WWYD - Son and friends question

[EllenFrasier]

Let me give you a description of the person I am talking about. He is in his 30's, has a part-time job at Pizza Hut and collects Social Security Disability. One of the things he has is autism, I'm not sure if he has been diagnosed with anything else or not. He has a car and drives okay. He lived with his parents until recently when they had to sell their house and move into an apartment and he is getting his own apartment. He first showed up around our house about three years ago. I thought he was one of the teenagers that were playing football on our lawn (they were all dressed in winter clothes, so it was hard to tell). When the kids came in that day, I asked them who he was. They all said "oh, that's Jim" (named changed for this post). He used to hang out a couple streets down from our house, but then started coming down by our house to hang around the kids here. At the time, my teenage son played football with some other kids who no longer live here and Jim would hang out and watch. He does not play sports. He does ride a bike, has a scooter bike thing, etc. He buys the kids things like candy, gum, soda, inexpensive toys, birthday presents, etc. My teenage son's birthday was in March and he bought him a singing fish from McDonalds. We invited him in for pizza and cake because he was there, not because we thought ahead to invite him. We don't want to encourage him getting involved with our family. At Christmas we make up a tin of cookies for him, along with some other neighbors.

Now that my teenager is a little older, he is busy with school. Occasionally he will go out and shoot some baskets with the kid next door who is a couple years younger than him and there are other neighborhood kids around and my younger son who is 11 and Jim will be there. When the kids found out how old he was, they asked him why he was hanging around with them and he said when he was younger his mom was over protective and he couldn't play with other kids, so he is living his childhood now. He used to hang out with the guy across the street's kids when they were younger, but then they grew up and got their own lives, etc.

My husband is totally against Jim being around our kids. He thinks he is a bad influence on them and is too old to be hanging around little kids. He thinks even though he is hanging around with them, his ideas and things he says may be older than what they should be exposed to and not always appropriate. We are not with them when they are outside, so we don't know what he is saying. I can understand how my husband feels, but I also don't want to hurt Jim's feelings as I think he means well and is trying to be friends with the kids and has no other friends (adults anyway). He has been to the kids Halloween parade at school, just shows up, and he knows quite a few kids besides ours - they must live down where his parents house is. Jim shows up at the kids concerts at school and their baseball games. He also hangs out at the house next door with their kids who are 9 and 14. He likes to help out if someone is working outside, whether it's raking leaves, shoveling snow, chopping wood, etc.

Even if I wanted him to stop hanging around our kids, I'm not sure how to handle that. My kids play next door, all the "gang" goes to the park to play ball, they all ride bikes - well you get the picture - everybody is around all together. Any ideas on how I should handle this? Any experience with anything similar?

 

[themilesfamily]

I don't think I'd have a problem with it.

When I was growing up there always seemed to be someone "different" in our neighborhood -- someone with a disability of one kind or another. Families always went out of their way to be nice to that person and the kids were encouraged to be kind, friendly and understanding.

You said that he's been hanging around for three years. If that's the case and there have been no problems, I would just put him in the harmless category and try to be a friend to him. Everybody needs social interaction and it just sounds like this guy needs a friend.

I think it's good to teach kids to be empathetic and show kindness to all people.

Perhaps there are also some social services in town who could put him in touch with some people his own age who are dealing with some of the same issues. That might expand his social group a bit.

 

[donalducky]

I kinda feel bad for this guy.When I was a teen their were several guys who were in their 20's and 30's who were challenged in some way that weren't all obvious who would hang around with all the neighborhood kids. Everyone knew that it wasn't normal for a person that old to be hanging around kids but no one ever had any problems with them because they all seemed to have the thought process of a teen as well. Just like your kids we mainly played sports and hung out with them whenever they showed up. It seems to me that he just wants to socialize and the neighborhood kids are welcoming.That being said the only thing I can think for you to do is to tell your kids that you are uncomfortable with them hanging around with him and ask them to stop but that might not go so well since they have already been hanging around him for years.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I have a 14 year old son who is mildly autistic (Asperger's) so I'm coming at this issue from a different angle. It's important to know autistic people can have an emotional age that is several years younger than their chronological age. So hanging around with teenagers rather than adults might be more comfortable for Jim. It sounds like he's gotten to know a lot of the kids and enjoys playing with them and going to their school events.

