WOW...This is a new one....hopefully someone can help.

[parkers*momma]

A lil back ground information:

Over the past 25 year, Dh and I have always had an open door policy with all of our children's friends. They could talk to us about anything and we don't past judgement but try to guide them in the right direction. Several times, over the past 25 years, we have taken teenagers in when things are going bad at home. Sometimes for a cool off period just so everyone can regroup. A couple of times, the parents have asked us to take their children in until they reach the age of 18. We have and everything has worked out wonderfully for us (no problem children-just misunderstood teenagers and emotions) and it worked out well for the families as they have become a family once again.

Tonight, our 17 year old son's friend came to talk to us as he has done MANY times in the past. But this time it was extremely different. See his parents are divorced and his mom is an alcoholic(whom he current lives with). His dad has remarried years ago (his parent split up when he was very very young) and started another family(even tho he has a decent relationship with his father-his step mom he doesn't). His father will not seek custody for two reasons. One the new wife and second the son wants to finish high school when has went since kindergarten. His father lives over an hour away so that isn't a possiblity if he lives with his dad. The young man has asked for our help. He wants to become emancipated. His dad offered to pay for the attorney as long as the son writes a letter stating he is a good father because he doesn't want anyone to think ill of him.

We will defintely take this young man in as he is a good kid just dealt a poor hand! He's in band, quiz bowl, gets decent grades (B's and C's), etc. he has definitely beaten the odds so far but he is losing faith in himself and his purpose in life due to his mom's verbal and emotional abuse. He has actually talked to us about running away. We have explained to him that running away is only going to cause him more problems-it's not a solution. I know we probably should call the proper authorities but we don't want to break a trust we have built with all the kids that come into this house.


OK the budget part:
Has anyone here ever been in this situation-taking in an emancipated 17 yo? We are curious as to medical insurance-will we have to purchase insurance or will he get state assistance since he is 17 and in high school or will he be able to get insurance on his father's policy? Would we have to have guardianship for him to continue in school? He doesn't have a licenses as his mother said that she can't afford it--so with him being emancipated will he have to wait until 21 or can he get it without parental consent? We have never been in this situation and really want to help him out but want to make sure we completely understand everything as it will be a financial change within our house hold taking the young man in and making sure he has a good start at life once he is finished with school and college. Yes, he understand he will have chores/responsiblities, grades/education are a priority, we have strict rules within our household pertaining to alcohol, cigarettes, language, and attitude. Shoot he is here every weekend for the past three years so he knows what is expected of our children and what will be expected of him.

And just so everyone knows....we have tried several times in the past to talk to his mom about him and she simply doesn't care. Her favorite comment to us, him, and everyone else is "the day he turns 18 my job is over and he is out of the house-school or no school, I only have XXXX days until I will finally have a life!" She has been saying this for the 5 years we have known the boy. When trying to talk to the dad, all we hear is "you have to understand, Mrs. XXXX will not stand for son coming to live with us." I'm sorry, I pass judgement on this man as he should stand up to wife #2. But I can't change how he feel and can only look out for the boy.

So does ANYONE have any insight on how emancipation is handled? We will be consulting an attorney when the time comes but not until we now for sure it is going to happen. But I would love to have a lil insight on how this does work. And no, mom will not let him live with us as she has already said she will lose all of her benefits if he moves out before he is 18. Geeez!
TIA

 

[NYCDiane]

First, it's great what you and your husband are doing for all the kids you've helped!

Okay, if he's emancipated, it means he is legally an adult (even though he's only 17). His parents are no longer legally responsible to provide him with anything, including health insurance. He can probably apply for state insurance and will most likely get it free since he is a student.

If he goes for his license, he just has to bring his proof of ID (whatever your DMV requires) and the court papers from the emancipation hearing.

Once he is emancipated, Mrs. XXXXX gets no more benefits for him.

 

[marsha123]

i have no answers but just wanted to say you are good people to consider this.

 

[SandrA9810]

You never cease to amaze me... You're like mom of the neighborhood.

I hope all this doesn't change seeing you again in september.

I don't see any difference between you taking custody or him becoming emancipated... the mom still looses all rights/money/what have you. He shouldn't have any issues getting a license, and plenty of state aid for medical benefits. And many colleges offer a basic policy for kids attending. That also means that the father and mother can no longer claim him as a dependant and recieve tax breaks. It's kinda sad he's had to wait till he's 17 to do this. Sounds like he should've done this a couple years ago.

