would you listen to a 3 year old?!

[PatsGirl]

Boy, this is a tough one. Think I'd wait it out without any pressure and then bring up the subject when it gets within a few weeks. For the record, I don't think leaving your child at home is allowing him to make a decision that only parents should make. This is a vacation, not the veggies on his dinner plate. I personally think family vacations are over-rated and prefer to let me kids decide whether they will come or not. Why spend the money if they would rather not be there? One of my kids loves to go camping, the other doesn't. One loves to go skiing, the other doesn't. They both love WDW so that's always a go but this year my DS15 choose to go to Marco Island with another family member instead (two trips to FL just isn't in the budget so he had to choose). If my kids don't join me, they usually get one-on-one time with Mama and Papa, which is priceless! It also allows me one-on-one time with each of them, again priceless! Best of all, I get three or four trips each year I really think a 3-year old could put a major damper on a WDW trip if he doesn't want to be there and is afraid of the characters. Why not take him somewhere special by himself, like DisneyonIce?

Good luck with this one -- you know what they say about opinions, don't you

Brenda

 

[bdcp]

I guess I'm really amazed by the posters who have said a 3 year old knows what he wants. Maybe for that moment, but as others have said, they change their minds constantly. If he were 13 and wanted to stay behind with grandparents, I would take that into consideration, but not at 3. 3 year olds cannot make decisions they really want to stick with. 3 year olds think they want to be independent, but they are not equipped to be so yet. It's a big age for saying the exact opposite of what anyone else says, just because they CAN. You have to make their decisions for them for most everything they do. It's one thing to let them decide what to wear for that day (or for a few hours in some cases), but quite another to let them decide where and if they're going somewhere that you're going to. Drop it for now and a couple of weeks before, just tell him that we are going on a vacation together.

 

[minniedisney1]

I started last year when my DS was 1 reading him disney books & showing him the WDW video. Whenever I did this, I always told him that MM or character we were talking about is his friend. That they are so nice etc. Especially in the video when the kids interact with the characters. I say something like "see that girl loves goofy, he is her friend!" He had a ball when we went 11/04. Since he is older now & kind of skittish around characters(we have a large theme park about 20 miles away) I have gotten him the disney sing along song DVD's. They have some out now that are of Animal Kingdom, WDW beach party, WDW campout and Disneyland Fun (I think that is the name of it) We watch those a lot. Talking about how much fun they are having, and especially that the characters are so nice & they are your friends. It gets repetitive, but it might help. I am not sure about the ride situation except to tell you don't force the issue. Maybe once he gets comfortable with the idea of going, let him pick some of the things he wants to do. Good Luck!!!

 

[mattsdragon]

My parents have pictures of me hiding behind my big sister when I was 3 because I was afraid of Gideon and Honest John and the Big Bad Wolf. But they kept me in the park all day, and didn't force me on any rides. By the end of the day, I decided that I wanted to go on HM, I got over my fears because my parents just let me do it on my own time.

Bring your kid, you'll hate him to miss the experience.

 

[The Sweetness]

BTW, my husband is pretty indifferent- he is being dragged there against his will as well

Why cant the 3y old and dad have the week together at home? sounds like fun for them to me. And you get special time with the 7 year old. Everybody wins

 

[goofyernmost]

Okay, whoever says don't take a 3 year old because it's overwhelming. From whose perspective did you get that? The first time my boys went they were 3 1/2 and almost 6. My 3 year old had a fabulous time and so did his brother. He was in love with Mickey and there were only a few things we didnt' ride, things like Space M, Body Wars, and Alien Encounter. He did ride BTMRR and HM and really enjoyed them. We were there in '89 so obviously there were things that weren't even open yet, like TOT, and a few others. That said, he doesn't remember any of that trip, but he was not afraid of anything we did, and he was not a fearless child by any stretch. I would say don't take a 3 year old if you're expecting them to remember the trip for more than a few months. And they definitely won't remember it by the time they're 10. The trip my boys remember is when they were 12 and 14. No character interactions on that trip, but we rode everything.

I said that and it was from my own perspective. I believe I qualified that statement by saying, "in my opinion".
I know that many people have taken 3 year olds and everything went fine and I am not saying don't take them. In fact, in this case, I am adamently saying they must go. It has just been my experience that a child that young, although they do get some stuff, are sometimes overwhelmed by the bright lights, colors, and visual stimuli. The reaction to that is exhaustion, crying, tantrum throwing and shear miserable behavior. And that's just the parents. To each his own.

It appears that in general we primarily agree that 3 years old is way to young to have the reasoning ability to make such a huge decision and there is no faster way to cut a trip short then to have a kid that feels abandoned (even at Grandma's) and having to rush home to end the panic.

I have a 3 year old Granddaughter that was given a "monkey" suit to wear on halloween and absolutely refused to have anything to do with it. So her brother put it on and she threw a fit. He took it off, she put it on and then they practically had to pry her out of it. They just do not know and many times say no just because they like the sound of it and the reaction they get from it. Attention...Attention....Attention!!

