would you listen to a 3 year old?!

[kpossible]

March is a long way off in three year old time.

 

[Drizzo67]

At three my DD changed her mind more than she changed her clothes (which was every 1/2 hour at that age - LOL).

Listen to your 3yo. I mean really listen. There may be something about WDW that makes him uneasy. The parks are rather crowded and very loud. That can be very frightening to a young child. Ask certain questions to get to the heart of the matter - What rides did you not like last time?, What attractions/rides are your favorites?

We let our kids watch the planning DVD over and over and my DS read many of my planning books to my DD so that they could decide on "their" trip. Let him be a part of the decision making and it might make him feel a little more in control of the things he might be fearful of.

Our first trip my DD was too small to ride alot of rides. The last day of our trip my DH and DS hit every park again, riding all the best rides and DD and I spent the day at DTD, shopping, having ice cream, playing. That was the day she told all her friends about first when we got home. It was the most relaxing day for her since she was very upset about not getting on some rides. (She's a thrill ride junkie). Maybe if you plan a day where you can do things that he likes (even if its just you and him) you should look into it. Maybe leave the parks early with him and spend time swimming at the resort, etc. This way he won't be too overwhelmed. Just some suggestions.

 

[henrylovespooh]

Here's my two cents: When I go to WDW, I want to enjoy myself. If my 3 year old did not want to go and I had a good feeling he would be miserable and negatively impact the trip for me and the rest of my family, I wouldn't take him. It just wouldn't be worth it to me. And if DH isn't wild about going, he's not going to be any more happy with an unhappy 3 year old. (Having a boy who just turned 4 and a girl who is about to turn 3, believe me, I know.)

My son loves the characters, but it takes my daughter 3 days to warm up to them. Even at the last day of our trip earlier this week, DD wouldn't pose for a Photopass CM to have him put Tink in her hand. I was so bummed because I know she likes Tink and I just couldn't understand why she just wouldn't stand there for 15 seconds with her hand out. Of course when she saw her brother's picture she was upset she didn't have Tink. Go figure.

Show him the Disney website and some of the attractions today. See if there is anything he wants to do. If he's still adamant and you think he will be just as adamant at the time to go, think really hard about what is more important - going and having a good time or going as a family and maybe having a cranky and scared 3 year old along for the ride.

 

[dwkwootton]

I wouldn't let him make that decision. It's a family vacation, he's part of the family and that would be it in our family. My boys are 19 and 21 and never told us they weren't going on vacation with us. I understand the fear factor, but if you let him decide this, what else are you going to let him decide? He'll find he can have his way if he puts his foot down and at 3 that's not something you want started yet. You're the adult. Act like it. Obviously somewhere he got the idea it's his choice.

Also, small children change their minds constantly. What would you do if you got down there without him and he then begged to come to you? That's very likely to happen. This could really turn into a bigger control issue than it already is. 3 isn't old enough to have any idea of what they really want.

Y'know, I get flamed alot for my strict stance with kids. I'm one of the ones that gets tagged with all the nasty little names by parents who can't figure out how to raise their kids (evidently I was a charter member of the PPP before I even know what it was). And yeah, I'm one of those (please pick the one you like best: unreasonable, mean, disagreeable, unfair, or do provide your own) people that really doesn't want to have deal with other people's kids having one tantrum after the other. But geezzzzz, this poor kid is scared!!!!! This isn't a control issue. And as far as the above poster saying you're the adult, act like it ~ maybe that should lend to being able to deal with the disappointment that Disney may not be for this family this year. While kids indeed change their minds alot, the OP is describing a kid who is still very much afraid of a costumed character months after the encounter. There's a big difference between discipline and a situation like this. Say you're really phobic with bugs and rodents, would you really want to be forced to spend a week with spiders and mice crawling all over you?

 

[Cinderella94]

I would say "Take him anyway." I remember as a child when I found out we were going to Disneyworld for the first time, and I threw a FIT not wanting to go. Once I got down there, and our 7 day trip was over, I didn't want to leave and I really enjoyed myself.