 

[LuLuO]

Being emancipated makes you an adult legally with regards to guardianship, insurance, etc. His mother will no longer be obligated legally to support him in any way nor will she receive any assistance or support for him.

I wanted to move to FL with my boyfriend after high school for the experience of being on my own. I graduated at 17 and my dad took me to court to emancipate me when I was 17 so that he wouldn't have to continue to pay for me should I change my mind and want to move back with my mom. The child support, health insurance and such stopped immediately. I didn't fight him on it because I was so hurt by his action. I have forgiven him many things over the years but I have never forgiven him for that.

You are a wonderful person to help so many children and it sounds like this boy will be so much better off out of his mother's house. He is lucky to have such caring adults in his life but it makes me sad that his Dad is putting other things before his son. But I guess that is for another discussion. Kudos to you for being a positive force in this boy's life.

 

[Lucky4me]

His Mother must be getting some kind of welfare benefits for him?
She is holding all the cards. Something tells me she would fight it all the way.

We took in a friend of my sons for a year in high school, same situation.
His Mom still got her benefits, she didn't care where he was, as long as she got that cash every month. He ended up graduating and going to college. The only good thing about it was since she was on welfare, he got a lot of financial aid for school.
Ten years later, he is an employed, happily married Dad. We're so proud of him!

I'd let him move in, but in a more unofficial way. If he's been spending weekends there anyway, its just a few extra days a week...

 

[Pastamom]

His Mother must be getting some kind of welfare benefits for him?
She is holding all the cards. Something tells me she would fight it all the way.


I'd let him move in, but in a more unofficial way. If he's been spending weekends there anyway, its just a few extra days a week...

That poor guy - luckily he has you looking out for him. How great that he feels comfortable coming to you for help.

Perhaps you could talk to the mom and explain her son's feelings. She might be willing to compromise and give him some money monthly because it would be cheaper than going to court. Would his Dad be willing to help out financially?

Good luck!

 

[Tinkerbelle9980]

Just a thought...well an expensive thought. You might want to consult a lawyer about the options the boy has. A lawyer may be able to advise on the best and quickest plan of action. I worry that his mother will fight this or do something to try and get him to not do it. If she is getting money for him then she may be one of those people that won't let it go. I've known people that are like this. He is lucky to have your family in his life. Good luck with all it!

 

[nilseks]

I don't have any answers but I just wanted to say GOD BLESS YOU and your husband. If only the world could be full of wonderful people like you...

 

[apnep]

I also don't have any answers for you, but people like you are truly amazing and giving and I just wanted to say thank you for setting an example for the rest of us. I hope everything works out for this boy.

Peace and blessings,
Ang

 

[Sadie22]

Definitely consult whatever resources are available locally for advice -- your social services department, school guidance counselor, etc. A legal aid bureau may be available for free legal advice or an attorney may provide a consultation free of charge. You never know until you ask. Has child welfare investigated the boy's mother? It is possible that he could be legally deemed in need of foster care and assuming your home was deemed suitable you might be designated his foster parents. All this can help preserve whatever financial assistance is available for a young person. He needs to understand that this is a necessary step.

 

[java]

First off that breaks my heart. I have a teenager and I see so many of them that feel like casteoffs from their families. It's very nice of you to provide a safe haven for them.


Curious as to why he would want to Legally break the bond between his parents and himself.

Really all he does by doing that is eliminate their financial responsibilities to him. Sure his Dad would be all for it- it means he doesn't have to pay anymore. and the letter well that is laughable. That says boatloads about the man I think.

I don't see what benefit the boy would personally get by emancipating himself? What are his arguments for wanting to do that at this point?

The only time I have heard of emancipation has been when the child is particularly well off financially and they don't want their parents to be using their money anymore.

 

[WDWCrazyfromGA]

You are a true 'mom' to do what you can to help so many. There are a lot of us who depended on 'moms' like you when our own parents have failed to live up to the job.

The emancipation is actually smart as his benefits (state provided, Federal education grants, etc) will no longer depend on his mom or dads income. I went to school with several kids whose parents had not provided crap for their college - pretty much kicked them out when they graduated high school; however, they were required to list their parents income on the federal student aid forms. I'm sure this is similar for health care.