 

[jann1033]

i would allow a 3 yr old ( or any ohter age for that matter)to go on what attractions he wants to or not but imo he's about 18 yrs to young to decide if he goes on a family vacation or not . assuming he's never been to wdw, he really doesn't know if he wants to go or not. i would skip character meals and meets till you see how he reacts.

the kid is 3 yrs old! my kids at 3 said "no" more than "yes" to everything and hardly had the life experince to decide something like this.

 

[joy13]

A dilemna that's new to me.... we are planning a family trip this March and have just begun the talking / planning part. My kids are 7,5 and 3. They have all been to Disney a few times- the thing is... my 3 year old is ADAMANT that he does not want to go! My mother says he can stay home with her for the week- but I really want this to be our first family trip that we go as a family unit (previously we brought in-laws, my parents or a babysitter). Anyway- he does get scared of dark and loud noises and hated the METS character when we took him to a baseball game last summer. He still says the "baseball head was chasing him". I am torn as to bring him and "talk him through his anxieties" (I would never force him on a ride or attraction). Or just leave him home like he is asking me too. We are about to book airfare so I need to decide soon. BTW, my husband is pretty indifferent- he is being dragged there against his will as well!

Thanks for any input....

My two cents on the matter:

Since you are booking this far in advance, I would book him a ticket. My fear if you don't is that he will change his mind by then - and then what do you do? I wouldn't bring up the trip to often between now and the end of the year. Slowly introduce him to Disney characters and such - then when the trip gets closer, talk to him. Let him know that he will not be forced to do anything he is scared of. Also, since you husband isn't that excite about going, the two of them could always find something to do.

Good luck!

 

[TDC Nala]

My nephew was 3, he had a great time. He couldn't do all the stuff his older brother could do, but he liked the playgrounds and the pool and hanging around the parks. He loved the monorail and the Disney buses. We had enough adults around so that the kids all had someone to go with and they could do things they wanted - the boys didn't have to leave the park because little sister needed a nap, the older boy could go on Space Mountain six times while the younger one got to ride the teacups. If the group is okay with splitting up for awhile, 3 can be kept away from characters and the other kids can meet them if they want.

 

[unbroken chain]

I'd say a 3 year old cannot make this kind of decision, and moreover may have a completely different feeling once at the park. Maybe watching 2 siblings meeting characters will change the 3 year old's mind, and maybe not.

Think about how much family time you usually have, all of you together. Dad probably works, and maybe you do too. You don't all get to spend a week together often, probably. Under those circumstances, I would never leave a 3 year old behind. To me it's just not a "family" vacation then.

However, accept that what one adult (probably Mommy) is going to be doing will be dictated to a certain extent by what the 3 year old will do. If he doesn't like dark rides, characters, etc., then hubby goes on what you might think of as the "fun" rides with the other two while you may tour the benches of WDW and ride Dumbo over and over, or whatever. I'd just accept that that's how it might be, but not leave the child behind because of it.

And if it were my 3 kids, don't think for a second that the older two wouldn't be reminding the youngest for the next three years of how he didn't get to go to Disney just b/c he said he didn't want to. And I wouldn't be surprised if the 3 year old becomes very resentful that he stayed behind (possibly before you even get back).

 

[speakupjc]

No I would insist that he attend as he will love it when he gets there.

 

[Rella Bella]

I would plan to take him. March is a long way off... a three yr old could feel completely different 6 months from now, and if he changes his mind you'll feel a lot worse leaving him behind while you go to Disney.
After all there really is something for everyone. Just be prepared to take turns doing things he wants to do once you get there.

 

[solferino]

Yes, I would absolutely listen to him and his fears/concerns, but that doesn't mean he would get his way. Instead I'd help him and perhaps change my own plans for the trip= Finding out what he *does* like and accentuating that to him of the fun things he would have to look forward to; using the baby swap if there was a ride he might not want to go on but I did, and reminding him that I am willing to help but in return I too need help from him.

It would be so sad to force him to go, and then get onto rides or into situations (charachter greeting for instance) where he is clearly afraid and KNEW beforehand that he wasn't ready, then having to deal with the outcome and him not ever wanting to go back.

I have a phrase I like to use with my own DD and the kids at the school I work with. Communicate and Collaborate (usually) equal Cooperate. Sometimes it takes extra time to have the longer discussions and sharing of feelings, but if this is so important to you that he goes, then he deserves the extra time to help adjust to the idea of going, and then helping him find the coping skills once he's there.

But if your DH is indifferent about going then I'd leave DH and DS at home.

JM .02 FWIW

 

[DrTomorrow]

[...]It appears that in general we [bdcp and I] primarily agree that 3 years old is way to young to have the reasoning ability to make such a huge decision and there is no faster way to cut a trip short then to have a kid that feels abandoned (even at Grandma's) and having to rush home to end the panic.[...]

goofyernmost, I'm quoting your message because it seems the most well-reasoned and thought-out. However, I believe that you and those who agree with this concept: 3 years old is way to young to have the reasoning ability to make such a huge decision have mis-stated the issue.

