Wow- Deadly kiss.

[cardaway]

Yes, you are viewing it as harsh and insesitive because your are someone who has children with food allergies.

Agreed. It's sad, but the only solution is for the child to eat alone. Too much risk otherwise. I can't imagine a parent of a child with this severe an allergy would want it any other way.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Talk about overreaction. Doesn't completely get rid of the risk and creates a false sense of security.

I so agree!

And I didn't see robinb's words as harsh. It depends on one's perspective I guess.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Agreed. It's sad, but the only solution is for the child to eat alone. Too much risk otherwise. I can't imagine a parent of a child with this severe an allergy would want it any other way.

I agree. There was also nothing harsh in Robinb's statement.

 

[Amy]

Ok, flame me if you want, but here goes:

My DS15 is allergic to peanuts. He's also a teenager, a VERY tough age with peer pressure, and kids want to "fit in" and be like all the other kids. Do you know what happens to kids who are singled out by having to eat all alone at a separate table in the cafeteria? My DS15 is also very smart, which is also "not cool" at school. He used to wear glasses, which also made him different. (We got him contacts, so that took care of the glasses issue.)

The point I'm trying to make is that kids with food allergies are just like every other kid out there; they want to fit in and be a part of the school culture. They're also like kids with disabilities - schools have to make accommodations for kids with disabilities, and food allergies are considered by many to be a type of disability.

Yes, I also viewed Robinb's post as harsh and insensitive. There are plenty of other foods that "normal" kids can eat - they won't starve if they eat a cheese sandwich for lunch instead of PB&J, but a kid who's allergic to peanuts could DIE. I would have absolutely no problem making sure my kid never took yogurt to school for lunch if one of his friends were allergic to dairy products.

This is one of those issues where you need "walk a mile in the other person's shoes" before making any kind of judgments. Parents who have kids with food allergies live in constant fear that their child will have a reaction and not have meds immediately available to save his/her life. Parents who have kids with food allergies have to read the ingredient labels of EVERY food they bring into their homes; their children must be taught that if there's no label, then they can't take the risk of eating it. At every restaurant, parents of kids with food allergies must talk to the chef to find out what foods their child can and cannot eat.

I actually consider myself lucky - my DS is only allergic to peanuts. There are many, many children who have multiple food allergies, which makes it much more difficult to cope.

Sorry for the rant....I'll get off my soap box now.

 

[cardaway]

The point I'm trying to make is that kids with food allergies are just like every other kid out there; they want to fit in and be a part of the school culture. They're also like kids with disabilities - schools have to make accommodations for kids with disabilities, and food allergies are considered by many to be a type of disability.

1. It's not a disability.
2. Even if was to be defined as one, the schools also have to take safety into the equation. When and if they have to make the call, the only safe solution is isolation during meals. As somebody already posted, contamination is possible because the safeguards do not exist at home.

 

[Calliaz]

1. It's not a disability.
2. Even if was to be defined as one, the schools also have to take safety into the equation. When and if they have to make the call, the only safe solution is isolation during meals. As somebody already posted, contamination is possible because the safeguards do not exist at home.

Regarding #1, it is a common opinion that a severe peanut allergy is considered a disability under the ADA as it can limit the major life activity of breathing and/or eating. The 9th Circuit court noted in Fraser v. Goodale in 2003 that "Like our sister circuits, we hold that, broadly speaking,
eating is a major life activity. However, eating specific types
of foods, or eating specific amounts of food, might or might
not be a major life activity. If a person is impaired only from
eating chocolate cake, he is not limited in a major life activity
because eating chocolate cake is not a major life activity. On
the other hand, peanut allergies might present a unique situation
because so many seemingly innocent foods contain trace
amounts of peanuts that could cause severely adverse reactions."

I can see why schools and other areas of public accommodation are treating peanut allergies seriously.

 

[robinb]

I think I finally figured out why some people were honked off at me. You assumed that I was happy that the peanut allergic kids were segregated at a peanut-free table away from my DD. Not true. My DD is in 1st grade and the allergic kids are in two Kindergarten classes. The Kindergartners eat away from the first graders and I am happy that I don't have to worry about their safety. In addition, the peanut eaters are the ones who are segregated in those two classes and they share a table.

On to Amy's comments:

My DS15 is allergic to peanuts. He's also a teenager, a VERY tough age with peer pressure, and kids want to "fit in" and be like all the other kids. Do you know what happens to kids who are singled out by having to eat all alone at a separate table in the cafeteria? My DS15 is also very smart, which is also "not cool" at school. He used to wear glasses, which also made him different. (We got him contacts, so that took care of the glasses issue.)

The point I'm trying to make is that kids with food allergies are just like every other kid out there; they want to fit in and be a part of the school culture. They're also like kids with disabilities - schools have to make accommodations for kids with disabilities, and food allergies are considered by many to be a type of disability.

