Would you "let" your child go to college 700+ miles from home- and UA

[bellarella]

That letter would have gone right into the trash. I can set the parameters just by choosing which mail to put at her seat at the table for her to look at

Wow.

My children's college education will be their decision. By the time they get to the point of making the decision, they will know how credit works and how loans work (and this isn't a pipe dream, they are several years away and already know how it works). We will set the parameters of how much money we are able to contribute, but what they do from there will be their decisions. Of course we will have spent years discussing pros and cons of different college environments and will give our input. But I will not prevent my children from applying to a school, will not hide acceptances, and will not tell them they "can't" go somewhere.

I will have 18 years to have established a relationship with them such that they will want my opinion and will want to continue to be in my life. I hope by that point that they will know that distance might affect how often we can be together in person, but it will not affect how much they are a part of the family.

 

[clh2]

Interesting thread...

DD is starting her senior year this week. So - she has a list of colleges that she will be applying to.

Cost is a factor - let's be honest.

However, we do want her to have a great college experience. Her favorite school so far - doesn't really have a degree program for her major any more, although she can get a business degree with an emphasis on what she wants to do. That is certainly complicating things.

We are currently operating on the Wisconsin state tuition is "$$", Minnesota tuition due to reciprocity is "$$$". So any other school would need to be between "$$" and "$$$".

We've got more college tours coming up in very early October, hopefully that will help to narrow things down.

Now - if DD was getting a major scholarship to a school any distance away - we would want her to consider that. Especially if that was a school she was interested in, and fit with her major.

 

[PatsMom]

My daughter was free to apply where she wanted. And then the final selection would come down to where she wanted to go and money. I drew the line at paying out of state tuition for a state university just because they had a good track team. She ended up at our state university just because it was cheapest. And she lives on campus so it is giving her experience at being away from home.

I cannot imagine censoring my child's mail. She is now 20 and free to do what she wants. Of course while we are supporting her and cosigning her loans, we do expect grades to be given to us. She has a 3.3GPA so respectable but not a genius.

I missed high school graduation practice because I was enlisting in the Air Force with my parents consent - I was only 17. They knew I would just do it in September when I turned 18 anyhow. But my mother believed in letting children grow up. I have tried to do the same with my daughter.

 

[RitaE]

I'll just add. One thing that always strikes me is the number of kids who think they can take out student loans for any college their heart dreams of --- only to find their is a fairly small dollar limit on the amount of student loans that can be taken out solely by the student. At that point they are looking for a co-signor which is likely to be .... Mom and Dad!!!

We're seeing more than a fair number of Mom and Dad co-signors these days who have found themselves saddled with fairly large payments on the kid's $$$$ college education once the child graduates and finds themselves in the current job market.

 

[Hannathy]

She doesn't understand credit so I am not going enable her to learn that lesson the hard way.

I can set the parameters just by choosing which mail to put at her seat at the table for her to look at

These two statements really bother me!

What do you mean she doesn't understand credit? My 12 yr old fully understands credit.

You censor your almost adults mail? Short of porn I couldn't imagine doing this. And even then I would show it to her and let her throw it out.
Who is going to do this at school? shouldn't she be learning now how to censor things herself?

 

[aprilgail2]

Which is exactly what we DON'T want our kids doing. We want them to have to think twice about coming home so they don't run home for every little thing.

I would prefer my daughter go away--she is only in 7th grade now and says no way is she going away but I hope that will change over time. She does have a 2 year scholarship already waiting for her for a local county college but I would prefer she went away even if I have to pay the whole thing.

There are a couple schools around here that don't allow freshmen to have cars on campus. .

none of the schools my god daughter looked at allowed freshman to have cars--I didn't know there were any that DID allow it....

. She would never have looked at Alabama if they weren't offering such a great scholarship. That letter would have gone right into the trash. I can set the parameters just by choosing which mail to put at her seat at the table for her to look at
.

wow--controlling much??????

 

[linnylu]

Come on- I am NOT censoring her mail. The majority of mail that comes in from colleges is JUNK. We have 3 children now who are all getting college mail. If I saved it for all 3 to look at when they get a chance, our house would be overrun with paper.
The best way to find a college that is a good fit for you is to look online through naviance, visit the College Board website, see your high school guidance counselor, go to a college fair, meet with college reps who visit your high school, etc. I am in NO way limiting her possibilities by throwing away college junk mail. Alabama reached her through her hs guidance counselor and didn't come in the mail.

There are way too many people here who are judgmental and itching to jump down someone's throat.

 

[Hannathy]

Come on- I am NOT censoring her mail.

That is exactly what you are doing, whether you like it pointed out or not.

 

[deegack]

Come on- I am NOT censoring her mail. The majority of mail that comes in from colleges is JUNK. We have 3 children now who are all getting college mail. If I saved it for all 3 to look at when they get a chance, our house would be overrun with paper.
The best way to find a college that is a good fit for you is to look online through naviance, visit the College Board website, see your high school guidance counselor, go to a college fair, meet with college reps who visit your high school, etc. I am in NO way limiting her possibilities by throwing away college junk mail. Alabama reached her through her hs guidance counselor and didn't come in the mail.

