WWYD: My daughter's college professor is constantly cancelling class

[bumbershoot]

I did read the last post of the OP. But this is what I thought as I read through the whole thing.

most "learning" at the college level is something the student is expected to do independently of the professor.

Agreed.

And from I know from my own education, and helping DS as I homeschool with him, is that very little learning is up to the teacher at all. Some teachers can spark something in a student, and those are the teachers that are lauded. But teachers don't cram the info into a head and cause the magic of learning to happen. All they can do is make the info available and perhaps interesting, and all the work, the magic, is done in the student.

Cancelling this many classes is absolutely unacceptable and unprofessional.

Is it?

How would the University even know if a professor is cancelling classes at the last minute?

One would hope that the students would say something.

Presumably the faculty member is the expert on the topic and who has carefully developed the course, knows its materials/content inside out and is teaching it, right?

Wowzers, you have a very high opinion of professors! I went to a small private university that touted itself as the Harvard of the West in the 80s (in the 70s it was one of Playboy's top party schools, though) and I'm pretty sure we had some very good profs, but I never met one like that description. My brother and his wife went to Duke, and until SIL got to Duke Law I'm not sure either of them had a prof like that, either.

It very much feels like you pay your $80,000 (or more), suffer through 4 years, and then at the end, get a piece of paper that puts you in exactly the same position as everyone else.

It's like it because that's the case.

I've often thought that DH could change his name legally to mine then take over my "piece of paper". Even though it has nothing to do with his field, the fact of him having a piece of paper from a university would raise his pay and afford him more opportunities without so much *proving himself*. He regularly advises engineers in his job (software), they regularly say that he knows more than them, but he never even got his AA. And he comes in under their salaries because of his lack of a paper. (no they shouldn't talk salary but they ALL do)

All offices (financial aid, bursar, registrar, deans, department chairs, etc) had access to student files. We requested that IT add a field for us called M&D - Mommy & Daddy. Each time a parent called in for something their adult child should be handling, we put an X in this field. At registration time, priority was given to those students with no or few Mommy & Daddy Xs, as we felt it was a nice reward for those who took responsibility for themselves & their own education. M&D was reset each semester to allow for personal growth.

This is so heinous I cannot even deal with it.

This supposed college is punishing students for what *their parents* are doing. This is reprehensible.

So, we registered at our discretion and chose to reward students who showed personal responsibility.

No, you rewarded students with hands off parents.

Some courses are in such high demand that students were registering for seats they did not need and then selling their seat in a desirable section or with a favored professor to other students for hundreds of dollars. They would meet, pay, and then drop/add simultaneously. To combat this, those courses required manual registration.

Did you work at Disney University? That's the sort of response Disney does. These people do xyz, we don't like it, so we're going to destroy everything.

Just change the way you do the waitlist and you don't have to have that bizarre registration experience or filling of the waitlist.

Thank goodness we have the braintrust of the IT dept to steer the ship.

LOL.

You've made me really grateful for the way we handle things . . .

Yes.

The one class I remember not getting into when I wanted to be in it, I just went to the prof and told him how hard I would work, etc etc. He let me in. (and then I didn't work hard...ugh)

This, and more, occur at schools with highly privileged populations on a daily basis.


Alphabet within grade level. Second-semester seniors first and so on down to freshmen.

Weird.

We did have a problematic professor. Lots of complaints. Turns out (not to slam tenure) that due to tenure, it was not simple to deal with.

One of two profs I ever had problems with was tenured AND head of the department. Didn't teach, had a HORRIBLE textbook, was a jerk. And then put Beatles trivia as extra credit. For Linear Algebra. (second prof I had a problem with was also tenured and the only organic chem prof at the school. thankfully his curve was so funky, because he wasn't actually teaching, that my 50% was a B-, so I drop-passed his class and took organic elsewhere, from a good teacher with a good textbook, and got As) Failed that class, took it next semester from a different, non-tenured prof, with a different textbook...passed it.

