and ended up with a felony conviction of CC fraud. Well no law school will accept her, and no financial institute will hire her (she had planned on a career in the financial/business field). She now works for a Package Store (aka liquor/wine/beer store). She was not mature enough to handle the college life she was trying to live. We all saw a disaster coming, but could do nothing. I blame much of the problems on her parents pressure to go to college, have "perfect" grade etc. She graduated high school with a 4.0 and they expected that from her in college as well. Their DS OTOH joined the military (which upset them to no end) and is now a car salesman. He bought his first house at 22 or 23, and is pretty successful in life.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by MinnieYC
I went to a very competitive school from 1st grade to 12th grade, and we were encouraged not to think about the college process until 9th grade, at the earliest. Considering that for at least the past 20 years (probably more, I just don't know the exact statistic), 100% of the graduating classes went to college, including a lot of Ivy Leagues, they must have been doing something right.

In my own family, my parents took it a step further. My siblings and I were told to enjoy school, work hard, and also play hard, but not to think about the college application process until we had at least a year of high school under our belts. It must have worked, since we all went on to competitive colleges, and we all either have earned or are in the process of earing a graduate or professional degree. I'm in medical school myself.

Interesting...
So then I have a question. What were your grades like in middle/high school? What if you were a kid that didn't "work hard" but "gets by at the bare minimum"??? What would your family say about that?
Our schools only run about 86% going on to college. Our school is not that competitive. I don't think I could approach it that way. If anything I am checking up on "what" she needs to take to compete with kids like your High School.
I just wonder what your thoughts were as someone who went to a more competitive school, I guess.

To the OP. They want to go college so talking about it is more of where and what than "if" they are going. We casually discuss it. But we have been to our Alma Mater.

 

[cati]

xx

 

[Pam]

cati,
Looking back I realize that I came across as quite pompous - and I apologize. Your post just struck a raw nerve with me and I reacted.

My DD just started her freshman year of college, as did 90% of her graduating class.

Three weeks into the school year - one classmate has already dropped out of college and several more are literally sitting in their dorm rooms and feeling utterly miserable. These kids didn't want to go to college but the parents insisted. I realize that the year is just beginning - but sometimes the young person knows what he/she is or isn't cut out for. And a lot of young people just aren't cut out for college life.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Well, here I am-the SAHM who did not go to college. Why? Because I detested school. It was a bore to me. I could get A's & B's no problem (and did when I felt like it), but when it came to doing the work I had no interest.

So I quite and went to work for a major department store. I was promoted several times and could have continued to climb that ladder. I could have been an assistant store manager making good money at the age of 23. And, of course, if I had continued to be a good employee and become THE store manager I would have eventually made great money.

I chose to quit and be a SAHM instead. Why? Because that is what *I* have wanted to do since I was little.

If I had to go back to work today I am very confident that I could get a good job in retail. That may not be everyone's *ideal* job, but it is something that I mostly enjoy and am good at.

Now my DH, on the other hand, has a Doctorate. So we are at both ends of the spectrum. I will encourage good study habits, hard work, and their best effort in my kids. College will be stressed eventually, but I am not going to freak out if that is not their path.

 

[cati]

xx

 

[LScot]

DD (10) talks about going to college almost every day. I hope she doesn't burn out by the time she gets there. I don't know if I ever spoke about college at 10. It seems young to me but she has already decided where she is going (I realize she may change her mind). She spends several hours each week on her chosen college's campus.

I want her to go to college but if she changes her mind, that is OK too. As long as she has goals and plans and is happy.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by cati

.

Jenn Lenn, there is nothing wrong with being a SAHM!!!!!! I did it for 2 and half years. I would have continued if we could have afforded it, but with my DD's medical bills we just had to have me back to work.

This thread was definately not to belittle anyone. Plus I am learning alot!!

I don't feel belittled. I was just giving the other side.

