WWYD in this odd siuation?

[twix123]

So this is kind of long but here it goes.
So this started about a year ago. My steapson has a huge argument with my DH which resulted in calling the cops and him moving in his mom. So then last year in september he and six friends come to my DH farm and long story short made about 20,000 dollars in damage. He took all responablity and knows has to pay all that off by October. So he has a fight with his mom and is staying at his grandparents house. So about 1 week ago he came and asked my DH if he could come back and live here.
What would you do. Let him back in. Wait until he pays off the damage. Dont let him back in and tell him to get a a house. He hasnt had a job in over a year so has no money. So what would you do.

 

[figaromeetsmarie]

I would not let him back in the house until he paid the damages off..... Then, there would be some MAJOR ground rules...

 

[disneyfreakk]

how old is he?

 

[minkydog]

How old is the stepson? I take it that he's not a teenager

 

[princessmom29]

he would NOT be moving back in with me. It sounds as if he cannot get along with anyone he lives with.

 

[twix123]

how old is he?

He is 18 years old. So he just got out of highschool.

 

[sdjen]

How old is he?

 

[disneyfreakk]

He turns 19 in October. So he just got out of highschool.

Then he is an adult and need to act like one. I would not let him move back in. He is old enough to get a job, and an apartment of his own since he can not abide by the rules of the house. I wouldn't even give him any money to set up house, maybe his mom or grandparents will help him out.

Did your DH file charges against his son for the damage to the farm? I highly doubt you will ever see the $20,000.

 

[FlyingDumbo]

NO WAY. Not until the damage is paid in full. I think this means never, so you will be off the hook with him living with you. I doubt the 20K will ever be paid, but in the meantime, having him move back in with you means more damage, more drama, and allowing him to continue to behave this way. Tell him as soon as it is paid he can move in. Then you will be rid of him.

 

[smb6]

I was looking to ask his age also..... 19? hmmmm.... If he was a minor, it would be a no brainer that he should be allowed back home. But it sounds like maybe he was a minor when all this happened? Either way 19 is barely an adult. What does your dh want to do? If dh wants to let his son move back, then I would certainly let him be the one to make the decision. If dh is on the fence also; IDK. Personally, if it were my son I would probably allow him to do so. It sounds like he acknowledges the debt and hopefully he is no longer destructive as he has gotten older He can live with you and still work towards paying off his debt. I do believe in tough love and if you were saying he was strung out on drugs or you were worried for your physical well being I may feel differently- but based on the info you have provided I would personally allow him to move home. Kids make mistakes- sometimes huge mistakes; but hopefully everyone can forgive and forget and move on....

 

[MrsPete]

I lean towards, "Sorry, son." He's proven that he can't live with anyone. He's an adult, and he needs to show some responsibility. Also, I wouldn't co-sign for anything for him.

If other children are involved in this situation, I'd feel this way even more strongly.

 

[twix123]

Then he is an adult and need to act like one. I would not let him move back in. He is old enough to get a job, and an apartment of his own since he can not abide by the rules of the house. I wouldn't even give him any money to set up house, maybe his mom or grandparents will help him out.

Did your DH file charges against his son for the damage to the farm? I highly doubt you will ever see the $20,000.

Yes we did and he is supposed to pay it all bu October. Were pretty sure we wont see any of it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So this is kind of long but here it goes.
So this started about a year ago. My steapson has a huge argument with my DH which resulted in calling the cops and him moving in his mom. So then last year in september he and six friends come to my DH farm and long story short made about 20,000 dollars in damage. He took all responablity and knows has to pay all that off by October. So he has a fight with his mom and is staying at his grandparents house. So about 1 week ago he came and asked my DH if he could come back and live here.
What would you do. Let him back in. Wait until he pays off the damage. Dont let him back in and tell him to get a a house. He hasnt had a job in over a year so has no money. So what would you do.

How did he incur the damages on your property?

Why did he get kicked out of mom's?

Why does he want to leave grandma's?

Why hasn't he had a job in a yr? What was he doing?

My short answer is no.

