Would you send the invite?

[Queen2PrincessG]

I'm so upset and have no idea how to handle this situation. Dh and brother don't get along. They have been civil at family events. One stays in one room the Dh stays in another. Just don't mesh well.

DH and BIL had a big argument where a lot of things (that I knew) were said one bit (that I found out an hour ago) was that BIL doesn't consider me family and that he officially hates me. DH and I have been together for 10 years married for 5 of those and have a child. Whatever I'm pissed but no sweat off my back, I can't stand BIL either.

Anyway I sent out invites for DD upcoming birthday but left BIL and SIL off the list. Now MIL is pissed and saying that I need to send an invite because they were going to come. I'm opposed to sending one and have no idea who told them and why they would even consider coming?!?! I don't want them there but MIL is hosting the party at her house for me while ours is be renovated.

Do I send the invite and pray they won't come? or Don't send the invite and stand my ground.

 

[monkeyboy]

Send and see.

Karma will deceide

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I understand the vemon you have here as evidenced by your post however hosting at your MIL's house & not inviting the whole family was an invitation for problems.

Suck it up, send the invite.

 

[Rora]

Ehh.. I guess send it.

It's the civil person in me saying that but honestly, I wouldn't want to send it, however, I would. But, you can bet I'd be praying every day they wouldn't show.

If they do come, kill 'em with kindness!

 

[WDWBarb]

Send and see.

Karma will deceide

Exactly.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Can I just kill them? UGH! Who would want to come to a party they weren't invited to from the beginning. Why the surprise if you hate me and don't consider me family?

 

[Myothername]

Ehh.. I guess send it.

It's the civil person in me saying that but honestly, I wouldn't want to send it, however, I would. But, you can bet I'd be praying every day they wouldn't show.

If they do come, kill 'em with kindness!

I agree. Take the high road and tell DH you are both going to act like the adults in the room.

 

[Rora]

Can I just kill them? UGH! Who would want to come to a party they weren't invited to from the beginning. Why the surprise if you hate me and don't consider me family?

I'll start collecting bail money..

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Civil went out the door at Thanksgiving when BIL sat across from me and said "i'm so sick of getting screwed over, when do I get to screw someone over" My muttered reply was "I'm pretty sure you screwed over those people who's mailbox's you smashed with a bat but who's counting driving drunk with your friends."

Then later he said... " I really hate we're having a girl. They are so much trouble and they get into everything. Girls suck. "

 

[belle&beast]

I have a SIL that is VERY difficult for many people in our family to tolerate . I know how you feel. We always invite them and sometimes she chooses not to come, but she will send my BIL and our nieces and nephews without her. We look at it this way, we are always going to set the right example for our kids. They have no idea how difficult she has been to us and they never will, and we do want to see her kids. I am very good at staying away from her when I need to and keeping my mouth shut. It is hard, believe me, but unless you are willing tobreak all ties, it is easier to be the bigger person. At least that has been the case for me and our crazy SIL for the past 13+ years.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I'm completely OK with cutting ties with them but I don;t want to hear the guilt trip MIL will lay on DH. She's already laying a pretty heavy one on him. I guess its me in a way. I don't see the big deal of 'family" it's not all I have. In fact I have a pretty good list of friends who are more dependable and responsible adults than BIL and SIL. They are more like my family than this kid is.
I don't want DD around them or their kid either. MIL seems to keep pushing the situation though. UGH shes called here like 3 times already. I hate feeling like people are manipulating me.

 

[Owlpost23]

Put the ball in HIS court-any reply by him negatively will prove right.Hope your husband is behind you in this!

 

[lovetoscrap]

Husband's family, his mother, his brother-- he is in control. He needs to decide if he wants to invite them and he needs to deal with his mother. You need to tell MIL that this is between her and her son and you will happy to let him know she called, or hand him the phone.

This is on him to deal with!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Dh is 100%. He feels bad about not telling what BIL said but he didn't want me to get upset ( too late! ) Either way he doesn't want him there either. He's been dealing with everyone for the most part. I feel like it's about appearances. MIL doesn't want it to appear that her family isn't 100%. The horror two brothers don't get along. Well when one is a drug user and seller and the other is working on his doctorates...what do you think?

 

[Magic Mom]

I understand the vemon you have here as evidenced by your post however hosting at your MIL's house & not inviting the whole family was an invitation for problems.

Suck it up, send the invite.

I agree. And as long as they are kind to your child you can ignore your animosity for eachother.

 

[Disneyland1084]

Then later he said... " I really hate we're having a girl. They are so much trouble and they get into everything. Girls suck. "

What an *******! True, girls tend to be more emotional in the teenage years, but NOT ALL girls are harder to raise than boys. In high school, I was the mellow teenager, and my step-brother was a PUNK!!!!

 

[bellebud]

since your mil is hosting, it's not 100% your call. It's too bad you have to have it there. Can you change places? Out somewhere public (like a skating rink, local park, etc)? Then you're 100% in charge of the guest list. Otherwise, if mil insists, you pretty much have to invite them.

 

[Hannathy]

Civil went out the door at Thanksgiving when BIL sat across from me and said "i'm so sick of getting screwed over, when do I get to screw someone over" My muttered reply was "I'm pretty sure you screwed over those people who's mailbox's you smashed with a bat but who's counting driving drunk with your friends."

Then later he said... " I really hate we're having a girl. They are so much trouble and they get into everything. Girls suck. "

Uh I just have to say that what you said was pretty nasty and to say it at the Thanksgiving table was pretty rude, so I wouldn't say you are an innocent bystander in this feud. Whether it is true or not you don't say things like that at a holiday table!!!

I think you both antagonize each other and should just not talk or respond to each other. He is still your husbands brother, just keep the comments to your self or your husband until you get home.

Invite them, since it is at her house she could just invite them anyway and is just being polite asking you.

 

[asktriplets]

Well when one is a drug user and seller and the other is working on his doctorates...what do you think?

Assuming that your DH is the one getting his doctorate , I would not HESITATE to cease all ties with this guy when my kids were around....anyone who sells drugs can be in a potentially dangerous situation at ANY time. I would try to maintain contact with your neice/nephew, though, through MIL perhaps?

This isn't about sniping at each other, it is that this guy is a danger to himself and others (drunk driving and using/selling drugs) and I wouldn't let my child near him.

Good luck.

 

[Pakey]

I have a brother I barely tolerate; we've not really had a conversation for 11 years. I would not have a family function where I'd invite everyone but him. If I felt that way, I would not have the function. It would be so hard on my parents.