 

[1princessX2princes]

I say take him. As the mother of a DS5, DD3, DS21months, I can relate. My DD3 has a new one everyday--I don't want to go to.......(fill in the blank) or "i want to go home...." I think some of it is just testing out the limits. We just returned and had a great time. We have a video (seems really old) called "disneyland fun" which is singing and showing of the rides and MK park. My kids love it and it really helps them get excited. As for the fear factor both of my boys have sensory integration issues (BTW I'm NOT saying your child has this) This causes a large amount of fear of noises, movements and darkness.. but the best thing for DS5 is to just go through with the activity. He really needs the extra "push" and enjoys himself once he works through the inital concern over the unknown---he is in love with Disney now and once upon a time I thought we would never be able to go and enjoy ourselves.
I guess another thing to look at also is are you going to be worrying about him if he is not with you and therefore not enjoying your vacation...

 

[daisax]

I agree with those who say it's a long way off, and booking now with him and dropping the entire subject until much later is the way to go.

However, it's Halloween season, so perhaps this is a good year to work some of the costume issues out by setting aside some time (maybe when school's in session and you can have relative peace in a store) and try on lots of costumes and see what it's like from INSIDE the costume, and that they're not scary.

Providing lots of dress up clothes to play with in the meantime might also help in the coming months.

But dwelling on and trying to get him over his fears that he may not even have 4 months from now might instead make them more deeply associated with Disney. I'd drop the whole Disney topic if it's stressing him.

 

[DrTomorrow]

Whoa - color me surprised!

I guess that with DS25 it's been a while since I dealt with a 3YO, but I'm really amazed at the number of folks who would force a child to go on a vacation s/he doesn't want - particularly when there's an alternative available.

C'mon, folks - this isn't a control issue like 'eating your veggies', 'doing your homework','finishing your chores' or 'practice your violin'; this is supposed to be a fun family trip. The 3YO has some fears that are very common at his age, and contrary to any "force him to do it, it'll make a man out of him" approach, taking a 3YO with fears of the dark, of costumed characters and of loud noices to WDW simply isn't going to end up with happy smiles. Think about it - if someone in YOUR family had a fear of water & a fear of boats, would you plan a family cruise?

In our situation, once DS got to a certain age (early teens) we certainly DID involve him in discussions about the family vacation. He never had veto power, but we solicited his opinion on destinations and things to do - and he often came up with great ideas that never occurred to us.

Finally, to the OP: I realize that the goal of a "family vacation" is a good one, but - IMHO - it shouldn't come at the expense of a family member. This might be the time to watch "National Lampoon's Vacation", where the Dad wanted a cross-country driving vacation to spend time with the family - but none of the rest of the family wanted it. "Wally World here we come!"

IMHO - YMMV

 

[krismom]

Wow- thanks for all the advice. I really do appreciate bith points of view. I have always been in the "children should be seen, heard, and believed" school of thought... until it became one of my own! I do trust his instincts and know his fears are very real to him- the Disney trip is a must as we already have already locked into the Condo we rented- but I'm working out other scenarios for the 3 y.o. if he still feels the same way in March. thanks for your input....

 

[goofie4goofy]

Yes, I would absolutely listen to a 3 year old. I would also let him choose your next car, how your hair should be cut, how your invest your money. And why not, I'm sure he has accumulated so much knowledge during 3 years on this earth that he should dictate his vacation, your vacation..whatever..

I'm sure he has better things to do with his time anyway like pondering the meaning of life, disecting Einstein's theory of relativity and the real meaning of the bible...

Yes that is a great idea to have a 1095 day old tell you how it's going to be.

