WWYD - re Donation

[marlasmom]

I was talking to my sister today and telling her about one of my Guardian Ad Litem cases. It is two little girls who were abused and abandoned by their "parents." DCS asked the mother's sister if she would take the children. She said she would "for however long it takes." DCF delivered the children - ages 6 months and 1 and 1/2 with the older child in a seatbelt, no carseat, one bottle - nothing else. She had to buy a crib for the baby, diapers and formula. She has a two year old of her own and doesn't need clothes. It has taken a month, but I finally got the paperwork started to get her AFDC. The aunt has 4 small children of her own.

Now the problem - my sister is very firm and she said instead of donating to the hurricane victims she is sending me $100 to help with diapers and formula for the children. The aunt could definitely use the money but I feel strange about it. OTOH it's my sister's money and she should be able to use it however she wants.

WWYD? Send it to the Red Cross or give it to the aunt - a very very nice lady btw.

 

[clh2]

IMHO, the only thing to do is to give it to the aunt - as directed by your sister. Why would you even consider re-directing this money?

 

[Microcell]

The Aunt. Need is need, it seems like she has a very worthy cause herself.

 

[gepetto]

WWYD? Send it to the Red Cross or give it to the aunt - a very very nice lady btw.

why would you take it upon yourself to decide where your sister's money should go?

 

[dmslush]

Give it to the aunt. The hurricane victims are not the only people in need right now. When there is a large tragedy, it is common place for everyone to direct all of their donations to that one event and smaller charities and individuals often suffer because of it.

For instance, your county's food pantry. It was in dire need of donations two weeks ago, right? Well, now it is even in more need because the majority will neglect it and send their donations to the hurricane victims. It is a tough call, who and when to send out donations.

 

[eeyore kelly]

Give it to the Aunt.

 

[minniecarousel]

No doubt in my mind - give it where intended.

 

[Pam]

IMHO, the only thing to do is to give it to the aunt - as directed by your sister. Why would you even consider re-directing this money?

I totally agree.
I definitely wouldn't go behind my sister's back and do contrary to her wishes.

 

[disneymom3]

If your sis wants to give to the hurricane victims she will, but in the meantime, how many people know about this awesome woman who is willing to step up and make personal sacrifice for these two little ones who have had it so rough. They are just as in need as the hurricane victims.

 

[Lessa of Pern]

if you feel uncomfortable giving it to the aunt, i.e., that it might create an awkward situation for you in doing your job, find a way to make the gift anonymous.

as somoene else pointed out...the social service resources in your area are going to be stretched thin because everyone will be donating to hurricane releif and may neglect to donate to local charities. we saw that during the crisis of 9/11. we saw it during the tsunami.

 

[CajunDixie]

Now the problem - my sister is very firm and she said instead of donating to the hurricane victims she is sending me $100 to help with diapers and formula for the children. The aunt could definitely use the money but I feel strange about it. OTOH it's my sister's money and she should be able to use it however she wants.

WWYD? Send it to the Red Cross or give it to the aunt - a very very nice lady btw.

Why are you even asking this?

 

[Lessa of Pern]

she's askinb because she's afraid that giving the money to the aunt might compromise her role as law guardian for the children -- a conflict of interest. it raises an ethical question on her ability to make a fair and appropriate decision on the future of the two children.

that's why I suggested doing it anonymously. if the aunt doesn't know the source of the funds, there's no appearance of impropriety.

 

[CajunDixie]

she's askinb because she's afraid that giving the money to the aunt might compromise her role as law guardian for the children -- a conflict of interest

She doesn't say that in her post!

WWYD? Send it to the Red Cross or give it to the aunt - a very very nice lady btw.

If she feels it would compromise her role then she should have told her sister that and she should have given her sister the aunts address. She absolutely should not give it to the Red Cross. Look at how many DIS people do not give to the Red Cross based on how much of the donations go to overhead. It's not her place to redirect the money. If she has no intention of sending it where it was intended then she should be honest enough to tell her sister she can't give the money to the aunt.

 

[DMRick]

I would not give cash in any case. Perhaps a gift certificate to a food store that carries formula and diapers? But definately, if you are allowed in your job, give the money where your sister wants you to give it.

 

[gepetto]

she's askinb because she's afraid that giving the money to the aunt might compromise her role as law guardian for the children -- a conflict of interest.

then why didn't she tell her sister that? Speaking of ethics, is it ethical for Marlasmom to discuss DCF cases with her sister and the 70,000 or so people here?

 

[marlasmom]

I really don't write clearly. Of course I would not go behind my sister's back. I was really wondering where the need was greater. My sister would certainly go along if I told her the Red Cross needs it more. On my other case I bring a present for the child when I visit - but 7 of them gets difficult. I asked if I could bring them candy and the aunt said no. (I'll bring a fruit basket next time.) Before I give it to her I'll ask the program director if it's ok. If I can bring presents for the kids I don't see why I can't bring diapers.

 

[Lessa of Pern]

then why didn't she tell her sister that? Speaking of ethics, is it ethical for Marlasmom to discuss DCF cases with her sister and the 70,000 or so people here?

I don't see a problem in discussing cases so long as you don't name names, or include facts that identify the individuals involved.

in my newspaper every Christmas, we are asked to make donations to specific families. the social services personnel describe each family's "situation" -- for example, mother died, father is disabled, the kids need winter coats -- but the family may be referred to as "the 'J' family."

 

[mom2boys]

Give it to the aunt. She is doing a generous thing & it is taking away from her own family. If the aunt were not willing and able to do this, those children would be in the system & using the resources of the system.

 

[Daxx]

Can you trust the aunt to buy diapers and formula w/the money? That would be my first concern.

I think I'd prob. take the money and buy diapers and formula myself and give those to the aunt. I'd hate to find out that the aunt did not use the money in a way that did not benefit the children.

 

[diznygirl]

The need is where the need is - there is no "greater" or "lesser." But consider this - the victims of the hurricane are getting billions of dollars in aid. The aunt will get the $100.

Not to mention the fact that it's your sister's money and you should do what she wants with it......

Now, go buy some diapers, bottles and formula!