Would you "let" your child go to college 700+ miles from home- and UA

[golfgal]

One of mine chose a school that was 2000 miles away. It was his dream from the time he started high school, and he worked hard to get accepted, and get a partial scholarship. How could I have not let him go?

If DS16 gets into his dream school he will be a 9 hour car ride away...like you, how can you deny something they have talked about doing for YEARS?

 

[goofy!]

Ideally, I'd like to see my girls choose schools in between these two extremes: Not so close that they feel they "should" run home every weekend, but not so far away that they can't come home for a long break like Easter. 2-4 hours away, I think, is just right. Not so close that they can run home haphazzardly without planning, not so far that they can't afford to get home for long weekends. I'd like to see them come home once a month during college -- often enough to stay close and connected, yet still giving them plenty of at-school time too.

Right now, my 17 year old has two "probable schools". One is 2 hours away, the other is 4 hours away. I could see her being successful at either one, AND I'm pleased that they fit my ideal criteria too.

We live less than 30 minutes from one of the state's largest universities, and MANY of our high school students choose that school. Most live at home (and for a whole bunch, that's what they can afford -- when you have to make tough choices . . . oh, well, sometimes you don't do what's ideal), a few live on campus but are able to run home literally any old afternoon -- so they can come home to find a certain CD or to wash clothes. I don't want that for my kids. First, it seems that the kids who do this don't fully commit to their education in the same way that kids who live in a dorm do. Living on campus is a constant reminder that you've dedicated yourself to this goal for the next four years, and it makes it easier to see school as your #1 goal. Second, kids who do this tend to hold onto their high school lives too much -- same friends, same part-time job, in many cases, the same bedroom. It's like 13th grade, just the work's harder.

Just curious - what if your adult child chooses not to come home once a month? Do you require it?

In our state, the state universities require dorm living for freshman unless you can prove financial hardship. That means that the kids in our high school who choose to stay instate are between 10 minutes and 1.5 hours away from their childhood homes. The majority of DS's friends (including DS), all of them very close to their families, chose to remain in school except for major breaks. It was wonderful. It allowed the student to grow up and the parent/child bond to evolve into an adult relationship. Our family is even closer today as there is now an adult relationship with the adult child.

I can't fathom requiring them to come home once a month. If they want to come home, fine. But choosing a college because the parent wants see them once a month seems a bit helicopterish to me. I think it comes down to how much you trust that family bond. If it requires a monthly visit to "maintain closeness", that just seems off. If you have to force closeness, then it wasn't there in the first place.

 

[MrsPete]

WHY? Why would you want her coming home once a month? She needs to stay on campus and find her niche there. She has graduated high school time to immerse in college. She will find friends there and activities plus school work. Almost all social intermingling happens on the weekend Plus all the school sponsored activities will be on the weekend plus sports will be on the weekends. They would miss out on a lot of things plus probably not feel like they were part of a group if they were always running home.

Most kids don't want to go home every weekend or even every month UNLESS they have a boyfriend or girlfriend back home.

I would feel like there is a problem with my child and her fitting in at her school if she were running home every month. And I would feel like I didn't do a good job growing an independent, mature young adult if they needed to run home all the time.

Time to cut the strings and let them fly.

You're assuming that I like this school best for her because it's only a two-hour drive. That is one thing I like about it, but it's far from the sole reason:

I like it because it's a perfect medium size (16,000 students) for her -- big enough to offer lots of options, not so overwhelming as the really huge schools. I like it because it's a well-established state school with a good academic reputation. I like the dorms, and I think it's a good value for the money. I like the atmosphere of the campus -- very friendly, and I can see her fitting in there very well. I like it because the campus is rather small and is smack-dab in the middle of a resort town. I like it because it's very outdoorsy, and she loves the idea of being able to take skiing and snowboarding as classes. I like it because they're building a new nursing building, and they'll have a great simulation room for the nursing students to learn upon state-of-the-art dummies. I met the head of the nursing department, and I thought she was very helpful, very interested in promoting her department and helping her students. I like it because they don't charge for textbooks. I like it because they have great opportunities for international study. I like it because they offer a number of "learning communities" in the dorms, and I think that could lead her to finding a great living situation from Day 1. I like it because they have an over-the-top football program and are known for their school spirit. I like the structure of the meal plan, which seems like a good value. I like it because they discourage freshmen from bringing cars. I like it because there's a Baptist church literally one step off campus that invites all Baptist students for dinner and Bible study every Tuesday night, which will provide her with a group similar to the one she enjoys at home. I like it because they own hostels in various big cities across the US, and their alumni can vacation for low-costs for the rest of their lives. I like their honors program. I like campus' lack of crime. I like the fact that everyone I know who graduated from this school LOVES it and still feels very connected to the university. I even like the school colors. I could keep going -- are those enough reasons for me to approve of my daughter's #1 school choice?

