Wwyd???

[SnowWhite824]

A little background....
My DD is in the 1st grade. Today is her birthday, and she wanted to have a playdate with a friend. Our school doesn't do class phone books, and I only have the phone numbers of two of her friends. One friend (her BFF) mother is always very preoccupied. She has 4 kids and the father seems to always be working, and getting her to call back, let alone answer her phone is next to impossible. I suggested that we call the other friend. So I dial the number, and hand DD the phone. The mom answers, and it sounds like shes maybe at one of her kids sporting events or something. DD asks if her daughter can come over to play, and she asks if she can call back in 5 minutes. That was almost 3 hours ago.

I don't know the mom very well. We have spoken a few times at playdate pick ups, but thats about it. Do I call / text her asking if "everything is OK?" I don't want to be a PITA, and I understand that things come up, and it could have just flown out of her mind because its a Saturday, and shes doing 1000 other things, but I just feel so bad for my DD - She keeps asking me "Has it been 5 minutes yet?" "Is she going to call back?" "Can't you call her again??"

And yes, the parents know that today is her actual birthday, because I said "happy birthday" to her on my facebook page. I'm friends with both of this childs parents, and the father actually commented on my post, so they are aware of the day.

So would you call/txt the mother and ask what happened, or just let it go? At this point, 3 hours later, my DD has pretty much forgotten about it, and since it is so late, we wouldn't be able to do it anyway.

 

[npmommie]

First....................... Happy Birthday to your dd!!

I would probably text her one more time, but its probably going to be difficult to arrange a playdate for today, today. I would probably tried to arrange it ahead of time.

I know with my kids I have to make them commit ahead of time to what they want to do on their birthday, I always explain others may have plans come up and we can't do things last minute. So I can arrange in advance.

I hope her birthday is wonderful! Do you have any other plans for the day?

 

[dislaney]

A little background....
My DD is in the 1st grade. Today is her birthday, and she wanted to have a playdate with a friend. Our school doesn't do class phone books, and I only have the phone numbers of two of her friends. One friend (her BFF) mother is always very preoccupied. She has 4 kids and the father seems to always be working, and getting her to call back, let alone answer her phone is next to impossible. I suggested that we call the other friend. So I dial the number, and hand DD the phone. The mom answers, and it sounds like shes maybe at one of her kids sporting events or something. DD asks if her daughter can come over to play, and she asks if she can call back in 5 minutes. That was almost 3 hours ago.

I don't know the mom very well. We have spoken a few times at playdate pick ups, but thats about it. Do I call / text her asking if "everything is OK?" I don't want to be a PITA, and I understand that things come up, and it could have just flown out of her mind because its a Saturday, and shes doing 1000 other things, but I just feel so bad for my DD - She keeps asking me "Has it been 5 minutes yet?" "Is she going to call back?" "Can't you call her again??"

And yes, the parents know that today is her actual birthday, because I said "happy birthday" to her on my facebook page. I'm friends with both of this childs parents, and the father actually commented on my post, so they are aware of the day.

So would you call/txt the mother and ask what happened, or just let it go? At this point, 3 hours later, my DD has pretty much forgotten about it, and since it is so late, we wouldn't be able to do it anyway.

Do you think maybe the Mom thought your dd called without your permission or something? I always tried to plan ahead, esp for birthdays to avoid disappointment, although I know that is sometimes hard to do. I probably would drop it now if it is too late to get together anyway.

Maybe you could do something special with your dd- take her to a movie and lunch, get her nails done - something with just Mommy and her! Hope something works out for you!

Happy Birthday to your dd!

 

[hereyago]

I"d let it go. Last minute playdates,let alone on a weekend, people should expect other people to be busy,etc.


For things like a birthday, those need to be set up a little earlier, even if they're aren't parent phone books.

I"d also suggest not to have your DD to be talking to the parent and you do that for yourself to avoid having DD be the in between person.