There are way too many people here who are judgmental and itching to jump down someone's throat.

You are only giving her the mail you want her to have. That is censoring. If you put it all at her seat and said go through and recycle what you don't want, that would not be censoring.

 

[coconutprincess]

Let her go. I admit, I was very immature for my age at the time, but my parents wouldn't let me go far away to school. I did live on campus, but even a school 2 hours away they talked me out of it. I am grateful for the education I received. But I think it really held me back in ways and I was afaid to try new things.


But my parents are overprotective, looked through my mail, etc. She once opened a bill from a well woman visit I had because she saw the letter K and though it was for my dad. (both our names start with K). Apparently not telling her I went the doctor after I graduated college was a no no.

 

[FINFAN]

I did not read the replies,and my post is based on the thread title... but my DD (who is our first to go to college) attends school 1100 miles away and there is a minimal scholarship involved. We thought she may struggle as she was not the most organized person, but she has flourished in her confidence, academics and maturity. I would have forever regretted it if we had been the roadblock in her future. Now, did we lose our DD at 18, kinda....but we gained an awesome adult who never ceases to amaze me.

 

[bombygriz]

If you have the scores to possibly get into any one of those schools, you should have no problem getting a full tuition scholarship or something close to it at UCF.

Well, that's nice to know. I remember taking the SATs in the seventh grade as part of a 'gifted' program, and my scores were enough to get into (and score major scholarships at) the college my grandfather works at. It's called Saint Anselm College, and I'd compare it to Rollins, except St. A's is a Catholic school. I don't regard my academic smarts as something that defines me, but I consider myself lucky to have a high GPA and good test scores. It comes naturally.

*ahem* If your child wants to go to a nice Catholic college with a Princeton Review-ranked dining program (I give it five stars), St. A's is really nice.

I did not read the replies,and my post is based on the thread title... but my DD (who is our first to go to college) attends school 1100 miles away and there is a minimal scholarship involved. We thought she may struggle as she was not the most organized person, but she has flourished in her confidence, academics and maturity. I would have forever regretted it if we had been the roadblock in her future. Now, did we lose our DD at 18, kinda....but we gained an awesome adult who never ceases to amaze me.

I really hope that this is what will happen to me. I'm going to be seventeen going into college (until October), so I'll be young. I want to learn adult responsibilities without my parents acting as a possible crutch. I want to get out of where I live (not exactly a good place) and into the real world.

 

[golfgal]

Interesting thread...

DD is starting her senior year this week. So - she has a list of colleges that she will be applying to.

Cost is a factor - let's be honest.

However, we do want her to have a great college experience. Her favorite school so far - doesn't really have a degree program for her major any more, although she can get a business degree with an emphasis on what she wants to do. That is certainly complicating things.

We are currently operating on the Wisconsin state tuition is "$$", Minnesota tuition due to reciprocity is "$$$". So any other school would need to be between "$$" and "$$$".

We've got more college tours coming up in very early October, hopefully that will help to narrow things down.

Now - if DD was getting a major scholarship to a school any distance away - we would want her to consider that. Especially if that was a school she was interested in, and fit with her major.

Even saying you can only look at schools between $$ and $$$ is limiting them because until the final aid package comes you have no idea how much ANY school costs. Say she applies at the U of M at $22K and a private school at $40K, but Private School gives her $19,000 for a President's scholarship and $21,000 in a college scholarship, $5000 grant and a $3000 work study and the U of M gives her $500--which now is the cheaper school??? I have told our kids that you can't shop on price tag because you don't know what you will get in the end. Everyone we know has gotten better deals from the private schools around here (most of which are heads and tails better than most of the state schools).

 

[bellarella]

Even saying you can only look at schools between $$ and $$$ is limiting them because until the final aid package comes you have no idea how much ANY school costs. Say she applies at the U of M at $22K and a private school at $40K, but Private School gives her $19,000 for a President's scholarship and $21,000 in a college scholarship, $5000 grant and a $3000 work study and the U of M gives her $500--which now is the cheaper school??? I have told our kids that you can't shop on price tag because you don't know what you will get in the end. Everyone we know has gotten better deals from the private schools around here (most of which are heads and tails better than most of the state schools).

This, this, this!!!!

I think it is important to talk about how much you can afford to contribute to school, but then applications should go out to schools with the right programs, ignoring cost (other than to make sure that there are some schools on the list that would be affordable with no aid).

The assumption that many families have that schools are not affordable really holds back a lot of college students who would have qualified for aid.

 

[golfgal]

This, this, this!!!!

I think it is important to talk about how much you can afford to contribute to school, but then applications should go out to schools with the right programs, ignoring cost (other than to make sure that there are some schools on the list that would be affordable with no aid).

The assumption that many families have that schools are not affordable really holds back a lot of college students who would have qualified for aid.