15 is a tough age, no matter how you dice it. We parents want children to be happy. You're right, kids want to fit in and be "normal", but as someone with a peanut allergy your son is different. Even if we accept your argument that a severe peanut allergy is a disability, the ADA is all about reasonable accommodations for the disabled. Having a peanut-free (or peanut-full) table is a reasonable accommodation for those children who are allergic to peanuts. AFAIK, the peanut-free tables are not restricted to only children who are allergic so if your child is sitting alone it is because his friends are choosing not to sit with him.

I was curious about the incidence of peanut allergies, so I Googled "peanut allergies" and it seems that 1-3% of all children have peanut allergies. Is it "fair" that an allergic child sit at a peanut-free table? Is it "fair" that the peanut eating children in my DD's elementary school eat at a different table? No, it's not "fair" that kids need to eat at separate tables, but it is a good solution and reasonable accommodation for all children involved. I know that my little vegetarian would rather eat her peanut butter sandwiches at a separate table. I also suspect that those parents who have children with peanut allergies would rather have their children eat away from the peanuts than risk them having a reaction.

 

[YourMajesty]

15 is a tough age, no matter how you dice it. We parents want children to be happy. You're right, kids want to fit in and be "normal", but as someone with a peanut allergy your son is different.

. I know that my little vegetarian would rather eat her peanut butter sandwiches at a separate table. I also suspect that those parents who have children with peanut allergies would rather have their children eat away from the peanuts than risk them having a reaction.

A vegetarian would be different at my DS school....I would say there are many more kids with food allergies than vegetarians.

 

[robinb]

A vegetarian would be different at my DS school....I would say there are many more kids with food allergies than vegetarians.

LOL! Maybe in Oklahoma, but not here in Madison, WI. There are 5 vegetarian kids on the block! We have 2 strict vegetarian families on our block and another two families that are fish and chicken eaters. What's even more interesting is that you couldn't meet two bigger MEAT EATERS than my husband and me. My DD never developed the taste for meat and it really doesn't bother me .

As for the percentage of strict vegetarians v/s people with food allergies, my quicky Google research shows it to be just about the same.

Still, you proved my point. It's always something with kids. A child may feel left out and teased because he eats at the peanut free table. My daughter would get teased in Oklahoma because she doesn't eat burgers.

 

[disykat]

I think I finally figured out why some people were honked off at me.

I think you're wrong. The reason people think your statement was harsh and insensitive (I don't think anyone is honked off) was the word "starve". While it might be an inconvenience for your daughter to not eat Peanut Butter (not that anyone is asking that of her) she would not "starve" if she were unable to.

I think the implication of death, as in starving, is a sensitive issue to those of us that live with the daily reality of this allergy. Obviously, our kids don't starve because they can't eat peanuts. There are other foods out there. Personally I try never to let my son's allergy infringe upon any one else's rights, however that doesn't make me any less sensitive to comments that imply my son is somehow ruining their lives.

Had you said "my child loves PB and would have a hard time giving it up" I wouldn't have been bothered. I had a hard time giving it up as well. I think it was purely semantics that got people - your use of the word "starve".

 

[Christine]

Amy,
I just wanted to commiserate with you. My son is peanut allergic but is only 10 right now. I am *terrified* of the teenage years. Not because the surroundings change, but the child changes. As we all know, teens think they are invincible and often engage in risky behaviors to gain acceptance. They truly think "nothing bad is going to happen to me."

I believe I've read somewhere that most of the peanut allergic deaths occur during the teen years. Usually because the teen is trying SO HARD to fit in that they will participate in behavior that, for the first 13 years, you thought they knew to avoid.

This poor girl who died may have indeed known that her boyfriend had eaten a peanut product and probably smelled it. She probably thought "oh, it will be okay" and didn't want to speak up for fear of not fitting in. As I said "probably". I can only speculate here. I just know from all my reading that the teens with peanut allergy are at the highest risk. They know no fear.

 

[robinb]

Had you said "my child loves PB and would have a hard time giving it up" I wouldn't have been bothered. I think it was purely semantics that got people - your use of the word "starve".

We use the word "starve" as an expression in our household to mean something other than the real and actual starvation. It was not meant to be flippant and it's obvious that you knew what I meant, but choose to take it in the worst way possible . As if I was saying that my DD would actually starve and die without peanut butter like children could actually die with peanut butter. If I really meant it that way ... then yes ... that would be harsh and insensitive. You have been around the DIS almost as long as I have and I'm surprised that you jumped to that kind of conclusion about me.

Is this better? My daughter would have a hard time giving up peanut butter and I would be hard pressed to find something to replace it that she would eat.

