Wwyd?

[AprilShowers]

A couple of things: most of you have been very helpful. but this is scolding:

Oh for godsakes! Mind your own business! If you call CPS they likely laugh you out of the office, with good reason.

CPS will NOT take a child away because a neighbor called with concern. There may be some services this mother is in dire need of that they can provide. Maybe she needs some help that I can't give her. Anyone ever think of that?
I didn't say I was going to "report" her for child abuse! I said I was going to call CPS. I'm concerned for the kids AND the mother.

Yes, I guess I'm judging this lady, but don't we all do that a little? You guys are judging me based on the little bit of stuff I've typed on here.
I can't give the whole story on a message board. But people base opinions of each other on the little things they see every day. There is body language, personal habits, language, the way you dress, speak, friends, family members, the way the kids behave, the fact that there are never any lights on in the house before 9. There is no movement in the house, no activity in the kitchen, like she's trying to fix a bottle, or change a diaper, or trying to get him back to sleep. These are little cues you pick up on.

I'm not spying on the lady, but you pick up on stuff. To say I don't know what goes on in her house is absolutely correct, but you just get a feeling you know?
I don't think she's a bad mom, but maybe a lazy one who likes to sleep late maybe?

Thanks for your advice everyone. I will NOT call CPS. But If I get up my courage I will invite her over for coffee. We are a very busy family, and she is a stay at home mom. I am going to look for an opportunity ~ and the nerve to invite her over. Who knows? Maybe we'll become friends.

 

[Michie]

A couple of things: most of you have been very helpful. but this is scolding:


CPS will NOT take a child away because a neighbor called with concern. There may be some services this mother is in dire need of that they can provide. Maybe she needs some help that I can't give her. Anyone ever think of that?
I didn't say I was going to "report" her for child abuse! I said I was going to call CPS. I'm concerned for the kids AND the mother.

Yes, I guess I'm judging this lady, but don't we all do that a little? You guys are judging me based on the little bit of stuff I've typed on here.
I can't give the whole story on a message board. But people base opinions of each other on the little things they see every day. There is body language, personal habits, language, the way you dress, speak, friends, family members, the way the kids behave, the fact that there are never any lights on in the house before 9. There is no movement in the house, no activity in the kitchen, like she's trying to fix a bottle, or change a diaper, or trying to get him back to sleep. These are little cues you pick up on.

I'm not spying on the lady, but you pick up on stuff. To say I don't know what goes on in her house is absolutely correct, but you just get a feeling you know?
I don't think she's a bad mom, but maybe a lazy one who likes to sleep late maybe?

Thanks for your advice everyone. I will NOT call CPS. But If I get up my courage I will invite her over for coffee. We are a very busy family, and she is a stay at home mom. I am going to look for an opportunity ~ and the nerve to invite her over. Who knows? Maybe we'll become friends.

I am sorry, but you sound a little too nosey, I dont mean to hurt your feelings. But how can you tell unless you are watching every second? Is her window(s) uncovered? Maybe she has a fridge and microwave in another part of her house?

 

[dcgrumpy]

It's 10:20 and I still don't have lights on, LOL.

 

[AprilShowers]

I am sorry, but you sound a little too nosey, I dont mean to hurt your feelings. But how can you tell unless you are watching every second? Is her window(s) uncovered? Maybe she has a fridge and microwave in another part of her house?

You're not hurting my feelings. It's just that when the baby started this crying when they moved in. I didn't pay any attention to it. Babies cry. Then when it was EVERY morning.....I noticed a pattern. This has been going on for MONTHS. Now, I notice that there is no activity in the house.

It just seems unusually quiet over there. Other than the baby crying. That's all. Our houses are very close together.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I am sorry, but you sound a little too nosey, I dont mean to hurt your feelings. But how can you tell unless you are watching every second? Is her window(s) uncovered? Maybe she has a fridge and microwave in another part of her house?

I agree with this. OP, I'm sorry, but it sounds to me like you're doing all this observation from afar and trying to paint a picture of a family that you actually know nothing about. You've never even talked to this woman, but seemingly "know" everything about her life?

 

[crazyme5kids]

Do you have a few nice toys or books that your children have outgrown that you could bring over. You could use that as a way to break the ice. Maybe say something along the lines of, "I hope you don't mind, but my kids are older now and I hate to just throw these out because they are still in good condition. Do you think your children might like them?". It's a non-threating way of starting a conversation.

 

[Pigeon]

If it was a newborn maybe, but its not normal for a 1 year old child to cry for hours.

My one year old cried for hours every evening. It didn't matter what we did. We walked her, rocked her, sang to her (OK, I'd cry if I had to listen to me singing), you name it, we tried it. She cried anyway. I'm glad my neighbors weren't trigger happy about CPS.

CPS has its purpose, but it can destroy families for no good reason at all. I've seen it happen. No way would I call them unless I had some serious grounds to suspect a child was being abused.

 

[SillyMe]

How is a response like this not scolding the OP? I think it's great that she cares enough about this baby to be worried. Most people these days don't give a hoot about anything but themselves. And while I don't know if I'd call CPS, I wold certainly think about. Colic or not (and the OP is correct that a 12 mnth would most likely be past it) having a baby scream for hours in the morning is concerning. If she can hear the baby crying, I think the OP could tell if the crying was moving - meaning baby was being carried around and still crying.

To the OP Thank you for worrying about these children. A mother who screams all the time at her children, is rude/cold to neighbors and has a baby who screams constantly sends up more than a few red flags. Follow you're heart - As for Silly Me's warning that you'd feel terrible if CPS took the kids away without cause, just because you called, that's just not going to happen and is a reason why people don't call when they should. CPS or DYFS in NJ, follows up on phone calls and if they find cause then they intervene. If they don't they note it in a file in case they get a furute complaint and they leave.

