WWYD?

[Minnesota!]

Honestly, it wouldn't even be on my radar to "need" to be in town when the baby is born. Those first days in the hospital, the last thing I wanted was anyone but me and my husband. Hell, the first few weeks at home, I didn't want anyone, either. My mom stopped at the hospital for about 20 minutes when I was labor, but that was her choice, definitely not mine. I would tell the parents-to-be to give you info, at some point within the pregnancy, how they want labor/birth to look. Do they want you/anyone around? Do they expect you/anyone to come to the hospital when baby is born or do they want to do a meet and greet at a later point?

Congratulations on the addition to your family!!

 

[kdonnel]

I feel @tvguy's "no one but immediate family for six weeks" rule is a one off, but could be wrong.

I guess the definition of immediate family can vary because I thought it always included grandparents but apparently it might not.

 

[Travel60]

We lived 800 miles from either set of parents when first child was born, 600 when second was born. And no way either parents were going to be there - not travelers. Hard delivery with first, kept me in hospital 3 days while DH worked. When released, DH brought me and baby home then headed back to work.

I said all that to say I don't understand why everyone wants to be around. Mom hurts all over, baby is still adjusting to life outside womb, no one is sleeping. Unless they call needing physical help, just send food and give them a month to adjust.

Having said that, both DD and DDIL did need physical help after husbands each took week off then went back to work. I went, of course. Told them both, I'm here to help you and feed you. You take care of baby except for what you ask me to do.

Tell boss approx dates baby will be born and try to be in town after, not during.

 

[sam_gordon]

I guess the definition of immediate family can vary because I thought it always included grandparents but apparently it might not.

I would expect "immediate family" to mean parents, siblings, children.

Grandparents, Aunts/Uncles, Cousins, etc aren't "immediate", but "level 2".

 

[Disneylover99]

Honestly, it wouldn't even be on my radar to "need" to be in town when the baby is born. Those first days in the hospital, the last thing I wanted was anyone but me and my husband. Hell, the first few weeks at home, I didn't want anyone, either.

Yep. Same.

It was just us for the first few weeks. I wanted to limit the baby’s exposure to people and germs and I wasn’t up for company, even well meaning family.

 

[NannyBeBe]

What does the bolded mean though? Do I need to put work on hold for weeks? I'm sure we'll have conversations as the due date gets closer (we're still 6+ months out right now).

No, I simply suggested that you try to be there if at all possible, without jeopardizing your job.

 

[liamthompson]

Congratulations, what exciting news for your family!

I gave birth during the middle of covid protocols so a different perspective, only one visitor was allowed per patient and I chose my husband. I called my parents on the phone and sent pictures, it was still a happy moment. My parents and MIL "officially" met my son when we arrived home. My FIL came a week later because of work (perfect attendance is important to him lol).

Of course talk to your daughter about how she envisions your involvement...in my experience, I REALLY needed help by week 2, when the sleep deprivation started adding up. My parents live nearby so we arranged for them to come over for a "block" in the evening (my kid ate every 3h so the endless loop of eating/burping/changing/settling back down for nap was a "block" of time) so that it allowed me to eat dinner and then sleep for like 30min before having to feed again.

Want to add...I'm very proud of my dad for becoming the type of grandpa that he is today. At first, he was afraid to even hold my son because he was afraid he would drop him! But my dad took it upon himself to re-learn the basics of baby care (diapering, putting on clothes, rocking to sleep, feeding solids)...and really be present with my kid (tummy timing with him, reading, singing, playing)...all of those small interactions add up. It made postpartum easier for me and my dad is one of my kid's "people".

 

[sam_gordon]

At first, he was afraid to even hold my son because he was afraid he would drop him!

When DD was born, I carried her around for the first day or so on a pillow.

 

[focusondisney]

feel @tvguy's "no one but immediate family for six weeks" rule is a one off, but could be wrong.

I agree. I’m retired now, but worked as a hospital based maternity RN/ consultant for 38 years, including thru most of the pandemic. We had restrictions on visitors in. 2020 & into much of 2021. Once vaccines were available & numbers went down, grandparents & siblings were again allowed to visit. As for protecting the baby from infections, RSV & whooping cough have always been as dangerous to an infant as Covid. Pregnant women are encouraged to get a booster Tdap vaccine in their 3rd trimester, it’s also encouraged for their partners & grandparents or anyone who will care for the baby. So you might ask your daughter if she wants you & your wife to get that. Parents have always advised about avoiding crowds & anyone sick. But in all my years, I never worked with a pediatrician who advised keeping grandparents away for 6 weeks. I can’t imagine any new parent or grandparent would go along with that recommendation anyway.


