Wow- Deadly kiss.

[Missy1961]

There was a girl in my DS's preschool class that was very allergic to dairy and wheat. The parents took turns providing snacks and there was a 2-page list of snacks to avoid. If I were that girl's mother, I would probably give the teacher snacks for my daughter rather than run the risk of another parent inadvertently bringing a snack that contained wheat or dairy.

My nephew has food allergies to wheat & eggs. (it used to be alot worse, he can have milk & corn now.) My sister has him bring in his own snacks. You're right, it's certainly better that way.

 

[robinb]

I just want to say that most people *do* compromise. When you hear of all-out bannings--well, that is the more uncommon response. Most PA parents do not expect or require this. I agree with you that everyone is happy with a compromise. I just hope you don't paint all PA parents with the broad brush of being uncompromising, control freaks. We are not. And I promise not to paint all non-allergic people and insensitive, self-centered jerks like the guy who got pissed off and came into his child's school cafeteria and sat down and ate his PB&J and dared anyone to throw him out of the school.

Christine: You were not one of the people who jumped down my throat over an innocent comment. You restrained yourself to an eyeroll (LOL!) You also didn't continue to hold a grudge about it after I tried to explain myself, unlike others on this thread. For that I thank you.

Onto a more general discussion ...

Am I a " insensitive, self-centered jerk" because I want my DD to be able to eat a PB&J at school? My guess would be that some parents here believe so. I think that some PA parents on this thread (and IRL) have an agenda and leap at the chance to be insulted and hurt to make their point. The agenda I am talking about goes way beyond the normal concern for the health and safety of their children and understandable fear of accidental death. I felt totally ambushed by those people who were just ... waiting ... for someone to say that their kid only eats peanut butter for lunch. FWIW, I understand that we all have our hot-button, knee jerk reaction issues. I have a few of my own .

I sympathize with the PA parents. Maybe a little bit more in the past month than I had before. A few days before the autopsy was released for the little boy who died on Mission Space (idiopathic myocardial hypertrophy ... a condition that is usually not diagnosed in children until sudden death) my 6 year old DD was placed on a portable heart monitor. She had a couple of cardiac "episodes" where her heart raced at Disneyland and her doctor ordered an EKG and the monitor. It was almost two weeks before we got the (normal) EKG back and in that time I thought about how she might die suddenly while doing normal everyday things like swimming at a Swim Meet or riding a roller coaster. I have an inkling of what PA parents go though every day of their lives.

So, I am not insensitive to what PA parents are going through. But like you, I am sensitive to my child's needs. I am glad that her school has a reasonable solution to the needs of both the allergic kids and then ones like mine who would eat PB for every meal ... and snacks too.

 

[Christine]

Am I a " insensitive, self-centered jerk" because I want my DD to be able to eat a PB&J at school? My guess would be that some parents here believe so.

Absolutely not. You never came across that way to me at all. The insenstive jerk is the one I described in my earlier post. His son's elementary school actually banned peanut butter from the lunches. He was so mad that he went into the school at lunch with a pile of sandwiches and waved them around and acted like a real you-know-what? Now that is a jerk. I'm sure he was P.O.'d about the ban, but that's not the way to handle it. I do believe he was arrested.

There are other jerks too. I remember LONG ago when I was planning one of my first Disney trips with my son, I went to rec.arts.disney and asked a simple question about peanut allergy and restaurants. I was so brutally insulted, cursed at, stalked, and put down that I have never, ever gone back to that site. Basically I was told that my son was "broken, deformed, not normal" and that I should put him in a bubble because HE was infringing on their lifelong pursuits of happiness with peanut butter. I kid you not. Fortunately this site has never even come close to being that awful. And as the years have passed and the allergy has pretty much "touched" everyone in some way, I see a big increase in compassion.

As far as bans go--in certain incidences they make sense. Now, I never asked for a ban but when my son was in daycare (he was 2) his center decided to institute a ban on peanut butter in his classroom. You can imagine that this was necessary because 2 year olds are horrible messy and it was just too much for the staff to undertake to keep the classroom free of residue. I really appreciated it and felt that it was appropriate at that age. I don't feel that it is necessary when a child enters elementary school (although my son still does come home with all sorts of food all over him--even at 10 years old). I'm happy with separate tables at this age.

One thing you might not know is that it is rarely the parents of PA children that request bans. The parents usually approach the school administrators, provide documentation on the allergy, and then that school or that entire systems makes a determination on how to handle it. A lot of the schools do not want the stress or do not have the personnel to deal with peanut-free tables or zones and will often put the burden on the entire school and make it peanut free. That way if something happens, they can point the finger at other parents and not themselves.

 

[cardaway]

A lot of the schools do not want the stress or do not have the personnel to deal with peanut-free tables or zones and will often put the burden on the entire school and make it peanut free. That way if something happens, they can point the finger at other parents and not themselves.

Exactly. Nobody should blame the folks on either side for their reaction to a bad decision by a school.

 

[robinb]

One thing you might not know is that it is rarely the parents of PA children that request bans. The parents usually approach the school administrators, provide documentation on the allergy, and then that school or that entire systems makes a determination on how to handle it. A lot of the schools do not want the stress or do not have the personnel to deal with peanut-free tables or zones and will often put the burden on the entire school and make it peanut free. That way if something happens, they can point the finger at other parents and not themselves.

Thank you, that is something I did not know. I think I'll send a "thank you" letter to my DD's principal for going the extra mile making a PB&J table for the kids who can and making a safe(r) place for the allergic kids.

