WWYD? Pregnant teen at my DD's high school pestering my DD..........

[Coconut36]

WWID? Nothing, its not like this is your dd's best friend and she's actually pressuring her to go have unprotected sex and get pregnant. She's not even a friend, according to you she's only an aquaintance who chit chats with your dd in some of your classes. Honestly if you are so worried that your dd is going to be too influenced by the "wildly inappropriate" things this girl is saying, maybe instead of calling a counselor for this girl, you should concentrate your efforts on your own dd

I am honestly a bit stunned someone who is a teacher can't appropriately handle the situation and would call it "wildly inappropriate" and consider chit chat worthy of running to the school counselor. Most teachers would know how to appropriately handle it.

 

[Coconut36]

Years ago, JR High was 7th, 8th, and 9th. HS was 10th, 11, and 12th.

That might be more of a regional thing rather than an age thing. Around here probably 90% of the public schools are broken out with 7th and 8th being middle school and 9th-12th being high school. There are a few that break it up a bit differently (my cousin's school in Mesa was 6th-8th middle school and 9th-12th high school) but that is the norm here and has been since my Dad was a kid here (native..so he went to school starting around 1956ish).

 

[Coconut36]

ITA, someone was saying that she should befriend the girl and possibly help her. Um, no. Being nice is good, getting to be a good enough friend to "help", no. Especially not since the dd is only 14 and admittedly not assertive.

Ah..got ya now..I was a bit confused but it sounds like we are on a similar page.

 

[YodaGirl]

I would stay out of it. At 14, your DD is perfectly capable of handling the situation herself. In fact, it sounds like she already has.

If anything, I would use this opportunity to reinforce how difficult it would be to raise a child.

What the heck year did you graduate in? My mom graduated in like 1965 and 9th grade was freshman in high school. She went from K-5 in one school, then 6-8 in middle school, then 9-12 in high school. Both nephews are in the same type of "track" although one is out of state.

Maybe it's a regional thing?

I graduated in 1999.

Jr. High was 7-9, and HS was 10-12. That only changed within the past 5 years or so.

 

[Minnie_me]

I'm the OP and I'm pretty surprised at the responses!!!

I'll try to address a few.

~ I never said DD was being "threatened". I said "pestered", which means annoyed, and that's exactly what I meant. Not sure why anyone would think I meant anything else.

~ I'm a teacher, yes, but I teach 4-5 year olds. I don't deal with teens in a school setting, so I'm not sure why everyone thinks that I should know what to do.

~ I'm not treating my DD like she's 3 years old. Can't figure out where that thought came from. DD talks to me daily about Susie. When I come home at the end of the day, the first thing out of her mouth is, "Guess what Susie said/did today?" Clearly, she is bothered.

~ I think it is DEFINITELY "wildly inappropriate" (my words) for a 16-year old girl to suggest to a 14-year old girl that she should "hook up" and try to get pregnant! Does no one agree with me on that point?

~ I'm not wanting to talk to the counselor at school about MY DD --- I want to talk to her about Susie, and the fact that she might need some guidance on the appropriateness of talking freshmen girls into becoming unwed mothers.

I like Susie. I always have. Remember, I told DD to be friendly at first because I felt that Susie is probably scared and embarrassed and needed a friend. However, for Susie to suggest that my innocent daughter have unprotected sex at age 14 ---- that's going too far.

Susie doesn't need a friend. She's rather popular. Her parents are supportive. The baby's father is in the picture (he's 19), and his parents are supportive. I don't know what her angle is.

Sorry I posted. Didn't know pregnant teens were so popular, and being a geeky honor student meant that you are a coddled baby.

 

[goofy!]

Years ago, JR High was 7th, 8th, and 9th. HS was 10th, 11, and 12th.

I was a freshman in 1972. I believe that would qualify for "years" ago.

Jr High was 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. High School was 9-12th grades.

I do remember hearing in college about a few midwest students that did it the way you suggested, but the majority of schools in this country "years ago" had the standard freshman, sophomore, junior, senior routine. The three year high school was considered very odd "years ago."

As for the OP - it is your job to parent your child. Teach her to say "no". It will serve her well in the next few years when drugs, sex and alcohol persuasions come up. This will not be the first nor the last time your daughter encounters peer pressure in high school.

It is not the OP's job to run to the counselor every time somebody says something the OP feels inappropriate.

Last I knew, people had the right to talk about things that are important to them. I personally get annoyed when people start trying to convince me that we need to go to Disney again (we are Universal people and don't care for Disney anymore.)

