WWYD-school requested DS skip a grade

[StephMK]

This will probably be long but we're really torn & need some BTDT opinions. I found two threads on it but still have a question I didn't see answered. DS5 is the youngest of 3 and won't be 6 until a month after school is out (late June bday). DD8 is completing 2nd & many people have asked if they're twins. Similar in size (she's small for her age, he's big), very compatible, etc. He's currently in a K class that will all move up (loop) w/the same teacher.

DS started kindergarten reading at a 4th grade level and meeting w/the reading teacher a few times a week. His teacher have recently been testing him and they recommend moving him up a grade. He scored 40 out of 45 on the cumulative end of first grade math test and now reads/understands at a 6th grade level. The school said they don't make these decisions lightly but even the 1st grade GT program wouldn't challenge him and he doesn't produce the same type of writing for his regular teacher as he does for his reading teacher. In class, he's sloppier and puts out a one sentence answer but not a behavior issue. He's very friendly, loves to answer & participate (sometimes too much), lots of confidence & nice group of friends.

Based on that, how advanced is advanced enough that it's more necessary to make sure he's challenged vs. letting him stay a little boy and keep him where he is for social, athletic and maturity reasons. I'm thinking ahead & don't want him to be driving first as a senior & graduating 1 mo before he turns 17. But I don't want him to be bored and start getting into trouble.

 

[daisyduck123]

My DD13 (now completing 9th grade) skipped 1st grade. It was not at our request, but what the principal & reading specialist highly recommended for her. You will hear many opinions on what you should do. Getting into specifics would be lengthy but just wanted to let you know that for us, it could not have worked out better. If the school is highly recommending it & you think he's ready, I would do it.

 

[StephMK]

That's our situation. We didn't ask for this, I only mentioned in passing to his teacher last fall that he was correcting his DD7 on her reading. They went from there. They strongly recommend it, it's us that aren't sure we want to basically lose a year with him when he's already starting out on the younger side. Plus since his whole class will be together next year, it will be even more apparent of the change when he's in school but not there with them.

 

[daisyduck123]

That's our situation. We didn't ask for this, I only mentioned in passing to his teacher last fall that he was correcting his DD7 on her reading. They went from there. They strongly recommend it, it's us that aren't sure we want to basically lose a year with him when he's already starting out on the younger side. Plus since his whole class will be together next year, it will be even more apparent of the change when he's in school but not there with them.

My DD has a late birthday too....August. Size wise, skipping worked out great because after skipping, she was STILL the tallest girl in her class. She also got her period before the older girls (she was 10)...sorry if TMI.

She was also more emotionally mature than the older kids. She's in high school now & ever since 2nd grade, we've never mentioned to her teachers about her skipping. When they find out, they always say the same thing, "She skipped? She would've been the last one in the class that I would've imagined skipping. She's so mature!"

As a 1st grade teacher myself, I do think that being emotionally ready is definitely a requirement for grade skipping. If your DS is, I would do it....but that's just me. Your child is a boy, and I have never had to think of it from that perspective. My DD does know that she'll be the last one driving....as most of her friends are already 15 & talking about drivers ed. classes.

Around here, grade skipping is not taken lightly either. In my 17 years of teaching, I've only known 2 children to skip. (My child & a boy student I had about 10 years ago). In both cases, it worked beautifully.

 

[GoofyFairie]

My sister did not skip my niece. She was reading and understanding 6th grade when she started Kindergarten. Is there any way the school can provide more interesting/challenging/stimulating work? My niece does peer tutoring to help slower kids as well as spending more time w/ the gifted teacher doing higher level activities. She gets a couple of extra, harder spelling words that the otherkids don't get. It keeps her motivated when she is bored in class and keeps her with age appropriate peers growing up. Good luck!

