Would you let your 4th grader go?

[eyor44]

I'm wavering on whether I would send mine or not. $80 for a day field trip? Does it include all three meals? There are many children at DD's school who can not afford $5. Also, the school begs for parents to go along, and meet them there.

Telling parents they would be arrested if they show up is a little nervy, but guess they have reason to say that. All though if the school has only been open for two years how much experience does this group have?

Here's a suggestion: You aren't allowed to go with the group or even follow them, but what if you went to Austin for the day? Yes, long drive, but you would be much closer "just in case" and you could make sure the teacher knew you would be in the area. That way if there was an issue, they could call you.

I lived in Austin for three years and it is a wonderful place. Lots of parks and shopping. There also used to be an outlet mall about an hour south of Austin towards San Antonio.

 

[amberjack]

If I were you, I'd go with my gut, a.k.a. mother's intuition. Maybe you could do a smaller trip with a few friends/ parents later if your child really wants to go.

 

[mamaLori05]

OP, I would be very hesitant to send my DD on this trip,at that age. Especially if I was not allowed to go, and didn't know the other parents attending.

When DD was born, she wasn't breathing. They worked on her for what seemed like forever, and called in some hospital counselors because they honestly didn't think she would make it. Then they told me she could have brain damage-it could be severe, minor or none. ( Thank God she's fine) So yea, I'm a little protective. My kid, my rules.

I worry, and I'm a little bit controlling-not in a bad way, but in a "if I go then this won't happen" kind of way. Do what you feel is right for you and you DD. Some things I can let go, some I can't.

This reminds me of a sad story that happened in our town. I know the kids in the story are older, but my point on telling you this is to show you that you can't always control everything, even if you do stay by their side. Only the man upstairs knows what's going to happen.

There was a mother who had a rule that her 16 yr old was not allowed to ride in cars with other 16 yr olds because she was afraid of an accident. She did what she could to protect her daughter and insisted she take the bus to school everyday. They lived in the middle of a quiet subdivision, and her bus stop was right at the end of her driveway. One icey day while she was waiting at her bus stop, with her mother standing by the front door, a car driving past lost control, hit the girl, and killed her.

 

[StitchFanZ]

I say go with your instinct. You have valid concerns for your DD. I pulled my DD from a long all day field trip like this once as I didn't feel it was worth it to drive 3 hours to spend a few hours and turn around and come home again. I did not feel her teacher as making wise decisions on this field trip. Plus her scout troop had made plans for an overnight event at an aquariam that night. On the field trip there was a bus and some cars following. Turns out one of the cars broke down which delayed things and the car was one of the girl scout's moms. They and their daughters ended up missing the aquarium sleep over.

 

[brios86]

I went on a similar field trip when I was in the 4th grade. We left the school early like at 6 and came back in evening. My parents were pretty over protective but let me go anyways.

 

[MaumeeMom]

I would absolutely let our child go.

I'll try to give a different perspective than most PPs:

I was the child with the mother who wouldn't let her go on field trips. In 4th or 5th grade, I missed a Christmas play because it was "downtown" and my mother didn't like the idea of us driving through a bad neighborhood to get there. I was the only one who didn't get to go. Not only was I teased by my classmates for a long time but I had to sit in the office ALL DAY doing worksheets and reading. I cried half the day.The nuns were mad at my mother for saying no to the field trip so they did nothing to help comfort me. I just sat there, in the uncomfortable office chairs ALL DAY!

This is one of my worst memories and I hope to never cause my children such emotional pain or discomfort.

In 4th grade, most children have learned to listen to teachers and follow a group. I can't even imagine following the class on my own. It is a supervised group tour, they will not be running loose through the city.

 

[JoShan1719]

I remember being soo excited for fourth grade because it was the first year we were allowed to take "cool" field trips like that. The ones that need you to get up when it's still dark and miss school and ride on the air conditioned bus and not get back until really late. I also remember the chapperones being EVERYWHERE we turned. If one person had to go to the bathroom the entire group went. Even though we had buddies we weren't allowed to go anywhere without the adults. I think you should let her go. She will definitely be safe, and she'll have a great time. GL!

