would you lend this person money?

[Liberty Belle]

Whether or not I could to afford it as a gift would play no part in my decision. Surely most everyone could find a more worthy gift recepient.

OP - be honest now. Did you really keep from laughing in his face? Must have been hard.

I'm not the OP, but I find his situation kind of sad, not laughable.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

No way would I ever loan or give money to someone like this and if I bought something for the child I would try to take the child with me to make sure that whatever I bought fit and the child liked it. I would then remove the tags so that the child could wear the items before the deadbeat parent had a chance to return the items for cash or exchange for something for themselves.

 

[FireDancer]

Two things I was always taught not to do are loan anyone money or co-sign anything. I don't do either.

 

[C.Ann]

Under those circumstances, probably not.. But - if his DD needs anything and you can take her shopping to get it (even if it's food items she may need for breakfast and such), I would definitely do that.. She shouldn't have to suffer or go without because her dad lost his job due to his own actions..

 

[jenrose66]

A family member just called asking to borrow money. He is in his 30's. We have lent him money before (maybe 5 years ago)and were never paid back, even after mentioning it several times. I always felt that he could have offered to "work it off" by helping us with our yard or something, but he never even offered to do that, he just blew it off. He lost a good job 2 months ago due to non attendance. He is awaiting an appeal for unemployment. I said there are jobs around, my 16 year old is working over 20 hours a week in addition to attending high school. He said he will get more in unemployment if it goes thru, so working anywhere would sabotage that. I told him sorry, things are tight for us too.
He has custody of his daughter and that is the part that makes me feel bad, but still I said no. I told him I have a roofer friend that might need some help, he said it would have to be off the books.
Judging by the info I have provided, what would you have said?

I would have mentioned the money I lent him 5 years ago then I would have told him no. If I believed his daughter was in danger due to lack of resources I would call CPS.

 

[MrsPiglet]

wow, everyone is so hard on this guy. yes i would help him, just in the tie of need. The daughter needs help. yes he can apply for assistance, food stamps, housing, utilities and such, but they do not come overnight. This services take anywhere from 30 days to a year to receive. There must be a reason he did not want or able to go to work, Mental reason, depression, or something why he did not go to work besides being lazy.

 

[wilderness01]

I would have mentioned the money I lent him 5 years ago then I would have told him no. If I believed his daughter was in danger due to lack of resources I would call CPS.

I'm sorry, but I would not be giving the daughter anything either, unless it was clothes I already had, then I would give her hand me downs to tide her over.

By supplying school supplies, clothes, etc. you are doing his parental duties. Who does yours? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but just because he doesn't preplan does not make this your responsibility.

There are services he can get if he is truly in need. I am all for helping anyone out and I do, but I truly think you need to help yourself first, take care of your responsibilities and grow up before you expect anyone else to help you.

 

[scrapquitler]

I would tell him NO. And I would not tell him anything like 'things are tight for us right now'. I would tell him "I can't lend you any money because you still owe me from last time". Flat out honesty.

 

[barkley]

wow, everyone is so hard on this guy. yes i would help him, just in the tie of need. The daughter needs help. yes he can apply for assistance, food stamps, housing, utilities and such, but they do not come overnight. This services take anywhere from 30 days to a year to receive. There must be a reason he did not want or able to go to work, Mental reason, depression, or something why he did not go to work besides being lazy.

federal law requires that any applicant for cash or food stamps be given the opportunity to apply for expidited services and immediate need issuance. if eligible an initial cash disbursement and food stamps are issued within 24 hours. one of the first questions on a cash and foodstamp application is "are you out of food? do you have less than $100"-if the person filling out the application checks "yes" they are evaluated same day.

if the guy is TRULY in need of something for his child it is available on an immediate basis (and lots of dss agencies have special arrangements with or in house food banks that they can get something to tide someone over with during the 24 hour period).

the father the op is posting about is refusing work offered to him because he does not want the earnings to count against his appealed uib benefits. he's only willing to work if it can be under the table so he can defraud uib.

