Would you want to know if your spouse is cheating on you?

[princesspumpkin]

A relative has been married for over 15 years and has been cheating on his wife for at least half that time. Wife is very naive but very unhappy. Hubby is having the time of his life (having his cake and eating it too) while wife is miserable and lonely (but she can't figure out why) I like the wife very much and I feel bad thinking that she will be miserable for the rest of her life (and therefore not enjoy it like she should) if things continue this way. If this were me, I would HOPE that someone would clue me in so that I could go on with my life. That being said, would you want to know if your spouse is cheating on you? I am well aware that this is none of my business and I won't go to her and tell her for fear that she won't believe me and then she won't speak to me anymore (although I have thought of hiring a PI to take some pics and then send them anonymously). What would you do?

 

[mickeyboat]

That's a tough one. In this day and age of deadly STD's, I think I would want to know.

I have never been in this situation and hope never to be, but I would think that your relative must have some clue as to what is going on, especially after such a long time. I would think it would be hard to miss.

If she is unhappy for other reasons, maybe it would be better for you to offer support to her without spilling the beans. That way you could find out whether she would want to know in a more tactful way.

Denae

 

[mickeyfan1]

She may already know. She may not see a way out. That could be why she is so down. I would just be there and offer to listen. Maybe she will drop a hint that she knows and is to afraid to leave.

If you are close and she doesn't know, and finds out, and then finds out you knew all along, she may be more upset that you didn't tell her.

I think it's a no win situation.

 

[onecoolmama]

Ok, YES I would absolutely want to know. And I would be grateful as HECK to whoever clued me in.


That being said..would I clue someone else is..I have no idea. If it was a sibling that was being cheated on..probably. But I am not sure about anyone else.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

YES! I'd want to know asap so I can take my stuff and LEAVE! (speaking from experience here). As for cluing someone else in....maybe I would take incriminating pictures and mail them to the wife anonymously.

 

[Christine]

Very tough one! YES, I would want to know and I would love to be told. But that is me. I have actually seen a friend get told by another that her DH was cheating. She totally didn't believe it (even though the evidence was overwhelming) and the person who told was ostracized. It was awful. I guess the wife had no graceful way out of the marriage and would not confront the truth.

My guess is that this woman already has some idea and also probably sees no way out of the marriage. It sounds easy just to pick up and leave, but it is not once you have invested a lot of time. Also, if she does not work or is not fully independent, low self-esteem, etc. it all becomes very paralyzing.

Just be very careful with this one.

 

[Kristi1357]

Been there, done that - been cheated on by ex-dh and yes, I would want to know. Even once you find out, you are embarassed that "everyone" knew but you. I was told by a friend at the time and I never held it against them.

If it were me, I would tell since I would not want my friend to find out, and then find out I knew about it and didn't say anything.

 

[floridaminnie]

I would want to know also.

 

[Deb T.]

Yes, I would also want to know. Otherwise, I would feel like a fool that everyone else knew and I didn't.

On the other hand, it would be very awkward to be the one to tell someone their spouse is cheating.

As mickeyfan1 said, it certainly is a no win situation.

 

[crz4mm2]

I'd want to know too.
Sometimes people don't believe it when they are told their spouse is cheating. Been there, done that.....

 

[beattyfamily]

No doubt about it I would absolutely want to know!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!

For SO many reasons.

 

[SC Minnie]

I would want to know too but only if they had proof not speculation. Especially from someone I was close too. I would feel betrayed by a close friend if they knew and didn't tell me.

Like someone else said in this day with all the STD's everyone your partner sleeps with you sleep with. It can be matter of life and death now.

 

[shortbun]

I'd find a way to let her know without direct contact. Then, I'd
become her best friend and figure out what she needed from
me. Some people don't mind if their spouses cheat as long as
they don't leave. I would want to know if my spouse were cheating, but-I'm pretty sure I'd know something was up anyway.

 

[sue1013]

It might be wishful thinking on my part but I would like to think I would know if there was a change in our relationship. And no one would need to tell me I'd find out on my own.
Here's a situation going on in DH's family and why I wouldn't tell. DH's brother married 20 yrs has been having an affair for 8 yrs. His wife found out a few years ago and thinks its over. He still is never home, so she has to know its still going on but chooses to ignore it. If she chooses to live in denial that's her choice. Though it would not be my choice its none of my business how she chooses to live.

 

[grinningghost]

Yes, so I could divorce his sorry butt and move on with my life.

 

[auntpolly]

Here's what I did: I went to my friend's husband and told him that I knew what was going on and if he didn't tell her I would. He took care of it for me. (the weasle )

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

I would want to know.

However, in this case, it's tricky...as someone pointed out, she might already know. Incredibly sad and angering in any situation. As a friend, I cannot honestly say I would tell her...I just know how irrationally I often act with the mesenger of bad news

 

[NMAmy]

I have been in this situation as the betrayed wife (that sounds so soap operaish!). One of the things that hurt the most was that so many other friends suspected and didn't tell me. It was so humiliating. He is a pathological liar and had convinced some of them (as well as me) that nothing was going on.

Tell her. If you don't want to tell her to her face, send an anonymous letter. I wish someone had had the guts to do it for me.

 

[Serena]

yes!

 

[DMickey28]

To answer the direct question...YES I would want to know!

I would probally already know too. However, if it's be going on that long she probally knows.