Bless you for being one of the good ones

 

[laurafergie]

I have been through this. One of my DD19 came to us when she was 16 under ridiculous circumstances. Her father refused to do anything - he keep telling me on the phone "I don't have custody, I can't do anything"

Her mother, when she became available again, refused to do anything either - including sign any kind of guardianship. By this time she had turned 17 and we were afraid to contact CPS because of the possibility of being removed from our home and she only had a year to go until she was 18. This was a mistake.

Anyway - a few things I have learned.

Try to get a guardianship signed. Good luck on that.

Contact the high school immediately in person. Make an appointment to speak to Head of Guidance and the Principal. Take the child with you and hold nothing back, so they understand everything that is going on. They will not be surprised. They have heard everything and they will become your strongest advocates. Unofficially, (the school knew this) I signed for her and did everything a parent would do. ~~~~We did do this

At the very least - The Homeless Liaison for your city/county HAS TO BE NOTIFIED. This is very important if he is going to college or trade school - for Financial Aid purposes on the FAFSA. This also puts the situation under official notice. CPS probably will not be involved if the Homeless Liaison is satisfied because he is 17. (here is where your high school contact become useful) ~~~~We did NOT do this until later - then everything had to be backtracked and it was a real pain in the **s. BIG mistake.

Emancipation was mentioned - let the father do this. It will make everything easier if the child can sign for himself - including the FAFSA issue. But do the previous mentioned things until the emancipation is done.

Insurance - he will not get any state assistance unless you go through official channels like CPS - and by the time it's done, he'll be 18 and it's a moot point. Frankly, we just winged it and prayed nothing happened. Now that she is 19, she pays for a cheap major medical plan and uses her college clinic.

License - he can get it if he is emancipated. Otherwise, he can get it when he is 18.

We got zero support from either parent - and yes it was hard at times having an extra person in the household. My DH was laid off during that time, she broke her collarbone - we paid for that out of pocket. We bought her prom dress, senior pictures, paid for the dual enrollment courses at the high school. Paid for all college application fees and deposits. Not to mention she had NO clothes (think 2 pairs of jeans and a few shirts and 1 pair of shoes)

I wouldn't trade her for anything. When she came to us, she wouldn't even eat in front of people because she was scared it would be taken away. She has blossomed into a wonderful young woman, who is in college and has a future.

You are doing the right thing. Feel free to PM me if you need any support.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think you have a good heart. But I think you're being fairly naive about this situation. First off - YOU need to talk to an attorney for YOURSELF to see how this decision will impact YOU. This is a lot different than letting someone stay at your house for the weekend. It sounds to me as if you're making a committment to this young man. What does that mean exactly? What are his expectations of you? What process will be in place if he doesn't follow your rules or isn't able to hold a job, etc? Are you planning to support him financially? Why would you want to take that responsibility away from his parents when he's just months away from becoming an "adult" anyway? They may or may not choose to continue to support him when he becomes 18, but at least there's a chance they can be persuaded to if the situation is left as it is. If he becomes emancipated, you virtually guarantee they will not. Hard feelings can develop on both sides and it becomes a battle of wills. And if it doesn't work out between you, he will have yet more adults letting him down.

A few things that come to my mind - first, he's 17. Soon he'll be legally able to be on his own anyway (18). When does he turn 18? It could be that the process of emancipation would take that long anyway. Second, is he graduating from high school this year? Third, what state do you live in? An emancipated minor (in a situation like this) is usually in such dire straits that the living situation is either dangerous or intolerable, etc. One would have to question whether his situation is this bad, really. (Sure, it isn't ideal - or should I say, admittedly, it sucks - but is it truly dangerous or intolerable?) It seems to me that your good intentions are making the process of emancipation a possibility for him, but I'd have to question whether this would really be in his best interest. I'd strongly suggest you get professional advice looking at both sides (yourself and the boy) to see if it's the best thing. Look to social service agencies and the juvenile court. It may be that the best thing is just helping him out as you're doing, but not completely severing ties with his parents.

