Wwyd???

[Coconut36]

Ond of DS's friends (both of them are 7) called after school yesterday to ask if DS could go with him to his karate test. The first words out of my mouth were "Let me talk to your dad."

Children that young have no business making plans on the phone. They can misunderstand a variable of things such as the when, where, and how for a playdate. Best to leave it to the adults until they are old enough to have a true understanding of time and scheduling. I also agree that it was likely too last minute for it to work out anyway. This of course is no reason to not call you back, but perhaps if it would have been you on the phone instead of your sweet DD, she may have remembered to call. I hope you guys have a great day and to your DD.

I am on the fence about this and it would depend on what they were arranging. A visit at ones house for an hour or two..not as big as what you mentioned about going to a karate test as that has a greater amount of variables. I do think that it is important when they are young like this the parents talk to each other because kids impressions of what they think will happen or what they think they can do and the reality of it are not always the same thing. With my 7 year old..in general he and the friend talk about it and then I or my DH talk to the parents and make sure we are on the same page about it and then tell the kids how it worked out.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

My sister thinks it's cute to dial her phone and hand it to my niece so she can ask me something. While I love my niece I wish my sister would just speak to me herself.

OP if this was so important to your DD you shouldn't have left it to the last minute. I can tell you if one of my kids' friends or their moms calls me up the day of something asking for my kid to go somewhere the answer is always "no".

No way am I dropping everything for you, no matter how important you think it is.

As for the calling back in 5 minutes....I can't tell you how many times I've been running my butt off and someone calls while I'm in the middle of something. I'll tell them I'll call them back in a little bit but their call goes completely out of my mind amid everything else I've got to get done.

I usually remember I had told them I'd call them back after I crawl into bed later that night.

She was already out enjoying the day with her 4 kids when the call came in. What was she supposed to do? Drop all her plans to fulfill your last minute ones?

Around here birthday invites go out a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. It doesn't matter if it's a just a slumber party or a full on birthday bash. That way the kids can decide who they want to come while giving their friends parents time to add it to their schedule.

Forget your DDs friend. Just tell her that you goofed by not giving Susies mom enough time to bring Susie over and that you'll call her tomorrow to see if she can bring her over next weekend. Then go rent a movie, pop some popcorn, and give each other mani/pedis.

 

[SnowWhite824]

Your post comes off as peeved they aren't jumping through hoops to call you back. That to me implies you feel they should alter whatever it is they are doing to do what your DD wants because they should know it is her birthday because Dad responded to a FB post (otherwise why would you include all of that)?

You have zero clue what a family with 4 kids has packed into a weekend and you felt they were already out at some event. Maybe 5 minutes wasn't realistic..maybe something came up with another child, something ran over..etc. That is what kills me about all of this..you appear all irritated rather than just moving on and calling someone else and speaking to your DD and telling her that friend is not available. It happens and you both can deal with it rather than being annoyed that they aren't promptly returning your call when you called them at the last moment for a play date.

They don't have 4 children. If you had read the opening post, you would realize that. I'm not asking anyone to jump through hoops, or drop anything they are doing. I told my DD right when we hung up that her 5 minutes probably wouldn't really be 5 minutes, and that she would have to be patient, but we are going on 4 hours now. I should have just called another friend when an hour went by, but then my head thought "What if she calls right after that, and they all want to come over?" I'm doing a lot here, and I just didn't want more than 1 friend over. My only question here was should I call / text and ask about the play date again, or just leave it.
Yes, I did mention that it was my DDs birthday today, but not because I feel anyone should drop what they are doing because of it - that's not practical.

 

[happygirl]

They don't have 4 children. If you had read the opening post, you would realize that. I'm not asking anyone to jump through hoops, or drop anything they are doing. I told my DD right when we hung up that her 5 minutes probably wouldn't really be 5 minutes, and that she would have to be patient, but we are going on 4 hours now. I should have just called another friend when an hour went by, but then my head thought "What if she calls right after that, and they all want to come over?" I'm doing a lot here, and I just didn't want more than 1 friend over. My only question here was should I call / text and ask about the play date again, or just leave it.
Yes, I did mention that it was my DDs birthday today, but not because I feel anyone should drop what they are doing because of it - that's not practical.