 

[i12go2wdw]

My eldest DS who is now 15 did grade one and two in the same year, our school does not skip I guess but it worked out very well for him as he was always playing with the older kids (usually girls) anyway as kids his age bugged him. Anyways, a girl in his Kindergaten class did K and 1 in the same year and this did not work as well for her. She did have to be home schooled for a couple of yeas as she was not as mature and did not fit in as well with the older kids. My DS is VERY small for his age but thankfully it has never been as issue as far as bullying or teasing. He is starting to grow now so there is hope and he is very excited that he will graduate early and get on with making his millions He is also a June baby and is not bothered by the fact that the girls have to drive him around

 

[K and K's Mommy]

My cousin skipped a grade, I think 6th, and he has always been socially fine. He is starting medical school in the fall and just turned 21. Ever since he skipped a grade his mom has said she would want him doing some sort of graduate school so wouldn't be in the "real" world at 20.

My son is in third grade and his reading level is now 12th. He is in a gifted class, and the teachers try to individualize so that helps. Some teachers are gong to be better than this than others. There is no way I could ever see him skipping. He would not be socially ready for that. He also has never been one to act out if he is bored. He just reads more! (Now my DD may be a different story!) I think he is still somewhat immature - a late spring birthday, but IN's cut-off is Aug. 1. We also are more conservative parents - no tween shows or PG 13 movies yet - so I think that probably factors in my thinking too.

My cousin did fine, but his school system did not have a gifted program. I feel very fortunate that we do!! Best of luck in your decision. Every child is different.

 

[_queenie_]

Your DS sounds quite a bit like how my two older kids were in K, they were both given a letter upon entering first grade along with a few other kids in their classes stating that the district was offering testing to see if they could skip a grade. I put some hard thought into it both times but in the end denied teir offer both times. I'm sure at the moment this skip would greatly benefit him, but one thing to consider is if you think this will still benefit him in six years from now.

When my DS had just turned four he could read this book about sea life (it was picture book but because of how "big" some of the words were it had to have been at fifth grade level) and corrected my DD's godmother (a K teacher) on the word "anemone" as they were alternatively reading together. He was very mature by K, I had to have a conference with the teacher the first week because he was more interested in reading his little animal encyclopedia than the class. By fourth grade though, his ADD/mild tic disorder became much more noticable and each year until eighth or ninth grade it became worse and worse (he's now 17 and doing a lot better). I think if he had been a grade ahead he would have gotten teased, it just wasn't the right path for him.

I thought about skipping my DD13 ahead a little more seriously. Though my DS was very mature, she was even more so in that she would always be interested in what was going on in school and was quickly grasping concepts and she simply was not your typical five-year-old. She was quickly socializing, actually able to join an adult conversation easier than one with other children. She was also very ahead in reading as well. Though she's very tall, she's a Summer baby and I thought that as she got older she would probably start to feel less and less comfortable being in class with kids one, two and potentially three years older than her. It wasn't until third grade that I noticed her not socializing quite as well. Girls were beginning their little "pre-teen" phase and I thought at that time she just wasn't quite there yet. The older she got, and now at 13, it kept feeling more and more like she wasn't ready for her grade. Sometimes in the past I've even thought that it may have helped her to be a grade behind, certainly not ahead. I've realized that with her, it's not as much that she's less mature than her peers, it's almost in a way like she's more mature and has always remained that way. She's just not your typical 13-year-old, once again like at 5. She doesn't want a cell phone because she thinks she wouldn't use it, doesn't like talking about high school, keeps telling me that she won't start driving until 17 and doesn't understand why kids want to go on dates because she thinks it's not serious and kids will not find their spouse in middle school. It's very odd, she has close friends she'll talk up a storm too, but she can start up a conversation with an adult (or a kid a few years older) or someone younger she doesn't know than she can someone her age. I'm very glad that she didn't skip, it's sad that the issue is more about socialization than academics, but there's no denying it. I wish school would just go back to only being about learning but it's not happening anytime soon unfortuantely. My DD and possibly my DS would probably still be doing well in school if they were a year ahead, but for them taking advanced classes has been the best solution.

It's your decision, do what you're both comfortable with, just be really sure before you do anything. Help find the right path for your son, it's different for everyone.

 

[srwarden1928]

The school wanted me to skip first and second grades. My mother refused because of the social issues.

I was a handful until I got to third grade and actually learned something at school that I didnt already know.

I also had social issues until I got to college.

I dont know if it would have been better to skip, but waiting wasnt easy.

 

[zoemurr]

My DD read the "Little House" series on her own the summer before she started preschool. (age 4) She is crazy smart.. and I can brag 'cause she got it from her dad.. not me.

