Would you say "hello"?

[02bBarbie]

Maybe it's just me but I'm finding the fact that someone who desires to be "Barbie" is calling out PD for referencing his spending habits in posts!!!

This place is a hoot sometimes!

.

Equating Barbie with spending habits is uh, well bit of a stretch

You realize Barbie's a doll, right?

I was simply amused by the 15K car from 1978 remark in the OP. When the OP decided to challenge what I said, I felt it necessary to defend where I was coming from. As we can all see, my reference to the OP making comments that involve money is accurate.

Not sure where all the defensiveness is coming from. I said it wasn't good or bad....it's just...........interesting

And even more so now

 

[kidzmom3]

Here is my take on the situation. I work in the Emergency Department of my local hospital. In the very town that I grew up in. I know many, many people who come through our doors everyday. Some are doing well, some not so well. Some are ill, have psychiatric or drug problems. Some are just coming in with one of their kids earaches or simple lacerations. Some are dealing with dying parents, spouses or children. I let them make the first move. If they do not aknowledge that they know me, I do not say anything to them. I treat them in a professional and inpersonal manner.

Now, I know this is not totally the same, as this is my job and they may be unable to avoid me. But, I would probably have tried to catch the persons eye, and see if they let their eyes slide away, or do they light up with recognition. I think body language would have been a great clue as to how to procede.

 

[disykat]

Maybe it's just me but I'm finding the fact that someone who desires to be "Barbie" is calling out PD for referencing his spending habits in posts!!!

This place is a hoot sometimes!

that was my first thought as well! LOL

Papa, I'm with you, I probably would have hesitated - wondering if right now was a good time to say hello, and would have lost the opportunity. Then I would have wondered about it later, just as you are doing. I would think it over and probably make a note to myself what I would say if I saw him again.

 

[DVCLiz]

There are social conventions that are usually followed in this case - I've never seen someone I went to school with and not had the obligatory, "So, how are you? What'd you end up doing? Oh, you married him? Oh, sorry, too bad it didn't work out..." blah, blah, blah. It takes some effort to go through this conversation even when there aren't any outward signs of something bad happening.

And Papa's description didn't just sound like someone having a bad hair day at the grocery store. It sounded like someone with a full-blown drug or alcohol problem, or someone with a mental illness. I probably wouldn't assume that the normal conversation would be appropriate in that case, and I also probably would avoid engaging this person. I just wouldn't want to get into a conversation with someone on those terms.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm not positive what I would have done since it wasn't me making the decision, but I know what I'd like to think that I would have done, based on the kind of person I think I am. Hopefully I would have said "hi" to him. Afterall, how do I know why he looks the way he does. He could have had (or still have) cancer or some other life threatening disease or condition that can take a toll on the body. He could have had all kinds of personal things happen that could have resulted in what he is today.

What harm could have come out of saying hi, as long as it was done respectfully? IE, you wouldn't have wanted to say, "gee, looks like you've seen better days", etc. But a "Hi, are you Jim? Remember me?...". Or even just a simple "hi". Less is more sometimes, but "nothing" might have spoken volumes, as far as he was concerned.

 

[Papa Deuce]

There are social conventions that are usually followed in this case - I've never seen someone I went to school with and not had the obligatory, "So, how are you? What'd you end up doing? Oh, you married him? Oh, sorry, too bad it didn't work out..." blah, blah, blah. It takes some effort to go through this conversation even when there aren't any outward signs of something bad happening.

And Papa's description didn't just sound like someone having a bad hair day at the grocery store. It sounded like someone with a full-blown drug or alcohol problem, or someone with a mental illness. I probably wouldn't assume that the normal conversation would be appropriate in that case, and I also probably would avoid engaging this person. I just wouldn't want to get into a conversation with someone on those terms.