Sometimes it's the tenured ones you have to watch out for...

It's not my job to try to interpret another poster's insult. She said an unprofessional act was something she would "expect to see in an elementary school, not college", so I rightly defended elementary school professionals.

It was already cleared up what she was referring to, but really? you think that there are NO unprofessional people in elementary schools? I'm glad YOUR school doesn't, but it's just silly to think that everyone at every school everywhere is professional and does their job well.

Well they started to care when they heard from a bunch of parents, some who happened to be big donors as well. That is when the class changed.

Alas, that does sometimes happen.

OR (or and/or) it could have just been the wheels of bureaucracy turning slowly, as enough students put in official complaints...

Boston College told us last year when we were touring they were working really hard to figure out how to reschedule their Monday classes. They got hit with all their big storms on Sundays and Mondays. They were working on getting those kids into the classroom to learn. I was impressed by that

That's just odd, to change classes based on a weather fluke?

My daughter receives the emails and has forwarded them to me.

A question that hasn't been asked directly...what do you think she is wanting to happen when she forwards this stuff?

She didn't want to say anything at the time because she was afraid the professor would give her a bad grade.

IF her professor is like that, WHEN you tell her that you called, are you going to discuss the fact that by forwarding them it caused you to call, which will then cause the exact thing to happen that she was afraid of happening?

To me, it's kind of a big deal that her actions caused you to call, which *could have* ended up resulting in what she feared.

Is she so nervous about talking that she doesn't talk to the other students? I wonder if she has talked to them? I wonder if other students have contacted the prof and know more?

It's a 300 level course in her major. She is very academic focused. She isn't your typical young adult at college who likes to get involved in clubs, parties, social events, etc. You can find her at the library or studying. She places her own pressures with maintaining a high GPA.

She's not atypical at all. You're going by stereotypes. Even back when I was in college there were tons of students just like her.

We haven't done our due diligence in exploring options while she is away. I don't know if this particular situation with the professor not showing up warrants us pressing the panic button.

Has *she* discussed the need for a therapist? As has been mentioned, she's an adult, and if she's having more problems SHE must learn that she can take action. Or *ask* you to take action.

I think that the fact that she was merely forwarding emails without, it seems, telling you what her point was in doing that, but you feel that she would NOT want you to take action (but you took action), and she's too anxious to talk to him....would all add up to a big lump of *it's time to get her local help*. It's not about this prof. It's about the whole thing.

If she had a lot of anxiety living at home, taking medication, and seeing someone, it makes sense that her anxiety is going to skyrocket now that she isn't living at home and isn't seeing anyone. Get her some services NOW!

Yes.

And it seems like she's going to a really big college. I've never had any diagnosed anxiety etc (then again I've never put myself into a position to BE diagnosed with anything), but I *am* an anxious person. I started college at 17 and was a very young 17. I *chose* to go to a small college in a small town. I was a CA resident and my dad was actually working at University of California Santa Cruz at the time, but I could never (not even now) have gone to that HUGE, giant, massive university. (funnily enough I wanted to go to NYU, but I had *no* comprehension of what that campus was like)

Just the fact of having to take transportation to get to this class would have caused me to not take the class.

overseeing and monitoring via the emails

Her daughter sends the emails to her.

This student is taking 300 level classes. Certainly by now she should be competent in handling basic day to day classroom issues herself, without over involvement from home.

Alas, they don't always go together. If the girl is highly academically motivated, but still perhaps a bit *young*, she might NOT be reading to handle those things. It's a reason why I was not caused to skip a grade in elementary school, because I was already the second youngest in my grade AND was a bit of a baby. Whereas a friend of mine was younger-for-her-grade than I was and WAS promoted, because she could handle it emotionally. If my teachers hadn't known me so well, though, they might have promoted me and caused all sorts of problems.

your other happy place discussion board

That still exists? Hilarious. And sad.

