WWYD-Underage drinking at friend's house

[StitchBuddy]

WWYD- We went to a friend's house for dinner and to play games over the week-end. They allow two of their children 17 and 19 to have a drink with dinner. I don't really agree with this, but they are their kids, so kinda not my business. This week-end however one of the kids has a friend over (another 17 yr old) and they allow this child to also have a drink. I also teach where these children go to school. I was shocked!!! Now I am thinking a) do I allow my own child 14 to go over there and b) how do I address this with my friend?? I am think I will explain that this puts me in a bad position being a teacher and all. What would you do??

Edit: They also have a DD13 and a DD14 that my DD14 is friends with.

 

[Goofyluver]

Why would you allow your 14 year old hang out with 17 and 19 year olds?

 

[DebIreland]

Perhaps they had already checked with that kid's parents and they said that it was okay for him to have a drink? If that's not the case then it was definitely out of line to give him alcohol. My 17yo has a glass of wine with me every couple of weeks or so but I definitely wouldn't give alcohol to any of his friends unless his parents had clearly stated that it was fine to do so.

 

[RitaE]

A quick Google search shows that Texas appears to be a state in which a parent is allowed to give their own under-aged children alcohol if it is consumed while the parents are present. They are not breaking any laws there. I really can't advise you on the other 17 year old but personally I wouldn't consider it any of my business. If it makes you uncomfortable (ie you feel like you are in a bad position), I guess you could either leave or ask whether or not that child's parents had given permission.

As for your child - go ahead and mention to them that you do not want your child drinking at their house and tell that to your child also. But yes, I can't imagine why your 14 year old would be over there without you regardless.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

WWYD- We went to a friend's house for dinner and to play games over the week-end. They allow two of their children 17 and 19 to have a drink with dinner. I don't really agree with this, but they are their kids, so kinda not my business. This week-end however one of the kids has a friend over (another 17 yr old) and they allow this child to also have a drink. I also teach where these children go to school. I was shocked!!! Now I am thinking a) do I allow my own child 14 to go over there and b) how do I address this with my friend?? I am think I will explain that this puts me in a bad position being a teacher and all. What would you do??

I am a little puzzled as to how this puts you in a bad position. What does being a teacher have to do with what people are doing in their home?

I agree with the other poster. Regardless of this family's stance on drinking I would not allow a 14 year old to hang out with a 17 and 19 year old.

 

[MrsPete]

I am against giving kids alcohol at a young age, but even if you feel differently, it seems obvious to me that you shouldn't do it while you have guests -- especially if those guests are also teens. It does put the guest in an uncomfortable position.

 

[MM27]

I don't think it is any of your business regarding the other kids. If you are concerned about your own child drinking or being offered a drink in their home, I would make sure to tell your child not to accept and if you think that your child will be there without you, make it clear to the other parents that your child is not to drink.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

It would not bother me to see it, and I will probably be allowing my boys to drink reasonably at that age in my home. I will not be serving other minors at my home unless their parents are present.

 

[StitchBuddy]

They also have a 13 yr old and a 14 yr that my DD is best friends with, she doesn't hang out with the older 2 DD. We are great friends, but being that I teach at the school these kids attend I feel like it is not appropriate for me to be with them when they are drinking.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

They also have a 13 yr old and a 14 yr that my DD is best friends with, she doesn't hang out with the older 2 DD. We are great friends, but being that I teach at the school these kids attend I feel like it is not appropriate for me to be with them when they are drinking.

Aren't you there to hang with the adults?

 

[LuvLDM]

They also have a 13 yr old and a 14 yr that my DD is best friends with, she doesn't hang out with the older 2 DD. We are great friends, but being that I teach at the school these kids attend I feel like it is not appropriate for me to be with them when they are drinking.

Unless they also allow their 13 & 14 to drink then I don't think you need to worry about them offering your child alcohol.
I won't allow my children to drink in my home until they are of legal age but it's not my business what other parents do in their home.
I think minding your business is the best course of action.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

My bff's daughter is four years older than my oldest and they've been hanging out at my house all summer. So in certain instances, the age difference is no big deal.

Teacher's are under a stricture where they have to report things they see that are illegal or wrong pertaining to children. At least they do here. As in, if a teacher witnessed something illegal dealing with children and did NOT report it, they could lose their license.

Now, in Tx they say it isn't illegal if the parent's are present and allow the child to drink, yet they are NOT the other child's parents so they cannot give that child permission. If something were to happen to the other child and the authories know the teacher was there and did not report the child drinking, then the teacher could be charged and fined and possible lose their licence. That would be if the rules are the same as they are here.

Now, let's drop that whole scenario and just concentrate on it making the OP uncomfortable to be around children she sees at school drinking.

If it makes you uncomfortable, stop going. Also, don't leave your child there if you want to make sure they don't get a drink.

 

[Hannathy]

It is very simple really. Just tell your friends that as a teacher you can't see the other child (not their own) drinking without having to report it so would the please not allow that child to drink if you are there. Why is that so hard to figure out and do ?

AND as far as your child simply tell them you do not want them drinking until they are of age or you give it to them. If your child disobeys you then that is the problem not anyone else.

 

[dzneelvr]

If these folks are your friends and your families spend time together, then sit down and talk with them about your concerns when your child is present at their meals.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

As a teacher, aren't you legally obligated to report this?

 

[StitchBuddy]

I am against giving kids alcohol at a young age, but even if you feel differently, it seems obvious to me that you shouldn't do it while you have guests -- especially if those guests are also teens. It does put the guest in an uncomfortable position.

Yes, it does make me uncomfortable. I think I will talk with my friend and just explain that it puts me in an awkward position. This is a new thing they have just started doing since their oldest went away to college. I must say I am surprised at how many responses have mentioned they allow their children to do the same. I don't worry to much about my DD, because she won't even drink a soda or caffiene, because as an athlete it hinders performance in her sport. But, I also know peer pressure can be tough too.

 

[famofsix]

it would bother me...but I am a rule follower so 21 is the legal drinking age here and I won't be allowing it before then. I will be discouraging it after 21 notice I said discouraging...of course if they decide to drink at 21 then I will have to accept it. BUT not before then.

underage drinking brings on problems....


I would talk to the parents that it puts you in an awkward position as a teacher like you said previously here

 

[StitchBuddy]

Aren't you there to hang with the adults?

Actually, we do many things together as families. This particular night we ate and played games. So, to answer your question, we were all sitting in the kitchen eating dinner.

 

[cornflake]

Seconding a few things, heh.

I don't think they'd likely give 13 or 14 year olds who weren't theirs booze but regardless just tell them you don't want them to give your kid alcohol if it should ever come up.

 

[Acklander]

I allow my teens to have an occasional glass of wine with dinner. I wouldn't make that decision for someone else's teen though. If it makes you uncomfortable just don't go over there