Would you stay?

[cm8]

If you were one for "keeping up appearances" would you stay through the holidays if you weren't happy in your relationship

 

[Manhattan Princess]

OP completely changed her post, so I will just delete.

 

[mommasita]

Not happy and abuse are 2 TOTALLY different things.

If he ever hit me, I would not stay a NANO second. We have had our ups and downs, but thank god have made it through.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, but honestly if he has hit you, you need to get out.

 

[Polyluvr]

If you were one for "keeping up appearances" would you stay through the holidays if you weren't happy in your relationship

Unhappy in my relationship or if he hit me ? I would like to think if I was hit I wouldn't stay~ but I don't know about ruining Christmas for my kids

Just an unhappy in my relationship~ well I wouldn't leave period over that~ it's kind of a lame excuse; and all married people have been unhappy @ some point.

 

[Jennasis]

I did just that. Left him at exactly 1am on New year's Day 2000 after I finished my shift at work. Got through the holidays literally and walked New year's day.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Depends on if I had somewhere else to go.

If there were kids involved then yes, I would stay and put on a brave face for their sake. If it were just me and another person then it would depend on the level of unhappiness. If this is just a "bump in the road" then I would stay but if I knew the relationship was over with no help of salvaging it, then I would leave since there is no use in prolonging the inevitable.

OP - good luck with your decision.

 

[Liberty Belle]

If you were one for "keeping up appearances" would you stay through the holidays if you weren't happy in your relationship

Not just to keep up appearances, but I would for my children.

 

[mumom95]

Not just to keep up appearances, but I would for my children.

Same here

 

[Scurvy]

From the responses so far, I get the impression that the first post was originally about something more serious than just not being happy. If there were something like abuse going on in my relationship, I wouldn't stay one minute longer than I absolutely had to. I wouldn't care about keeping up appearances because of the holidays. I would just leave the first moment I was able to. If I was truly just unhappy and there was no abuse, and if I had children, then I would wait until after the holidays to do anything about it. But whether or not there were children, I would not stay in a relationship with abuse.

 

[Minnie]

If physical abuse is happening you need to get out.

If this is anything else then yes I'd keep up appearances for the children.

 

[PatsGirl]

I'd stick it through Xmas and pack up on the 26th

 

[kirbsam]

if there is abuse, get out now. if you are just unhappy, i would base my decision on how good the sex is.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you were one for "keeping up appearances" would you stay through the holidays if you weren't happy in your relationship

I have no idea what this means.

Am I plotting something in order for me to gain the upper hand, then yes.

Sometimes you have to do what is necessary for your own long term benefit.

If there is abuse in the mix then I do not agree staying with person at all regardless if it is a holiday or a Wednesday. If you have to go to a shelter then so be it.

 

[MickeySP]

I also gather her original post said something about abuse.

What appearance are you keeping up? A black eye, bruises etc... if you are hit - leave, get out, run.

Who are keeping up appearances for? Anyone who matters would want you to be safe & happy and not appearing to be safe & happy

If there are kids - do you really want to expose them to that kind of violence

 

[BroganMc]

OP, I dont know what your intentions arewith this thread. I can only offer two things:

My grandmother was as traditional as they came. She also couldn't drive and had no income outside my grandfather. But from the time I was little I was preached her hard and fast rule about marriage. Each of my grandparents vowed the first time either one hit the other would be the last time they'd ever see their spouse or kids again. My grandfather was harmless as a fly and a true gentleman, but the rule was meant to draw a clear line between what is acceptable in a marriage. If there is abuse, there is no marriage. You get out while you are physically able. And if you're not you call family and we rescue you out.

Second, may God watch over you now. Sounds like you need to rely on a bit of His help right now. Trust Him. He'll be there. Just ask for help.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Unhappy, yes because happy comes in cycles. In fact, I wouldn't leave any marriage simply because it wasn't a ride in the park every day.

On the other hand, some PP's have mentioned abuse and that's a different animal entirely. Abuse has nothing to do with being unhappy or happy, it is a defect in the way someone views other human beings. Abuse happens when one person feels superior to the other which gives them permission to do all sorts of terrible things. I wouldn't tolerate it for a second. The holidays are expensive and stressful and are bound to bring out the worst in people. If you've caught a glimpse of a monster get out. If the abusive person gets wind of you thinking you might be leaving you are in more danger that you can imagine. Abusive people think of their families as property. They do not acknowledge that you have free will, you are the same to them as a wallet that wants to pick up and walk away. You are their property and they feel they have the right to keep it no matter what. Threatening to leave will enrage them, it won't level the playing field and give you power any more than a wallet can have power. There is noting you can do or say to an abusive person to make them hear you once you have been dehumanized. Just go, don't say anything, don't turn around just go and let a lawyer iron out the details.

no-one should ever be treated as a possession

 

[esbrick]

Unhappy, yes because happy comes in cycles. In fact, I wouldn't leave any marriage simply because it wasn't a ride in the park every day.

Abuse has nothing to do with being unhappy or happy, it is a defect in the way someone views other human beings. no-one should ever be treated as a possession

I am lucky that I have never been in an abusive situation. That being said, I have helped a couple of friends out who have been. I believe that LuvOrlando has provided the best definition of abuse I have ever read. You can have control over your life no matter what anyone says. I believe in you and I hope you will believe in your self, you've already taken the first step by posting your problem here, you have asked for help! It's the hardest step and you found the courage which means you want better for your life! Run with it!

Remember, God sends angels in different forms and initially you may not (want to) recognize them but when you do let them help you. God bless and protect you!

 

[sbell111]

If you were one for "keeping up appearances" would you stay through the holidays if you weren't happy in your relationship

I wouldn't leave my marriage for this reason no matter what day of the year it was.

It amazes me the number of people who believe that marriage is supposaed to always be happy days. Marriage takes tons of work. There will be many days that you aren't happy. There will be many decisions that are made that you don't agree with. There will be many times when a seemingly innocuous comment turns into an argument. There will be many arguments that you don't win.

If you aren't willing to work at a relationship, don't get married. After you've made your vows is too late to jump out of a marriage simply because your not always 'happy'.

 

[Jennasis]

I wouldn't leave my marriage for this reason no matter what day of the year it was.

It amazes me the number of people who believe that marriage is supposaed to always be happy days. Marriage takes tons of work. There will be many days that you aren't happy. There will be many decisions that are made that you don't agree with. There will be many times when a seemingly innocuous comment turns into an argument. There will be many arguments that you don't win.

If you aren't willing to work at a relationship, don't get married. After you've made your vows is too late to jump out of a marriage simply because your not always 'happy'.

I could be wrong, but I think her use of the term "unhappy" was just a euphemism.

I left my marriage because I was unhappy...I was unhappy because my ex was an emotionally abusive tool.