And, yes, along with those reasons, I do like the fact that it's only a two hour drive.

You're foolishly overboard with the "running home every month, growing into mature young adult" thing. If she can't manage to find her place in college and immerse herself in all the college fun in 28 days out of 30, that one weekend isn't going to make the difference. One of the things a young adult has to learn is balance -- in fact, I think it's one of the harder things for them to master. I do hope that she'll come home once a month. One weekend a month to re-connect with family seems just right to me.

 

[goofy!]

WHY? Why would you want her coming home once a month? She needs to stay on campus and find her niche there. She has graduated high school time to immerse in college. She will find friends there and activities plus school work. Almost all social intermingling happens on the weekend Plus all the school sponsored activities will be on the weekend plus sports will be on the weekends. They would miss out on a lot of things plus probably not feel like they were part of a group if they were always running home.

Most kids don't want to go home every weekend or even every month UNLESS they have a boyfriend or girlfriend back home.

I would feel like there is a problem with my child and her fitting in at her school if she were running home every month. And I would feel like I didn't do a good job growing an independent, mature young adult if they needed to run home all the time.

Time to cut the strings and let them fly.

 

[golfgal]

You're assuming that I like this school best for her because it's only a two-hour drive. That is one thing I like about it, but it's far from the sole reason:

I like it because it's a perfect medium size (16,000 students) for her -- big enough to offer lots of options, not so overwhelming as the really huge schools. I like it because it's a well-established state school with a good academic reputation. I like the dorms, and I think it's a good value for the money. I like the atmosphere of the campus -- very friendly, and I can see her fitting in there very well. I like it because the campus is rather small and is smack-dab in the middle of a resort town. I like it because it's very outdoorsy, and she loves the idea of being able to take skiing and snowboarding as classes. I like it because they're building a new nursing building, and they'll have a great simulation room for the nursing students to learn upon state-of-the-art dummies. I met the head of the nursing department, and I thought she was very helpful, very interested in promoting her department and helping her students. I like it because they don't charge for textbooks. I like it because they have great opportunities for international study. I like it because they offer a number of "learning communities" in the dorms, and I think that could lead her to finding a great living situation from Day 1. I like it because they have an over-the-top football program and are known for their school spirit. I like the structure of the meal plan, which seems like a good value. I like it because they discourage freshmen from bringing cars. I like it because there's a Baptist church literally one step off campus that invites all Baptist students for dinner and Bible study every Tuesday night, which will provide her with a group similar to the one she enjoys at home. I like it because they own hostels in various big cities across the US, and their alumni can vacation for low-costs for the rest of their lives. I like their honors program. I like campus' lack of crime. I like the fact that everyone I know who graduated from this school LOVES it and still feels very connected to the university. I even like the school colors. I could keep going -- are those enough reasons for me to approve of my daughter's #1 school choice?

And, yes, along with those reasons, I do like the fact that it's only a two hour drive.

You're foolishly overboard with the "running home every month, growing into mature young adult" thing. If she can't manage to find her place in college and immerse herself in all the college fun in 28 days out of 30, that one weekend isn't going to make the difference. One of the things a young adult has to learn is balance -- in fact, I think it's one of the harder things for them to master. I do hope that she'll come home once a month. One weekend a month to re-connect with family seems just right to me.

Weekend were the times that you got to know people better, did volunteer work, did "college" stuff, fun stuff. You DO miss out on lot of you miss one weekend every month. Sorry, I just don't understand WHY you would insist on this??? If you want to see her once a month, go up on a Thursday afternoon and take her out to lunch. That will mean more to her than having to run home and miss everything on campus.

Also, read your post outloud to yourself, I, me, I, I want, I want....this is HER decision and HER life....you said "I" 27 times in that paragraph...