As long as there's nothing inappropriate going on, I think it's great for Jim to have friends and for the kids to have him around. It's a great way for the kids to learn to be empathetic and to see that they can be friends with all types of people. I'm sure they can learn from Jim just as he's learning from them. It's very difficult for most autistic people to be social and the fact that he's trying is awesome. If he does say something inappropriate for the kids he's playing with, an adult can certainly step in and let him know (in a nice way) that he shouldn't says such things in front of the kids. I'll bet he's willing to learn and since he likes to help with chores he's probably very eager to please.

I understand your concerns, but would encourage you to really look at the situation and see what positives can come out of it for both Jim and the kids.

 

[johnsontrio]

Let me give you a description of the person I am talking about. He is in his 30's, has a part-time job at Pizza Hut and collects Social Security Disability. One of the things he has is autism, I'm not sure if he has been diagnosed with anything else or not. He has a car and drives okay. He lived with his parents until recently when they had to sell their house and move into an apartment and he is getting his own apartment. He first showed up around our house about three years ago. I thought he was one of the teenagers that were playing football on our lawn (they were all dressed in winter clothes, so it was hard to tell). When the kids came in that day, I asked them who he was. They all said "oh, that's Jim" (named changed for this post). He used to hang out a couple streets down from our house, but then started coming down by our house to hang around the kids here. At the time, my teenage son played football with some other kids who no longer live here and Jim would hang out and watch. He does not play sports. He does ride a bike, has a scooter bike thing, etc. He buys the kids things like candy, gum, soda, inexpensive toys, birthday presents, etc. My teenage son's birthday was in March and he bought him a singing fish from McDonalds. We invited him in for pizza and cake because he was there, not because we thought ahead to invite him. We don't want to encourage him getting involved with our family. At Christmas we make up a tin of cookies for him, along with some other neighbors.

Now that my teenager is a little older, he is busy with school. Occasionally he will go out and shoot some baskets with the kid next door who is a couple years younger than him and there are other neighborhood kids around and my younger son who is 11 and Jim will be there. When the kids found out how old he was, they asked him why he was hanging around with them and he said when he was younger his mom was over protective and he couldn't play with other kids, so he is living his childhood now. He used to hang out with the guy across the street's kids when they were younger, but then they grew up and got their own lives, etc.

My husband is totally against Jim being around our kids. He thinks he is a bad influence on them and is too old to be hanging around little kids. He thinks even though he is hanging around with them, his ideas and things he says may be older than what they should be exposed to and not always appropriate. We are not with them when they are outside, so we don't know what he is saying. I can understand how my husband feels, but I also don't want to hurt Jim's feelings as I think he means well and is trying to be friends with the kids and has no other friends (adults anyway). He has been to the kids Halloween parade at school, just shows up, and he knows quite a few kids besides ours - they must live down where his parents house is. Jim shows up at the kids concerts at school and their baseball games. He also hangs out at the house next door with their kids who are 9 and 14. He likes to help out if someone is working outside, whether it's raking leaves, shoveling snow, chopping wood, etc.

Even if I wanted him to stop hanging around our kids, I'm not sure how to handle that. My kids play next door, all the "gang" goes to the park to play ball, they all ride bikes - well you get the picture - everybody is around all together. Any ideas on how I should handle this? Any experience with anything similar?

New Rule

I think that if Jim were doing something that made the kids feel uncomfortable you would be hearing some talk in the neighborhood. The fact that he has been around for the past 3 years is a pretty decent track record in my opinion. Since he is showing up for public events at the school etc.., there are many people around that would notice if something seemed terribly off. I would let things go for now but remain tuned in. I agree with the other posters that there may be some benefit for all the boys in maintaining this relationship. Jim obviously has some social needs that are being met and the other boys are learning tolerance and hopefully, learning to enjoy their differences.