No, let it go.

 

[Happy Mom2]

Are you sure the mom didn't say call back in 5 minutes? Meaning, you call her back. When DD's friends ask for a play date I always say "Is your mom there?" or "Ask your mom to call me." I never know if the kid is just asking or if the parent is aware of it. Instead of stewing about it, you should have just called back in 10 minutes and asked yourself.

It's time to move past it. Either call the mom back or find something else to do.

Whatever happens, I hope your DD has a great birthday!!

 

[Tink888]

What would I do? I'd go hang out with my daughter instead of being mad because you/your daughter didn't get a call back.

Agree with the other posters, if the play date was a big deal, plans should have been made earlier and adult to adult.

You daughter seems over it, so let it go. There's still plenty of time left in the day before dinner to make it a special and fun day for her. Go see a movie, or shopping and let her pick out a treat for her birthday. You could bake cupcakes together and let her decorate them. Play dress up or something. Don't spend the day being upset when you can spend it making fun memories with your daughter.

 

[Coconut36]

They don't have 4 children. If you had read the opening post, you would realize that. I'm not asking anyone to jump through hoops, or drop anything they are doing. I told my DD right when we hung up that her 5 minutes probably wouldn't really be 5 minutes, and that she would have to be patient, but we are going on 4 hours now. I should have just called another friend when an hour went by, but then my head thought "What if she calls right after that, and they all want to come over?" I'm doing a lot here, and I just didn't want more than 1 friend over. My only question here was should I call / text and ask about the play date again, or just leave it.
Yes, I did mention that it was my DDs birthday today, but not because I feel anyone should drop what they are doing because of it - that's not practical.

Oh my goodness gracious..seriously? 4 kids or 2 kids or 10 kids..they have other plans and were clearly involved in something else when you called as you said it sounded like they were at a sporting event for another child. Yes you do seem to want them to alter their plans because clearly you know you called while they were involved in some activity. They did not call you right back thus indicating (to me at least) they are still busy and unable to return the phone call. You want them to call back without seeming to understand that YOU interrupted THEM, you disrupted their family activities and that your phone call is likely very low on their list of things to do for the day. I know it would be very low on my list especially if I had a lot going on that day.

The answer is no..for all the reasons that I mentioned and others mentioned. You called a parent who was clearly occupied at the time at the last minute for a play date that same day. If they have not responded I would take that as a good indication they are busy and thus leave them alone and not call or text them and further interrupt their time/activities.

 

[snoopy5386]

I (the parent, not the child) would have called the mom back at the half hour mark.

 

[Mkrop]

Can I ask what is wrong with having a 7 year old call a friend and ask for a playdate? Its something pretty commonly done around here. I've had kids call for playdates, and I've even had kids call to RSVP to parties. Is there an age limit on this??

Around here the kid might make the phone call but then the parents immediately get on the phone to work out the details. And I would NEVER have a kid call a parent's cell phone, the house phone yes, but not a cell!

I do think it is rude that the Mom has not called you back but things do happen and people do forget. But I also might think my child misheard or misunderstood what the mom said. Like others said maybe she said to call back, it might have been hard to hear if she was somewhere crowded.

 

[undertheradar]

They don't have 4 children. If you had read the opening post, you would realize that. I'm not asking anyone to jump through hoops, or drop anything they are doing. I told my DD right when we hung up that her 5 minutes probably wouldn't really be 5 minutes, and that she would have to be patient, but we are going on 4 hours now. I should have just called another friend when an hour went by, but then my head thought "What if she calls right after that, and they all want to come over?" I'm doing a lot here, and I just didn't want more than 1 friend over. My only question here was should I call / text and ask about the play date again, or just leave it.
Yes, I did mention that it was my DDs birthday today, but not because I feel anyone should drop what they are doing because of it - that's not practical.

