WWYD? Different Parenting styles in the same family

[princessmom29]

I don't want to get all caught up in your vaccine debate, but did you breastfeed to provide immunity? I know most people do not breastfeed very long or at all, but I was very comfortable delaying vaccinations in my fully breastfed children. I did that according to the recommendations (only bf for 6 months and continuing for at least a year..or 2 or 3 ). Most people pick and choose among the recommendations for their children's health. It's their right as parents. I did choose to vaccinate fully, but on a delayed schedule. I never once worried about my infant contracting a deadly disease from and unvaxed person, I knew they received antibodies and immune boosters from me. It's natures vaccine.

You are wrong in your assumption. Breastfeeding only transfers some of your antibodies to the baby not all. For bacterial diseases they are usually covered, but for diseases that are viral like measels they are almost aloways not b/c the antibodies to those diseases are pentameric antibodies. They have 5 binding sites rather than the normal 2 and are to large to be transfered across the placenta or carried in breastmilk. Your baby is not getting any immunity to meseals through breastmilk. That is true for most of the other diseases that infants are vaccinated for early like HepB. I had hepitits as a child during hurricane Fredrick. Medical facilites were bare bones and they couldn't test to determine the type. When DD was born they made sure that she was vaccinated for it at birth just in case I still carried any live virus. I was nursing her, but the docs knew I would not be passing those particular antibodies to her so she could be at risk during delivery if I happened to be carrying live virus. So yes breastmilk does carry some antibodies, but it is NOT full protection from everything mom has been exposed to. Breastfed kids get measels too. My aunt nursed my cousin who contracted it at 11 months as a matter of fact.

 

[zeferjen]

Going back on-topic (lol), we are probably one of the more 'lax' amongst our friends in terms of parenting styles. We choose not to spank and give our kids a little lee-way in terms of their behavior. My philosophy is that if they are not potentially 1) hurting themselves 2) hurting others 3) showing disrespect then I am going to tend to let it go. My friends fall on the other end of the spectrum and are extremely strict. We try not to judge each other and yes, probably my kids are a bit wilder than theirs. I hope that both sets of kids grow up to be successful and creative and kind and in the end it won't make a huge difference.

If you do have to deal with people who judge or try to push their agendas on you, I find a simple "We do what we think will work best for our family" goes a long way.

 

[Ceila]

I have to strongly disagree with your "science" ... especially any research/studies that are funded by the government, CDC, etc. I'd love to debate this further, and would debate you all day long, but this probably isn't the appropriate place for it.

And for your misinformation, vaccinations are NOT required. My God, quit spreading false information.

If you have anything further to say about this topic, please PM me.

I find it impossible to take anyone seriously who puts the word science into quotation marks to deflect from their own misguided and misinformed agenda.

People who make these choices are free to do so (and usually find ways around the school requirements), but the fact - scientifically proven fact - remains that you put the greater population at risk. I realize that nothing anyone on this board can say that will change your mind, so I won't bother to debate you.

 

[TxRabbit]

Getting back to the original topic...(again, lol)

Dh and I deal with this. Wherever we are, I find that the best way to deal with the situation is to remove your child from the general area. I take DS into the bathroom or the guest bedroom or wherever I can have a private word with him, and we deal with things as we see fit in relative privacy. This has helped to stay much of the disagreements that have arisen in prior times.

Btw, I have to do this for their behavior as well. If I see things that aren't right, I WILL remove DS from the situation to state the way that things should be handled. We are sensitive to the power of words and do not let idle words or careless words find a place in Ds's mind. I find that it helps to remove him and immediately counteract whatever has happened. We find, as time goes by, that DS already knows what I want to say to him. It's kind of cool, because it shows that he is beginning to self regulate even around those that aren't behaving to a standard that we hold at home.

 

[ginnymack]

Back to the original poster's comments...You did not mention how old your child is, so this may not be totally helpful, but....Whenever I am going into a situation like that I tell my child that other parents have different rules but my children are are expected to follow my rules (unless the other parent has more strict rules - which hardly ever happens! - then we follow theirs) regardless of what their friends/cousins are doing. I agree that it may not seem fair, but that I am the parent and I am trying to do what I think is best for them. I then try to point out behavior that may have led to someone getting hurt, or hurting someone's feelings or leaving a bad impression of the child. And explain that I do not want anything like that to happen to them. We have also come up with a family "code phrase" that can serve as a warning to the child without them feeling like they are put on the spot. I let them pick it each time we are going into a situation that they may be tempted to follow the pack. Also, I may dangle some sort of carrot (I know, WDW should be enough! ) that lets them know that I appreciate them for making better choices. HTH!