Running to the counselor tells your daughter that you don't trust her and think that she is going to jump in bed and get pregnant just by the mere suggestion of it by a casual acquaintance sitting next to her.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm the OP and I'm pretty surprised at the responses!!!

I'll try to address a few.

~ I never said DD was being "threatened". I said "pestered", which means annoyed, and that's exactly what I meant. Not sure why anyone would think I meant anything else.

~ I'm a teacher, yes, but I teach 4-5 year olds. I don't deal with teens in a school setting, so I'm not sure why everyone thinks that I should know what to do.

~ I'm not treating my DD like she's 3 years old. Can't figure out where that thought came from. DD talks to me daily about Susie. When I come home at the end of the day, the first thing out of her mouth is, "Guess what Susie said/did today?" Clearly, she is bothered.

~ I think it is DEFINITELY "wildly inappropriate" (my words) for a 16-year old girl to suggest to a 14-year old girl that she should "hook up" and try to get pregnant! Does no one agree with me on that point?

I like Susie. I always have. Remember, I told DD to be friendly at first because I felt that Susie is probably scared and embarrassed and needed a friend. However, for Susie to suggest that my innocent daughter have unprotected sex at age 14 ---- that's going too far.

Susie doesn't need a friend. She's rather popular. Her parents are supportive. The baby's father is in the picture (he's 19), and his parents are supportive. I don't know what her angle is.

Sorry I posted. Didn't know pregnant teens were so popular, and being a geeky honor student meant that you are a coddled baby.

OP, at what point do you stop running to someone because another student is saying things to your dd that you think are inappropriate? You need to teach your dd to handle this because if you think what that girl said was wildly inappropriate you are in for a rude awakening. There will be worse things your dd will hear, and who knows they may come from her BFF next time instead of some aquaintance in a couple of her classes. You can't shelter your innocent 14 year old forever. You need to prepare her for how it is today. It is what it is.

 

[Hannathy]

and being a geeky honor student meant that you are a coddled baby.

your right being a geeky honor student has nothing to do with being a coddled baby. Not knowing how to tell a girl to stop telling you things like that or to not know how to let it go in one ear and out the other at 14 is. You wanted to go to a counselor over a minor bother that most High School kids would have dealt with on their own. Time to step back and in your own words stop babying her.


Listen and be astounded together and talk over the absurdity of some of her statements but that is your role as a high school students Mom in this case nothing more.

 

[Feckless]

While I would be less than thrilled that a 16 year old girl was suggesting getting pregnant to my 14 year old, there is no way in hell that I would go to a counselor to complain or ask him to speak to the other girl. There is no bullying, there is no threatening, and there is nothing that a school should be involved in. Your DD is going to have other students talk to her all sorts of "wildly inappropriate" things throughout high school - drinking, smoking, drugs, etc. Last time I heard, that was called negative peer pressure. It's our job as parents to help our kids make the right choices. The fact that your DD is coming home and telling you about it is awesome. She wants to talk to you and tell you and get your opinion. Do you honestly think your DD is going to say, "that sounds like an awesome idea!!!" In fact, it sounds like she's a great kid, and able to form her own opinions and make her own choices. She's 14, not 9, and there are inappropriate people out there that she is going to have to know how to deal with. It's our job to give her to tools to do that, and not to remove the negative stimulus, as it were.

If your daughter is seriously bothered by this girl, then she should ask the teacher to change her seat, and not reveal that she requested it. But it should be your DD that requests that, if SHE wants to, not you.

Once this all comes down to its obvious conclusion (teen mom breaks up with boyfriend, ruins social life, goes on assistance) then your DD will get the real lesson of how awesome it can be...

Good luck.

 

[Minnie_me]

Listen and be astounded together and talk over the absurdity of some of her statements but that is your role as a high school students Mom in this case nothing more.

Obviously, this is what I've been doing for the past 5 weeks. I guess we'll just endure a few more weeks of this until Susie has the baby and goes on to live her wonderful life.

 

[HeatherC]

OP..My dd is a freshman this year as well. It would bother me too, but I wouldn't say anything to anyone other than my daughter. I would have probably done what you did...tell her to try and be nice to Susie.

As for Susie pestering her, well ...when is she due? Maybe that problem will be solved before too long anyway.

I am guessing your daughter is smart enough to know that this is not a situation that she wants to be in. The fact that she is open about it with you makes me think that.

When I hear people say stuff about "cutting the apron strings" when kids get to high school, I personally think more parents ought to be paying a bit more attention to those apron strings.

 

[Hannathy]

Obviously, this is what I've been doing for the past 5 weeks. I guess we'll just endure a few more weeks of this until Susie has the baby and goes on to live her wonderful life.