Good luck with whatever you do

You don't know what CPS will do. I certainly couldn't live with myself if I turned someone in without FACTS of abuse and neglect and that mother lost her children.

 

[goodeats]

sorry but I think you are judging.

So? Aren't you judging the OP?

Seriously, this is my least favorite thing about message boards people who say not to judge!

 

[AprilShowers]

Do you have a few nice toys or books that your children have outgrown that you could bring over. You could use that as a way to break the ice. Maybe say something along the lines of, "I hope you don't mind, but my kids are older now and I hate to just throw these out because they are still in good condition. Do you think your children might like them?". It's a non-threating way of starting a conversation.

Now THAT is an excellent idea! Thank you soooo much!
I think I will do that!
To everyone else thank you for your helpful replies. To those of you who think I am nosy, you couldn't be farther from the truth, but like me, you are entitled to your opinion. I am concerned for a baby I hear crying his little heart out for hours every morning.
I will not call CPS but I do think this poor mother is overwhelmed.

I am going to take some toys and maybe clothes and books over to share.
Thanks so much!!!!!!

 

[binny]

Do you have a few nice toys or books that your children have outgrown that you could bring over. You could use that as a way to break the ice. Maybe say something along the lines of, "I hope you don't mind, but my kids are older now and I hate to just throw these out because they are still in good condition. Do you think your children might like them?". It's a non-threating way of starting a conversation.

That is a very good idea

While I wouldnt necesarily call CPS right away. I agree that something like that that has gone on for months would raise some concerns.

 

[marlasmom]

At least here in FLorida child services will not take a baby away without a thorough investigation.

 

[Bumbles]

I think she's overhwlemed, but also her demeaner makes me think she's a little lazy too. (ok so I AM judging her) we all do that a little. Her DH works nights and I can't imagine him being able to sleep in the morning with this little guy screaming like this in the morning. He's not a newborn. He's about 12 months old. He's most likely not colicky anymore.

Did you ever think maybe he's adopted and having attachment issues? Maybe he's a foster child and having issues - babies cry for all sorts of reasons. Have you been around children like that before? I have and I assure you, their parents are the best peopel in the world, but their children are dealing with some very real grief and the best way they have to express themselves is by screaming - and it's not something that just instantly goes away after they've been placed with their adoptive or foster parents, no mater how good those parents are.

I'm probably not going to call CPS. But it's not in my nature to just knock on someone's door who I dont' know and say "I've noticed the baby crying and is there something I can do?" She's very standoffish, and won't even say hello when I do.

But it is in your nature to immediately assume it's a good thing to call CPS.

I say go beyond what's in your nature and reach out to this woman. She probably knows her child's cries can be heard and she very well could be very embarassed. It's time for you to make the first move and contact her (in a non judging way of course) - she may very well appreciate your efforts

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, first, I want to say that it is ridiculous to call the OP nosey when she has not shown a desire to go over there and nose into their business. What she has noticed are things that are impossible to ignore.

OK, let's throw some humor into this thread...

The OP's husband works nights. Ovbiously by the time all the kids are in bed, he is getting ready to go to work.... Anybody else think that the reason there may not not be a lot obvious activity in the morning, is because all the activity is going on inside their bedroom!!!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Okay, first, I want to say that it is ridiculous to call the OP nosey when she has not shown a desire to go over there and nose into their business.

Nah, she'd rather nose into their business from the sidelines (e.g. calling CPS)

 

[Wishing on a star]

Good lord,

Calling CPS is not nosing into their business.
I highly doubt that CPS would contact the OP immedidately and inform her of their findings.

This has nothing to do with noseyness. The OP is concerned based on what she has happened to notice.

Going over there in person and personally inquiring into their personal lives (no matter HOW well meaning) is nosey and uncalled for.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Going over there in person and personally inquiring into their personal lives (no matter HOW well meaning) is nosey and uncalled for.

No, I think making an effort to get to know someone personally before concluding that someone is abusing their children makes sense to me.

 

[dcgrumpy]

Watching the house seeing if lights are on and if there are people moving around the kitchen is nosing into someone's business IMHO.

 

[Michie]

I'm thinking of calling children services on the neighbor lady. I'm not sure if it's appropriate or not.
I think she's overwhelmed, but she's not very friendly, so I don't feel like I can just go over there and offer help or support.
She screams at her kids all the time.
That's not why I want to call though.
EVERY morning. I hear the baby cry in his crib FOR HOURS!!!! He's up there crying right now. It's 9:05 a.m. and I'm pretty sure her butt is in bed and he's in a wet diaper and is in bed crying. He's been crying since about 7:00.
Not just a wimper either, he's screaming bloody murder!

I think this is neglectful. And it happens most mornings.
Would you call to have this checked out? I can't stand hearing him cry like this!!!!!
I feel so bad for the poor little guy!!! I just think she's a lazy thing and doesn't like to get up so lets him cry.But then I wonder maybe her bedroom is at the other side of the house and maybe she can't hear him? I don't know. She has 4 kids all under the age of 5 or 6. I know it's hard, but get to bed earlier! For Pete's sake! The baby needs a diaper change and a bottle!
This is tearing my heart out!
They've only lived there for about 6 months, and she doesn't say hello. Her DH has a time or two, but they kind of keep to themselves.
What should I do?

And you dont call that being nosey? She is prrety certain the lady is in bed? How would she know that? can she see through walls??

 

[SillyMe]

No, I think making an effort to get to know someone personally before concluding that someone is abusing their children makes sense to me.