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

No way. I think it is very rude and irresponsible of the school to threaten parents about not following the bus. To me, that is a red flag.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I have kept my DD from going on band trips when she was in 7th grade and most of the rest of the band was 9th - 12th grade.

But this? I don't understand the problem.

 

[honeydiane1953]

I need some input because I am freaking out.

DD is 9 and in 4th grade. 1 week before we leave for Disney - not that the date really matters but just telling to give the whole picture- DD's entire 4th grade class of 60 students is scheduled to go on a field trip. They leave at 6am and get back at 8 pm. They will ride on a charter bus 400 miles roundtrip to visit our states capital. 3 teachers and 9 parents are getting to go. There was a lottery drawing for the 9 parent spots and I was not chosen.

No parents are allowed to go if they were not chosen. We have been warned that any parents that take the "it's a free country and I can follow the bus and meet them there attitude" will be asked to leave and risk being arrested. It is a private tour company doing the field trip and the group is being given special access - the cost is $80 a kid /chaperone!

I am really freaking out about DD being gone for 14 hours, out of town, riding a bus all without me our her Dad. I can honestly say there are only 6 people on this planet beside me and her Dad that I would allow to take her on a day trip like this - and not one of them is going on this trip. So do I let her go and pray for the best or trust my gut and say no way.

Absolutely give her all the opportunities she can have. Also it lets her know you trust her and bet she will live up to your expectations. Bless this child.

 

[Hannathy]

I would absolutely let our child go.

I'll try to give a different perspective than most PPs:

I was the child with the mother who wouldn't let her go on field trips. In 4th or 5th grade, I missed a Christmas play because it was "downtown" and my mother didn't like the idea of us driving through a bad neighborhood to get there. I was the only one who didn't get to go. Not only was I teased by my classmates for a long time but I had to sit in the office ALL DAY doing worksheets and reading. I cried half the day.The nuns were mad at my mother for saying no to the field trip so they did nothing to help comfort me. I just sat there, in the uncomfortable office chairs ALL DAY!

This is one of my worst memories and I hope to never cause my children such emotional pain or discomfort.

In 4th grade, most children have learned to listen to teachers and follow a group. I can't even imagine following the class on my own. It is a supervised group tour, they will not be running loose through the city.

I agree I couldn't imagine doing that to my child. Do all the hovering Mom's out there not realize the reputation your child is going to get if you baby them and don't let them go? In all likelihood they will be with these kids until they graduate and YES it will be remembered that long and the teasing won't stop. A boy in my DD's class that just graduated still gets called/teased with a "nick name" he acquired from wearing a particular shorts in 5th grade-that his Mom probably picked out. Yep he is 18 and everyone still remembers and laughs about the time he wore them, you don't think this wouldn't be remembered like that? Not something I want to do to my child for no good reason. You can't keep them in a bubble, they grow up whether we like it or not.

 

[Magic Mom]

No way. I think it is very rude and irresponsible of the school to threaten parents about not following the bus. To me, that is a red flag.

My guess is the school did not threaten to have parents arrested, but instead parents were told that if they insisted on following the tour without being on the guest list, the security at the capitol may have them removed or worst case scenario, arrested.

 

[Disfamoffour]

I guess i'm in the minority but my rule of thumb is if it takes longer to drive to the destination than you'll spend time there than the trip isn't worth it. I don't know any child that would want to ride on a school bus for eight hours unless the end result was getting to Disney World. Personally I would let my child stay home that day but we would take a local educational trip.

 

[momx2]

I need some input because I am freaking out.