 

[Hannathy]

You're assuming that I like this school best for her because it's only a two-hour drive. That is one thing I like about it, but it's far from the sole reason:

I like it because it's a perfect medium size (16,000 students) for her -- big enough to offer lots of options, not so overwhelming as the really huge schools. I like it because it's a well-established state school with a good academic reputation. I like the dorms, and I think it's a good value for the money. I like the atmosphere of the campus -- very friendly, and I can see her fitting in there very well. I like it because the campus is rather small and is smack-dab in the middle of a resort town. I like it because it's very outdoorsy, and she loves the idea of being able to take skiing and snowboarding as classes. I like it because they're building a new nursing building, and they'll have a great simulation room for the nursing students to learn upon state-of-the-art dummies. I met the head of the nursing department, and I thought she was very helpful, very interested in promoting her department and helping her students. I like it because they don't charge for textbooks. I like it because they have great opportunities for international study. I like it because they offer a number of "learning communities" in the dorms, and I think that could lead her to finding a great living situation from Day 1. I like it because they have an over-the-top football program and are known for their school spirit. I like the structure of the meal plan, which seems like a good value. I like it because they discourage freshmen from bringing cars. I like it because there's a Baptist church literally one step off campus that invites all Baptist students for dinner and Bible study every Tuesday night, which will provide her with a group similar to the one she enjoys at home. I like it because they own hostels in various big cities across the US, and their alumni can vacation for low-costs for the rest of their lives. I like their honors program. I like campus' lack of crime. I like the fact that everyone I know who graduated from this school LOVES it and still feels very connected to the university. I even like the school colors. I could keep going -- are those enough reasons for me to approve of my daughter's #1 school choice?

And, yes, along with those reasons, I do like the fact that it's only a two hour drive.

You're foolishly overboard with the "running home every month, growing into mature young adult" thing. If she can't manage to find her place in college and immerse herself in all the college fun in 28 days out of 30, that one weekend isn't going to make the difference. One of the things a young adult has to learn is balance -- in fact, I think it's one of the harder things for them to master. I do hope that she'll come home once a month. One weekend a month to re-connect with family seems just right to me.

I read a lot of "I" "I like" what does SHE like. That is who is going to school not you. It is about what she wants.

Why do you need her physically home to stay connected? You can stay connected by text, calls and for heavens sake with Skype you can see each other while you talk and it is free!

 

[MrsPete]

I can't fathom requiring them to come home once a month. If they want to come home, fine. But choosing a college because the parent wants see them once a month seems a bit helicopterish to me. I think it comes down to how much you trust that family bond. If it requires a monthly visit to "maintain closeness", that just seems off.

Did I say "require"? I'm getting the idea that I like my kid better than some of you do! I enjoy her company, and she enjoys mine. If that's strange, I really don't care.

Just for the record, she's asked me already about coming home. We're not in favor of her taking a car to college as a freshman, and she's already asked about us coming to bring her home for occasional visits, and she's already asked if we'll drive her sister up to stay with her every now and then. The idea of once-a-month is what she and I have agreed is a good compromise.

Think that through:
August -- drop the student off
September -- one weekend home
October -- one weekend home -- didn't we used to get a long weekend in October? Fall break?
November -- Thanksgiving break
December -- bring the student home for Christmas

January -- drop the student off
February -- one weekend home
March -- Spring break
April -- one weekend home
May -- bring the student home for the summer

We're talking about school breaks plus two weekends each semester. You really think that's helecoptor-ish or holding the student back? You really think that's not trusting a teen?

 

[onelilspark]

Ideally, I'd like to see my girls choose schools in between these two extremes: Not so close that they feel they "should" run home every weekend, but not so far away that they can't come home for a long break like Easter. 2-4 hours away, I think, is just right. Not so close that they can run home haphazzardly without planning, not so far that they can't afford to get home for long weekends. I'd like to see them come home once a month during college -- often enough to stay close and connected, yet still giving them plenty of at-school time too.

Right now, my 17 year old has two "probable schools". One is 2 hours away, the other is 4 hours away. I could see her being successful at either one, AND I'm pleased that they fit my ideal criteria too.

We live less than 30 minutes from one of the state's largest universities, and MANY of our high school students choose that school. Most live at home (and for a whole bunch, that's what they can afford -- when you have to make tough choices . . . oh, well, sometimes you don't do what's ideal), a few live on campus but are able to run home literally any old afternoon -- so they can come home to find a certain CD or to wash clothes. I don't want that for my kids. First, it seems that the kids who do this don't fully commit to their education in the same way that kids who live in a dorm do. Living on campus is a constant reminder that you've dedicated yourself to this goal for the next four years, and it makes it easier to see school as your #1 goal. Second, kids who do this tend to hold onto their high school lives too much -- same friends, same part-time job, in many cases, the same bedroom. It's like 13th grade, just the work's harder.