No she shouldn't.

There is no obligation to post every item of an inquiry. I have seen this before. "Oh, why are you only now telling us this detail." Sometimes it is used to bring doubt to the posters credibility. "You never told us that before, so why should we believe you now." Baloney. We briefly post here for information, advice, amusement. During the process of discussion, new information and ideas come out.

More importantly, it is nothing to do with the questionable policies of the university, which is what this thread is about (or should have been).

The thread was started with the concept of it being about the prof missing class.

The answer COULD HAVE BEEN "and what did he say when your daughter asked him what was going on?", but it wasn't and couldn't be that because the MOM is the one contacting them.

It rightfully moved on.

Many of us who went to college *don't mind* a prof not having class for awhile. Many of us would ask him/her what's up. If we felt it was inappropriate, we would have gone to the person we should have gone to. But many of us wouldn't, because we never felt it was a huge deal to miss class.

I think that refers to a professor being permitted to cancel classes 4 weeks in a row with seemingly no method to address even justifiable reasons for doing so.

This mom think there's no method to address it because her daughter isn't giving her the info. The daughter must know where to take the inquiries. She's just not wanting to. And there could be all sorts of communication between the prof and OTHER students, but the daughter either doesn't know or hasn't talked about it with her mom.

Agree. Maybe you could grant some of that same grace to the professor. I find it highly unlikely that he is cancelling that often without a really good reason.

Agreed.

Is this class only one day a week? I can't imagine a 300 level class being one day a week.

She said it was 2 days a week.

I'm shocked at the number of kids I know who have made it through most of college without ever taking a class on a Friday. Just another beef of mine when it comes to education. They seem to be making it easier on the students.

How is it taking it easier? A person who responded before you knows a student with one day of classes. How is having classes ALL day *easy*?

87-91 I knew many people who chose their majors based on when their classes would be. Economics classes were usually later afternoon and NEVER on Fridays. Science classes were early morning. English and Philosophy started around 11am. etc.

Classes cannot all be held at the same time. So some people end up with schedules that seem easier than others.

they became aware of the fact that an unacceptable number of the sessions had been cancelled

I would assume that the other students had discussed it with higher-ups.

I wonder if you, however, are assuming that you were the cause of this?

she said, but they don't test you over material that hasn't been given to you.

Oh gracious I hope she's right *for her teachers*. Because some of MY teachers certainly would have tested you on material that hadn't been given!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Since this thread is back on the front page, and the OP's responses have still been bugging me, I am going to address things a little more while it is here.

OP--it is lovely that someone did bring the cancelled classes to the attention of those in charge and something is being done that you agree with and that your daughter is happy with--solves your short term problem in a nice way.

It is the underlying issues here though that are much more long term and will have a much bigger impact on your DD's life and should be addressed (IMO).

First off, I want to address you saying your DD only has therapy when home on breaks and you waiting to see if you need to "push the panic button" and find her a local therapist at her university. Personally, as a parent of a child who has had major anxiety issues, I think waiting to get her started with therapy at school until there is an issue that sets off panic is a really bad idea, both because she'll get much better help in such a crisis if she already has built a relationship with a therapist previously and because the message you should be sending is that going to a therapist helps her deal with her problems so that when issues crop up they will be less panic inducing and less monumental NOT that therapy is the last resort thing you do when everything falls apart (which is pretty much what you are saying/doing now).

Secondly--it is so easy when someone has severe anxiety for those around them to not see the forest for the trees. I can see that happening in your posts. You know that is is awful when your DD's anxiety gets out of control and you know she is really focused on getting a 4.0 and is anxious about the possibility of not getting an A in this class, so you jump in to save the day and prevent her anxiety bubbling up when it looks like something could result in her getting a lower grade. I get it, you are in "crisis avoidance mode" BUT, and this is a big but, if you step back and look, your actions are actually supporting her internal dialogue which says she NEEDS these high grades (when in reality she does not) and SHOULD be anxious abut this while at the same time undermining her confidence in herself to be able to handle things on her own--making it clear she can't handle it and thus needs you to save the day again, not true, but this is what has been demonstrated to her).