 

[ginnymack]

Also, I do relax - a little bit - but I am very firm about safety, basic manners and preventing other people from enjoying themselves...

 

[torinsmom]

My sister has a very different parenting style than me. She and her husband are really strict. They have so many rules that I don't think their kids get enough of a chance to be kids. They are expected to play sports, be in scouts and make straight A's in school. DNephew got a B last 9 weeks and was banned from all electronics for a month. It's more of a "because I said so" kind of parenting.

I am more permissive. We have rules, but they are more flexible. I let my son choose what activities he participates in. I am fine with B's and C's if he is working up to his potential(he has learning disabilities). When we have a problem, we discuss it and decide on a solution. When he asks why, I take the time to explain it to him instead of saying "because I said so".

My sister and I are close and the kids spend a lot of time together. When DS is over there, he knows to go by their rules. When her kids come here, they love having more freedom.

Marsha

 

[kristennn]

I respect other people's rights not to vax - and I am absolutely in favor of more research on safe vaccines and less cost saving short cuts being taken on vaccine production. I want safe vaccines for ALL of our kids.
I wanted to add though - that I am grateful that vaccines exist and that most people still get them. My daughter is post transplant and can't get live vaccines - and diseases like chicken pox are potentially deadly for her.
We don't ask people if they vax or not - and we don't avoid anyone we meet that doesn't vax but if for example I knew a certain playgroup or school etc. had a high percentage of non vaxing kids - we would steer clear.

As for different parenting styles - I would just stick to the way you normally do things but try and remmeber that youre at Disney and on vacation and try and let little things slide a little more than usual.
I don't mean let everything slip by - My daughter got a time out AT Disney on her birthday on her make a wish trip ... and she was better behaved and had a better time afterwards as a result.

 

[Arabella1978]

This thread just caught my eye...kind of a timely topic actually. My husband just got home from work (he's a pediatric clinical pharmacist). Anyway, last week a two year old died on the peds floor from pneumonia, and tonight a three year old died as well....they came from different towns, and had only one thing in common...they were unvaccinated. The killer was HIB (hamepholius B) which caused their pneumonia. Don't know if I spelled that right or not.

Kind of sad, because it could have been prevented.

 

[Rylee]

Here's what we do with our kids...

We tell them they ALWAYS have to go by our rules, wherever they are.

In addition, if we/they are at a friend's/relatives visiting, they still have to go by OUR rules, plus any house rules at that house.

One SIL has 4 sons... they eat junk and soda, all day, everyday. They have no responsibilities, are never held accountable for their actions/choices and are given everything they want. She allows them to do whatever they want, even some potentially dangerous things, "because it's fun!" Her attitude is... "They're just kids." She thinks I'm too strict.

My other SIL is a married, but childless school teacher! She is just the opposite of her sister, but no easier to deal with. She has no clue about picking your battles or realistic expectations for different age groups. She thinks I'm not strict enough! She thinks she could do a better job of raising other people's children. I won't even entertain that thought... I just laugh at her. Really, she's ridiculous.

 

[seashoreCM]

Let me be your referee.

Family hints: http://www.cockam.com/family.htm

Freebees:
1. If the cousins come over and seize toys from your children, you may feel free to tell their parents and in the absence of favorable response, step in and take the toys back.
2. If the cousins won't share their toys with your children, then find other activities for your children.
3. If Uncle offers your child a soda pop or something you don't want your child to have, say no-thank-you and take the item from your child if he already received it.
4. If Aunt says your child should not be drinking the soda pop you served, tell your child that drinking it is "OK this time".

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

There are many different parenting styles. Some involve spanking. Some involve time-outs. Some involve yelling. Some involve a little bit of everything. Some involve a whole lot of nothing.

In my extended family, just about every style imaginable is employed because we have married into very divergent families. I can say this with complete confidence - no single style, applied consistently and with love and parental involvement, is more or less effective than another. It is the consistency, love and parental involvement that are necessary.

The children in my family who are "problems" are the children with parents who are problems. It isn't the parenting "style" - it is the lack of parenting...

 

[TxRabbit]

The children in my family who are "problems" are the children with parents who are problems. It isn't the parenting "style" - it is the lack of parenting...