Even being 10 hours away, I still saw my family about once every 2-3 months. I was still connected, I still felt loved and part of the family. During my sophomore year I became involved in a sorority, I held a part time job, and I had studying to do on weekends. Sorry, but my life became college. I would not have wanted to come home every month to make my parents feel connected to me, that's what cell phones are for. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have had the time.

I really honestly believe that when you try to limit their choices, you're hurting your child in the long run. If your daughter wants to go to school 2 hours away, fine. But telling her that you want her to go there so she'll be close to home won't allow her to grow. I realize that you don't view her as an adult, but society will when she turns 18. You don't get much say in the matter, so set her up for success, give her the support she needs so she'll develop into an independent young woman, not someone who remains a dependent child.

 

[MrsPete]

I read a lot of "I" "I like" what does SHE like. That is who is going to school not you. It is about what she wants.

Why do you need her physically home to stay connected? You can stay connected by text, calls and for heavens sake with Skype you can see each other while you talk and it is free!

You asked what I liked about it, and I told you.

Yes, I'm familiar with those methods of communication. I also know that they're not the same as seeing your child a couple days each month.

 

[StephMK]

Which is another thing we DO not want, nor do our kids. They do NOT want to go to a college where 50 of their high school friends go.

We regularly make round trip trips of 3-4 hours each way, not a big deal really. Our kids wouldn't think twice about taking a 2 hour trip home to go to a football game and driving back that same day, heck we did a round trip 5 hours each way yesterday--not something I would do on a regular basis but we left at 6:00 AM and got back a little after 10:00PM--with two college visits along the way.

I currently go to CU -were you looking at a particular program? Where are you in MN? I took DD17 to visit UW La Crosse this summer. Love that drive along the river! My in-laws live in Stillwater so we drove down from their house.


I hope not to send DD w/a car her freshman year either. I think you meet more people having to walk and depend on campus, at least for the first year. It will depend where she ends up though.

When I went to school, there were no laptops, cell phones, and the only computers were in the big cold lab on campus. I could not wait to get as far away from home as possible. Now I get along great w/my parents and they are a big reason I want to move back East.

If my DD were fortunate enough to get a full ride, I would expect her to go, regardless of the distance, as long as the program met her career goals.

 

[goofy!]

You're assuming that I like this school best for her because it's only a two-hour drive. That is one thing I like about it, but it's far from the sole reason:

I like it because it's a perfect medium size (16,000 students) for her -- big enough to offer lots of options, not so overwhelming as the really huge schools. I like it because it's a well-established state school with a good academic reputation. I like the dorms, and I think it's a good value for the money. I like the atmosphere of the campus -- very friendly, and I can see her fitting in there very well. I like it because the campus is rather small and is smack-dab in the middle of a resort town. I like it because it's very outdoorsy, and she loves the idea of being able to take skiing and snowboarding as classes. I like it because they're building a new nursing building, and they'll have a great simulation room for the nursing students to learn upon state-of-the-art dummies. I met the head of the nursing department, and I thought she was very helpful, very interested in promoting her department and helping her students. I like it because they don't charge for textbooks. I like it because they have great opportunities for international study. I like it because they offer a number of "learning communities" in the dorms, and I think that could lead her to finding a great living situation from Day 1. I like it because they have an over-the-top football program and are known for their school spirit. I like the structure of the meal plan, which seems like a good value. I like it because they discourage freshmen from bringing cars. I like it because there's a Baptist church literally one step off campus that invites all Baptist students for dinner and Bible study every Tuesday night, which will provide her with a group similar to the one she enjoys at home. I like it because they own hostels in various big cities across the US, and their alumni can vacation for low-costs for the rest of their lives. I like their honors program. I like campus' lack of crime. I like the fact that everyone I know who graduated from this school LOVES it and still feels very connected to the university. I even like the school colors. I could keep going -- are those enough reasons for me to approve of my daughter's #1 school choice?

And, yes, along with those reasons, I do like the fact that it's only a two hour drive.

You're foolishly overboard with the "running home every month, growing into mature young adult" thing. If she can't manage to find her place in college and immerse herself in all the college fun in 28 days out of 30, that one weekend isn't going to make the difference. One of the things a young adult has to learn is balance -- in fact, I think it's one of the harder things for them to master. I do hope that she'll come home once a month. One weekend a month to re-connect with family seems just right to me.

It may seem just right for you. However, don't be too surprised if it doesn't seem just right for your daughter. Prepare yourself for those phone calls "Hey Mom, the girls and I have plans this weekend and I am not going to make it home this weekend. See you at Thanksgiving."