Yay!. At least I made my point to one person.... ( I know that a few got it right away )... Hey, and nice that we agree on something!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I smile and say hello to most people I come into contact. My kids are always asking me if I know that guy or who was the lady I was talking to. And I always say, "it doesn't cost us anything to be nice to others."

My youngest is also always asking if I know people. Nope, I just talk to everyone. Not lengthy conversations, but a "hi" when I'm out walking and pass someone, "thank you" of someone holds the door for me, and occasional chatting if I see another parent at the playground, etc. So to me a "hi" for someone I used to know wouldn't be too out there, but of course the element of surprise could mean that I wouldn't react the way I think I would react.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

And Papa's description didn't just sound like someone having a bad hair day at the grocery store. It sounded like someone with a full-blown drug or alcohol problem, or someone with a mental illness. I probably wouldn't assume that the normal conversation would be appropriate in that case, and I also probably would avoid engaging this person. I just wouldn't want to get into a conversation with someone on those terms.

Could be of course, but what if the person has had (or still has) cancer? Or lost his wife and children in a house fire? Or...? I'd like to think that I would err on the side of at least saying "hi" and then observing his reaction. If he seemed happy to see me I might continue the conversation, but if he seemed uncomfortable I might say that I'd like to catch up but am running late for an appt. No hard done.

 

[va32h]

If I saw someone I knew on the street, I would acknowledge them.

Now if they ran away the minute I said hello, or denied knowing me, then I would assume they were not up for a full-blown catch-up session, but I see no harm in a simple - "hey, if it isn't Bob Smith!"

 

[Honu]

I live about 4 blocks from the house I grew up in. Many of my schoolmates still live in the area. Sadly, some are visibly uncomfortable when they've been recognized. I have no intention of adding to their distress by approaching them. Mostly I just smile, like I would to almost any stranger I make eye contact with, and let it go.

 

[Planogirl]

I'd smile and nod and see if the guy said anything. I'd let him do the recognizing.

 

[Trish5768]

Yes, I would have.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I would've definitely said hi, I enjoy running into old friends.

 

[phorsenuf]

I've been thinking alot about this thread and feel I must respond.

I think it's terribly sad you did not say hello. Why do people make assumptions by the way one looks. You said Papa you didn't want to embarrass him and to an extent yourself. I find that just so wrong.

I think you are old enough to know how to read people. Most people our age are. (I"m assuming we are about the same age).
If you say hello and he kinda nods and keeps moving, he doesn't want to talk. If he stops and grabs to shake your hand, he is.

He may ask you how you are and you can be generic to start. Just say, I'm good. Married with a couple of kids, living in XXXX. I'm sure the man doesn't expect because he's had hard times in his life everyone else has. He may be genuinly happy for you.

He may say how he battled drugs and is recovering. You could then say something encouraging. He may say how he just lost his parents after a devastating illness that sucked up all his resources caring for them.
He may even say how he lost his house, his business, his car and family in the floods of New Orleans and is now living in a shelter.

My point is that to shun somebody because you don't want to be uncomfortable is wrong. I know you say you didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but truthfully, I don't think I believe that. A simple hi and nod of the head is all you needed to do to find out.

Perhaps by saying nothing made him feel even worse. Maybe he was afraid to approach you because he was afraid of what you would think of him based on his appearance. You may have just re-enforced that fear.

I just think it is sad that we as a society have come to this point that being friendly to one another makes us uncomfortable whatever the reason.

 

[Trish5768]

I've been thinking alot about this thread and feel I must respond.

I think it's terribly sad you did not say hello. Why do people make assumptions by the way one looks. You said Papa you didn't want to embarrass him and to an extent yourself. I find that just so wrong.

I think you are old enough to know how to read people. Most people our age are. (I"m assuming we are about the same age).
If you say hello and he kinda nods and keeps moving, he doesn't want to talk. If he stops and grabs to shake your hand, he is.

He may ask you how you are and you can be generic to start. Just say, I'm good. Married with a couple of kids, living in XXXX. I'm sure the man doesn't expect because he's had hard times in his life everyone else has. He may be genuinly happy for you.

