Wreath problem

[motheroftink]

Hello everyone. Just wondered if anyone had any thoughts on a little problem I have.

Every year me and my dad get a wreath to take to the Crematorium on Christmas Day, which we lay on the spot where my mum's ashes are scattered. Each year it is usually me who gets the wreath, and I like to get a fresh one, with real holly and greenery.

Well Dad turned up the other day and announced that he had bought the wreath already, and although it is a nice looking one, it is plastic, with little plastic presents attached - not really my cup of tea.

He had been visiting a friend in hospital and when he came out he saw them hanging up outside a florists shop opposite, and just decided to get one. I know he probably thinks he is being helpful, I have been feeling very stressed lately, and he probably thinks that this is one less thing for me to think about, so I can't fault him for being thoughtful.

If you were in my shoes would you just go with it, or do you think I should buy a real wreath too, and we could take both of them?? I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Thanks for listening. x

 

[Strommie]

I think I may just go with the one your dad has bought...but I'm terrible for trying not to hurt people's feelings Is there another little christmassy thing you could buy made out of real holly/greenery as well?? It's hard to know what to do for the best. My dad died last year, and me, my mum and my brother are always trying to please each other, and not do the wrong thing!

 

[Minniespal]

I hate hurting people's feelings as well. Especially when they have done something so thoughtful. Only problem I can see though is that if you don't say anything your dad will not be aware of your feelings. Then this time next year he does exactly the same thing. As Kathryn said it is very hard to know what to do for the best.

Please take from this what you will as I'm not going from personal experience.

 

[wils]

I would go with it if you can bear to! Your Dad thinks he has been helpful and it seems like you have enough on your plate anyway. I fear that if you buy another one it might hurt his feelings.

Having said that - only do the above if it is not going to upset you! It's a difficult one especially over something so emotional

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would just use the one he bought. Maybe add a little fresh greener around it.

 

[mandymouse]

I would go with it if you can bear to! Your Dad thinks he has been helpful and it seems like you have enough on your plate anyway. I fear that if you buy another one it might hurt his feelings.

I agree with everyone, if you can cope with it, then go along with the one that he bought, as he probably thinks that he is being very helpful. Next year you can always tell him that you ordered one early, and get a real one

 

[jns]

I agree with everyone, if you can cope with it, then go along with the one that he bought, as he probably thinks that he is being very helpful. Next year you can always tell him that you ordered one early, and get a real one

I would agree with Mandy

Good luck with that ever you decide this time of year can be really hard and lonely on people as well ,

 

[Boo Boo Too]

My dad died last year, and me, my mum and my brother are always trying to please each other, and not do the wrong thing!

I think people get over that stage... My dad died a little over 2.5 years ago, this year my mother has definitely turned the corner and doesn't seem to care what other people think or how they feel It has been a bit of a rough ride this past month trying to come to a compromise over what we we are all going to do for Christmas (she wouldn't even compromise at all until about a week ago). Husband and I are still not particularly happy, but will attempt to make the best of things and tackle the underlying issues after Christmas. It is GREAT to see my mother rebuilding her life, but I really wish that she would ask before making decisions that directly affect us... She doesn't ask any more, she tells us

Back to the question asked... I would definitely go along with your Dad's (it is what he thought he would like to put on the grave) and maybe ask him if it would be alright if you goit a fresh one to go along with it (since you love the fresh holly etc...). Can't see why he wouldn't go along with it...

Best Wishes at what I think is the toughest time of year if you have had a family bereavement

Boo

 

[Strommie]

Best Wishes at what I think is the toughest time of year if you have had a family bereavement

Boo

I agree, it is very very difficult Think of it this way as well, your mum would just be pleased that you and your dad go and put something Christmassy there for her every year, and that is the most important thing

 

[motheroftink]

Thanks for all your suggestions. I think that I will go along with it this year..... as you say Strommie mum would probably appreciate the fact that we go at all rather than what we actually leave behind.

Next year I will suggest early on that it would be a nice idea to get a real wreath, more special etc, and we can go together to order one.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[VAN]

Go along with it ... instead, make a contribution to a favorite charity in your mother's honor.

 

[pokemon_master]

I'd say go along with it as well. The suggestion for a charity donation is also good too if you still have some money left over.

 

[Spook]

Next year I will suggest early on that it would be a nice idea to get a real wreath, more special etc, and we can go together to order one.

A lovely idea, for you and your dad

Jan