Advice from a seasoned college parent: Wish them well and tell them you are looking forward to Thanksgiving. Laying guilt on them that they aren't coming home for your convenience will only assure that they will have plans every weekend and maybe even Thanksgiving.

 

[golfgal]

Did I say "require"? I'm getting the idea that I like my kid better than some of you do! I enjoy her company, and she enjoys mine. If that's strange, I really don't care.

Just for the record, she's asked me already about coming home. We're not in favor of her taking a car to college as a freshman, and she's already asked about us coming to bring her home for occasional visits, and she's already asked if we'll drive her sister up to stay with her every now and then. The idea of once-a-month is what she and I have agreed is a good compromise.

Think that through:
August -- drop the student off
September -- one weekend home
October -- one weekend home -- didn't we used to get a long weekend in October? Fall break?
November -- Thanksgiving break
December -- bring the student home for Christmas

January -- drop the student off
February -- one weekend home
March -- Spring break
April -- one weekend home
May -- bring the student home for the summer

We're talking about school breaks plus two weekends each semester. You really think that's helecoptor-ish or holding the student back? You really think that's not trusting a teen?

Our rule for the kids was they can't come home for the first 6 weeks of college (which pretty much corresponds to the fall break time in Mid Oct). Freshman year most people went home for Thanksgiving but after that people usually went to someone else's house or traveled. Christmas people came home and didn't usually go back home until Easter. It isn't about liking or not liking, it's about getting them adjusted to college and adjusted to adult life. Yes, I think it is too much to expect. Of course she is asking about breaks and visiting NOW because she doesn't know what to expect but given the chance to assimilate into college life, she will want to be home less and less and that is a GOOD thing.

 

[onelilspark]

Our rule for the kids was they can't come home for the first 6 weeks of college (which pretty much corresponds to the fall break time in Mid Oct). Freshman year most people went home for Thanksgiving but after that people usually went to someone else's house or traveled. Christmas people came home and didn't usually go back home until Easter. It isn't about liking or not liking, it's about getting them adjusted to college and adjusted to adult life. Yes, I think it is too much to expect. Of course she is asking about breaks and visiting NOW because she doesn't know what to expect but given the chance to assimilate into college life, she will want to be home less and less and that is a GOOD thing.

I agree with this 10,000 %

 

[MrsPete]

Quite frankly, I wouldn't have had the time.

I really honestly believe that when you try to limit their choices, you're hurting your child in the long run. If your daughter wants to go to school 2 hours away, fine.

As I said, college students need to learn balance -- balancing classes, work, and family is part of that. You would've had time IF it were a priority. It is a priority for both me AND my daughter.

I don't know why you think I'm limiting her choices. I've told her that if she goes to any in-state school we can pay it in full, but if she goes out of state she has to pay the difference herself. She's chosen two schools -- one 2 hours away, one 4 hours away. I do happen to like those two schools, but I don't know why you think SHE doesn't like them too.

We've actually been in agreement on every school we've visited -- we both like the same two best, but she's applying to more in case good scholarships roll in. The one thing about which we disagree is whether she should have a car on campus as a freshman; she wants me to commit right now and say, "Yes", but I'm saying, "Wait 'til we see the final price tag".

 

[Skpnw]

I went to college in South Florida - a 22 hour drive from where I grew up. I had a scholarship, which made it a better deal financially. However, because I decided to go so far away, my parents could only afford to fly me back home at the end of each semester - so I would go 4 months at a time without going "home". You end up making friends with people who have family closer and can go home with them every now and then - and there are other students in the same situation as yourself in terms of sticking around on the weekends.

 

[golfgal]

I currently go to CU -were you looking at a particular program? Where are you in MN? I took DD17 to visit UW La Crosse this summer. Love that drive along the river! My in-laws live in Stillwater so we drove down from their house.


I hope not to send DD w/a car her freshman year either. I think you meet more people having to walk and depend on campus, at least for the first year. It will depend where she ends up though.

When I went to school, there were no laptops, cell phones, and the only computers were in the big cold lab on campus. I could not wait to get as far away from home as possible. Now I get along great w/my parents and they are a big reason I want to move back East.

If my DD were fortunate enough to get a full ride, I would expect her to go, regardless of the distance, as long as the program met her career goals.

She is thinking medicine and likes all the medical options right there. Our kids will not have a car on campus freshman year either, maybe in later years but none of the schools are ones where they would even NEED a car, at all.