I don't think people realize that if your expected family contribution is $20,000, it's going to be $20,000 at a school that costs $8000 and at a school that costs $55,000. Now, not all schools meet 100% of demonstrated need but most schools DO try to at least get close and you can always negotiate what they do give you.

 

[jodifla]

Come on- I am NOT censoring her mail. The majority of mail that comes in from colleges is JUNK. We have 3 children now who are all getting college mail. If I saved it for all 3 to look at when they get a chance, our house would be overrun with paper.
The best way to find a college that is a good fit for you is to look online through naviance, visit the College Board website, see your high school guidance counselor, go to a college fair, meet with college reps who visit your high school, etc. I am in NO way limiting her possibilities by throwing away college junk mail. Alabama reached her through her hs guidance counselor and didn't come in the mail.

There are way too many people here who are judgmental and itching to jump down someone's throat.

Hard to tell from the outside what is junk or not junk. And since the mail is coming to them, I would take three boxes, and throw it in there, and at least give them the opportunity to look at it.

Your statement that you would throw away a college ACCEPTANCE is highly troubling -- and if your daughter is 18, illegal.

 

[golfgal]

Hard to tell from the outside what is junk or not junk. And since the mail is coming to them, I would take three boxes, and throw it in there, and at least give them the opportunity to look at it.

Your statement that you would throw away a college ACCEPTANCE is highly troubling -- and if your daughter is 18, illegal.

We have a box, all of the college mailings go into that box, the kids sort it every so often. They are responsible for deciding to throw it or not. I do toss things from schools I know they have already vetoed (repeated mailings). It doesn't take much and we get duplicates of everything....

 

[furb & dez]

I knew that the word,let, was going to cause some discussion and that was why I put it in quotes. A PP mentioned parameters and that is what we do in our college search- define the parameters for our child's college search which mostly is about the affordability and quality of education. Of course I could "let" her choose any school and "let" her take out major student loans to afford it. She doesn't understand credit so I am not going enable her to learn that lesson the hard way.

We are generating our college list now and looking for schools that will give her a lot of merit money. She is undecided, so she also needs to look at a school that has many options for majors. She may want to go to grad school, or need to, so she needs to keep that in mind when looking at how much she has to spend for her undergrad years. Our state schools aren't offering the merit money that schools farther away are offering. She would never have looked at Alabama if they weren't offering such a great scholarship. That letter would have gone right into the trash. I can set the parameters just by choosing which mail to put at her seat at the table for her to look at

I am so sorry Mrs. Pete that my question turned into a attack of you.

Wow. Just wow.

A high school senior that knows nothing about credit and whose family decides what mail she can see.

What's that sound? Sounds like a helicopter, beating right over the house!

Once your daughter figures out how you're treating her (provided that you "let" her see it ), good luck getting a chance to see her again... The best way to drive away a child is to hold them so close that can't even choose basic elements of their own lives.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

For those of you hoping for lots of merit aid for your children. Do you worry about your child's experience at a school where their academic skills are significantly above the majority?

I looked at the scholarship for Alabama (I'm assuming you're talking about the presidential scholarship?) and while the money certainly seems generous, a student who meets the requirements would be way outside the average range for Alabama students. At Alabama the 75th %ile combined math/critical reading score for SAT scores for incoming students is 1220. The presidential scholarship requires a score that is 180 points above that. That's a huge difference, and I imagine we're talking about a very small percentage of students at UA performing at that level.

I was a kid with a high GPA and high SATs. I would have easily qualified for the Presidential scholarship at Alabama had it existed back then. Instead, I went to a school where my SATs were within the midrange (somewhere betwen the 25th and 75th %ile). I remember how wonderful it was to be in a place where classes moved at a pace that challenged me, where I could attend a study group in my dorm and feel like I was learning something and not always teaching something, where my dorm (a residential college for people interested in International Studies) held evening lectures on various topics and people actually attended and then stayed up late talking about what we learned. I did a year of study abroad in a program that was less demanding admissions wise, and the difference in what I learned and how I felt about my program was huge.

I know that my university, and many other top tier universities over very little merit based aid (I got some from outside my school, but none from my school) and instead focus all of their financial aid spending on students in need. My first choice for my son would be that he gets outside aid as well as enough need based aid, to attend a school where he would be challenged.

I will note that the GPA requirement for the UA scholarships (3.5 weighted) seems quite low relative to the SAT requirments. I know at my son's future high school, you can get a 3.5 with straight B's if you take enough honors classes, or with enough A's in things like P.E. and the arts to average out your C's in honors classes. So for a child who is bright, but not particularly academically motivated, I would think this might be a fantastic choice.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

These are honest questions as I'm at the very beginning of thinking about this since I have a middle schooler.

 

[U2_rocks!]

Going to a far away college can be wonderful for learning confidence and independence. I want my kids to have at least some time away from here in a different culture and far away from us. We may not be able to financially swing 4-year colleges for all 3 kids so far away, but there are exchanges, grad programs etc. than can get a student to a different place for a year at least, to get the experience. I went to university thousands of miles, 2 plane flights and in a different country from my parents and I have always been grateful for that for the experiences that gave me.