Hope your DD has a fun birthday.

 

[SnowWhite824]

The worst part is, my inlaws wanted to take my girls today to take my DD out for lunch for her birthday, but I said no. I wanted to spend the day with her on her birthday, not ship her off to their house... Now its like I took that away from her, and now this! Ugh.
We are going out to dinner tonight after DH gets home from work, and they are occupied here because they are playing Wii and drawing and playing boardgames and such.


ETA - If she was busy, and couldn't make it, then thats just fine, we had another friend to call, or I would have done something else. But don't tell someone, let along a 7 year old, that you will call back in 5 minutes, and then never call back. Again, I understand if something happened of course.

 

[ilovemk76]

I would let it go.

Next time plan ahead and do not have a 6 year old call to make plans.

 

[SnowWhite824]

I would let it go.

Next time plan ahead and do not have a 6 year old call to make plans.

Can I ask what is wrong with having a 7 year old call a friend and ask for a playdate? Its something pretty commonly done around here. I've had kids call for playdates, and I've even had kids call to RSVP to parties. Is there an age limit on this??

 

[Magic Mom]

A little background....
My DD is in the 1st grade. Today is her birthday, and she wanted to have a playdate with a friend. Our school doesn't do class phone books, and I only have the phone numbers of two of her friends. One friend (her BFF) mother is always very preoccupied. She has 4 kids and the father seems to always be working, and getting her to call back, let alone answer her phone is next to impossible. I suggested that we call the other friend. So I dial the number, and hand DD the phone. The mom answers, and it sounds like shes maybe at one of her kids sporting events or something. DD asks if her daughter can come over to play, and she asks if she can call back in 5 minutes. That was almost 3 hours ago.

I don't know the mom very well. We have spoken a few times at playdate pick ups, but thats about it. Do I call / text her asking if "everything is OK?" I don't want to be a PITA, and I understand that things come up, and it could have just flown out of her mind because its a Saturday, and shes doing 1000 other things, but I just feel so bad for my DD - She keeps asking me "Has it been 5 minutes yet?" "Is she going to call back?" "Can't you call her again??"

And yes, the parents know that today is her actual birthday, because I said "happy birthday" to her on my facebook page. I'm friends with both of this childs parents, and the father actually commented on my post, so they are aware of the day.

So would you call/txt the mother and ask what happened, or just let it go? At this point, 3 hours later, my DD has pretty much forgotten about it, and since it is so late, we wouldn't be able to do it anyway.

The father commented, but probably didn't mention it to the mom. I don't tell my husband everytime one of my friends on FB posts about their kids birthday. My guess is she does not know it is your DD's birthday. I would call and ask if the girl could come over. I would skip the part about asking her what happened.

 

[Magic Mom]

Can I ask what is wrong with having a 7 year old call a friend and ask for a playdate? Its something pretty commonly done around here. I've had kids call for playdates, and I've even had kids call to RSVP to parties. Is there an age limit on this??

My kids would call their own friends and ask them, and the friends would ask their mothers. If we were calling the mom, then I would talk to her.

 

[SnowWhite824]

My kids would call their own friends and ask them, and the friends would ask their mothers. If we were calling the mom, then I would talk to her.

Mom answered the phone (cell), and her the DD was not next to her at that moment, so she did ask to speak with her, but she wasn't available. I let my DD keep talking for another 5 seconds, and the mom hung up, saying that she would call back in 5 minutes.

 

[bigbabyblues]

There is nothing wrong with your dd calling to invite her friend. If I were calling the mom's phone though, I would probably speak to the mom myself. The problem I see is that you waited until today to arrange a play date for today, and they are probably already busy. I know our weekends are pretty full, and I can't usually arrange something at the last minute. I would have called Monday evening, or had DD talk to the friend at school on Monday.

 

[Coconut36]

I"d let it go. Last minute playdates,let alone on a weekend, people should expect other people to be busy,etc.