DS16 loved the campus too, just not as much as Notre Dame. It is on his list now though. He is undecided but leaning toward education or actuarial science. He liked the honors program options there and that would allow him to get a double major in social studies (he loves history) and math with a secondary ed minor and have options to do either after he graduates.

We live in the Twin Cities, I grew up in Stillwater though--great town. I LOVE the LaCrosse area.

What is your DD looking into studying?

 

[MrsPete]

It may seem just right for you. However, don't be too surprised if it doesn't seem just right for your daughter. Prepare yourself for those phone calls "Hey Mom, the girls and I have plans this weekend and I am not going to make it home this weekend. See you at Thanksgiving."

Advice from a seasoned college parent: Wish them well and tell them you are looking forward to Thanksgiving. Laying guilt on them that they aren't coming home for your convenience will only assure that they will have plans every weekend and maybe even Thanksgiving.

Again, you're reading something that isn't there. Where are you getting the idea that I"m going to guilt my child into coming home? Is it really so unbelievable that she and I have discussed these things in detail and have made plans about what we think is right for our family? Is it really so unbelievable that parents and teens agree on things?

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Did I say "require"? I'm getting the idea that I like my kid better than some of you do! I enjoy her company, and she enjoys mine. If that's strange, I really don't care.

Just for the record, she's asked me already about coming home. We're not in favor of her taking a car to college as a freshman, and she's already asked about us coming to bring her home for occasional visits, and she's already asked if we'll drive her sister up to stay with her every now and then. The idea of once-a-month is what she and I have agreed is a good compromise.

Think that through:
August -- drop the student off
September -- one weekend home
October -- one weekend home -- didn't we used to get a long weekend in October? Fall break?
November -- Thanksgiving break
December -- bring the student home for Christmas

January -- drop the student off
February -- one weekend home
March -- Spring break
April -- one weekend home
May -- bring the student home for the summer

We're talking about school breaks plus two weekends each semester. You really think that's helecoptor-ish or holding the student back? You really think that's not trusting a teen?

I love my kid more than anything. He's my very favorite person to hang out with.

However, I think that asking a teenager to make a committment about visiting before they have even experienced college is holding them back. If your daughter goes to college and calls after a month and wants to come home, that's fine, but asking her to commit before she has a sense of what the rhythm of her weeks will be like isn't trusting her. It's implying that she won't make the right decision when she gets there.

 

[golfgal]

As I said, college students need to learn balance -- balancing classes, work, and family is part of that. You would've had time IF it were a priority. It is a priority for both me AND my daughter.

I don't know why you think I'm limiting her choices. I've told her that if she goes to any in-state school we can pay it in full, but if she goes out of state she has to pay the difference herself. She's chosen two schools -- one 2 hours away, one 4 hours away. I do happen to like those two schools, but I don't know why you think SHE doesn't like them too.

We've actually been in agreement on every school we've visited -- we both like the same two best, but she's applying to more in case good scholarships roll in. The one thing about which we disagree is whether she should have a car on campus as a freshman; she wants me to commit right now and say, "Yes", but I'm saying, "Wait 'til we see the final price tag".

But your DD is making that based on what she knows NOW. She doesn't know what it is like to be in college and want to stay on campus because there is a really fun dance she wants to attend but mom said she has to come home instead (or maybe not a dance because you said you were Baptist but you get the idea). I don't think you are allowing your DD to make an INFORMED decision because of your bias on this.

I get along great with my kids, we enjoy doing things together and we do a lot together as a family. I am going to miss watching them in marching band, golf, etc. but that is MY problem, not their problem. Their life is moving on and so is mine. DH and I were just talking about this and how we are going to have to find more things to do once the kids are out of the house .

I just hope that your requirements don't backfire on you and separate you from your DD because she resented that you made her come home when she would have rather stayed on campus. YOUR balance is not HER balance....she needs to figure that out on her own too.

 

[MrsPete]

I love my kid more than anything. He's my very favorite person to hang out with.

However, I think that asking a teenager to make a committment about visiting before they have even experienced college is holding them back. If your daughter goes to college and calls after a month and wants to come home, that's fine, but asking her to commit before she has a sense of what the rhythm of her weeks will be like isn't trusting her. It's implying that she won't make the right decision when she gets there.

Again, did I say I asked her to make a commitment? You're reading things that I'm not saying.

She initiated the conversation about visits home on one of our college-visit drives. She seemed very nervous about the idea of not being able to come home whenever she wanted, and when we talked about it a while and agreed that once a month would be just about right, she was very pleased.

Why do you want to make our family's plans out to be wrong?