My long answer is when you get a job and able to pay rent and the bill for the damage you can move back in.

 

[shortbun]

19? I would be tempted to help him find a job and find a place to llive. I see no reason that you would need to allow him to move back in. What does your husband think? He's(husband/dad) the one who has been disappointed by his child twice. Do his grandparents want him out? Are his 'friends' helping to pay for the damage at your farm? If they are adults, they should be required to pay. Has he been paying for the damage on time? All kinds of questions need to be answered. Only a few of them are here. I assume he's not in any kind of continuing education system. If he was coming back to my house, he'd be in some training program-getting B's or better and have a job. In other words, he'd be so busy that trouble would be impossible. At some point he needs to get the message about hard work and the value of things.

 

[Liberty Belle]

So this is kind of long but here it goes.
So this started about a year ago. My steapson has a huge argument with my DH which resulted in calling the cops and him moving in his mom. So then last year in september he and six friends come to my DH farm and long story short made about 20,000 dollars in damage. He took all responablity and knows has to pay all that off by October. So he has a fight with his mom and is staying at his grandparents house. So about 1 week ago he came and asked my DH if he could come back and live here.
What would you do. Let him back in. Wait until he pays off the damage. Dont let him back in and tell him to get a a house. He hasnt had a job in over a year so has no money. So what would you do.

I would let him move back in on the condition that he continues to pay damages and goes to (and stays in) therapy.

 

[twix123]

I was looking to ask his age also..... 19? hmmmm.... If he was a minor, it would be a no brainer that he should be allowed back home. But it sounds like maybe he was a minor when all this happened? Either way 19 is barely an adult. What does your dh want to do? If dh wants to let his son move back, then I would certainly let him be the one to make the decision. If dh is on the fence also; IDK. Personally, if it were my son I would probably allow him to do so. It sounds like he acknowledges the debt and hopefully he is no longer destructive as he has gotten older He can live with you and still work towards paying off his debt. I do believe in tough love and if you were saying he was strung out on drugs or you were worried for your physical well being I may feel differently- but based on the info you have provided I would personally allow him to move home. Kids make mistakes- sometimes huge mistakes; but hopefully everyone can forgive and forget and move on....

The hard part is that he adopted him from his mom When he was young so he thinks of him as a son but he hates me and always cusses me out. So i dont want him in but my DH wants him back.

 

[Hannathy]

Is his Dad's farm a working farm? If it is he should be working at it.

who is helping him? he sounds like he needs some guidance and help. What was his plan for when he graduated? How is your DH helping him plan his life or getting counseling for his problems? what was the plan before the fight? what was he going to do with his life?

sounds to me like everyone has washed their hands of him and shuffled him from place to place without solving any of the problems.
Has you DH tried to help him find a job or discussed what he plans on doing with his life?

I would take him in and help him. There would be guidelines and I would get him counseling and help him find a job. If after helping him he didn't follow the rules then he would have to move out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The hard part is that he adopted him from his mom When he was young so he thinks of him as a son but he hates me and always cusses me out. So i dont want him in but my DH wants him back.

He cusses you out?

If my dh moved him in, I would move out. The fact that your dh adopted has nothing to do with anything. He sounds like a scumbag kid who needs a good swift kick in the hindend.

 

[brockash]

So this is kind of long but here it goes.
So this started about a year ago. My steapson has a huge argument with my DH which resulted in calling the cops and him moving in his mom. So then last year in september he and six friends come to my DH farm and long story short made about 20,000 dollars in damage. He took all responablity and knows has to pay all that off by October. So he has a fight with his mom and is staying at his grandparents house. So about 1 week ago he came and asked my DH if he could come back and live here.
What would you do. Let him back in. Wait until he pays off the damage. Dont let him back in and tell him to get a a house. He hasnt had a job in over a year so has no money. So what would you do.

What's his age? That makes a big difference to me. If he's a minor, than yes no questions asked, as he's my responsibility. If he's technically an adult, than it would depend on the rest of his history, his attitude now, my personal feelings about his character ect.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Yes, I would let him move back in.