WWYD? Moving: Doctors vs Family

[SandrA9810]

My aunt would like to move back to Florida. It's something she's wanted to do for a while, but is very hesitant about it. My g'mother has dementia and is always talking about wanting to come back to Florida. She doesn't say it, but we all know it means moving back to her old house in Miami, which is not going to happen.

My g'mother has been in TX for 6 years now, and moved before her memory started going, so she knows where she lives now. And my aunt has gotten some really good doctors for her out there. They live very close to a hospital that deals with strokes, my g'mother has had TIA's in the past.

My aunt moved to Dallas to be close to her son and granddaughter, but she seems to be very distant from them now, her new daughter in law isn't on the best terms. They didn't even call her on Christmas so the grandkids presents are still sitting in her closest. She feels much closer to me, my sister and my sister's kids even if they only make it down here once a year for a visit. We did live with her growing up so she's like second mom. And my sister's kids know who Auntie is. Her two youngest grandkids (3 & 1) have no idea who she is and run off whenever she visits them.

So my aunt is torn between being close to family that can help out with my g'mother, she's to the point of needing some one around full time, and doctors that really know what's going on and have always done the best for her. I don't know how the dementia will play out if there is a move. And well, we can't pack our bags to move to Texas.

 

[bookgirl]

There are good doctors everywhere, move where the family support is and find a good doctor there.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Since Florida has such a large amount of retirees and subsequently elderly people, they have GREAT care for gmom's issues.

I'd move there.

I'm not basing my information on speculation, either. I have in-laws who have had their siblings (seven so far) move to Florida because the care is so much better there

 

[JessicaR]

I would live where it makes me happy if I have that option. Excellent doctors can be found when they relocate.

 

[SandrA9810]

Well she has until next march to make up her mind, that's 60 days before the lease ends on thier apartment.

I'm just worried my g'mother will never get used to living some place completly different. She doesn't seem to have a sense of time, of how much time has past. Like I was there for three weeks, but to her I was only there a couple days or maybe a whole year. One day I dropped my aunt off at work at 5pm for a 5hr shift. I got back home, and my g'mother asked 'what time does she get home tonigh?' I tell her 10pm, "well isn't that awfully long day?" Her last trip to here, they spent a week here. When she got back home she felt she was only gone for the day.

I've tried looking stuff up online, but it's all about moving dementia people into nursing homes and such, which wouldn't be the case.

 

[DisneyCampers]

As a nurse in FL who has worked with dementia pts I can tell you that we have great Drs for dementia pts. I will say though that with my experience with dementia pts the move may not go over to well with her and sometimes changes can cause a lot more confusion and behavior issues.

As the dementia progresses your Aunt os going to need all the help she can get and I hate to say it but the majority of the time it becomes to much to for the caregiver.

If you have any questions on dementia please ask, I will answer the best I can. I worked for over 2 years in a dementia unit.

 

[SandrA9810]

Right now she's diagnosed mild to moderate. She scored a 13 or 16 on the national test. Some things she usually can answer, but like that morning she said it was fall, but the month was april.

My aunt is starting to get to wits end. Every day it's the same questions every 10 minutes. And I guess it's just my g'mother's way of wanting to small talk, but doesn't realize she's asked the same question a dozen times in an hour. Or she'll turn the tv on, but forget she has to use the new converter box remote to change the channel. So she'll turn it off after 2 mins of getting frustrated, and 5 mins later turn it back on.
My g'mother has had these seizure/TIA's for about 12 years now. Her recent memory always goes blank after it happens. She was in the hospital for nearly 3 days and she still thought she was at home, and she honestly doesn't even remember being there. When people question how she's doing, how was the hospital, she nods and says fine. To be polite and go off what my aunt keeps telling her. She knows she has a huge bruise on her face and arm, but doesn't understand how she got them even though we tell her she fell. Every day it's a constant battle over why she has to take so many meds. She argues with the doctors that she doesn't need to take them. She gets 6 in the morning, 8 at night, and every day she says she never had to take that many before.

It's just these seizures/TIA's happen at any time for no reason at all, and no one has ever been able to explain them. So my aunt is afraid of going to work and leaving my g'mother by herself. My mom flew out the day I left, but I can see that quickly going downhill. My mom and aunt don't get along quite as well. I have a feeling I might be going back in october if I still don't have a job. I understand the need for me to be there, but I need to be here too. I have just as hard of time dealing with it, even if I don't show it to my aunt.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Your aunt needs all the help she can get.

So, my advice is to move to Florida.

My parents live in Florida and I can speak from experience that there are excellent doctors there. You just have to do some research to find them.

Good luck.