 

[EllenFrasier]

Thanks for your responses. I think Dh is just worried because there is such an age difference between him being in his 30's and our son who is 11. There haven't been any inappropriate things going on as far as I know, in an abusive way or anything like that - but there have been some lapses of judgement.

He hangs out with the kids, but he does not know enough to tell them when something is not a good idea or to say no. For instance, next door the teenage boy has a bb gun. I have told my son that he is not to be over there if the boy is using it. Jim has a pellet gun - whether he went out and bought it or already had it, I don't know. He told my son that he could not fire it, which was good. But he let him hold it and it was loaded. You guessed it. My son squeezed the trigger and it fired - luckily nobody was shot, but the gun has a quite a kick and my son got a large cut above his eye and had to go to the ER to get the cut glued (instead of stitches, liquid stitches I guess they are called). One time he showed up at the school and went on the playground. The school called the police. They didn't know who he was or why he was there. He was asking for my daughter. The principal called my Dh and he straightened it out. He told her that Jim was not to be at the school, but that he was harmless as far as we knew. Jim came over to apologize to me when I came home from work - I told him that the school does not allow anyone on the playground or in the school without signing in at the office first. I'm sure the office would have questioned him even if he did sign in.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I agree I wouldn't have a huge problem with it.
I understand I would be upset about the pellet gun but I would have a long talk with my son and try to explain to him just because him is 30 dosen't mean he may understand some some of his actions. He needs to know that if something Jim wants to do may not be to your approvel that he should speak up. And after re reading your post I realize your son is only 11 I was thinking he was like 15/16ish. BUT still I would set some rules.

 

[wdwfan16]

Let me give you a description of the person I am talking about. He is in his 30's, has a part-time job at Pizza Hut and collects Social Security Disability. One of the things he has is autism, I'm not sure if he has been diagnosed with anything else or not. He has a car and drives okay. He lived with his parents until recently when they had to sell their house and move into an apartment and he is getting his own apartment. He first showed up around our house about three years ago. I thought he was one of the teenagers that were playing football on our lawn (they were all dressed in winter clothes, so it was hard to tell). When the kids came in that day, I asked them who he was. They all said "oh, that's Jim" (named changed for this post). He used to hang out a couple streets down from our house, but then started coming down by our house to hang around the kids here. At the time, my teenage son played football with some other kids who no longer live here and Jim would hang out and watch. He does not play sports. He does ride a bike, has a scooter bike thing, etc. He buys the kids things like candy, gum, soda, inexpensive toys, birthday presents, etc. My teenage son's birthday was in March and he bought him a singing fish from McDonalds. We invited him in for pizza and cake because he was there, not because we thought ahead to invite him. We don't want to encourage him getting involved with our family. At Christmas we make up a tin of cookies for him, along with some other neighbors.

Now that my teenager is a little older, he is busy with school. Occasionally he will go out and shoot some baskets with the kid next door who is a couple years younger than him and there are other neighborhood kids around and my younger son who is 11 and Jim will be there. When the kids found out how old he was, they asked him why he was hanging around with them and he said when he was younger his mom was over protective and he couldn't play with other kids, so he is living his childhood now. He used to hang out with the guy across the street's kids when they were younger, but then they grew up and got their own lives, etc.

My husband is totally against Jim being around our kids. He thinks he is a bad influence on them and is too old to be hanging around little kids. He thinks even though he is hanging around with them, his ideas and things he says may be older than what they should be exposed to and not always appropriate. We are not with them when they are outside, so we don't know what he is saying. I can understand how my husband feels, but I also don't want to hurt Jim's feelings as I think he means well and is trying to be friends with the kids and has no other friends (adults anyway). He has been to the kids Halloween parade at school, just shows up, and he knows quite a few kids besides ours - they must live down where his parents house is. Jim shows up at the kids concerts at school and their baseball games. He also hangs out at the house next door with their kids who are 9 and 14. He likes to help out if someone is working outside, whether it's raking leaves, shoveling snow, chopping wood, etc.