In the long run, this is all really doing her a disservice. She just has a few years of college left before she is out in the real world and will need to deal with less than perfect critiques, bad bosses, etc and she will not be content or successful in life is she freezes up and needs you to handle every little thing. I think you would help her MUCH more in the long run if the next time she brings any issue to you about her grades, you let her know that you understand she is anxious about it but really, so what if she gets a lower grade? It won't be the end of the world. And then, you can also tell her that if it really bothers her though you are happy to help her come up with ideas of how she can handle it. Then ask leading questions and help her get there---model a lack of anxiety about less than perfect grades instead of modeling the anxiety itself as you did this time, and teach her how to handle things herself, instead of teaching her she cannot be trusted to do so by saving her again.


Honestly I get the sense from your post about her not being like other college students--which feels a little like you are very proud of that, that you also feel her 4.0 is important and get anxious about the idea of it slipping. You know, good grades matter, but good and perfect are not the same and I promise you that perfect grades combined with an inability to handle basic advocating for herself or sending a simple email questioning an issue without severe anxiety is not going to lead to nearly as good of a job as good, but not perfect grades and the confidence to handle situations like what she just encountered will. If you are not able to let go of your own anxieties for your DD after thinking it through calmly, perhaps you could also benefit from a bit of counseling.

Good luck. This whole parenting things is so much harder than anythign they tell you about before you start---so many bigger stresses than those first few sleepless months everything seems to focus on, huh?

 

[Hibiscus]

Since this thread is back on the front page, and the OP's responses have still been bugging me, I am going to address things a little more while it is here.

OP--it is lovely that someone did bring the cancelled classes to the attention of those in charge and something is being done that you agree with and that your daughter is happy with--solves your short term problem in a nice way.

It is the underlying issues here though that are much more long term and will have a much bigger impact on your DD's life and should be addressed (IMO).

First off, I want to address you saying your DD only has therapy when home on breaks and you waiting to see if you need to "push the panic button" and find her a local therapist at her university. Personally, as a parent of a child who has had major anxiety issues, I think waiting to get her started with therapy at school until there is an issue that sets off panic is a really bad idea, both because she'll get much better help in such a crisis if she already has built a relationship with a therapist previously and because the message you should be sending is that going to a therapist helps her deal with her problems so that when issues crop up they will be less panic inducing and less monumental NOT that therapy is the last resort thing you do when everything falls apart (which is pretty much what you are saying/doing now).

Secondly--it is so easy when someone has severe anxiety for those around them to not see the forest for the trees. I can see that happening in your posts. You know that is is awful when your DD's anxiety gets out of control and you know she is really focused on getting a 4.0 and is anxious about the possibility of not getting an A in this class, so you jump in to save the day and prevent her anxiety bubbling up when it looks like something could result in her getting a lower grade. I get it, you are in "crisis avoidance mode" BUT, and this is a big but, if you step back and look, your actions are actually supporting her internal dialogue which says she NEEDS these high grades (when in reality she does not) and SHOULD be anxious abut this while at the same time undermining her confidence in herself to be able to handle things on her own--making it clear she can't handle it and thus needs you to save the day again, not true, but this is what has been demonstrated to her).

In the long run, this is all really doing her a disservice. She just has a few years of college left before she is out in the real world and will need to deal with less than perfect critiques, bad bosses, etc and she will not be content or successful in life is she freezes up and needs you to handle every little thing. I think you would help her MUCH more in the long run if the next time she brings any issue to you about her grades, you let her know that you understand she is anxious about it but really, so what if she gets a lower grade? It won't be the end of the world. And then, you can also tell her that if it really bothers her though you are happy to help her come up with ideas of how she can handle it. Then ask leading questions and help her get there---model a lack of anxiety about less than perfect grades instead of modeling the anxiety itself as you did this time, and teach her how to handle things herself, instead of teaching her she cannot be trusted to do so by saving her again.