She was reading/comprehending about 5th grade level (on school's test) 5 months before starting K, and was doing long division for "fun".

We started K and it was a disaster. She felt so different from the other kids, and was "dumbing" herself down to fit in. She received gifted services a few times a week, but the teacher was uncooperative and didn't understand any of the problems we were hearing about at home.

Anyway, we knew she could handle it accademically, and socially she is very confident, and is quite tall for her age. She skipped to 1st in the middle of the year and didn't miss a beat. (1st grade teacher was wonderful.) She had a perfect score on the 3rd grade Otis Lennon (IQ test) with only one other child in our district, and she was the youngest that took it. She is finishing up 4th grade now, and I guess it may still be too early to tell, but we rarely think about it, and the farther away we are the less people that know about it. The only hang-up we find are a few after-school activities that she can't be in with her friends since she is not their age. Sometimes I ask for permission to bump her up, and sometimes I leave it alone. It depends on the activity.

For boys sports also plays a role, as around here anyway, a lot of people "hold" their boys so they will be bigger for sports. So unfortunately your DS may be 2yrs younger than some. My son has a July birthday (cutoff here is Dec 1) and was the 3rd youngest in his class. He is only halfway through the year.. I couldn't believe it.. but many people with Aug-Dec birthdays held back. Fortunately he is bright too and is doing fine. Good luck.. it's hard to see what it will be like in the future. I did a lot of research, and it seems that for many kids it is the right decision.

 

[mom2alix]

Steph,

I don't know if this is even possbile as there is a waitlist, but have you considered the Montessori program for your DS? The multi-age classroom environment would be a great way to keep him challenged while still allowing him to stay within his age group. With the individualized approach, he could be continually challenged. You'd have to provide transportation to either Montclair or Norris where the mini-magnets are located, but it might be a good situation for your DS. It's so nice to have this option within the school district for free.

PM me if you have any questions. Good luck with your decision!

 

[DevilDuckie]

I didn't get skipped even though my parents were asked repeatedly to do so. They thought it would be bad for my older brother's self-esteem- but that's another story.

Looking back my mother admits that I'd have been better served by being skipped and it would have made my academic and social life much better... of course she still thinks she did the right thing.

Who me, mother issues?

 

[graygables]

I skipped K and they wanted to skip me in grade 2, but my parents said no. I was actually sick a lot, so basically homeschooled, then when I was better, was the "helper" doing the mimeographing, typing, errands, etc. In 6th grade, I was done by Christmas break and spent the rest of the year as the school nurse/office aid. By my senior year, all I needed was one English credit and my idiot principal refused to sign me off for summer school or I would have graduated at 16. As it was, I was 17 and when I went to college, it was like I could actually breathe again. I was miffed at my parents for making me suffer through more years of public school heck than I needed to (and I was smart enough to KNOW I didn't need to...)

It was hard being smarter than most everyone else b/c they think you're a snot or a braggart when you can't help that you read the entire works of Shakespeare the summer after 6th grade because it was fascinating. It doesn't matter how mature you are, they are still going to pick on you anyway. We actually pulled now-19yo out her freshman year for the same reasons and she took the GED at 16 and started college classes at 17.

Incidentally, I also know people who hold their boys back so they will be bigger/more skilled athletically . You are going to have to weigh all the pros and cons and see what would be most beneficial to your child's education.

 

[surfgirl]

I would talk to either an Educational Consultant or a school psychologist -- the ones that do the testing (WISC, etc.) for kids to get into private school. You may have to pay for a meeting, but it would be worth it to talk through with an expert.

 

[CleveRocks]

I can give you only one bit of anecdotal experience. My older brother was only about one month from the cut-off (he was on the young side) to start school. Later, he skipped 2nd grade. He graduated high school and started college at age 16. He was on the high school swim team and was very active socially. And we're talking an urban high school with 5,000 students, meaning that getting onto any athletic team was very highly competitive. In other words, being a year younger and in some cases 2 years younger than the other boys in the same grade didn't stop him from suceeding athletically.

He's been married almost 30 years now, 4 great successful kids (doctor, lawyer, golf pro, college student), great income, etc.