Even if I wanted him to stop hanging around our kids, I'm not sure how to handle that. My kids play next door, all the "gang" goes to the park to play ball, they all ride bikes - well you get the picture - everybody is around all together. Any ideas on how I should handle this? Any experience with anything similar?

I feel sorry for the guy. It seems that 11 to younger teens are the only ones he can associate with. Nothing you said indicates he is doing anything wrong. I would not worry about him unless the kids start to complain.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Seriously, the Op's DH and I are the only people who think it is wildly inappropriate for an adult (in this case a grown man) of ANY disposition to be hanging out with young kids?????

#1, it is not a child's job on any level and in any way to take care of, support or help an adult. I don't give a hoot what this person's sob story is... and why on earth would anyone believe it as truth anyway? This isn't a friend's son or someone with ties to the family. This is a grown man with a story that may or may not be true.... and I don't think it is true. Why on earth take this person at his word????

#2, child molesters look to kids precisely because they have been rejected by their peers. In my world him being a loner is a cause for another red flag bells and whistles, not pity.

#3, the father doesn't like it. Why on earth shouldn't the father's instincts be trusted? Most men rarely weigh in on this sort of thing, so when they do I think their words should be heeded. If my DH ever said, "I don't want ---- around the kids", that would be the end of the conversation. I'm a girl so I get how we do things and girl double speak, DH is a guy so he gets the guy code of behavior and guy double speak... I would never ever blow off my DH's opinion on other men's behavior. Why on earth dismiss the kids' father? In favor of a stranger no less, what is up with that?

#4, many child molesters groom kids for years and years before they pounce. Most are not derelicts that grab someone from out of the woods. Most are adults given access to children where the kids feel safe and what is more reassuring than the kids' parents giving it a nod? Ever notice how they tend to be teachers, scout leaders, coaches, boyfriends or girlfriends, step parents, pastors, friends' parents? The one thing all these categories have in common is that other adults sanction the contact with kids which allows them to get in under the radar. All they need is an opening, they'll do the rest.

#5, it's just flat out weird for an adult to spend free time with kids. Look around you for heaven's sake, and pay attention to the men in your world. Men are not women, they tend to only be interested in their own kids, most can barely stand when their kids' friends are around stirring up things. They do not look to put themselves in situations where kids will cause a stir, they skip out on birthday parties and the PTA. It's just not normal guy behavior to go out of their way to spend so much time around children. Your DH knows it and even some of the kids who question this guy intuitively know it. I think even you know it on some level because you are posting here to get feedback. Don't wait to have your gut instincts validated by other people, if you sense something isn't quite right then trust that... and go get the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin DeBecker who was on Oprah years ago. The author is a child abuser profiler who mentions different strategies used by them and how to recognize them... this guy you are talking about fits the mold to a "T". Oh, and don't make excuses because you like a person. We all do it, we make exceptions. These exceptions are how these creeps get to kids.

On a softer note, I do get it, no-one wants to make anyone else feel. It is human nature to nurture others but the truth is this need to make others feel better is easy to manipulate. You are talking about kids and an unpleasant truth is there are people they need protection from. This guy has bad news written all over him and I would run him off faster than lightening if that EVER happened around here. In fact, I warn my kids all the time about adults or older kids who try to be their friends. Kids belong with kids and adults belong with adults, no exceptions.

I hope you're not too late already, a great deal can happen in 3 years... these kids trust this person now and he is entrenched in their lives. Good luck

 

[ols386]

Seriously, the Op's DH and I are the only people who think it is wildly inappropriate for an adult (in this case a grown man) of ANY disposition to be hanging out with young kids?????