Yep and be ready for the next absurd comments she gets told by the next seat mate. She really does need to toughen up and learn to just nod and let these things go in one ear and out the other.

Believe me this won't be the last or the worst! High school is such a joy!

 

[CurlyGirl]

~ I'm not treating my DD like she's 3 years old. Can't figure out where that thought came from. DD talks to me daily about Susie. When I come home at the end of the day, the first thing out of her mouth is, "Guess what Susie said/did today?" Clearly, she is bothered.

It could be the fact that you want to step in and discuss Susie with a counselor over a suggestion that your daughter has chosen not to take. It's not like Susie's forcing her to do those things. If your DD is uncomfortable with this, why not go to the teacher and ask for a seat change? Why not tell "Susie" that she wants to pay attention in class and not chat? Why not just tell "Susie" thanks but no thanks and be done with it.

~ I think it is DEFINITELY "wildly inappropriate" (my words) for a 16-year old girl to suggest to a 14-year old girl that she should "hook up" and try to get pregnant! Does no one agree with me on that point?

You may think it's inappropriate, but kids simply don't think it is. Sex is no longer taboo with the teen set. I'm not excusing them ... just stating fact. Kids will "wildly iinappropriately" suggest alcohol and drugs to your child, too. And, yes ... they will do so in the middle of class.

~ I'm not wanting to talk to the counselor at school about MY DD --- I want to talk to her about Susie, and the fact that she might need some guidance on the appropriateness of talking freshmen girls into becoming unwed mothers.

And this is where you've got it all wrong. It's not your business to step in and ask for guidance for "Susie" and her behavior. It's your business to guide your DD, inform her, and make her aware.

However, for Susie to suggest that my innocent daughter have unprotected sex at age 14 ---- that's going too far.

Someone's going to suggest that your innocent DD drink and/or take drugs, too. Kids try to influence others. It's called peer pressure. It seems like "Susie" is hoping for a few more kids to join her in being a mommy so she doesn't have to do it alone.

Sorry I posted. Didn't know pregnant teens were so popular, and being a geeky honor student meant that you are a coddled baby.

I honestly don't see where you're getting this from!?!? You never told us that Susie was popular until your most recent post. In reading your post, I couldn't figure out why a sophomore would attach to a freshman unless Susie was being shunned because of her pregnancy.

 

[happygirl]

My guess Susie is feeling lonely and feels like your daughter is the only friend she has, It sounds like your daughter has a good head on her head and isn't going to be encouraged by susie.

 

[DVCLiz]

I was a freshman in 1972. I believe that would qualify for "years" ago.

Jr High was 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. High School was 9-12th grades.

I do remember hearing in college about a few midwest students that did it the way you suggested, but the majority of schools in this country "years ago" had the standard freshman, sophomore, junior, senior routine. The three year high school was considered very odd "years ago."

When I was in school elementary was 1st - 6th, junior high was 7th - 9th, and high school was 10th - 12th. I graduated from high school in 1976, so we are of the same era. Every school I ever knew of had that same system - it might have been a statewide mandate. I was in North Carolina.

My daughters, who were born in 1988 and 1993, had the current middle school 6th - 8th and high school 9th - 12tgh schedules. They were also in North Carolina.

 

[Tiger926]

I'm the OP and I'm pretty surprised at the responses!!!

I'll try to address a few.

~ I never said DD was being "threatened". I said "pestered", which means annoyed, and that's exactly what I meant. Not sure why anyone would think I meant anything else.

~ I'm a teacher, yes, but I teach 4-5 year olds. I don't deal with teens in a school setting, so I'm not sure why everyone thinks that I should know what to do.

~ I'm not treating my DD like she's 3 years old. Can't figure out where that thought came from. DD talks to me daily about Susie. When I come home at the end of the day, the first thing out of her mouth is, "Guess what Susie said/did today?" Clearly, she is bothered.

~ I think it is DEFINITELY "wildly inappropriate" (my words) for a 16-year old girl to suggest to a 14-year old girl that she should "hook up" and try to get pregnant! Does no one agree with me on that point?

~ I'm not wanting to talk to the counselor at school about MY DD --- I want to talk to her about Susie, and the fact that she might need some guidance on the appropriateness of talking freshmen girls into becoming unwed mothers.

I like Susie. I always have. Remember, I told DD to be friendly at first because I felt that Susie is probably scared and embarrassed and needed a friend. However, for Susie to suggest that my innocent daughter have unprotected sex at age 14 ---- that's going too far.

Susie doesn't need a friend. She's rather popular. Her parents are supportive. The baby's father is in the picture (he's 19), and his parents are supportive. I don't know what her angle is.