If you read the OP, while it is true that the child does not want to go, I believe that that is a secondary concern. IMHO, the key phrase is the mother saying the following: he does get scared of dark and loud noises and hated the METS character when we took him to a baseball game last summer. He still says the "baseball head was chasing him". This is not a child asserting authority, it is the child's mother noting existing - and very real - fears that the child has. And I believe that - since I actually agree with you that a 3YO does not have the ability to reason - it is the parents' responsibility to act in the best interests of the child, not (as is all too often these days) to fulfill a parent's fantasy. [See, for example, young children ruining their shoulders for life because dad or mom want a pitching superstar & scholarship].

Think of it this way. What if the original post had simply said this:

"I have a 3 year old who is scared of the dark, scared of loud noises and has had negative interactions with costumed characters that still scare him. Given these fears, is a trip to WDW right now in his best interests?"

Would anyone's answer change?

Be well!

PS As a side note, I have had many trips through dark rides (PotC, HM, even SplM) ruined by moms and dads talking and flashlighting through the entire trip to reassure a terrified child. "Oh, look at the scary pirate - he's not real. He's just a fake. Go away, fake pirate". Sheesh.

 

[Lesley]

Sounds to me like your 3yo knows he won't like WDW and you know he won't enjoy himself too. I remember being the kid who spent all their time sitting out and being "talked out of" my fears....no fun at all. And perhaps the rest of you will have a better trip since you're all excited about it

Grandma is giving you an easy way to both respect your child's self knowledge and your own feelings as to how this trip will be for him.

Though I'm a bit surprised your 3yo is this sure he doesn't want to go, I'd still respect his wishes since it won't really be an imposition and may be better for all of you. Assuming, of course, that you know he will be comfortable staying with his Grandma for the week.

Trust yourself, trust your child...(as a very wise friend says...)

 

[bdcp]

Let's not forget everyone, the trip is in March '06. That is 5 months away. He will change his mind on probably everything between now and then. Don't make a decision now about how he'll feel then. I assume he'll be close to, or 4 at that time. I would take him, like we took ours to many places, and schedule around what your kids will or won't do. LOL my DH hates the teacups, but my then almost 6 year old rode them with me while DS3 waited with him. We split up for a few rides and the characters for the most part are waiting to be approached, not chasing anyone. I still stand by my call (and goofyernmost's) that he's too young to make the decision. I would respect his feelings about rides once there and never force him on any ride or encounter, but not let him make such a monumental decision. 1. it's months away and 2. he will change his mind 50 times between now and then.
Children do not think the way adults do and as a result I wouldn't let him make this decision, but I would let him decide what he did and didn't want to do once there. He will probably surprise you. BTW, the sports mascots are not really there for the kids and really don't know how to deal with them and can be very aggressive, so don't compare that to WDW characters.

 

[plutospup]

Think of it this way. What if the original post had simply said this:

"I have a 3 year old who is scared of the dark, scared of loud noises and has had negative interactions with costumed characters that still scare him. Given these fears, is a trip to WDW right now in his best interests?"

Would anyone's answer change?
.

Well said Dr.Tomorrow! That is exactly the point I was trying to make in my post (a few pages ago!). When my DD was 3.5 she didn't like dark rides, loud noises, or especially those "big headed characters". She still had a wonderful time! Small penlight pointed toward the floor helped during dark rides. We kept our distance from the characters. They were ok from a distance, but she didn't want to hug them! There is more to enjoy at WDW than characters, and a few dark rides.

 

[bytheblood]

You know what - you should really do whateer you think is best for you and your family. Forget what all of us complete strangers are saying. Everybody has different experiences, different opinions, different ideas and different desires. Do what is best for YOU, YOUR SON and YOUR FAMILY!!!

And if that means coming down to leaving your son and hubby at home while you go have a great vacation, then do it. Talk it over with your spouse and you two decide what your family should do.

 

[jann1033]

"I have a 3 year old who is scared of the dark, scared of loud noises and has had negative interactions with costumed characters that still scare him. Given these fears, is a trip to WDW right now in his best interests?"

Disney is certainly more than any of the above.

i'd say what i said before, take him on the family trip, skip the character interaction( unless he changes his mind which is pretty likely) and let him go on rides he is comfortable with. imo that is what anyone would do with a child of any age as far as attractions go.

he isn't the only family member so i would adjust the trip in the above ways but unless he has serious developmental/emotional problems skipping family trip is a bit of an overreaction imo. you can certainly go to disney and skip the stuff he( or one of the other kids) may not like.

while i don't really view it as a "power struggle" i always thought as the parents we made the major decisions for the family..ie my child at 3 wanted daddy to stay home from work and play all day...should we have allowed her to make that decision for us?. truthfully i can't believe how many people would give the responsiblity of any decision ( other than maybe what clothes they wanted to wear, outfit a or outfit b) to a 3 yr old..hello, they are 3 yrs old!

 

[iliketoby]

If I wanted him along, I'd take him.

If I wanted to go without him, I'd leave him with grandma. (And for me, I wouldn't want to haul a 3 year old around WDW, but that's me.)

But I'd make very sure he knew that I was deciding the matter, not him.

Have you considered the idea that you might decide not to take him only to have him decide the day you leave that he does, indeed, wish to go?