#1, it is not a child's job on any level and in any way to take care of, support or help an adult. I don't give a hoot what this person's sob story is... and why on earth would anyone believe it as truth anyway? This isn't a friend's son or someone with ties to the family. This is a grown man with a story that may or may not be true.... and I don't think it is true. Why on earth take this person at his word????

#2, child molesters look to kids precisely because they have been rejected by their peers. In my world him being a loner is a cause for another red flag bells and whistles, not pity.

#3, the father doesn't like it. Why on earth shouldn't the father's instincts be trusted? Most men rarely weigh in on this sort of thing, so when they do I think their words should be heeded.

#4, many child molesters groom kids for years and years before they pounce. Most are not derelicts that grab someone from out of the woods. Most are adults given access to children where the kids feel safe and what is more reassuring than the kids' parents giving it a nod?

#5, it's just flat out weird for an adult to spend free time with kids. Look around you for heaven's sake, and pay attention to the men in your world. Men are not women, they tend to only be interested in their own kids, most can barely stand when their kids' friends are around stirring up things. They do not look to put themselves in situations where kids will cause a stir, they skip out on birthday parties and the PTA. It's just not normal guy behavior to go out of their way to spend so much time around children. Your DH knows it and even some of the kids who question this guy intuitively know it. I think even you know it on some level because you are posting here to get feedback. Don't wait to have your gut instincts validated by other people, if you sense something isn't quite right then trust that... and go get the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin DeBecker who was on Oprah years ago. The author is a child abuser profiler who mentions different strategies used by them and how to recognize them... this guy you are talking about fits the mold to a "T".

On a softer not, I do get it, no-one wants to make anyone else feel. It is human nature to nurture others bad but the truth is this need to make others feel better is easy to manipulate. You are talking about kids and an unpleasant truth is there are people they need protection from. This guy has bad news written all over him and I would run him off faster than lightening if that EVER happened around here. In fact, I warn my kids all the time about adults or older kids who try to be their friends. Kids belong with kids and adults belong with adults, no exceptions.

I hope you're not too late already, a great deal can happen in 3 years... these kids trust this person now and he is entrenched in their lives. Good luck

Wow. I really can't believe your post. Your talking about child molesters, calling him weird, saying he has bad news written all over him, etc. I think you are making unjustified judgments about someone that you know little about. And, BTW, just because a person acts different, doesn't mean they should automatically be avoided or shunned, and it doesn't even mean that there is something wrong with them. Again, I think your post is unbelievable.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

There is a guy in our town who is like this, he was a year behind DH and me in school. He works at the local grocery store. When he was around 30, he was still hanging out with high school kids. My sister was about 2 years older than this h.s. group and knew what was going on. What made it weird was that he was very attracted to some of the girls that were underaged and would tell people about it- including me while he was bagging my groceries. I guess he couldn't see anything wrong with it due to his problems(autism?), but it was still creepy. I think he was dating one of the girls. Now he is about 38 and I'm not sure who he hangs with.

 

[momof5boys]

In the town I grew up in we had Charlie. He is slow mentally, not sure of his true diagnosis. Charlie could always be found wandering around town, talking to anyone he saw, mostly kids, he lived on one of the streets that led to the high school. Charlie has been adopted by our town, he is at all the sports events. Has a school jacket, never misses a game(except this Thanksgiving, he was in the hospital, I cared for him and felt so bad. He was upset that he let the team down because he couldn't be there) He loves the kids and always wants to hang around with them, but in esscense he is a kid himself. Charlie is in his 50's now but still hangs with the kids, so he would have been in his 30's when I went to high school. He has never done anything, inappropriate. I am also friends with a mother of an autistic 20 yr old. He just got his first job, but I could see him behaving just like the man you are dealing with. I think he he got shunned it would be very hard for him. Have you ever thought of talking to his mother? She could probably give you some insight as to his diagnosis and emotional age. I am a nurse and we have to remember when dealing with people with disablilities that you have to talk to and treat them according to their emotional age, not chronological age.
Oh and for anybody that is curious about Charlie, he has a fan page on facebook(told you the town adopted him) go on facebook and look for the group fans of Charlie Bowlby(there is a picture of him dressed in a hotdog suit, he likes to help out too and he got dressed up for the local hotdog cart by the school, I smilied when I drove by after work and saw him waving at everybody, he looked so happy!)