Sorry I posted. Didn't know pregnant teens were so popular, and being a geeky honor student meant that you are a coddled baby.

Obviously, this is what I've been doing for the past 5 weeks. I guess we'll just endure a few more weeks of this until Susie has the baby and goes on to live her wonderful life.

Now, based on these responses, I see that my instincts were right...

Lots of judgment and condescending statements in these responses. Why the sarcasm?

You do feel that you and your daughter are better than Susie, and that is exactly why you wanted to run to the counsellor, IMHO. You are worried about your daughter and the influence Susie may have on her. Why not go to the counsellor in order to help Susie? Why are you both putting down and gossiping about Susie?

Clearly you don't know much about teen pregnancies...most of them do not have "wonderful" lives...on the contrary. Reality is going to hit her hard when that baby is born, and based on my vast experiences with teen parents, that dad is probably going to run for the hills, and she will be left alone to care for that baby. She may have to go on assistance, children's protective services might be involved, etc. Even if her parents are involved, reality is going to be a heavy burden for them, and the family dynamic in that household is going to change forever once that baby is born.

A wonderful life it more than likely is not going to be, due to a baby having a baby...

I think your world was infringed upon a bit by Susie's world, which clearly is vastly different. You have made the point that your daughter is innocent, very smart and a late bloomer. Why? Because I think you are worried about Susie's influence on her. If not, then I apologize, but I can't figure out any other reason for a parent to have these kinds of responses towards the situation as you have presented.

Susie's "wonderful" life is going to change forever in a few weeks when that baby is born, and that is what you as a mom should be discussing with your daughter.

Tiger

 

[MichelleVW]

WWID?

I would do nothing but listen to my dd about her day and try to keep my thoughts to myself. The less you say, the better, unless your dd is asking you for your input. Even then I would probably say things like, what do you think and get your dd to open up.

She sounds like she is annoying your dd with her pregnancy stuff so the best thing you can do it teach your dd how to handle uncomfortable situations with her peers.

Perhaps use some canned responses and tell your dd that while this girl is bugging her it is temporary. Just be polite.

Seriously...I can't imagine getting so worked up over this.

Years ago, JR High was 7th, 8th, and 9th. HS was 10th, 11, and 12th.

My mom is 70 and high school was 9-12th for her.

I'm the OP and I'm pretty surprised at the responses!!!

I'll try to address a few.

~ I never said DD was being "threatened". I said "pestered", which means annoyed, and that's exactly what I meant. Not sure why anyone would think I meant anything else.

~ I'm a teacher, yes, but I teach 4-5 year olds. I don't deal with teens in a school setting, so I'm not sure why everyone thinks that I should know what to do.

~ I'm not treating my DD like she's 3 years old. Can't figure out where that thought came from. DD talks to me daily about Susie. When I come home at the end of the day, the first thing out of her mouth is, "Guess what Susie said/did today?" Clearly, she is bothered.

~ I think it is DEFINITELY "wildly inappropriate" (my words) for a 16-year old girl to suggest to a 14-year old girl that she should "hook up" and try to get pregnant! Does no one agree with me on that point?

~ I'm not wanting to talk to the counselor at school about MY DD --- I want to talk to her about Susie, and the fact that she might need some guidance on the appropriateness of talking freshmen girls into becoming unwed mothers.

I like Susie. I always have. Remember, I told DD to be friendly at first because I felt that Susie is probably scared and embarrassed and needed a friend. However, for Susie to suggest that my innocent daughter have unprotected sex at age 14 ---- that's going too far.

Susie doesn't need a friend. She's rather popular. Her parents are supportive. The baby's father is in the picture (he's 19), and his parents are supportive. I don't know what her angle is.

Sorry I posted. Didn't know pregnant teens were so popular, and being a geeky honor student meant that you are a coddled baby.

She is in high school and people are going to tell her all kinds of crazy things....if you've done your job and raised her right then don't worry. My girls are both in college now...but in high school they were offered drugs/alcohol/had friends get pregnant. My oldest DD had a friend get pregnant at 14 and then convinced another friend to have sex just because she didn't want to be the only one doing it. My DD told me this and couldn't believe how stupid her friends were. So "whew" I must have done something right.

 

[Minnie_me]

Now, based on these responses, I see that my instincts were right...

Lots of judgment and condescending statements in these responses. Why the sarcasm?

You do feel that you and your daughter are better than Susie, and that is exactly why you wanted to run to the counsellor, IMHO. You are worried about your daughter and the influence Susie may have on her. Why not go to the counsellor in order to help Susie? Why are you both putting down and gossiping about Susie?

