WWYD - Other People's Kids

[BeccaBellePA]

Background: I don't have kids, but babysit my cousin's kids (ages 9 & 11) fairly regularly. The youngest is an extremely picky eater and her parents either cater to her or let her just skip dinner and eat what she wants, which is generally just potato chips. Whenever they're at my house, I try to make her eat more and do not make her something different for dinner. Which, in turn, creates a lot of stressful moments.

This weekend, they spent the night and I made chicken drumsticks (which she eats) and sweet potatoes (which she doesn't). I told her she at least needed to eat a good three bites of her sweet potatoes before she could have dessert. When I return from filling water glasses, half of her potatoes are gone, but so is her napkin. I ask her about it, and she said she dropped some chicken on the floor and just put it in her napkin. I ask to see and she gets very snappy and says she's just going to throw it away. When she's not looking, I dig it out of the trash and lo and behold, it's filled with sweet potatoes.

So here's my question: I didn't call her out on it at all. She was so cranky and moody already, and our nights together are always supposed to be fun "Disney party" nights. Should I say something to her? Her parents? How far can you go with setting rules (i.e. not giving dessert) to some one else's kids, especially if their parents feel it's not important? I have no clue how to handle this!

TIA for any help.

 

[hentob]

Background: I don't have kids, but babysit my cousin's kids (ages 9 & 11) fairly regularly. The youngest is an extremely picky eater and her parents either cater to her or let her just skip dinner and eat what she wants, which is generally just potato chips. Whenever they're at my house, I try to make her eat more and do not make her something different for dinner. Which, in turn, creates a lot of stressful moments.

This weekend, they spent the night and I made chicken drumsticks (which she eats) and sweet potatoes (which she doesn't). I told her she at least needed to eat a good three bites of her sweet potatoes before she could have dessert. When I return from filling water glasses, half of her potatoes are gone, but so is her napkin. I ask her about it, and she said she dropped some chicken on the floor and just put it in her napkin. I ask to see and she gets very snappy and says she's just going to throw it away. When she's not looking, I dig it out of the trash and lo and behold, it's filled with sweet potatoes.

So here's my question: I didn't call her out on it at all. She was so cranky and moody already, and our nights together are always supposed to be fun "Disney party" nights. Should I say something to her? Her parents? How far can you go with setting rules (i.e. not giving dessert) to some one else's kids, especially if their parents feel that's important? I have no clue how to handle this!

TIA for any help.

Why would you tell a child the only way she could receive a treat is to eat something she doesn’t like?

What were you trying to prove?

I think you should just let it go and not play games with food in the future.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I would ask her mother how she would like you to handle it. She may want you to address the fact that the girl lied or she may just want you to drop it. I would respect her wishes either way.

 

[jrmasm]

Why would you tell a child the only way she could receive a treat is to eat something she doesn’t like?

What were you trying to prove?

I think you should just let it go and not play games with food in the future.

What's wrong with making kids try new things?

 

[maelstrom]

I honestly don't see the point of forcing a child to eat a food that they do not like.

 

[RobinFabulous]

FTR I'd never have a friend's children over that I didn't feel I could discipline. I'd also never make someone's child eat something I knew they didn't like.

<shrug> It's a tossup. Why fight this fight? She's not your child to teach proper or healthy eating habits to.

And, perhaps she's a picky eater due to food sensativity. My oldest never really liked milk. She just wouldn't drink it. Later on we found out she has a slight milk intolerance, it really upsets her stomach. Her pickiness is out of nature, she just senes what she can/cannot eat. That being said I don't just let her eat potato chips, but I do have to serve her food pretty bland.

 

[ols386]

Why would you tell a child the only way she could receive a treat is to eat something she doesn’t like?

What were you trying to prove?

I think you should just let it go and not play games with food in the future.

I think sometimes adults say that, hoping that getting a treat may motivate the child to eat whatever it is they don't want to eat.

I don't think the op was trying to prove, as you said, anything.

 

[Jennasis]

If my aunt made me eat three bites of something I didn't want *even if it was something I;d never tried and MIGHT like) I'd make sure she never babysat for me again. NEVER use food as a punishment, which is what you did by giving her the try it or get no dessert tactic.

 

[tlens]

If you KNOW the child didn't like sweet potatoes, why did you make them? I certainly don't cater to my kids when it comes to food but if I make something I know they don't like, I certainly don't force them to eat it. I'll make another side dish along with that unliked food and they have to eat that.

Now if I make something I know they like and they won't eat it, that's different.

Kids have likes and dislikes as much as anyone. IF you hated sushi, would you want someone to make you eat 3 pieces of it before you could leave the table.

I think you were disrespectful to your neice.