 

[momof5boys]

LuvOrlando I too feel you are making a blanket statement. I hope you live in a very rural area, because as budget cuts keep occuring "these types of people" are going to be living in the community. Mentally challenged adults are being placed in group homes or apartments usually looked after by a worker to make sure they are safe, help them pay bills etc. Most of these people are very friendly and enjoy the company of others so be prepared because you may find one trying to talk to you or your children!(Notice I did not say mentally ill! Do not lump all these people into the basket.) Oh and if you have kids make sure they don't join the Key Club or they will be forced to hang around with those people that are too old to hang with kids!

 

[LuvOrlando]

Wow. I really can't believe your post. Your talking about child molesters, calling him weird, saying he has bad news written all over him, etc. I think you are making unjustified judgments about someone that you know little about. And, BTW, just because a person acts different, doesn't mean they should automatically be avoided or shunned, and it doesn't even mean that there is something wrong with them. Again, I think your post is unbelievable.

No, what is sad is that 1 out of 4 females (to 1 in 5) and 1 out of 5 males (to 1 in 10 depending on where you look) in this country are abused before the age of 18. The statistics are plain as day as are the characteristics of the abusers themselves. The info is all out there, easy to find.

 

[ols386]

No, what is sad is that 1 out of 4 females and 1 out of 5 males in this country are abused before the age of 18. The statistics are plain as day as are the characteristics of the abusers themselves. The info is all out there, easy to find.

You made some very blanket statements that are not necessarily true in this case. You can state all the statistics you want, but you are still generalizing and judging someone that you really no little about. Just because someone is different or doesn't behave exactly the way others do, does not mean that they will cause harm to someone.

 

[LuvOrlando]

You made some very blanket statements that are not necessarily true in this case. You can state all the statistics you want, but you are still generalizing and judging someone that you really no little about. Just because someone is different or doesn't behave exactly the way others do, does not mean that they will cause harm to someone.

Tell me this, why are you defending someone you really know little about?

Which parts of my statements are absolutely never ever true?

I am coming from the point that the Op is obviously concerned, hence the post, her DH's being against the arrangement and the OP's explanation of the guy's self- professed vague origin in the community. I always give OP's, the benefit of the doubt and assume they actually think about things before they post. I am also not in the habit of telling people to ignore their own eyes or feelings. I am generally of the opinion that we have evolved to be able to register when a threat is near us, even if we can't articulate the why's of that feeling. What most call instinct I actually think is a fine tuned drive towards self preservation and I think it should ALWAYS be heeded.

It's a simple truth that if it was easy to spot a child abuser no kid would ever be hurt.

 

[princessmom29]

Seriously, the Op's DH and I are the only people who think it is wildly inappropriate for an adult (in this case a grown man) of ANY disposition to be hanging out with young kids?????

#1, it is not a child's job on any level and in any way to take care of, support or help an adult. I don't give a hoot what this person's sob story is... and why on earth would anyone believe it as truth anyway? This isn't a friend's son or someone with ties to the family. This is a grown man with a story that may or may not be true.... and I don't think it is true. Why on earth take this person at his word????

#2, child molesters look to kids precisely because they have been rejected by their peers. In my world him being a loner is a cause for another red flag bells and whistles, not pity.

#3, the father doesn't like it. Why on earth shouldn't the father's instincts be trusted? Most men rarely weigh in on this sort of thing, so when they do I think their words should be heeded. If my DH ever said, "I don't want ---- around the kids", that would be the end of the conversation. I'm a girl so I get how we do things and girl double speak, DH is a guy so he gets the guy code of behavior and guy double speak... I would never ever blow off my DH's opinion on other men's behavior. Why on earth dismiss the kids' father? In favor of a stranger no less, what is up with that?