For things like a birthday, those need to be set up a little earlier, even if they're aren't parent phone books.

I"d also suggest not to have your DD to be talking to the parent and you do that for yourself to avoid having DD be the in between person.


Hope your DD has a fun birthday.

I agree with all of this. Knowing it was her birthday I would have arranged this well ahead of time. To call a parent on the weekend and ask about later that day you should expect they could/would be busy and not be prompt about calling you back (especially having 4 kids and likely plenty to do). Also for something this important I think YOU speaking to the parents was more important to get it worked out and arranged especially when the Mom answered the phone in the first place. The parents are the ones that make the ultimate decision.

I would chalk this up as a lesson learned and next time be sure to make arrangements for a play date well in advance especially for a special event like a birthday.

The part I really struggle with here is that you seem to act like because they saw a FB post of "happy birthday" they should for some reason be acting differently because they "know". Why? You didn't call until the day of..just because they know it is her birthday doesn't mean their plans/activities for the weekend are no longer necessary or that they can alter them at the last minute to accommodate a play date.

No I would not call or text back..they are busy..who knows what they have scheduled for the day.

 

[smitch425]

Ond of DS's friends (both of them are 7) called after school yesterday to ask if DS could go with him to his karate test. The first words out of my mouth were "Let me talk to your dad."

Children that young have no business making plans on the phone. They can misunderstand a variable of things such as the when, where, and how for a playdate. Best to leave it to the adults until they are old enough to have a true understanding of time and scheduling. I also agree that it was likely too last minute for it to work out anyway. This of course is no reason to not call you back, but perhaps if it would have been you on the phone instead of your sweet DD, she may have remembered to call. I hope you guys have a great day and to your DD.

 

[hereyago]

\

Children that young have no business making plans on the phone. They can misunderstand a variable of things such as the when, where, and how for a playdate. Best to leave it to the adults until they are old enough to have a true understanding of time and scheduling.

Exactly.

 

[SnowWhite824]

I agree with all of this. Knowing it was her birthday I would have arranged this well ahead of time. To call a parent on the weekend and ask about later that day you should expect they could/would be busy and not be prompt about calling you back (especially having 4 kids and likely plenty to do). Also for something this important I think YOU speaking to the parents was more important to get it worked out and arranged.

I would chalk this up as a lesson learned and next time be sure to make arrangements for a play date well in advance especially for a special event like a birthday.

You mention they knew it was her birthday..but you also knew and did not make arrangements ahead of time and seem peeved they are not dropping whatever their plans are to have a play date or return a phone call..if this was a special thing you should have taken the steps to set it up and work it out long ago.

No I would not call or text back..they are busy..who knows what they have scheduled for the day.

Where did I ask for anyone to drop any plans? Really? Please find that, because it was not said. Yes, I am aware that it was done last minute, and if they were not available, we would have moved on, called someone else, or done something else entirely, but when did common courtesy get thrown out the window? I'm being made out to be the bad guy here, but I'm not asking for anything but an answer. Maybe its just me, but if someone calls me asking a question, I have the common courtesy to call, or at the very least text, them back and answer that question. If she couldn't make it, then thats just fine, and we could make a date another time, and I could have called someone else to see if they were available, or just done something else. But not calling back (no matter if she told me or a child that she would call back in 5 minutes) is just rude. People have plans, and lives, as do we, and things come up, and that is totally understandable. I just don't remember when calling someone back within a reasonable amount of time became an unreasonable request.



ETA - I didn't mention it before, but the way I've always done it when my kids call a friend to ask if they can come over, is I put it on speaker, and when it comes time to actually arange the pickup / drop off, I take over - I hear everything that is being said the entire time, and the person shes talking to usually knows I'm there because they can hear me in the background telling my DD what to say. So yes, having a kid call totally on their own at this age wouldn't work, but the way our neighborhood does it, the parents are involved.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I agree with PPs -- it should have been planned ahead of time. If I receive a call asking if my child can come over to play, AND I know (either from DH or my child) that it's your DD's birthday, I would feel like my child should bring a birthday gift.