Honestly I get the sense from your post about her not being like other college students--which feels a little like you are very proud of that, that you also feel her 4.0 is important and get anxious about the idea of it slipping. You know, good grades matter, but good and perfect are not the same and I promise you that perfect grades compared with an inability to handle basic advocating for herself or sending a simple email questioning an issue without severe anxiety is not going to lead to nearly as good of a job as good, but not perfect grades and the confidence to handle situations like what she just encountered will. If you are not able to let go of your own anxieties for your DD after thinking it through calmly, perhaps you could also benefit from a bit of counseling.

Good luck. This whole parenting things is so much harder than anythign they tell you about before you start---so many bigger stresses than those first few sleepless months everything seems to focus on, huh?

Nothing the OP described is even particularly unique. She seems convinced that DD is somehow special in her desire to study & not party - no, this is true for MANY students in 2016. It's just that they're also able to advocate for themselves without forwarding school emails to their parents. DD is way behind the curve, no matter what her GPA is.

 

[DopeyDame]

Since this thread is back on the front page, and the OP's responses have still been bugging me, I am going to address things a little more while it is here.

OP--it is lovely that someone did bring the cancelled classes to the attention of those in charge and something is being done that you agree with and that your daughter is happy with--solves your short term problem in a nice way.

It is the underlying issues here though that are much more long term and will have a much bigger impact on your DD's life and should be addressed (IMO).

First off, I want to address you saying your DD only has therapy when home on breaks and you waiting to see if you need to "push the panic button" and find her a local therapist at her university. Personally, as a parent of a child who has had major anxiety issues, I think waiting to get her started with therapy at school until there is an issue that sets off panic is a really bad idea, both because she'll get much better help in such a crisis if she already has built a relationship with a therapist previously and because the message you should be sending is that going to a therapist helps her deal with her problems so that when issues crop up they will be less panic inducing and less monumental NOT that therapy is the last resort thing you do when everything falls apart (which is pretty much what you are saying/doing now).

Secondly--it is so easy when someone has severe anxiety for those around them to not see the forest for the trees. I can see that happening in your posts. You know that is is awful when your DD's anxiety gets out of control and you know she is really focused on getting a 4.0 and is anxious about the possibility of not getting an A in this class, so you jump in to save the day and prevent her anxiety bubbling up when it looks like something could result in her getting a lower grade. I get it, you are in "crisis avoidance mode" BUT, and this is a big but, if you step back and look, your actions are actually supporting her internal dialogue which says she NEEDS these high grades (when in reality she does not) and SHOULD be anxious abut this while at the same time undermining her confidence in herself to be able to handle things on her own--making it clear she can't handle it and thus needs you to save the day again, not true, but this is what has been demonstrated to her).

In the long run, this is all really doing her a disservice. She just has a few years of college left before she is out in the real world and will need to deal with less than perfect critiques, bad bosses, etc and she will not be content or successful in life is she freezes up and needs you to handle every little thing. I think you would help her MUCH more in the long run if the next time she brings any issue to you about her grades, you let her know that you understand she is anxious about it but really, so what if she gets a lower grade? It won't be the end of the world. And then, you can also tell her that if it really bothers her though you are happy to help her come up with ideas of how she can handle it. Then ask leading questions and help her get there---model a lack of anxiety about less than perfect grades instead of modeling the anxiety itself as you did this time, and teach her how to handle things herself, instead of teaching her she cannot be trusted to do so by saving her again.