 

[plutospup]

DD had the same issues when she was 3, 4, & 5. She was afraid of "dark rides", and trembled at the sight of a costumed character (big headed characters ie Mickey, Goofy, Donald, etc). How did we deal with this during 6 WDW vacations during those years?...
1. Pen Light...We turned it on while inside any dark ride, and pointed it downward toward the floor. As long as DD had her penlight she was fine. The light wasn't bright enough to bother anyone else.
2.Characters...this was more difficult. She liked the face characters i.e. Princesses, but anything with a costume we kept our distance. She was ok watching a parade with characters, but wouldn't go up to them for an autograph.
Enjoy your family vacation.

 

[live and let live]

i agree about showing him the dvd and showing him all of the cool things that he did and can do at disney. get him all pumped up about the trip. no matter what he says, make SURE HE GOES! oh and by the way, i am a HUGE METS FAN!!! when i was little i was scared of mr met too LOL! he is kinda scary...

heres a pic of mr met:

Oh my, I can understand the fear of mr met ball, looks scary to me too lol.

 

[LoveWDW]

I believe in being the parent, but if the child doesn't want to go, and besides has a place to stay if he doesn't go, then don't make him. If you want a family vacation go elsewhere. It may be tough on him to be in a crowd and get tired from all the excitement and changes. In a year or so he may have changed his mind. Perhaps a small local park in a small dose would start calming his fears.

 

[bdcp]

I'll say it again, having succesfully raised two boys, 3 year olds dont' really know what they want. More than likely after a day or so of you being gone, he'll be asking to join you, then what do you do? Why is this such an issue? I can't imagine a 3 year old is going to remember in 5 months what he said or even felt this week. And you certainly can't say to him, well, it was your decision. That doesn't work. I'd say it's definitely a control issue, since mom is allowing this to control what the family does. I also doubt this would turn into a "tantrum" or anything else then. He probably can't even tell you what Walt Disney World really is. A child's world is very small and they cannot comprehend or think the way adults do. That's why we make decisions for them until they are old enough to make their own. And 3 is not old enough to make a decision they can stick with or even understand the consequences of (being left behind while the rest of the family are on vacation).

 

[DazedandConfused]

Another vote for take him however, I would be carefully tailoring the vacation towards being 3 y.o. friendly. Disney can be overwhelming esp. if he has normal 3 y.o. fears (dark, loud,crowds,etc). When we took our 3 1/2 y.o. who has borderline sensory issues we were careful not to overload him. We brought sound reducing headphones bought in the sporting goods section of walmart (for hunters) and he wore them on all noisy rides, shows and fireworks - he even slept through Illuminations! We knew that if he was overstimulated then we needed to take a break - even if was just to find a quiet spot for a juice box and a snack. We went back to the hotel every day for a nap and a break which really helped. We never forced either child to go on any rides, we just tok turns if they didn't want to go on something. I would be afraid if I had left my younger son home on our last trip it would haunt me after the fact and looking at my pictures later with one child missing would kill me. We have a great time looking over our photos and retelling stories from our last family trip. Good luck with your decision just my 2 cents. Chris.

 

[disneymama73]

I don't believe in taking babies into the park, definately not a three year old. Think about it..from his vantage point. All he looks at all day long is peoples butts, that's it. Not much fun for a child if you ask me. He can't ride the majority of the rides, and you have to plan naps, etc, taking time away from what should be a great vacation.

I have to take a stab at this and guess that you've never taken a baby into the parks. Am I right? It is very untrue that a 3-yr-old can not ride the majority of the rides. We started bringing our oldest DD at 6 mos, and she had a blast pointing at the sights, and she loved the rides. There is very little they can't ride aside from the thrill rides. DD2 came with us at 4 mos, and DD3 at 3 1/2 mos. My girls loved the playgrounds at Toontown and over by Splash Mountain as young as 16 mos and rode Goofy's Barnstormer at 3. They loved the Pooh ride, the carousel, the teacups, Dumbo and more even at 6 mos. And at 2 DD2 loved PhilharMagic. In fact, to this day, I have never seen her laugh so hard. WDW is much more magical to a child under 5. JMHO

DD1 at 18 mos

DD1 at 2 1/2

DD1 and 2 at ages 4 and 2

And finally DD3 at 15 mos

I have many, many more pics, but I don't want to hog the board with pics of my kids. I just wanted to show you that children 3 and under do not just sit and look at butts all day. It kills me when someone tells me they aren't going to take their kids until they are least 5. At 5, DD1 told me, "Mom, I know they're just people in costumes." Ouch! I'm glad I took her when I did.