 

[cardaway]

Is this better? My daughter would have a hard time giving up peanut butter and I would be hard pressed to find something to replace it that she would eat.

That has the same nutritional value, that is easy to make, tastes good, and that can sit around without having to be kept cold. All factors right?

I understood your meaning. One has to looking to get offended to read it as you thinking your child would starve to death.

 

[disykat]

..You have been around the DIS almost as long as I have and I'm surprised that you jumped to that kind of conclusion about me.
.

Robin, I wasn't jumping to any conclusions about you. I didn't say anything until it was clear to me you didn't get what people were upset about. Then I explained why. I've reread my post and I'm hard pressed to see where I've accused you of anything - I simply tried to explain why parents of PA kids are sensitive.

 

[disykat]

One has to looking to get offended.

Or "one" has to be the parent of a PA child. I think what you don't seem to "get" is that many people have hot button issues. Obviously this is not one for you because you are not the parent of a PA child. If you were, however, your opinion might be quite different.

I really don't see why we are arguing about this. You really can't argue away people's feelings. I simply tried to explain why your wordage could be seen as insensitive by those for whom this is a hot button issue.

 

[Kitty 34]

My oldest DS's girlfriend was so allergic to dairy products that he had to brush his teeth every time he kissed her if he ate even a cheeseburger.

When we would play cards with her, we all would have to wash our hands if we had been eating anything (like Doritos) because she would obviously be handling the same cards.

When they would go to restaurants my DS would have to call ahead of time to have things specially prepared for her and not prepared near other food items.

She has been in the hospital 200 times and has 15 minutes to get to one. It's very scary.

My thoughts and prayers go out to this girl and I feel so sorry for the young man, as I know how my son would feel.

 

[Horseshoes]

My DD11 is peanut allergic.

We have taught her how important it is to be aware. She reads all the labels on her own. When I come in to kiss her good night, she asks if I've had any peanuts ( usually meaning any candy that may have nuts in it ) She wont eat cookies at a party, if they arent in the bag, and she wont eat home baked things from other peoples houses, etc.

The good thing about her being a girl is she can carry her epipen in her pocket book, and as a teenager she will have it with her when I am not with her. If my DS was allergic, I would be very worried how he would carry around a epipen when he was out with friends. That, as others have said, would not be cool. I would probably have him carry Benedryl in his pocket, at least its something.

 

[Christine]

Or "one" has to be the parent of a PA child. I think what you don't seem to "get" is that many people have hot button issues. Obviously this is not one for you because you are not the parent of a PA child. If you were, however, your opinion might be quite different.

I really don't see why we are arguing about this. You really can't argue away people's feelings. I simply tried to explain why your wordage could be seen as insensitive by those for whom this is a hot button issue.

I wasn't overly offended by the "STARVE" remark--more that I felt like this . As a parent of a PA child, I have probably participated in one too many message boards, chats, and debates on peanut allergy. One complaint that NEVER fails to come up during these is the old "my child will only eat peanut butter, nothing else, and if she doesn't have that option for lunch, she will starve."

Now, we all know that the child will not starve. But as a parent of a PA child, you get this comment thrown up at you all the time--believe it or not. I don't expect the parents of non-PA kids to understand this because, frankly, I doubt they spend a whole lot of time debating it, thinking about, whatever. I just think that is where the sensitivity lies.

 

[the kabuki]

Someone asked a page or two back about how do you deal with going out in public if your child has a severe peanut allergy? Places like the bus, out in stores, heck even WDW? I'm talking about those that will have a reaction just by standing next to someone who had peanut butter on their hands. Always wondered about this.

 

[Amy]

Amy,
I just wanted to commiserate with you. My son is peanut allergic but is only 10 right now. I am *terrified* of the teenage years. Not because the surroundings change, but the child changes. As we all know, teens think they are invincible and often engage in risky behaviors to gain acceptance. They truly think "nothing bad is going to happen to me."

I believe I've read somewhere that most of the peanut allergic deaths occur during the teen years. Usually because the teen is trying SO HARD to fit in that they will participate in behavior that, for the first 13 years, you thought they knew to avoid.

Thanks for understanding, Christine. It's hard to "let go," esp. knowing how teenagers are. DS's band will be marching at WDW next week, and he'll be on his own from Tuesday thru Sunday. We're going, too (DH, DS13 and I), but we're staying onsite; the band is staying offsite. They're staying 4 kids to a room; I already talked to the parents of the kids he's rooming with about his allergy, and the chaperones all know. He knows to ask about ingredients before he eats anything, but I'm worried that he'll forget when he's with his friends. At least we'll only be a cell-phone call away if something should happen, but I still worry.

It's hard enough letting your "normal" kids grow up and go out on their own; when you have a child with medical problems/issues, you have to hope and pray that they understand their condition and can handle it on their own.