Obviously this is far more important to you. The other family was busy, so drop it. Advance planning for playdates is normal everywhere we have lived. You should have called the other friend. I am wondering why only one friend could be over if you had received a positive response from each that would have been contacted?

 

[goofy!]

They don't have 4 children. If you had read the opening post, you would realize that. I'm not asking anyone to jump through hoops, or drop anything they are doing. I told my DD right when we hung up that her 5 minutes probably wouldn't really be 5 minutes, and that she would have to be patient, but we are going on 4 hours now. I should have just called another friend when an hour went by, but then my head thought "What if she calls right after that, and they all want to come over?" I'm doing a lot here, and I just didn't want more than 1 friend over. My only question here was should I call / text and ask about the play date again, or just leave it.
Yes, I did mention that it was my DDs birthday today, but not because I feel anyone should drop what they are doing because of it - that's not practical.

If this was so important to you, why are you waiting for 4 hours?

After 15 minutes, I (not my 6 year old) would have picked up the phone and called the mom. I would say something like "I know Susi just called, but I am not sure she relayed the proper message. We were wondering if Janie could come over and play for a few hours." Mother to Mother.

I don't understand the outrage at a busy Mom who received a call from a 6 year old. If the Mom did not call me, I would put it on my very lowest priority, thinking the 6 year old was calling without her Mom's permission. Especially since it was a birthday playdate, one I would have expected to be contacted about at least a week prior. A last minute birthday call for a playdate would make me think thait previous arrangements had gone south and my child was a last minute fill-in. Not something to jump through hoops about for the other mother.

This is YOUR responsibility to follow up, not the other mother's responsibility. As you have already admitted, it was last minute and the mother was already at some event. YOU were intruding into their lives.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

If a person called me or my child the day of a birthday party to invite my child, I would not give them any priority. Why? Because to me, a last minute invite screams "nobody showed up, so they got desperate".

 

[goofy!]

Are you sure the mom didn't say call back in 5 minutes? Meaning, you call her back. When DD's friends ask for a play date I always say "Is your mom there?" or "Ask your mom to call me." I never know if the kid is just asking or if the parent is aware of it. Instead of stewing about it, you should have just called back in 10 minutes and asked yourself.

It's time to move past it. Either call the mom back or find something else to do.

Whatever happens, I hope your DD has a great birthday!!

Exactly

And happy birthday to your daughter.

 

[goofy!]

Where did I ask for anyone to drop any plans? Really? Please find that, because it was not said. Yes, I am aware that it was done last minute, and if they were not available, we would have moved on, called someone else, or done something else entirely, but when did common courtesy get thrown out the window? I'm being made out to be the bad guy here, but I'm not asking for anything but an answer. Maybe its just me, but if someone calls me asking a question, I have the common courtesy to call, or at the very least text, them back and answer that question. If she couldn't make it, then thats just fine, and we could make a date another time, and I could have called someone else to see if they were available, or just done something else. But not calling back (no matter if she told me or a child that she would call back in 5 minutes) is just rude. People have plans, and lives, as do we, and things come up, and that is totally understandable. I just don't remember when calling someone back within a reasonable amount of time became an unreasonable request.



ETA - I didn't mention it before, but the way I've always done it when my kids call a friend to ask if they can come over, is I put it on speaker, and when it comes time to actually arange the pickup / drop off, I take over - I hear everything that is being said the entire time, and the person shes talking to usually knows I'm there because they can hear me in the background telling my DD what to say. So yes, having a kid call totally on their own at this age wouldn't work, but the way our neighborhood does it, the parents are involved.

If you wanted an answer, you should have followed up with the mother as soon as you realized she may have forgotten.

To wait 4 hours, stewing over what a 6 year old might or might not have heard over the phone would be foreign to me and all the other Moms I know.

 

[kirstenb1]

When our older dd was 6, a little girl across the street used to call over here all the time. I have to say it drove me crazy!!!

I know she'd just learned how to dial the phone, and she was excited, but it was annoying. She'd invite dd over, and I never knew if she'd even spoken with her mom or not.