 

[RobinFabulous]

What's wrong with making kids try new things?

that they're not HER kid. When she has kids she can make them do anything she pleases

 

[robinb]

My piece of advise is not to get into food battles with other people's kids. It's not up to YOU to make her eat "three bites" or anything else for that matter. You will NEVER win a food battle because the ability to eat or not eat anything rests with the child.

 

[jrmasm]

If you KNOW the child didn't like sweet potatoes, why did you make them? I certainly don't cater to my kids when it comes to food but if I make something I know they don't like, I certainly don't force them to eat it. I'll make another side dish along with that unliked food and they have to eat that.

Now if I make something I know they like and they won't eat it, that's different.

Kids have likes and dislikes as much as anyone. IF you hated sushi, would you want someone to make you eat 3 pieces of it before you could leave the table.

I think you were disrespectful to your neice.

Please. When you are a guest in someone's home and you refuse to eat what they prepare for you, you are rude. And lying? That's disrespectful.

 

[JoiseyMom]

What's wrong with making kids try new things?

That means one taste. And not you have to have 3 bites.

 

[CowboyCO]

I don't agree with forcing somebody else's kid to eat something they don't like, but I also wouldn't cater to it either, unless there is some kind of dietary restriction. When my SIL's kids come over to spend the night (4 kids from 5-11), I ask my kids to fill them in on the dinner table rules:

1. Sit in your seat.
2. Don't begin eating until everyone is seated and grace is said.
3. You ask to be excused from the table and no dessert until everyone has cleared their places.

I also instruct my boys that when they are a guest in someone else's home, that they follow the host's rules. (Of course, SIL doesn't have any rules, so that is moot.)

They also have bedtimes that are in sync with my kids bedtimes as well. Oh - and we make them bathe.

 

[jrmasm]

That means one taste. And not you have to have 3 bites.

Actually, I agree. One bite is enough to try something. But I believe strongly that children should be required to take that one bite.

 

[kwelch10377]

Why don't you ask you what she would like for dinner and make that for everyone or ask her mom what food she will eat? This way you know you are making things that you she will eat.

 

[hentob]

NEVER use food as a punishment, which is what you did by giving her the try it or get no dessert tactic.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I understand your concerns.
And, I also understand the temptation to have the child eat something, like the sweet potatoes, that is somewhat nutritious.

But, I do have to agree with the above poster, that the 'food games' and trying to control the bites of food that go into a 9 year olds mouth are simply not the way to go. It is not a good strategy to make a bigger issue, especially a 'control issue' out of food. NOT a good idea. This is the basis for eating disorders/problems.

I agree with speaking with your cousin...
Just open up the issue and ask how to make meals go more smoothly with your niece.

Personally, I would just try to make sure that there is some generic-acceptable child friendly food offered. Even many desserts can be more healthy than chips and soda. I would serve up one reasonable serving (including dessert, if everyone else is having dessert) and make it a non-issue.

I would not be able to let this child come into my home and go after a 'feedbag of chips' and soda. These extremes simply would not be an option. And these things would NOT be available while she is in my home. If I did have them in my house, I would find a place for them to disappear to while I was babysitting them.

When you do have children, you will understand just how picky smaller children can be. And, you might have a better understanding or empathy. My son went thru a stage as young as 2-3 years old where he had a bona-fide eating disorder, and simply would not put food in his mouth!! (I actually put him down at night with a bottle for the longest time, just so he was not undernourished)

I do agree that, at 9 years old, this is well past the toddler stage, and this child is developing some very bad eating issues.
But, this really is not under your jurisdiction.

Most parents very quickly figure out the sage advice offered my many knowing pediatricians and specialist. One thing you can't do is force personal bodily functions... It is an effort in futility to try to 'make' another person put something in their mouth and swallow it, sleep, or even go potty when trying to get a toddler out of diapers.

I would offer reasonable portions of kid-friendly and at least somewhat healthy options... not have chips/soda/etc... available. And, kind of leave it at that.

Bottom line is, while you are probably very concerned... It isn't your child. And, this really isn't a battleground you want to go to.

 

[RobinFabulous]

Actually, I agree. One bite is enough to try something. But I believe strongly that children should be required to take that one bite.

Yes and that's fine for your own children/grandchildren..... but not other people's children

 

[BeccaBellePA]

Actually, I agree. One bite is enough to try something. But I believe strongly that children should be required to take that one bite.

Yes, I would normally agree that tasting is one bite, except her idea of a taste is touching it to her tongue. Not even a full bite.

I guess things are different now. When I was a child, it was normal practice to be made to eat vegetables. If no one had forced me to eat my vegetables (several bites worth) I doubt I would have grown out of that. I don't mind her not eating other things, but I really do believe that vegetables are important.

Also, I didn't make them knowing she didn't like them. She had never had them before and her sister loves them.

But I was really hoping this post would focus more on her lying about them and whether or not parents should be told...sorry to get everyone hung up on the food topic.