Clearly you don't know much about teen pregnancies...most of them do not have "wonderful" lives...on the contrary. Reality is going to hit her hard when that baby is born, and based on my vast experiences with teen parents, that dad is probably going to run for the hills, and she will be left alone to care for that baby. She may have to go on assistance, children's protective services might be involved, etc. Even if her parents are involved, reality is going to be a heavy burden for them, and the family dynamic in that household is going to change forever once that baby is born.

A wonderful life it more than likely is not going to be, due to a baby having a baby...

I think your world was infringed upon a bit by Susie's world, which clearly is vastly different. You have made the point that your daughter is innocent, and is very smart and a late bloomer. Why? Because I think you are worried about Susie's influence on her. If not, then I apologize, but I can't figure out any other reason for a parent to have these kinds of responses towards the situation as you have presented.

Susie's "wonderful" life is going to change forever in a few weeks when that baby is born, and that is what you as a mom should be discussing with your daughter.

I don't believe we're better than Susie. I was responding to all of the posts that were made in Susie's defense --- trying to stick up for my child who has made good choices so far and would like to continue to do so.

I'm not worried about Susie's influence on my daughter -- I'm confident that my daughter has a good head on her shoulders and will make good choices. I'm just annoyed by the fact that she's trying to make this *planned* teen pregnancy appealing to other young girls.

In some posts, I'm criticized for not wanting to help Susie, and in others, I'm criticized for butting in.

I know Susie's life will not be "wonderful". I mentioned that because that's what SHE says to my DD -- how great it is to be a young mom living off the system.

 

[Goofyluver]

Obviously, this is what I've been doing for the past 5 weeks. I guess we'll just endure a few more weeks of this until Susie has the baby and goes on to live her wonderful life.

Good job.

You're not Susie's mother and it's not your job to mother her by running to the counselor about her. She's not a danger to your child or to anyone else.

Clearly, as you've stated above, you've used this as a lesson for your daughter. You've taken care of your responsibilities as your daughter's mother.

/End

 

[Buckalew11]

What the heck year did you graduate in? My mom graduated in like 1965 and 9th grade was freshman in high school. She went from K-5 in one school, then 6-8 in middle school, then 9-12 in high school. Both nephews are in the same type of "track" although one is out of state.

Maybe it's a regional thing?

I graduated in the heck year of 1983. I did not say I went to school with those grade divisions, I said years ago it was divided that way--should have said in "some areas".

I went to elementary school, middle school and high school. But there were systems that had elementary, JR High and High.

Actually, the systems here are changing over and having elementary K-4, intermediate 5-6, JR high7,8,9 and high 10-12. It's probably a change being made for space.

That might be more of a regional thing rather than an age thing. Around here probably 90% of the public schools are broken out with 7th and 8th being middle school and 9th-12th being high school. There are a few that break it up a bit differently (my cousin's school in Mesa was 6th-8th middle school and 9th-12th high school) but that is the norm here and has been since my Dad was a kid here (native..so he went to school starting around 1956ish).

I don't know if it was regional or not--maybe. It was the same in NJ as it was in TN. I did middle and HS, not JR High. But we did have some JR high schools in our area.

I was a freshman in 1972. I believe that would qualify for "years" ago.

Jr High was 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. High School was 9-12th grades.

I do remember hearing in college about a few midwest students that did it the way you suggested, but the majority of schools in this country "years ago" had the standard freshman, sophomore, junior, senior routine. The three year high school was considered very odd "years ago."

As for the OP - it is your job to parent your child. Teach her to say "no". It will serve her well in the next few years when drugs, sex and alcohol persuasions come up. This will not be the first nor the last time your daughter encounters peer pressure in high school.

It is not the OP's job to run to the counselor every time somebody says something the OP feels inappropriate.

Last I knew, people had the right to talk about things that are important to them. I personally get annoyed when people start trying to convince me that we need to go to Disney again (we are Universal people and don't care for Disney anymore.)

Running to the counselor tells your daughter that you don't trust her and think that she is going to jump in bed and get pregnant just by the mere suggestion of it by a casual acquaintance sitting next to her.

Yes, that does qualify for "years ago." Thanks for setting me straight.

When I was in school elementary was 1st - 6th, junior high was 7th - 9th, and high school was 10th - 12th. I graduated from high school in 1976, so we are of the same era. Every school I ever knew of had that same system - it might have been a statewide mandate. I was in North Carolina.

My daughters, who were born in 1988 and 1993, had the current middle school 6th - 8th and high school 9th - 12tgh schedules. They were also in North Carolina.

Thanks for coming to my rescue I knew there were people who heard of schools dividing up this way!