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[Bob Slydell]

Aside from his uncle putting thoughts of Florida State in his head (he wants the inside track to football tickets ), we figured 4 might be a little too early to think of college.

We'll wait until at least 6.

 

[year2late]

A 96 is not acceptable? That is missing one word! Way too
much pressure. I think there is a difference between teaching the kid to succeed and wittling away at his ego. He may end up learning that since only your perception of his best will please you, why even try.


It is good to talk to your kids about college at this time, but trying to narrow colleges and careers at this age is way too premature.

 

[my3kids]

I understand where the OP is coming from. I have one who has talked of going no where else but a specific university for many many years. As parents, we know what will be required to actually go there. If he mentions taking it easy in terms of courses selcted in high school, then absolutely yes, we remind him that is not the course to get him where he wants to be.

We expect all of our children to do their very best. Whether it is 100 on spellings tests for one or a B in some other class for another, we expect them to do as well as we( and they) know is possible.

Yes, there will always be a college that will take most anyone, even with less than stellar high school records. There are also colleges that wouldn't look at a student with less than 1450 on their SATs. That's just the way things are. Course selection is VERY important, perhaps more than the grade attained in the class. Admissions officers do take into account the level of the course. If Honors sections are offered in certain subjects and the student takes the regular level, even with an A in the course, it is noted they were not in the toughest option.

This is high school though. Ten is different, but it isn't too early to understand one another's expectations. A 10 year old who dreams of becoming a physician is certainly capable of hearing what that requires. A child with academic promise needs coaching, just as an athlete does. If Michael Jordan hadn't held a basketball or a baseball bat until his senior year in high school, perhaps he wouldn't have developed the fundamental skills for his future success. Just as ballet is a progression, from learning the positions, to pointe shoes, to more demanding practice times, education is a path. You really can't jump on at the end of the path and expect to keep up with those that have been on from the beginning.

Yes, let a 10 year old be a little kid; play video games, catch crayfish, and run around the house, but also let them know that school and education are important and once a child expresses an interest in something, I think it is a parent's job to nuture and encourage it. With one who wants to go to one of the top schools in the country, we drive hours on weekends for enrichment courses. For one that wants to be a fisherman, I learned to gut a fish and found the best spot to catch the really big ones, and for one that dreams of becomming a ballerina, I spend countless miles and hours in my car driving to lessons. It is all part of encoraging their gifts and helping define the paths they have chosen for themselves.

 

[gr8tpanther]

I have spoke college since my kids were old enough to talk. Mainly because I make that their focus and goal in life at this point. My kids basically don't have a choice. That is the ONE thing I wish I could change in my life, that I would have gone to college and made something of myself, and I instill that in them at all times.

My daughter plays sports, and I am hoping that she puts alot into that so that maybe she can one day get a scholarship.

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by poohbear2
FYI

It has been proven that the ability to spell is not a sign of intelligence.

It's not the only sign, not by far, but it certainly is a sign. To be able to spell is to be able to perceive and replicate patterns. It also signals a person who's spent a significant amount of time reading and writing. There are exceptions - dyslexics are generally quite intelligent, their issue is related to brain wiring - but in the general population, good spelling is absolutely a sign of intelligence and quality education.

 

[Pam]

No beating around the bush from me - before you put pressure on your child - I suggest hitting the old spelling and grammar book yourself. It's acceptable - what other posters have tactfully hinted at to you in their posts - not exceptable.

Guiding and mentoring your child is one thing - pushing and pressuring is another.....

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Originally posted by my3kids


Yes, let a 10 year old be a little kid; play video games, catch crayfish, and run around the house, but also let them know that school and education are important and once a child expresses an interest in something, I think it is a parent's job to nuture and encourage it. With one who wants to go to one of the top schools in the country, we drive hours on weekends for enrichment courses. For one that wants to be a fisherman, I learned to gut a fish and found the best spot to catch the really big ones, and for one that dreams of becomming a ballerina, I spend countless miles and hours in my car driving to lessons. It is all part of encoraging their gifts and helping define the paths they have chosen for themselves.

Very, VERY well said! When I was in school, the pressure on me came from myself. My parents never has to say a word. Oldest DS is the same way. He has had his career path planned out for 3-4 years now.... he is 14 and he just keeps getting more and more solid in his course. I realize this may change 15 times before he enters college, but as long as he is focused it's my job to help him reach the goals he has set for himself. Younger DS is undecided in what he wants to major in, but college is a given.