So well said

If everyone could just realize this and not pass judgement on everyone trying to do their best. No one's perfect. No style is perfect. If only people could let you live their life without passing judgement.

 

[princessmom29]

This thread just caught my eye...kind of a timely topic actually. My husband just got home from work (he's a pediatric clinical pharmacist). Anyway, last week a two year old died on the peds floor from pneumonia, and tonight a three year old died as well....they came from different towns, and had only one thing in common...they were unvaccinated. The killer was HIB (hamepholius B) which caused their pneumonia. Don't know if I spelled that right or not.

Kind of sad, because it could have been prevented.

This is so sad, and I feel for those families. How awful to lose a child to something so preventable. What a burden to have to carry.

 

[Arabella1978]

I know Princessmom....

I used to be sort of anti-vax, until my husband changed from retail pharamacy to clinical pharmacy. After he started working on the peds floor at the hospital and started telling me stories of kids actually dying from diseases that could be prevented by vaxing, my opinion changed greatly. It is not that uncommon for kids to die from bacterial meningitis who don't get that pneummoccal vaccine. Scared the crud out of me.

I guess it makes me realize that there is a REASON these vaccines were developed.

Sorry OP for going off topic!!

 

[Kae]

My husband and I parent our son much differently than our siblings parent our nieces and nephews. I would like to think that we are following the higher path (I do not want to say better, because everyone has their own way of doing things) in that we do not spank our son, try not to yell, and hold him to a pretty high behavioral standard. We run into conflicts at family gatherings because the other kids behave very differently. Some of that transfers to our son and when we get on him about it the other adults make comments. Those of you who have been in a similar situation, how do you handle it. How do you enjoy your time visiting without compromising your standards?

Wow. I am sure glad I am not related to you. And Just so you know by stating that you have a higher path I think you do mean better. My sisters & I do not have the same methods but we all respect each other.

Kae

 

[princessmom29]

I know Princessmom....

I used to be sort of anti-vax, until my husband changed from retail pharamacy to clinical pharmacy. After he started working on the peds floor at the hospital and started telling me stories of kids actually dying from diseases that could be prevented by vaxing, my opinion changed greatly. It is not that uncommon for kids to die from bacterial meningitis who don't get that pneummoccal vaccine. Scared the crud out of me.

I guess it makes me realize that there is a REASON these vaccines were developed.

Sorry OP for going off topic!!

I think a lot of times we forget that because most of us don't have to deal with these diseases anymore because of the widespread use of vacs. Infant mortality rate was about 20% in the not so distant past. There are reasons why cultures like the Chinese used to wait until children were preschool age to give them their formal names. One in 5 children died before the age of 3. Most of them from diseases that are unheard of today largely because of widespread vaccination programs. It is really scary to think what would happen to infant mortality if we suddenly stopped vaccianting children. Surges in things liek HIB in the unvaccianted population are a really scary perview of what would be the reality for all of us. Here it has been whooping cough in the last year. Lots of unvaccinated kids are getting it and getting really sick. My friend who is an RN on the peds floor said theat they are seeing more and more kids on a modified or delayed vaccination schedule getting sick and landing in PICU with it.

 

[NotUrsula]

Also, I do relax - a little bit - but I am very firm about safety, basic manners and preventing other people from enjoying themselves...

Sorry, but the phrasing on this struck me as funny. The first two are things that you make sure that they practice ... is the third?

I know, I'm being silly, but I'm up late working and I'm a little wall-eyed.
I just had so much fun imagining a parent taking little Johnny aside to tell him that he wasn't doing enough to prevent others from enjoying themselves!

 

[FayeW]

There are many different parenting styles. Some involve spanking. Some involve time-outs. Some involve yelling. Some involve a little bit of everything. Some involve a whole lot of nothing.

In my extended family, just about every style imaginable is employed because we have married into very divergent families. I can say this with complete confidence - no single style, applied consistently and with love and parental involvement, is more or less effective than another. It is the consistency, love and parental involvement that are necessary.

The children in my family who are "problems" are the children with parents who are problems. It isn't the parenting "style" - it is the lack of parenting...

This reminds me of something Jay said on Modern Family. He was talking about how to be a good parent and he said that "...90% of it is just showing up". Be there, be consistent, and let them know that you love them but don't always like their choices/behaviour. It's also okay to admit you were wrong and/or overreacted. They need to know that you are human, make mistakes, and can admit when you do. That is a very valuable lesson.