Here are some links with general information about emancipation. One thing you need to realize is that emancipated young people should be self supporting (ie have a job) and that they are legally responsible for any bills they incur, including medical expenses. That gives pause for thought right there. Kids that age aren't always completely responsible, as you know. Which is why it would be important to figure out what his expectations are. Does he really have an understanding of what this involves? And once again, why let the parents off the hook so easily when he's just months away from turning 18? And lastly, that dad is just ridiculous.

Good luck. HTH

http://www.teenparents.org/emancipation.html

http://www.publiccounsel.org/publications/emancipated.pdf

http://***************************/article/52783/a_guide_to_legal_emancipation_from.html?cat=17

http://www.larcc.org/pamphlets/children_family/teen_emancipation.htm

The District Attorney's office may petition to have your emancipation rescinded (taken away) if your main source of income is welfare (e.g., TANF). It is possible for the judge to rescind your emancipation on the basis that you are not able to support yourself without public benefits. If the emancipation is rescinded, the District Attorney may try to make your parents pay back the welfare money that was paid to you while you were emancipated.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Emancipation was mentioned - let the father do this. It will make everything easier if the child can sign for himself - including the FAFSA issue. But do the previous mentioned things until the emancipation is done.

Parents can't do it. The minor has to do it himself.

My parents told me they want to get me emancipated. Can they do that?

No. There are parents who would like to have their child emancipated because it means the parents are no longer responsible for providing for the child, and instead, the minor is responsible for him/herself. However, emancipation is meant to be a positive step for a minor, not a way for parents to circumvent their parental responsibilities. There are safeguards in place in Santa Clara County to ensure children are not getting emancipated by their parents.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Before I got into my long winded reply the thing I was going to comment on is that the process of emancipation is generally one that is not that difficult to achieve, given that there is good reason. The reason for this is because if kids need to be emancipated, they, as I mentioned before, are in such dire straits that they need to be able to navigate this on their own, generally, and the courts recognize this. They should not have to hire a lawyer, but if they need legal assistance, they can get it through the juvenile court. Kids should be able to do this on their own (and if they can't, you'd have to question whether they're ready to be on their own anyway).

 

[angwill]

From what I understand in order to become emancipated the boy will have to prove that he has a job with money coming in so that he can support himself. The good thing with emancipation though is that he will qualify for state benefits if your state is not one that is turning people away due to lack of funds. He would also not have to claim his parents income when applying for grants for college like he would till age 23. I would worry with a mother like his that she may refuse to even give him her financial info to apply for those things which is what my parents did.

Another suggestion would be your talking to his mother and tell her what she wants to hear to let him stay with you. I would tell her that you understand that teens can be a burden and that you are willing to take him in and still allow her to get benefits for him till he turns 18 and/or finishes high school. He will also still have his benefits for medical this way till he can get them on his own.

Having been in a similar place as this boy I would suggest he get a part time job and pay for his own license. It would teach him some responsibility and working hard for something that he wants dearly.

It is wonderful what you do for these teens. Sometimes it is just so much easier for others to talk to teens than their parents.

Good luck

 

[bettymae1121]

Emancipation is a double edged sword. It's a huge advantage in that the parents no longer have a say so, and it helps with college financing as the parents $$$ would be out of the picture. It's a disadvantage if the emancipated teen decides that now that they are "free" that they are going to do what they want, when they want, because no one (including you) will have a legal right to stop them.

When my DH was 15 his father died. He and his mother never got along well to begin with, DH was much closer to his father. Once his father was gone, it was world war three between DH and his mother. He had a very good paying job (he made more working part time than some adults made in his town working full time) and was able to become emancipated. This ment he could move out and drop out of school. Fortunatly his father made my DH promise to graduate high school not too long before he passed, or he says he likely would have droped out. Even though he did stay in school, he could do things like call himself in sick, sign permision slips, and needless to say anything that a teacher would want signed and returned was a waste of time! It all worked out but if it hadn't been for the promise DH made his late father it all could have gone wrong.

Now, I'm not saying NOT to do this, clearly something needs to be done to help this child, but it is something to consider. What will this child do once given free reign?

 

[ceecee]

His mom is getting child support for him? You should take to the dad. Sounds like if the kid is truly a good kid he can get along with his step mom for a few years. Maybe the dad and mom have had discussions that you don't know about and that's why he thinks the mom won't give up custody.