DD is 9 and in 4th grade. 1 week before we leave for Disney - not that the date really matters but just telling to give the whole picture- DD's entire 4th grade class of 60 students is scheduled to go on a field trip. They leave at 6am and get back at 8 pm. They will ride on a charter bus 400 miles roundtrip to visit our states capital. 3 teachers and 9 parents are getting to go. There was a lottery drawing for the 9 parent spots and I was not chosen.

No parents are allowed to go if they were not chosen. We have been warned that any parents that take the "it's a free country and I can follow the bus and meet them there attitude" will be asked to leave and risk being arrested. It is a private tour company doing the field trip and the group is being given special access - the cost is $80 a kid /chaperone!

I am really freaking out about DD being gone for 14 hours, out of town, riding a bus all without me our her Dad. I can honestly say there are only 6 people on this planet beside me and her Dad that I would allow to take her on a day trip like this - and not one of them is going on this trip. So do I let her go and pray for the best or trust my gut and say no way.

My youngest DD goes on her big 4th grade field trip this year and is so excited! They rent a charter bus, leave around 7 a.m. and go about 130 miles away to a science museum, IMAX theater and the Old Spaghetti Factory and get back aound 4:30 p.m. The fundraise for this all year.

My oldest DD did the field trip also in 4th grade, it is done every year in 4th grade and all the kids look so forward to it. Same deal with certain parents chaperoning and 4 teachers only going. Never heard of a threat to arrest parents because I don't think it is needed. I've never heard of any parent in the past 4 years I've know about this field trip even bat an eye about their child going.

Let the child go and be happy that she is getting this opportunity. She will be watched an protected and will have a great time with her friends and feel like a big girl away from her Mommy. She is old enough IMO.

 

[ancestry]

I see nothing wrong with the field trip and would definitely let my child go.

Not judging anyone but I have to say that I am a bit shocked at to what I perceive as the overprotective/sheltered nature of some of the responses here.

 

[wanttobeinvienna]

I agree I couldn't imagine doing that to my child. Do all the hovering Mom's out there not realize the reputation your child is going to get if you baby them and don't let them go? In all likelihood they will be with these kids until they graduate and YES it will be remembered that long and the teasing won't stop. A boy in my DD's class that just graduated still gets called/teased with a "nick name" he acquired from wearing a particular shorts in 5th grade-that his Mom probably picked out. Yep he is 18 and everyone still remembers and laughs about the time he wore them, you don't think this wouldn't be remembered like that? Not something I want to do to my child for no good reason. You can't keep them in a bubble, they grow up whether we like it or not.

Just wanted to quickly respond to this- I understand where you are coming from, and that we don't want to put our kids in a bubble, HOWEVER- if, as parents, we weighed our child's reputation in the decisions we make as parents- we are essentially saying that their peers opinions of right/wrong, cool/uncool is a reliable factor... That is exactly the OPPOSITE of what we try to instill in our house. Don't just go along with the flow- make the decisions that are right for you- that support your goals, dreams and beliefs.

OP- it is a tough decision- saying no to your kid is always hard. But you are the parent, and you know your situation best.

As I was reading your post, my gut initially was that I would allow my child to go. Until I got to the part that said that parents who were not the chosen few couldn't go... Here is the deal- You are the MOM- in my belief- I am granted access 24/7 to my children. Period. Dot. End of conversation. No school, doctor, coach, etc is going to tell me or their father when we can or cannot be there. (Assuming you will have completed the school's requirement for a background check ,[for the safety of all kids there] and are willing to pay for your way). It's a tough call, but the minute a school tells me I am not "allowed" to be with my child...game on.

We have only had one incident of this, when our oldest went on a Show Choir field trip overnight to Busch Gardens. I was not a chaperone, but I was the choreographer. When they returned, I went to class the next day to congratulate them, and the principal was talking to the class (there was a behavior issue during the trip with a few kids) Rather than talking to the kids individually, they choose to bring the whole class into the conversation- that is fine, but when I went into the room, and sat in the back the principal told me I couldn't be in there when she was talking to the class... OH REALLY? I have an adult wanting to talk to my daughter in a closed room...NOPE We went around in circles, my husband came up, etc. Long story short (kindof)- we found out she was actually breaking county protocol, and had to answer to that.