 

[dis ms.]

So, I am not insensitive to what PA parents are going through. But like you, I am sensitive to my child's needs. I am glad that her school has a reasonable solution to the needs of both the allergic kids and then ones like mine who would eat PB for every meal ... and snacks too.

FWIW, robinb, I understand what you are saying about the non-PA kids being able to eat peanut butter at school. If my DS's school banned peanuts, I would be hard-pressed to think of something to replace his beloved (albeit disgusting) peanut butter/turkey/cheese sandwich.

And I may not agree with your phrasing in your initial post, but I do think that you are sympathetic to the plight of the parents with PA kids. I'm also sorry to hear about what you went through with your DD. That must have been very scary for you. I'm glad she is okay.

 

[aprilgail2]

Thank you, that is something I did not know. I think I'll send a "thank you" letter to my DD's principal for going the extra mile making a PB&J table for the kids who can and making a safe(r) place for the allergic kids.

Our school has the opposite..they have a table up front away from the other tables for peanut allergy kids....I in no way support an all out ban but I do agree that they should have their own peanut free space...just not the whole school!

My friends daughter was allergic to many types of food (not peanuts!) and for snack she did not make the whole class suffer and only eat what her daughter could eat...she said for htem to buy whatever they normally bought and she would supply the dairy free and whatever else free her kid needed....

 

[Christine]

My friends daughter was allergic to many types of food (not peanuts!) and for snack she did not make the whole class suffer and only eat what her daughter could eat...she said for htem to buy whatever they normally bought and she would supply the dairy free and whatever else free her kid needed....

The problem with your argument is that other allergens, for the most part, are different than peanuts. There have been studies done that show that residue from peanuts "sticks" to everything. Even a simple rub down of the table with a wet sponge will often not get it all up. So, when you have 30 kids in a class and they break out the peanut butter for snacks, they WILL get it on their fingers. They will then touch the desks, the pencil sharpener,the door handle on their way to the bathroom to wash up, etc. Since the peanut residue is oily and remains stable while sitting on a desk, this can be a big problem. This is why people have reactions on airplanes that are not nut free. There is residue on the chairs and tray tops. As far as I have read, eggs, milk, wheat, etc will not cause this same situation. Their allergenic components are easily broken down by air and water. So it's really not that the peanut allergic people want to make anyone suffer moreso than the egg-allergic people do, it's just that it is not the same at all. There are many more precautions with peanuts because of the way the peanut is.

 

[lil mermaid]

My friends daughter was allergic to many types of food (not peanuts!) and for snack she did not make the whole class suffer and only eat what her daughter could eat...she said for htem to buy whatever they normally bought and she would supply the dairy free and whatever else free her kid needed....

Nobody in my family has a peanut allergy, but my best friend's DD does. She has been hospitalized three times with reactions. She has had numerous reactions that were less seriousl Peanut allergy is pretty much the worst food allergy to have and you really can't compare it to other types of food allergies. Even a tiny tiny tiny trace of peanuts can lead to hives, swelling, anaphylactic shock and death. Peanut butter sticks to everything - little hands (which touch everything in the school), cafeteria tables, desks, library books, you name it. It is very difficult to remove. It isn't like a wheat or milk allergy where the offending food can generally just be avoided.

It really makes me sad to hear adults use the words "suffer" and "starve" when referring to a child's inability to have peanut butter. From my experience, children are much more understanding than this. When the situation is explained to them and they are told that their friend can get very sick or even die if they come into contact with peanut butter, they generally will be fine with having something else. They don't want another child to be harmed. It is the adults who get the most upset.

 

[VSL]

It really makes me sad to hear adults use the words "suffer" and "starve" when referring to a child's inability to have peanut butter. From my experience, children are much more understanding than this. When the situation is explained to them and they are told that their friend can get very sick or even die if they come into contact with peanut butter, they generally will be fine with having something else. They don't want another child to be harmed. It is the adults who get the most upset.

Exactly.

It's an inconvenience for the other children, but won't cause them suffering or starvation. I am sure there are plenty of foods that non-allergic (you know what I mean!) children can eat - and enjoy! - besides peanuts (as nothing seems to have the effect that these little things do).

 

[momof2inPA]

One thing you might not know is that it is rarely the parents of PA children that request bans. The parents usually approach the school administrators, provide documentation on the allergy, and then that school or that entire systems makes a determination on how to handle it. A lot of the schools do not want the stress or do not have the personnel to deal with peanut-free tables or zones and will often put the burden on the entire school and make it peanut free. That way if something happens, they can point the finger at other parents and not themselves.

That's true. When my son started school, I worked out a compromise of a peanut free table, no peanut stuff in the classroom, the kids in the classes that share his recess and eat pb for lunch washing their hands, and taking one peanut item off the school menu. That's the best compromise I could come up with that inconveniences the fewest students, but it would probably be easier for the lunchroom monitors to just ban peanuts.

Robin, the problem I see with the word "starve" is that's the complaint we parents of allergic kids always hear when there is an attempt to limit the presence of peanut butter at all, anywhere. The peanut people always say, "That's all my kid will eat." It's an exaggeration that makes having a conversation about the allergies very difficult and less productive.

As for the question of how does someone who allergic to the touch of pb or breathing peanut dust, it does limit a person's life. We don't fly certain airlines and when we do fly the "safe" ones, I wipe down the area and cover the seat with a fitted sheet just in case the last passenger ate peanut butter. No one wants to have an emergency at 20,000 feet. My son doesn't go to baseball or football games. Other places, we are just careful.