Seriously, it's not like they can drive themselves anywhere at that age. If I want to arrange a playdate, I call the other parent, not my daughter. That way, I'm not wasting anyone's time leaving them wondering if dd has even checked with me.

I'm sorry your dd is disappointed, and I hope she has a great birthday in spite of the snafu.

 

[ajk912]

OP, I don't mind last minute playdate invites at all. But for goodness sakes, I do NOT want to talk to someone else's kid. I am not talking about my nieces, they can call me anytime. I don't mind a kid calling my cell phone (since I do not have a home phone) and requesting to talk to their friend. And then they can plan whatever and then "I" can confirm or decline via talking to the parent. I shouldn't be talking to a kid more than, Kid: "Hi Mrs. X. Is Sally there?" Me: "Sure, hold on." Or..."No, I am sorry, try calling back later she's at her soccer game" etc.

And even IF the other mom called back in 5 minutes, who would she ask to talk to? It's the 7 year old who called her. It would be kind of creepy for an adult to call up and ask to talk to a 7 year old (who wasn't family) I think. And I really wouldn't care enough to call up and say, "I just got this phone call from Sally and I was wondering if you knew about it???" I'd blow off the phone call, too (until an adult called me).

I hope your dd had a happy birthday after all!!!

 

[bellebud]

Happy Bday to your dd!

Looking at it from both sides - I do think you waited too long to arrange for a playdate on your dd's bday. Maybe your dd asked too late, and you were just trying, like any good mom would do. You did what you could... hope her bday is very special anyway.

Looking at it from the other mom's side - if I were out and busy, and a child of around 7yo called me on my cell phone and I was in the middle of something, I might say I'd have my child call her back, but it would probably fly right out of my head, and definitely be on the bottom of my priority list. Not in a mean way at all, but it's Saturday, they are probably already in the middle of a days worth of plans, and getting back to a child (who I feel really shouldn't be calling on my cell phone in the first place) just isn't something I'd take the time to do. Now if a mom called me, there's a better chance I'd call her back if I were in the middle of something. And I have to say, because the child called on my cell phone, I'd actually think the mom didn't even know about it, and just disregard it.

It's a shame if the other mom said "I'll call you back", but you can't even be certain that's what was said.

 

[goofy!]

Another thing that is confusing:

You said that your DD's school does not do phone books, so hard to contact.

Yet you are facebook friends with the parents, since you said you knew they knew it was your daughter's birthday.

Why didn't you just message the parents and ask them if Susie was available for a playdate?

 

[Styx Fan]

I cannot believe the way the OP is being jumped on in this thread. Well, actually I do believe it because it is so common...but it's really sad. So many assumptions being made about the OP's thoughts and motivations! Someone even calling the play date a birthday party and she would feel like she was being called after some no responses, when OP never called it a party...just a playdate.

How many folks really need to hit OP over the head with "she should have arranged it ahead"? And that mom should have called, not kid. Yup, that have helped for sure. But that ship has sailed and being told over and over must be frustrating. Why would it be so offensive that a little girl was calling her friend to come over for a playdate? OP has said over and over she wasn't expecting anyone to drop their plans. All they were doing was asking! My weekends are crazy busy with 2 kids and a husband who play soccer year around...not to mention church and regular household tasks so we are not usually available for playdates. But anyone is free to call and ask. And when we end up free (sometimes at the last minute) DD or DS may call a friend.

And I get the part of being annoyed at the lack of call back....and I get that the other Mom probably was busy and just forgot. Stuff happens. I probably would have called the other mom back in around a 1/2 hour just to find out if the kid was free or not....then we could call another friend.

I hope I never get to the point I am so judgmental and grumpy I pick people to pieces on an internet BB. So ridiculous

 

[MariDisney]

Here's another thread I imagine...

I was at my child's basketball game when my cell rang. It was my DD6's friend. It was just before half time, so I said, "Call back in 5 minutes". Can you believe 4 hours has gone by and the mom hasn't called me back??

"Call back in 5..." and "I'll call back in 5..." can sound very similar to a 6 year old.

I hope your DD had a happy birthday even without a playdate.