As for the spelling, I understand 100% where the OP is coming from. If you spend that long studying a list of words, it's my opinion that you should be able to spell them correctly. Yes, I was one of the "100% everytime" kids when I was in school.

 

[SC Minnie]

DD10 has always known that she is going to college-- the only choice will be where. We started prepaying her college tuition when she was in kindergarten.

She also knows that grades now are important-- in our house a 96 in spelling test is ok- I would prefer 100 plus the extra credit but as The Rolling Stones put 'You can't always get what you want'. DD is also in the GT program and she is maintiaing an A/B average. She knows as long as she keeps that up she will be OK-- anything below a B or even a low B we have some extra studying. Most of her problems on test is she trys to speed through them and not check her answers . That is the main problem we are working on.

 

[danacara]

Actually, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I think she's doing a good thing for her son. In my house, college was never a choice. It wasn't so much about where we went - I don't think I discussed specific schools until junior year - but not going was simply not considered. This was true for all of us, and we're very different, from my oldest stepsister (fashion merchandising degree from a junior college in Boston) and stepbrother (BA in Art from the Univ of South Carolina) to my younger sister (economics from Georgetown) and my youngest brother (business at Univ of Tampa).

We had practically no money, the family sacrificed to do this, but it was still totally non-optional. There are kids for whom an alternate path is more appropriate, but I'd venture to say that the typical kid today will live a better life with a bachelor's degree.

I think a little pressure can be a good thing, even in the elementary years. The ideal is to have one of those kids who is so self-driven that you spend more time reining him or her in, but if that's not the case, do the pushing yourself.

Another rule in my house: sports were non-optional. If you were fed and sheltered you were expected to be on a high-school team. There's always a team that doesn't cut players. I'm glad I was forced to do it.

Pressure can be very good for the right kind of kid.

 

[Nancy]

we have discussed college at times with our kids...more so now because we do have a DD who is a junior in HS. She does fairly well in school, but she is a lazy student. I make sure she does homework, but I don't get on her back all the time. Of course she wants to be a fashion designer and shows a flair for it, so she will probably be going to some type of school that focuses on that rather then the traditional college experience.

We have never told our kids that their grades were unacceptable. We do tell them to try harder next time but that's it. At 10 I would not want to put that much pressure on them...I believe in letting them enjoy the school experience, not be a nervous wreck all the time. Yes, grades are important and it is good that you want to instill good study habits, but sometimes you just have to go with the flow. I see nothing wrong with getting a 96. Sometimes kids are going to slack a bit, that is normal (especially for kids as young as your son).

That said my 2nd DD (14) stresses constantly over grades, tests and scores. She stresses to a point that it drives me nuts and I'm yelling at her to STOP with the school work for a bit. She has been high honors since grade school. She was invited to join the GT program but I turned it down...I thought it would be even more pressure then she puts on herself already. Now that she is a freshman she is mad at me because they would put her in honors math...because she didn't take accelerated math in middle school. Catie has plans on being a lawyer...I can see her being a trial lawyer because she can argue her point to death here!

Now #3 (11) also does very good in school...also would not put in GT, so I'm sure I'll be hearing again when she gets to high school.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I've been talking to DS about it since he was small. I used to sit with him while doing homework a few years. Finally decided that at some point, he's going to have to do it on his own. Now I just check over it after he's done it. This is now 6th grade. He needs to know how to do this alone! I remember endless nights at the kitchen table with my math book and my Dad. Did I get it? No! LOL! Math just doesn't click with me. English was a breeze. DS does have Math homework every night. So every night I'm checking and making sure he gets it. I dread when he hits something I don't understand! LOL! Time for a tutor at that point. It's not easy deciding what to do and how much.

P.S. DS wants to be a football player and has for years. I tell him that's a very short lived career and needs college any way.

 

[Sandy V.]

Like many others, we've talked about college ever since the kids were small. It's sort of been a "given" that they're going.

That being said, I strongly believe that while you should always encourage and expect your kids to give 100% EFFORT to anything that they do, it is completely unrealistic to expect anyone to achieve consistent perfection, academically or otherwise.

I have a DD who's a junior. She's ranked 1st out of a class of about 450+ kids. My husband and I could never put the type of pressure on this kid that she does upon herself. So we just back off and let her forge her own path.

Her DB, on the other hand, is a very bright but goofy freshman. He needs far more supervision to make sure he's organized and on track academically. So we look over his shoulder a whole lot more.

I think your "beef" with your son is that you don't believe that he put the EFFORT into studying for his test - you aren't as upset over the actual RESULT. As long as you make that clear to your son, I think that's the proper message to send (IMO).