Honestly I get the sense from your post about her not being like other college students--which feels a little like you are very proud of that, that you also feel her 4.0 is important and get anxious about the idea of it slipping. You know, good grades matter, but good and perfect are not the same and I promise you that perfect grades compared with an inability to handle basic advocating for herself or sending a simple email questioning an issue without severe anxiety is not going to lead to nearly as good of a job as good, but not perfect grades and the confidence to handle situations like what she just encountered will. If you are not able to let go of your own anxieties for your DD after thinking it through calmly, perhaps you could also benefit from a bit of counseling.

Good luck. This whole parenting things is so much harder than anythign they tell you about before you start---so many bigger stresses than those first few sleepless months everything seems to focus on, huh?

OP, please re-read this thoughtful post and try to really take it in without getting defensive (oh... that's just me that's totally incapable of reading parenting threads without getting totally defensive... OK. Never mind then.)
I especially want to highlight again the value in having your daughter go to the mental health center on campus. Those professionals are especially focused on helping young adults deal with the realities of college life and - far more importantly - helping them transition to independent living and helping them gain the skills to function as adults themselves. It sounds like your daughter could really use that help.

 

[morgan98]

Nothing the OP described is even particularly unique. She seems convinced that DD is somehow special in her desire to study & not party - no, this is true for MANY students in 2016. It's just that they're also able to advocate for themselves without forwarding school emails to their parents. DD is way behind the curve, no matter what her GPA is.

Not to pile on the OP, but these were my exacts thoughts when I read that particular post about her daughter only studying and not partying. I also read that with a slight tone of superiority. I agree with you many students are very focused on academics and there are quite a few can still find a balance between maintaining excellent grades, letting off a little steam and being more self sufficient. There is a lot more to successfully graduating college than your final GPA. Very often it is this other life skills that are developed that really set particular students apart from their peers.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Nothing the OP described is even particularly unique. She seems convinced that DD is somehow special in her desire to study & not party - no, this is true for MANY students in 2016. It's just that they're also able to advocate for themselves without forwarding school emails to their parents. DD is way behind the curve, no matter what her GPA is.

I would agree----my own DD and her group of friends are certainly not the keg party crowd at her school and I think the big partiers are the minority there (now, at another school in state, well, it is known as a party school, so probably draws more of that type).
I do worry that the OP seems to indicate that not only can her daughter not handle this type of situation herself, but supposedly ONLY is interested in studying and getting a 4.0 I hope OP is wrong about that. I think it IS unusual to not make some friends and have some sort of hobby or interest--not necessarily partying but maybe board games, or volunteering, or a sport, etc. SOMEthing that she finds joy in and gets to relate to other people in doing that is not mandatory for class.

 

[Allons-y!]

I did well in college, graduated with honors, etc. I still maintain that I learned as much if not more outside of my classes. And yes, I did go into the field I studied. There is so much to be gained by getting involved in campus activities, taking on leadership roles, establishing friendships (my college friends are still the people I consider almost like family, and I'm in my 40s), and yes, even attending social functions.

Our son is a junior in high school, and as we help him with his college search and want him to pursue coursework that will allow him to find work in the field he loves, we also know that college will give him opportunities to grow as a person far beyond classes. Unless the OP's daughter is looking to get into grad school that requires a 4.0, I hope the OP encourages her daughter to open herself up to the many aspects of campus life beyond her courses.

 

[sk!mom]

IME, the proliferation of online assignments, discussion boards, and other means of teaching has reduced the strict correlation between contact hours and credit hours.

Oh gracious I hope she's right *for her teachers*. Because some of MY teachers certainly would have tested you on material that hadn't been given!

The above explained what I meant better than I did. Information certainly isn't spoon fed and "given" to the student but IMO they wouldn't be tested on information that they didn't have access to. And they might need to be very independent in their study of the class material.