#4, many child molesters groom kids for years and years before they pounce. Most are not derelicts that grab someone from out of the woods. Most are adults given access to children where the kids feel safe and what is more reassuring than the kids' parents giving it a nod? Ever notice how they tend to be teachers, scout leaders, coaches, boyfriends or girlfriends, step parents, pastors, friends' parents? The one thing all these categories have in common is that other adults sanction the contact with kids which allows them to get in under the radar. All they need is an opening, they'll do the rest.

#5, it's just flat out weird for an adult to spend free time with kids. Look around you for heaven's sake, and pay attention to the men in your world. Men are not women, they tend to only be interested in their own kids, most can barely stand when their kids' friends are around stirring up things. They do not look to put themselves in situations where kids will cause a stir, they skip out on birthday parties and the PTA. It's just not normal guy behavior to go out of their way to spend so much time around children. Your DH knows it and even some of the kids who question this guy intuitively know it. I think even you know it on some level because you are posting here to get feedback. Don't wait to have your gut instincts validated by other people, if you sense something isn't quite right then trust that... and go get the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin DeBecker who was on Oprah years ago. The author is a child abuser profiler who mentions different strategies used by them and how to recognize them... this guy you are talking about fits the mold to a "T". Oh, and don't make excuses because you like a person. We all do it, we make exceptions. These exceptions are how these creeps get to kids.

On a softer note, I do get it, no-one wants to make anyone else feel. It is human nature to nurture others but the truth is this need to make others feel better is easy to manipulate. You are talking about kids and an unpleasant truth is there are people they need protection from. This guy has bad news written all over him and I would run him off faster than lightening if that EVER happened around here. In fact, I warn my kids all the time about adults or older kids who try to be their friends. Kids belong with kids and adults belong with adults, no exceptions.

I hope you're not too late already, a great deal can happen in 3 years... these kids trust this person now and he is entrenched in their lives. Good luck

No, what is sad is that 1 out of 4 females (to 1 in 5) and 1 out of 5 males (to 1 in 10 depending on where you look) in this country are abused before the age of 18. The statistics are plain as day as are the characteristics of the abusers themselves. The info is all out there, easy to find.

1. We are talking about a person with a disability her. Essentially he IS a child, not an adult.
2. It seems like there is a something deeper in your violent response to this. I am not sure what is going on with you or has happened in the past, but I think you are definitely projecting something onto this situation. This guy is not a child molestor, he is a disabled person. I agree with you that it would be highly suspect if we were talking about a normal adult, but we are not. We are talking about an adult with the mentality of a child.

 

[ols386]

Tell me this, why are you defending someone you really know little about?

I am coming from the point that the Op is obviously concerned, hence the post, her DH's being against the arrangement and the OP's explanation of the guy's self- professed vague origin in the community.

It's a simple truth that if it was easy to spot a child abuser no kid would ever be hurt.

I am defending him because as far as we know, he has done nothing wrong.

You're basically accusing the guy of being a child molester, or some other evil thing, because you think he is weird and he doesn't behave like you think he should behave.

 

[LuvOrlando]

1. We are talking about a person with a disability her. Essentially he IS a child, not an adult.
2. It seems like there is a something deeper in your violent response to this. I am not sure what is going on with you or has happened in the past, but I think you are definitely projecting something onto this situation. This guy is not a child molestor, he is a disabled person. I agree with you that it would be highly suspect if we were talking about a normal adult, but we are not. We are talking about an adult with the mentality of a child.

30 years old is not a child, regardless of his IQ he is, in fact, an adult.

 

[ols386]

30 years old is not a child, regardless of his IQ he is, in fact, an adult.

This may be true, but it still doesn't mean he has done anything wrong or that he will ever do anything wrong.