To the OP: I would talk to your son and find out why he is so adamant about not going. Find out what he doesn't like about WDW and what he does like. Maybe he thinks you're going to make him meet the characters, and he's spooked. Maybe plan something special just for him. Will he be 4 by the time of the trip? He might enjoy Pirate Cruise at GF. Spend time playing at the little playgrounds. My kids especially like the new Pooh Playful Spot. It has a splash area which all three girls really enjoyed. There is so much for him to do there.

If you need to book right now, I would plan on taking him. As others have said, kids change so much in just a matter of months. What will you do if he changes his mind? Then you will both be upset. I also agree with those who said to show him the planning video/dvd. Ease him into it slowly without pushing.

Just curious, how old was your DS the last time he was at WDW?

 

[WDW Poly Princess]

I vote for dropping the topic with him for now, but over the next couple of months, watching Disney movies and the planning DVD, and see if he warms up to it. Whoever suggested trying on Halloween costumes had a great idea- maybe he can see that even though someone might look scary, it's all just pretend. I have a feeling that if you watch the video and talk about how much fun everything looks (without mentioning him going), he will start to pick up the excitement and want to go. Being three, chances are that he might even forget that he ever didn't want to go. If he's still totally against it in March, though, I'd consider leaving him home.

 

[goofyernmost]

OK, here is where I wade in.

First let me qualify this by saying that I would never bring a 3 year old to a place like WDW. It is just to overwhelming for someone that age, but that is my opinion.

With that said I am compelled to say this...When did a 3 year old get the life experience, power and advanced knowledge to make decisions like this that affect the entire family? Be the parent and direct your children in a direction that you see fit. A three year old will say no to anything but will particularly say no to something that they do not no anything about.

IMHO, you never split up a family unit because a child has decided that he or she is in charge and will have things his or her way. They do not have the depth of life experience to make decisions that large. One can take into consideration what a child might be afraid of and direct them another way but there are many, many things to do in WDW that are not "scary" and the child, will be happy that he or she was included once it becomes apparent that it can be fun.

Do not relinquish your role as parent and let the tail wag the dog. As with most things it will all turn out fine. The hassle is going there with a 3 year old to begin with. To some extent their volatile personalities will dictate a lot of what you can and cannot do without creating a scene.

As you may have figured out I believe that it is the parents job to make decisions of this magnitude. Children can be involved, of course, but the end decision must be made by the ones with the best ability to decide what is best. A child of that age just doesn't have the ability to make decisions of that magnitude and I think it can be massively harmful to put that amount of responsibility on such small shoulders, even if they think they want it. They are not ready. JMHO!

 

[disneyholic family]

who's the parent?

 

[bdcp]

Okay, whoever says don't take a 3 year old because it's overwhelming. From whose perspective did you get that? The first time my boys went they were 3 1/2 and almost 6. My 3 year old had a fabulous time and so did his brother. He was in love with Mickey and there were only a few things we didnt' ride, things like Space M, Body Wars, and Alien Encounter. He did ride BTMRR and HM and really enjoyed them. We were there in '89 so obviously there were things that weren't even open yet, like TOT, and a few others. That said, he doesn't remember any of that trip, but he was not afraid of anything we did, and he was not a fearless child by any stretch. I would say don't take a 3 year old if you're expecting them to remember the trip for more than a few months. And they definitely won't remember it by the time they're 10. The trip my boys remember is when they were 12 and 14. No character interactions on that trip, but we rode everything.