If my DD says all she wants to do is be a Mommy I will still encourage her to go to college. BUT if she is like me then I will try to point her down another path that is rewarding and sucessful to her UNTIL she is a Mommy. I will help her to explore her options.

DH has already decided she is going to be a Chiropractor.

 

[MinnieYC]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
Interesting...
So then I have a question. What were your grades like in middle/high school? What if you were a kid that didn't "work hard" but "gets by at the bare minimum"??? What would your family say about that?
Our schools only run about 86% going on to college. Our school is not that competitive. I don't think I could approach it that way. If anything I am checking up on "what" she needs to take to compete with kids like your High School.
I just wonder what your thoughts were as someone who went to a more competitive school, I guess.

Well...to be honest, I did well in middle and high school. I always worked hard, and I loved school. If I barely did my homework, and barely passed, my parents would not have been happy. My school, while not a competitive environment, was a very challenging one, so all students had to work hard. If I didn't study hard, my parents would have encouraged me to concentrate harder on school, or perhaps even have me consider going to a less challenging school.

There's also the fact that my school gets many more applicants a year than there are spots for students, so if a student isn't working hard, and just getting by, I think he/she would have been encouraged to put more effort into school.

At the same time, if all I were doing was spending time doing school work, they would not have been happy either. We always had very active social lives, with lots of time after school with our friends and cousins, plus more time filled with sports, music lessons, dance classes, art classes, and everything else. Studying for school is not enough. There was a definite correlation between the students who went to the best colleges and their extracurricular activities. A perfect 4.0 alone didn't get anyone into a good college. Quality extracurriculars were necessary (emphasis on the quality...better to have spend a lot of enjoyment, time, and effort on one than to have done 10 different ones without a passion for any of them).

 

[Beth76]

I think I would rather my children use correct words and spell them incorrectly than to use incorrect words. But, hey, that's a completely different thread.

Anyway, my kids are little, but I can speak from my own college experience. You say your son is 10, right? Let's see when I was 10 I think I wanted to be a model or an actress. When I was 11 I wanted to be an architect (even have the practice floorplans to prove it). When I was 12 and took my first biology class, I wanted to be a Marine Biologist. When I was 16 I wanted to be an architect again (OMG--I'm George Costanza!). When I was 17 I wanted to be an Interior Designer. After a couple of years of Interior Design in college, I wanted to be a teacher. Well, I ended up getting a degree in Interior Design, not using it, working as a teacher assistant in a preschool and now I want to be a Real Estate Agent--maybe!!!

My point is that your son may not want to be a doctor when he's 18 or 20 or 24.... Let him live his life. Don't worry a 10-year-old about college.

 

[Pooh93]

DD's are almost 9 and 7. I bring it up every now and then that they will go to college, get a job where they can support themselves and stand on their own independently before they decide to get married and have children. Those are my plans for them...let's hope it's theirs in 9-10 years!

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Originally posted by Beth76

My point is that your son may not want to be a doctor when he's 18 or 20 or 24.... Let him live his life. Don't worry a 10-year-old about college.

While you may have changed your mind many times, some kids are focused on something and stay that way.

When my 10 year old was on the computer researching careers and looking at college websites, I was not about to make him stop to play with toys. My DH had two professions in mind before he turned 10. He made his decision to pursue one of them and is very successful at it.

Every kid is different.... let them lead the way.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by MinnieYC
Well...to be honest, I did well in middle and high school. I always worked hard, and I loved school. If I barely did my homework, and barely passed, my parents would not have been happy.

So I guess what works for some families, doesn't work for others. Darn it. DD does do well. Never below a 3.0 & plays the Sax in band. Not as many activites as you but I think she has found her niche.

For our family style we do talk about college now. It does help her. She is more of a "why didn't you tell me this" kids.
Those of you with those kids know what I am talking about.

Thanks for the response.

 

[elismom]

Did you say he was 10 !
My youngest ds is 10 I think collage is the last thing on his mind unless he can Major in" Poke'mon 101"
I think its a pretty good day if he puts on clean underwear!
Am I missing something here?