WWYD: Nephew "lost" borrowed video games

[DISUNC]

Kiss it goodbye and consider it a lesson learned in lending things out: Don't ever lend anything you couldn't lose.

Small claims court would only make things worse for the whole family. Even if you won in court, how could this kid pay you???????

 

[hentob]

Any advice?

Your sister should be more involved. Yes. He is 18, but is he "living under her roof"?

If she gives up on him now, he will get worse.


Also, if I were your sister, I would be mortified. I wouldn't pull the "Oh well, he is eighteen....." crap. If I were her and he were my son, I would march right into his room and take items that equal the amount of what he STOLE off of your son. I would hold them until he repaid his debt to your family.


Please update us

 

[mickeyfan2]

He borrowed them and lost then so now he has to replace them. He is old enough to have been responsible..

 

[Olaf]

I agree with the suggestion to check the local pawn shops.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with the suggestion to check the local pawn shops.

Actually if he was going to pawn them it would be at the used places like Gamestop. I wonder if you have the serial numbers to the items?

If you did, and he pawned them at a video shop now you are talking able to get him arrested.

 

[RitaZ.]

Suing him wouldn't do any good. Even if he is ordered to replace the items or pay the OP money, where is going to get the money? It sounds like he sold them or exchanged them for a quick fix. Your sister's response was wrong. So, what if he is 18? Maybe her "washing my hands off" attitude is what got her son down the wrong path in the first place.

OP, like others have suggested, replace the items for your son and never lend anything else to your nephew. Personally, I wouldn't want him in my house again.

 

[daisax]

Having watched my co-worker go through this with her nephew over the past 5 years, all I can do is urge you to ask your sister to get him help NOW, while he still may be enough under her influence to feel obligated to do as she says. If he's addicted, he will only get MORE sneaky and MORE heels-dug-in against getting help.

My coworker's nephew now has a criminal record, though he has been scared straight enough by his brush with the law to stay on his treatment meds (so far). But if his parents had taken it seriously when he was "only" stealing from them and other family members, they may not have had to bail him out of jail after he was found driving his dealer around (and being charged with dealing), and lose the car that THEY were making payments on because he couldn't keep a job. They still live like there's a thief in the house 24/7, because, frankly, there is.

Addiction doesn't get better without intervention and treatment. Not in an 18 year old, anyway.

 

[Rence]

The items weren't lost, they were stolen - an in conversations with sister, nephew and other family members, the term stolen should be used. I have a friend who has a 19 year old son who is nothing but trouble - at first they tried to just let things slide, but more recently the dad has been using terms like "thief", "stolen", "liar" etc. and it seems to have an effect. The son gets pissed, but the dad just says "facts are facts".

Replace them so your son doesn't suffer, but nephew should not be allowed in the house period, until he pays for the stolen items. If he is allowed in, he will steal something else.

Also don't shield DS from this - let him know what happened. Let him see now what can happen to a teen who goes down the wrong path. If you gloss over it and make it seem like nothing bad happened, you aren't letting DS learn a valuable lesson from this.

 

[Kath2003]

Write to him and tell him that you expect them back within 1 week or you will be taking legal action.

I don't give a damn if he's family, if this is how he treats the people he cares about and that care about him, how's he going to treat other people? He needs a kick up the backside because next time it won't just be a couple of games, it'll be a wallet or a car from someone NOT prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt or the chance to fix his mistakes.

Tell your sister - you're giving him fair chance.

If he's genuinely lost them like he claims, he should have the balls to apologise to you and work out a payment plan for replacing the 'lost' items.

 

[Kae]

I would not let him slide either. But I would talk to him face to face. Let him know his is responiable for these items. I do not think you will get them back but tell him do not contact you or DS except for deliverying the items.

Kae

 

[RitaZ.]

Also don't shield DS from this - let him know what happened. Let him see now what can happen to a teen who goes down the wrong path. If you gloss over it and make it seem like nothing bad happened, you aren't letting DS learn a valuable lesson from this.

I agree 100%. This is a good learning opportunity for your DS.