 

[tar heel]

Our family is like danacara's -- not going to college is not a choice. College is the next step after high school just like high school was the next step after middle school. We expect all three of our sons to do their best in school. Sometimes there's a fine line between pressure and encouragement. As a parent, I'm sure I've crossed it a few times.

Neither of my parents went to college, but it was so important to them that I have that opportunity. Neither had ever set foot on a college campus the day they took me to check into my dorm. The only college visits I did were with my best friend's family and with my boyfriend. They talked about college all the time, though, from the time I was little. We used to drive by Radford College on our way to my grandparents' house, and my dad would say, "That's where you might go to school one day."

My kids' have had a very different experience. DH and I have both worked at colleges. They have gone to ballgames, camps, summer academic programs, etc. The younger two also got to (had to) tag along at a lot of the older child's college visits and have been on his campus many times. Colleges are constantly talked about at our house. We started doing college visits junior year with our older son and will soon start that with the middle one.

I also think knowing how to spell is a sign of intelligence. I even think knowing how to use apostrophes is a bit indicative.

 

[sha_lyn]

I really feel sorry for the kids who's parents have said college is the only option. What if your child really does not want to attend college, picks a career that does not require college, or wants to get married and be a stay at home spouse/parent.

My kids know we will stand behind them in any "rational" choice they make. Yes college is important in todays world, and they know that. they also know we will help them to attend any college they want to. I don't however tell them it is the only choice they have, except I do let DS know that it is the only choice he has for the career he had chosen.

As for the 96 not being acceptable. IMHO, you are setting your DS up to have no self esteem. To encourage a child to do their best is one thing, but to tell them a grade (especially an above average grade) is unacceptable is IMHO, overboard.

 

[MinnieM21]

Originally posted by sha_lyn
I really feel sorry for the kids who's parents have said college is the only option. What if your child really does not want to attend college, picks a career that does not require college, or wants to get married and be a stay at home spouse/parent.

My kids know we will stand behind them in any "rational" choice they make. Yes college is important in todays world, and they know that. they also know we will help them to attend any college they want to. I don't however tell them it is the only choice they have, except I do let DS know that it is the only choice he has for the career he had chosen.

As for the 96 not being acceptable. IMHO, you are setting your DS up to have no self esteem. To encourage a child to do their best is one thing, but to tell them a grade (especially an above average grade) is unacceptable is IMHO, overboard.

 

[sha_lyn]

I also think knowing how to spell is a sign of intelligence. I even think knowing how to use apostrophes is a bit indicative.

There is a difference between intelligence and education. IMHO spelling and punctuation are matters of education, not intelligence. If someone is not taught something (or not taught it correctly) it does not matter how intelligent they are.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am already talking college to my 4 and 5 year olds. I just say they can choose wherever they want to go, but they have to work hard and get good grades.

As much as I would like to assume college as the next logical step for them, I would also support any good choice they made. By the time they graduate from high school, college may very well be the only choice, but if they chose to pursue a trade of some kind, especially if they were passionate about it, I would support that choice.

Denae

 

[caitycaity]

my parents are both college professors. one of my grandparents was a college dean. another was a high school english teacher. college/education is obviously something very important in my family.

that being said, i believe if i had chosen not to go to college (and had a rational reason for doing so) my parents would have supported me in that decision.

i am shocked to say so but i pretty much agree with sha_lyn.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I have been talking college to my kids since they can talk. This is where Mom and Dad went to school, look Mom's team is playing football on ABC etc etc etc

We are making our first campus visit with our High School Freshman next month when we take him to Homecoming. DH has also been asked to give a presentation on Engineering careers that Friday morning and I would like to send Steven with him, to see his Dad talk, meet the students and professors and see the campus on a day classes are in session. I need to talk to his High School about it first to see if they approve.

I sure do hope they go to college because a well rounded education is never a waste, even if you end up being a Plumber, Construction worker, or stay at home to raise kids. However, adult choices are for adult children to make. I personally took a year off from college and then eventually found my way back to earn a Master's degree. Sometimes, non-traditional routes are the best way for that individual to proceed.

 

[BabyTigger99]

DH has been talking to DS (almost 5) about college since he was a baby. DH will "allow" (and I put that very lightly!!) DS to go to either the Naval Academy, West Point, or the Air Force Academy (see a pattern here??). If you ask DS, he wants to go to the Naval Academy and learn to fly jets, and he will come take me for a ride in one of his jets!