 

[hentob]

Judging by the info I have provided, what would you have said?

I would have said "Um, you have some nerve asking me for a dime." And then I would walk away. Yes, he has a child. He should also have the drive and the gumption and the love to take care of that child. Seems like he doesn't really care

 

[RadioFanatic]

OP, I notice you are pregnant, due soon (congrats by the way! ). This makes me even angrier for you - he should not be asking you for money anyways, but especially during this time - you need to keep it for your child. I had a family member do that to dh and I when I was pregnant; and I still have not forgiven them for it.

 

[sbell111]

Whether or not I could to afford it as a gift would play no part in my decision. Surely most everyone could find a more worthy gift recepient.

OP - be honest now. Did you really keep from laughing in his face? Must have been hard.

He's family.

I will not 'laugh in the face' of family members when they are in trouble.
I will help out family members in need if I have the ability to do so.

 

[KittyHellstrom]

You can help the little girl without enabling him. I would not hand him cash.

 

[kellyg403]

Under those circumstances, probably not.. But - if his DD needs anything and you can take her shopping to get it (even if it's food items she may need for breakfast and such), I would definitely do that.. She shouldn't have to suffer or go without because her dad lost his job due to his own actions..

We have a family member in the same situation..gets a job, decides she doesn't want to work there, quits for some dumb reason and then needs to borrow money. We go and take the dd and buy her school stuff, treats etc. She is family and in no way responsible for the fact her parents are not. I refuse to give the adults cash or anything. This came after a very hard and long road. Now, if they call and say they need help with the bills, dh who is the nicest guy ever tells them sorry, dd can live here till you have the money to pay it. The mom has had 8 jobs in 6 months, lasting for approx 3 weeks. Dad, well he works, calls in sick. He keeps a job for as long as they keep him, which is usually 8 months to a year till they can't take the calling out anymore.

My advice OP? Don't laugh or burn bridges. Just say No. Then do what you can for the dd. Help with solutions for dad, like finding a job etc. If he doesn't work so he can get assistance, well, honestly, that is HIS choice. Not the dd's. He won't grow up, you can't make him responsible. You can only do what is best for the smaller, innocent members of the family and call it a day.

Kelly

 

[Cinderella94]

There must be a reason he did not want or able to go to work, Mental reason, depression, or something why he did not go to work besides being lazy.

Not necessarily . No, I wouldn't loan him a thing.

 

[arminnie]

He's family.

I will not 'laugh in the face' of family members when they are in trouble.
I will help out family members in need if I have the ability to do so.

Is your family fairly small? I have approx. 100 family members counting cousins. As with any 100 persons we have a wide variety of personalities. The con-artist deadbeats don't get any special treatment because they are family.

Yes I would LAUGH loudly at any person who borrowed money from me, did not pay it back, and then asked for more. Hey - that's better than the "verbal face slap" they deserve.

I am not heartless - I've GIVEN my sister tens of thousands of dollars. But she has NEVER EVER EVER asked. If someone has a need and I want to help I will without ever being asked.

Being family does not elevate dead-beat worthless people to saint status.

 

[tlbwriter]

Is your family fairly small? I have approx. 100 family members counting cousins. As with any 100 persons we have a wide variety of personalities. The con-artist deadbeats don't get any special treatment because they are family.

Yes I would LAUGH loudly at any person who borrowed money from me, did not pay it back, and then asked for more. Hey - that's better than the "verbal face slap" they deserve.

I am not heartless - I've GIVEN my sister tens of thousands of dollars. But she has NEVER EVER EVER asked. If someone has a need and I want to help I will without ever being asked.

Being family does not elevate dead-beat worthless people to saint status.

This.

 

[sbell111]

The thing about these boards is that people like to add 'color' to other people's posts. They flesh it out enough to support an extreme position and then pounce. We see it over and over again.

 

[tlbwriter]

The thing about these boards is that people like to add 'color' to other people's posts. They flesh it out enough to support an extreme position and then pounce.

In both directions.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

If I could afford it, I would, yes.