The point is- you are the mom- make your decision based on your gut feeling. Good luck and let us know what you decide!

 

[dogluva]

Really???
I can't believe all the people that have issues with this. Poor kids.

I agree. It sounds like a great opportunity and I would feel bad for the kids who were left behind because of overprotective parents.

 

[princessmom29]

I think you need to let go and let her go. There is nothing at all unusual about the situation. Most 4-5th grade classes do a similar trip here. She is a big girl, not a preschooler, and will be fine. I can see not wanting to let a 3 year old go, but she is what 9-10? They are well supervised and going in a large group. It is totally approiate for her age. You cannot always be there, and trips like these are as much about kids learning to be independent as they are about whatever they are visiting. Imagine how you would feel in her position if yours was the only mommy that couldn't cut the cord and let her go.

 

[dogluva]

No way. I think it is very rude and irresponsible of the school to threaten parents about not following the bus. To me, that is a red flag.

Really, a red flag? What do you think they are going to do? Yes, they have a hidden agenda. Seriously, if you were a teacher you would understand why they cannot have parents "following" a bus. It is just crazy.

I cannot believe how many parents would not let their kids go. I love my kids just as much as the ones who think it is "too dangerous" but I know that it would be a great opportunity, one that the kids will not forget.

 

[princessmom29]

Just wanted to quickly respond to this- I understand where you are coming from, and that we don't want to put our kids in a bubble, HOWEVER- if, as parents, we weighed our child's reputation in the decisions we make as parents- we are essentially saying that their peers opinions of right/wrong, cool/uncool is a reliable factor... That is exactly the OPPOSITE of what we try to instill in our house. Don't just go along with the flow- make the decisions that are right for you- that support your goals, dreams and beliefs.

OP- it is a tough decision- saying no to your kid is always hard. But you are the parent, and you know your situation best.

As I was reading your post, my gut initially was that I would allow my child to go. Until I got to the part that said that parents who were not the chosen few couldn't go... Here is the deal- You are the MOM- in my belief- I am granted access 24/7 to my children. Period. Dot. End of conversation. No school, doctor, coach, etc is going to tell me or their father when we can or cannot be there. (Assuming you will have completed the school's requirement for a background check ,[for the safety of all kids there] and are willing to pay for your way). It's a tough call, but the minute a school tells me I am not "allowed" to be with my child...game on.

We have only had one incident of this, when our oldest went on a Show Choir field trip overnight to Busch Gardens. I was not a chaperone, but I was the choreographer. When they returned, I went to class the next day to congratulate them, and the principal was talking to the class (there was a behavior issue during the trip with a few kids) Rather than talking to the kids individually, they choose to bring the whole class into the conversation- that is fine, but when I went into the room, and sat in the back the principal told me I couldn't be in there when she was talking to the class... OH REALLY? I have an adult wanting to talk to my daughter in a closed room...NOPE We went around in circles, my husband came up, etc. Long story short (kindof)- we found out she was actually breaking county protocol, and had to answer to that.

The point is- you are the mom- make your decision based on your gut feeling. Good luck and let us know what you decide!

Wow, Is all I can say. Schools have to have some measure of control over the situtation or it would dissolve into a free for all. I can toatally see not aloowing parents tofollow the bus on a field trip. Our school does the same thing and I think iti s agreat policy. We have some helicopter moms that would be at every field trip cagtering to their child's every need all the time, and disrupting what is going on. Iti s very disruptive to have to many parents hanging around. The kids are more foucsed on where mommy is than waht is going on, and no one is paying attention to the presentation. Those kids also never learn to do anytihng for themselves away from mommy. It isNOT about limiting your access to your child, but about teaching kids to function independently. Parents who refuse to let go of any amount of control or authority are the single biggest barrier I have seen to schools actually being able to do the job of educating children.