He may say how he battled drugs and is recovering. You could then say something encouraging. He may say how he just lost his parents after a devastating illness that sucked up all his resources caring for them.
He may even say how he lost his house, his business, his car and family in the floods of New Orleans and is now living in a shelter.

My point is that to shun somebody because you don't want to be uncomfortable is wrong. I know you say you didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but truthfully, I don't think I believe that. A simple hi and nod of the head is all you needed to do to find out.

Perhaps by saying nothing made him feel even worse. Maybe he was afraid to approach you because he was afraid of what you would think of him based on his appearance. You may have just re-enforced that fear.

I just think it is sad that we as a society have come to this point that being friendly to one another makes us uncomfortable whatever the reason.

Well said.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

I've been thinking alot about this thread and feel I must respond.

I think it's terribly sad you did not say hello. Why do people make assumptions by the way one looks. You said Papa you didn't want to embarrass him and to an extent yourself. I find that just so wrong.

I think you are old enough to know how to read people. Most people our age are. (I"m assuming we are about the same age).
If you say hello and he kinda nods and keeps moving, he doesn't want to talk. If he stops and grabs to shake your hand, he is.

He may ask you how you are and you can be generic to start. Just say, I'm good. Married with a couple of kids, living in XXXX. I'm sure the man doesn't expect because he's had hard times in his life everyone else has. He may be genuinly happy for you.

He may say how he battled drugs and is recovering. You could then say something encouraging. He may say how he just lost his parents after a devastating illness that sucked up all his resources caring for them.
He may even say how he lost his house, his business, his car and family in the floods of New Orleans and is now living in a shelter.

My point is that to shun somebody because you don't want to be uncomfortable is wrong. I know you say you didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but truthfully, I don't think I believe that. A simple hi and nod of the head is all you needed to do to find out.

Perhaps by saying nothing made him feel even worse. Maybe he was afraid to approach you because he was afraid of what you would think of him based on his appearance. You may have just re-enforced that fear.

I just think it is sad that we as a society have come to this point that being friendly to one another makes us uncomfortable whatever the reason.

Absolutely! ITA! It's not like a simple "hello" would have cost you anything other than a few moments of time and 1/2 a breath. Whatever his situation truly was, a friendly gesture from an old friend would almost always be appreciated.

 

[HayGan]

PD,

I understand where you are coming from. That would have been a tough decision to make in a split second or few moments. It is really tough to know how he could have felt. 1. He could have felt really embarrassed or 2. It could have made him feel a little bit better to see a friendly face acknowledge him.

There have been plenty of people that I have seen that I have not acknowledged (for a variety of reasons) but I typically try to say "Hi" if I see someone that I know.

I don't blame you for not saying "Hello" but I would probably say it if I saw him again.

 

[Zurealsoon]

I guess I can't make my point strong enough. This is a 180 degree turn for him. I am not judging him at all. He was, and probaly still is, a good guy. He did not look like he was a mess "today". He looked like he had been ravaged by something. Like on the brink of death, and down and out financially as well.
.

gee....maybe he was in the middle of a home remodeling project and ran out for more supplies, or something. How in the world can you tell that someone is down and out financially by one look?

 

[MosMom]

I'm not quite sure how you even knew it was him if he looked SO SO horrible and unlike himself. I'm also not sure how little ol' you can judge his ENTIRE life on how he looks on ONE day.

Lots of years between present day and high school. People change quite a bit, or not. The prom queen pops out 6 kids and gets fat. The fat kid stays fat. Big deal. He could be a millionaire for all you know and buy even bigger TV's. Who really cares what he looks like?

Yeah, you should have said "Hi"....you might have discovered it wasn't even him!

 

[Trish5768]

I guess the bottom line here is that it doesn't hurt anybody to say "hi" and be friendly; and it wouldn't have hurt you either.