AND if I've already got a million other things on my plate, running to the store (even if it's to get a gift card) is NOT going to happen same-day.

Yes -- she should have called you back. I'd maybe text once, but I wouldn't chase after her.

Hope it works out for your DD.

 

[RitaZ.]

Maybe something happened to prevent the mom from calling back or maybe she simply forgot. Life happens to the best of us when we have several children and responsibilities.

What would I do? I wouldn't send any texts or make any other calls. At this point, I would accept the fact that I waited too long to make plans for my child and move on with other plans to celebrate her day. No need to beat yourself over it. Live and learn and make the best of it.

 

[Coconut36]

Where did I ask for anyone to drop any plans? Really? Please find that, because it was not said. Yes, I am aware that it was done last minute, and if they were not available, we would have moved on, called someone else, or done something else entirely, but when did common courtesy get thrown out the window? I'm being made out to be the bad guy here, but I'm not asking for anything but an answer. Maybe its just me, but if someone calls me asking a question, I have the common courtesy to call, or at the very least text, them back and answer that question. If she couldn't make it, then thats just fine, and we could make a date another time, and I could have called someone else to see if they were available, or just done something else. But not calling back (no matter if she told me or a child that she would call back in 5 minutes) is just rude. People have plans, and lives, as do we, and things come up, and that is totally understandable. I just don't remember when calling someone back within a reasonable amount of time became an unreasonable request.



ETA - I didn't mention it before, but the way I've always done it when my kids call a friend to ask if they can come over, is I put it on speaker, and when it comes time to actually arange the pickup / drop off, I take over - I hear everything that is being said the entire time, and the person shes talking to usually knows I'm there because they can hear me in the background telling my DD what to say. So yes, having a kid call totally on their own at this age wouldn't work, but the way our neighborhood does it, the parents are involved.

Your post comes off as peeved they aren't jumping through hoops to call you back. That to me implies you feel they should alter whatever it is they are doing to do what your DD wants because they should know it is her birthday because Dad responded to a FB post (otherwise why would you include all of that?). It doesn't work that way and in a situation where it was important you should have been the one doing the talking. Mom might have been able to address weekend plans with you quickly rather than speaking to your DD and not to you.

You have zero clue what a family with 4 kids has packed into a weekend and you felt they were already out at some event when you called so you clearly know they have things going on. Maybe 5 minutes wasn't realistic..maybe something came up with another child, something ran over..etc. Calling back may not be high on their priority list. YOU are intruding on their plans and do indeed seem to feel their plans should accommodate you and your phone call when you have zero clue what they are trying to get done or involved in or how difficult it might be to call back.

That is what kills me about all of this..you appear all irritated rather than just moving on and calling someone else and speaking to your DD and telling her that friend is not available. It happens and you both can deal with it rather than being annoyed that they aren't promptly returning your call when you know you called them while they were out and involved in a sporting event or something. If I was them I would be pissed that someone expects me to make them a priority over my family and the activities I am involved with my family..to me that is what you are doing. "I called while you are busy and I am mad you didn't stop/alter/cancel plans and call me right back". Get over it, move on and learn a lesson to plan in advance in the future.

 

[happygirl]

I agree with PP, you need to call and set up the plans yourself. You have no idea what the other mother told your daughter. what if she told your daughter to call back in 5 minutes, What if she had to find her daughter to see if she wanted to go or what not.

I hope your daughter had a great birthday anyway

 

[dimimi]

Ond of DS's friends (both of them are 7) called after school yesterday to ask if DS could go with him to his karate test. The first words out of my mouth were "Let me talk to your dad."

.

I agree. We learned quickly to speak with the parents. Kids don't make the plans without their parents permission, so we go to the parents. My youngest is 13 and it is still the way it works best...at least for car pooling and big events.