I look at it this way. He's not only happy and successful, but from a financial angle, skipping 2nd grade enabled him to earn an extra year's hefty income and still retire at the same age.

Let's say (at today's rates) your son is destinated to earn $200,000 per year. If he skips a grade now, it's like giving him an extra $200,000 later in life, assuming he will retire the same year regardless of when he graduates high school, college, etc.

 

[rt2dz]

Have not BTDT. But I have siblings that have. Two of them. Both started K at 4yo and both skipped up a grade down the line. My mother says it was the best thing she ever could have done with my brother. He needed out faster than he needed to stay. Intellectually he was too far ahead. He was more mature than everyone in his class, and most his friends. All his friends were already 2-3 years older. He didn’t have the slightest interest in driving until my parents forced him at 18. With my sister, my mother says it was the biggest mistake. She needed more time to mature. She shouldn’t have left for college at 16. She’s 40+ and still complains that she had to wait longer than all her classmates to drive; she was 16. She ended up dropping out of college because she wasn’t ready. She was considered by the school to be mature, but at home was a different story. She went back to college, twice, and still dropped out again so that might not be her real reason. And all this was back before the heavy red-shirting.

Whatever you decide, think about it carefully. And remember, there are other options. There is private school for gifted children. There is homeschooling. There is even holding him back later if you think he really needs to be among his pears. It is a big decision and I can’t help you, but I wanted you to know two kids from the same family—and the two that are the most similar—ended up with two very different outcomes. Don’t blame yourself if you think down the road you made a wrong decision; you’re doing your best with the information you have now. It’s really one of those things that only time can tell.

 

[surfgirl]

Don’t blame yourself if you think down the road you made a wrong decision; you’re doing your best with the information you have now. It’s really one of those things that only time can tell.

this is great advice... the best parenting advice I've ever gotten is 'trust your instincts'. You know your family, your kids.

what does your gut tell you ?

 

[Malela9]

I am a Kindergarten teacher, although I have taught first grade -gone between the two for 16 years. I understand what you are saying about your son getting bored and in trouble. I have only skipped one student in all my years of teaching, and he was very mature. One other student of mine skipped, after she was out of my class, and her classmates are not that crazy about her-they still see her as younger even in their senior year of high school. Is there a charter school in your area ? I have found that when considering these students, especially boys who tend to mature later, you must consider them first. Also, kids always do better one on one than in a classroom situation. ( I was also reading at a 4th grade level in K and wish that my mom had held me back, I have a Nov. birthday.) Good luck, I am glad that you are being careful making this desission.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Our younger DD is very young for her 2nd grade class-a week before the cutoff date (youngest 2nd grader in the school), and she's still doing work at a much higher level than most of her peers. But socially, you can tell that she's the youngest in the group. So our solution has been to keep her with her peers in terms of social maturity, but work with the teachers on making sure her academics are challenging to her.

I'm still not satified with the math teacher's response, ie more work instead of more advanced work , but we are working on that for next year with a different teacher.

The one thing I have learned with two gifted kids is that there is no silver bullet that will fix all of their problems, and making sure they are HAPPY and conected is sometimes more important than whether they're learning to their full capacity at all times.

Sometimes super bright kids need more work with social connections with their peers than help with math...

(my college life was basically exactly like the Big Bang Theory on tv-I am a smarter version of Penny and I married a hotter version of Leonard!)

 

[bookgirl]

From my perspective...I started Kdg at 4 (septmeber birthday just before the deadline), they wanted my mom to hold me out because I was young and I had a speech defect that made me sound like a baby, she refused and told them to hand me a book, which I promptly read to them. With in a week of kdg I had passed the end of the year test. THEN they tried to get her to move me up to first grade. Again my mom refused, as she thought 4 was too immature for 6 year olds. Both were the right decisions for me. Intellectually I was ready to be in first or second, age wise I was young for kdg, but emotionally I was just right for where she put me. YOU know your child. Don't base it on age or intellect, base it on the social rediness of your child. You can always skip later when they are mature, and you can get supplememtal work to challenge them but you can never change the fact of putting your kid in a situation they aren't ready for peer wise.

I wish you the best in your decision.