As for your original question…as long as your daughter has an uncomplicated pregnancy, I wouldn’t worry too much about scheduling work around her due date. Tell your boss you might want some PTO for after the due date. But don’t make anything official until you see what your daughter wants after the delivery. In my years caring for moms, babies & dads, I’ve seen every situation. The norm is usually for grandparents to visit in hospital & the parents to decide what help they want at home after the baby is born. For grandparents that live out of town, it’s almost always that they come in to town after the delivery. I can’t imagine your daughter would expect you to change your work schedule for weeks on end, waiting for the baby to be born. Congratulations to your family & best wishes to your daughter for a healthy pregnancy & delivery.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

I'm a mom and a grandma. Honestly, the only person who needs to be thinking ahead is your daughter and son in law.

 

[china mom]

My daughter will be 26 this year and has stated many times that she doesn’t want kids because she doesn’t want to deal with the newborn stage up to about age 2. I jokingly told her I’d raise it for the first two years and then hand them back over to her LOL

When it came to #2, I had no need to do the newborn stage because I had been there, done that. Don't get me wrong, If I had a second newborn, I would have loved that but it was not a need. Child #2 was perfect. She arrived potty trained, able to feed herself, sleeping through the night. Perfect.

 

[china mom]

Congrats on becoming a grandpa! IMHO, it is all up to the new parents. But, if you have to put in for your leave super early (or are just type A like me), I would plan on asking for leave no sooner that two weeks after her due date and maybe closer to four weeks. That is the sweet spot in my opinion.

DS was a planned C section so I knew when he was coming for about 7 months. I was never angrier at DH than when he spilled the beans to his parents and they said they would be at the hospital. Of course, that meant I had to tell my mother because...you know.... hurt feelings if I didn't. I was so uncomfortable when they wheeled me from recovery to my room and there were three parents in my face.

And when we got home a couple of days later, I just wanted to figure out our new routine and bond with DS. I did not want quite as much "help" as I got. About two weeks later, I loved the company and having the new grandparents over to swoon over DS.

Off topic confession: each grandmother just HAD to be the one to give DS his first bath and to this day, each grandma thinks they did

 

[slo]

I didn’t read all the replies, but first….congratulations

My grandson was born during COVID, so nobody was allowed at the hospital. When he was born I was able to see him through FaceTime and it was still an amazing moment. As much as you want to be there, your job is important and I’d keep working as normal. If your DD has to schedule a c-section or schedule being induced, then you have an actual date and can plan accordingly then. Your grandchild is going to love you regardless if you are there on the day he/she is born or a few days after.

Good luck with making your decision and congratulations again

 

[Allison]

hat does the bolded mean though? Do I need to put work on hold for weeks?

No, not in my opinion. That is unreasonable. You are the grandfather, not the dad.

Neither of our parents were around after our kids were born besides a quick peek at the new babies. I sure would not expect grandparents to change their work schedule for my deliveries. It would never cross my mind

Agreed.

 

[soccerdad72]

No advise (never having been in that situation yet) - just congrats, Sam!

 

[prairie_girl]

When it came to #2, I had no need to do the newborn stage because I had been there, done that. Don't get me wrong, If I had a second newborn, I would have loved that but it was not a need. Child #2 was perfect. She arrived potty trained, able to feed herself, sleeping through the night. Perfect.

That was my daughter, too. She was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. I know if I would have had a second, the odds were that they would have been a devil child lol

 

[china mom]

That was my daughter, too. She was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. I know if I would have had a second, the odds were that they would have been a devil child lol

I think you missed my point - DD arrived fully potty trained and feeding herself also

(she was almost 3 when we met)

 

[dizneegirl]

...but is it wrong for me to not be "there"?

No.

I'd go see the baby as soon as you can after, but there's absolutely no reason you need to "be there" when it happens. That's what phones are for.

 

[Skippy918]

Talk to your daughter and see what she wants. My parents came down about 2 weeks after the oldest was born as they had to fly here and book plane tickets. By then, we had a routine going and my parents were able to do a lot of the cooking and cleaning cause I was still recuperating. For the second child, my in-laws lived nearby so they watched the oldest while me and hubby were at the hospital. My mom came down a couple weeks after. At that time we needed help with the older one plus cooking, cleaning, etc and hubby was working.

I wouldn’t plan anything just yet. Babies rarely arrive when they are supposed to. I think it’s okay for a grandparent to come visit when they are available. Visits should be short and sweet unless you plan to help with cooking or cleaning or other stuff around the house. I know of several friends whose parents/in-laws weren’t the helpful type and expected to be entertained while mom was recovering and not sleeping well.

 

[jimmymc]

I think you're good waiting until the following week to fly there. DD will need the most support when she comes home from the hospital, not in the delivery room.