 

[LisaR]

I would agree----my own DD and her group of friends are certainly not the keg party crowd at her school and I think the big partiers are the minority there (now, at another school in state, well, it is known as a party school, so probably draws more of that type).
I do worry that the OP seems to indicate that not only can her daughter not handle this type of situation herself, but supposedly ONLY is interested in studying and getting a 4.0 I hope OP is wrong about that. I think it IS unusual to not make some friends and have some sort of hobby or interest--not necessarily partying but maybe board games, or volunteering, or a sport, etc. SOMEthing that she finds joy in and gets to relate to other people in doing that is not mandatory for class.

Maybe this is me being naive, stupid, or having my head buried in the sand, but I really think the over the top, party all the time, wasted multiple nights a week college students are in the minority. While I do believe the vast majority (not all) college students do drink, and I do believe a large percentage (not all) have overindulged at least once, I don't believe the majority of college students are spending four years in a drunken stupor. I certainly don't remember that in my college days. We had some out of control students, but they were the ones in the minority. I had a few nights myself that were quite fuzzy, but that didn't define my four years of college. My DD drinks, but she still manages to go to class, get good grades, hold down multiple jobs and club positions, travel, and take part in on campus activities just like most of her friends. I'm not sure how they could accomplish all that they do if they spent the majority of their time partying. I think this is like most things in life where the wild, out of control parties make the news and it seems like it is just one big Animal House atmosphere. Again, not denying that there are some like that, but I really don't think that is the majority. I have read more than once on the Dis about people who hated college because "every person was into partying." Really?? 10,000-50,000+ people on campus and every single one of them just parties day and night? I don't buy it.

 

[cords]

I would agree----my own DD and her group of friends are certainly not the keg party crowd at her school and I think the big partiers are the minority there (now, at another school in state, well, it is known as a party school, so probably draws more of that type).
I do worry that the OP seems to indicate that not only can her daughter not handle this type of situation herself, but supposedly ONLY is interested in studying and getting a 4.0 I hope OP is wrong about that. I think it IS unusual to not make some friends and have some sort of hobby or interest--not necessarily partying but maybe board games, or volunteering, or a sport, etc. SOMEthing that she finds joy in and gets to relate to other people in doing that is not mandatory for class.

Nah, my kid goes to the alleged party school (CU and everyone in my family are alums) and the students who are committed to their studies far, far outweigh the partiers. The school couldn't also have the reputation of academic excellence it has if all the students just partied. I would say in the study aspect, the OP's daughter is the college norm not exceptional.

Everything else I completely agree with!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Nah, my kid goes to the alleged party school (CU and everyone in my family are alums) and the students who are committed to their studies far, far outweigh the partiers. The school couldn't also have the reputation of academic excellence it has if all the students just partied. I would say in the study aspect, the OP's daughter is the college norm not exceptional.

Everything else I completely agree with!

Oh I know that CU is not all partiers--I started off there and grew up in town---but with that reputation I think it might draw somewhat more of them than some of the other state schools. Nonetheless, now and even back in my day most students are not hard core partiers at any of the schools I have had experience with.
---so I totally agree with the poster whose point was it is not all that uncommon to care about your classes and not want to drink yourself silly all the time--that is the norm anyway. Having no friends, no hobbies and no ability to handle the possibility of a B is abnormal though---and not in a healthy or good way (which is why I hope OP is exaggerating but also that she will get her DD more and better help if not)

 

[Minnie-Mickey]

I experienced a parent like the op when I was in college. My dad was trying to be helpful but it caused me problems to the point the prof wanted to fail me because of him. I had no idea he was even involved. It comes back to the student. I was like your daughter striving for the 4.0 I missed out on so much. I tell my college age kids that college is not just about classes and grades. It is about life skills, learning and independence. How many employers even care what your gpa is in college? A few years out, it is all about job experience. I told my DS go to parties (in moderation) , join clubs, hang out and have fun. Learn the life balance. I know I still struggle with this today. It is hard to sit back and watch our kids interact with outside sources but at some point we have to let go. I can confess I am not the best with this but I try daily.